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Future Islands.




8am this morning
"Mommy?"
"Yes angel?  I'm in Lola's room".
Molly stumbled in with messy hair and squinted eyes.
"Mommy?  Tan you tate off my diapew?"
"Of course"  I looked at her very rounded bum and laughed.  "Wow!  It's full!"
Molly chuckled.
"Yeah.  I was dweaming and dweaming and peeing awww night long"
I laughed.
"You were dreaming?  What did you dream of?"
"I dunno.  I cannot wemembah."
 
I pulled the stickers off Molly's 10 pound diaper and it slammed down to the floor in a giant thud.  Molly ran away bare-bummed and happy as can be.
The discussion of dreaming with my 3-year old already had my head spinning.  I just LOVED trying to recall my dreams.  Especially if they were good ones.

I slept 9 hours last night (great success!), and even though I woke up often to flip and readjust my hands under my pillow, I still managed to have some very long and crazy dreams.  


I remembered 2 of them.  

The first dream I found myself at a concert watching my new favorite band, Future Islands.  I think the lead singer, Samuel Herring, is just amazing, and in my dream, I had managed to score a seat near the front row to get the perfect view of him.  

I arrived at the concert alone.  I'm not sure why because I've never gone to a concert alone.  But for some reason, I was meant to be by myself.  I quickly became friends with the woman sitting next to me (of course I did) and we bonded in our love for this amazing band.  And as they sang song after amazing song, the lead singer suddenly jumped off the stage and walked straight towards my seat.  I remember not being surprised that he did this. 

Sam came and sat down beside me and we starting talking........right in the middle of his concert.  I felt a little bad that my new girlfriend was missing out on our amazing conversation, so once in awhile, I'd lean over to her and whisper the things that this super cool rock-star was telling me.  She was very appreciative of that.  What can I say.  I'm pretty considerate. 

After 20 minutes, he finally just grabbed my hand and we left together.....abandoning the whole concert.  The audience was pissed .....and angry.....for the lead singer had chosen me over them.


 It was amazing.

My second dream though...... not so amazing.

 I had left my rockstar life and was back to my everyday struggles and challenges.  

 I remember seeing my ex and feeling frustrated with him....and not being able to see eye-to-eye with him on anything.  This is actually a recurring dream I often have.  And probably a recurring dream most ex's have about each other.

Not only did everything feel gross....but everything looked weird too.  We were all dressed in strange clothes, and the homes that we were in were bizarre and open to the outdoors and decorated like it was the 70's.  There were also tons of motorcycles parked outside....almost as if we were situated amongst someone's gang hideout.  

 I wanted nothing more than to escape this weird world.  


I guess I finally did when I woke up at 7am.

Or did I??

 


My good friend Amy is always saying that your dreams are a way of your subconscious telling you how you are really feeling.

 Well, if that's the case, then I am feeling like I'm leading 2 completely separate lives.  One where I feel happy and care-free and I'm partying like a rock star.

 And then there's the other life, where nothing makes sense, and I am frustrated and trapped in a bizarre and strange world.

Hmmm.

There was definitely some truth to Amy's theory.

This was EXACTLY how I was feeling lately.  The only piece that was missing was my 3rd life....where I was a quiet, stay-at-home Mommy who removed 10 pound diapews from my adorable little 3-year old every morning.
I have not given up hope....hope that things will settle down with my life eventually.......and that all 3 lives will somehow blend into one calm and happy existence.

In my mind that HAS to happen.  

It just has to.



I will never stop hoping.  And I will always be looking towards a brighter future.  


And if that future just happens to have some islands in it........well, then all the better ;)

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