Tuesday, 22 July 2014

Bad buoys, bad buoys, whatcha gonna do?

There are a lot of luxuries that one can enjoy in their lifetime.

Getting pampered for the day at a swanky spa, being treated to dinner at a very expensive restaurant, or spending a couple of weeks at an extravagant all-inclusive resort down south. 

 But even though all of these luxuries are upscale and blissful......there's nothing quite like spending a day on a yacht.

My good friend and her husband are the proud owners of one such luxurious water craft.  And luckily for me, I keep getting invited to join them on their lake escapades.  Their "lake-capades".   Clearly they love my cheesy sayings and jokes and that's why they keep inviting me.  Sayings like "lake-capades".  I mean, you really can't blame them.


This past weekend, my friend, her husband, my sister Mishi and I went cruisin' on a water adventure.  

We ended up at a popular gathering for boat enthusiasts.

I have learned through my many visits to my friend's boat, that boat owners are all very similar.  Watching the "captains" of these vessels is very interesting, and has sparked many ideas for me about writing a blog just on them.  It has also made my friend's husband feel very uncomfortable as I watch him closely and document his every move while on the boat.  

Log.  Day 1.   10:30am - Captain has just picked up binoculars to spy on a bigger yacht that just pulled into the Bay.  He is now cursing aloud.  I believe this is boat behavior for "jealousy".  Please await confirmation.

But although I have gathered a ton of data on this topic, to my friend's husband's dismay,..........I do not write of that today.

Today, I write of a different topic.

Today I write about.....BAD BOYS.


We had anchored around 10:00am.  The day was young and I was feeling relaxed and ready to soak in the sun.

We had attached our friend's boat to 2 others, and soon we were friends with our new boat neighbors.  

By 12pm, we were in our bikinis and dancing at the back of the boat.

At one point, one of our new boat friends asked if he could take a picture of us? He proceeded to tell us that he needed a picture of the "girls" in order to lure one of their guy friends who was too lazy to make his way to their boat.

We happily obliged.

We had no idea what the photo looked like, but clearly it was good, because this guy quickly made his appearance ;)


A few days later, I got a message from one of my guy friends saying that he had seen the picture.  Apparently, some friends from the boat were friends of mine.

He soon starting asking about my dating situation and that of my girlfriend and sister.

There was only one catch.  

This boy already had a girlfriend.

My good friend was with me when I received the message, and grabbed my cell out of my hand.

This girlfriend is one of my dearest friends and one of the sweetest girls you will ever meet.

She's also a firecracker :)

She texted back:  How's your girlfriend??

Suddenly the messages stopped.  

I think he got the hint.  We weren't interested in this kind of behavior.

But sadly, this happens all the time.

So it is up to us girls to stand up for eachother and help eachother in times like this.  Because sometimes the girl just doesn't know.....

And hopefully this guy's girlfriend will figure out soon enough that he's a bad boy.  And she deserves better than that.

I know not everyone is religious, but there is something to be said for following the 10 commandments.

But I guess if they don't want to follow the 10 commandments, there's another commandment that will eventually bite them in the ass........

the Golden Rule :)

Amen and Hallelujah!  

Tuesday, 15 July 2014

Fuzzy was he?

You question a lot of things when you're single and dating.  Will I ever trust again? Will I ever get married again?  And are there any good guys left out there?

I am still very much in a place where I don't really see myself settling down anytime soon.  My head and heart are still reeling from a very messy separation which I continue to be dragged through, against all wishes.  Add two incredibly active little daughters to the mix, and you don't really have any time to work on healing yourself.

But as the clouds in my life are slowly being lifted, I most definitely see a blue sky up ahead full of opportunities and success in my personal life and in my career.  But when it comes to this future "man" in my life.....he is still a huge mystery.  I think I see him.......but he is fuzzy.  Charming, but still fuzzy.

The one thing I very often wonder, is how I will meet him? 

As many of you know, when it comes to meeting men and flirting, I am incredibly awkward and a tad naive.   As I've written about before, I have been completely unaware of guy friends who have liked me for years, but I would have never suspected it.  In fact, it wasn't until I separated from my husband, that suddenly 4 very close guy friends asked me out on dates.  I was shocked at my naivety and even more shocked that 3 out of these 4 men were at one point married to close friends of mine!

I have often been told that guys are either interested in me or just checking me out, but if it's too subtle, sadly, I won't notice at all.

Over the weekend, I went over to my neighbour's house for drinks.  A delightful couple who I have gotten to know well over the past year of living in my cute, new town-home.   They had invited over another couple, so the 5 of us sat until the wee hours of the morning drinking and sharing stories and laughing.  We were making fun of the fact that our street is nick-named "Lovers Lane" because of all the divorcees, when Natalie asked me about my cute neighbor.

"Oh.  Yeah.  He's super cute!  We chat all the time.  But I think he has a girlfriend." I said while taking a sip of my delicious vodka drink. 

"Aww, that's too bad" said Natalie's best friend Sonya.  

"I hear he has a great job.  Cute AND successful!"  said Natalie with a wink.

"I know right?  He came over with his daughters the other night for a play-date.  I thought that was nice."  I said while taking another sip.  
Someone needs to take this drink out of my hand immediately.

"Wait.  What??"  asked Natalie's husband.  "He came over?  To your house?"

"Yeah.  Why?"  I stopped drinking to look up and see smirks all over my new friend's faces.

"Leo!  He clearly likes you!"  yelled Sonya.

"No he doesn't!  He has a girlfriend!"  And even though I said the words myself, suddenly I didn't believe them.  

I have to admit.  It did seem strange that he showed up that evening unannounced....... looking very handsome I might add.......

But I still wasn't sure.  I needed a guy's perspective on this one.

I whipped my head towards Sonya's husband, "What do YOU think?  You're a guy....AND a Dad.   You would bring your kids over for a random playdate to your neighbor's house right?"

He started laughing.  "Leo.  The guy is into you.  For sure.  There's no question".

My eyes grew wide.  And I couldn't help my lips from forming a little smirk.  

Natalie laughed at my expression while taking the empty glass out of my hand and replacing it with another delicious Grey Goose concoction.

I'm still pretty confident that this cute neighbor of mine has a girlfriend, and until I confirm that he doesn't, this person is off-limits to me. 

But I did leave Natalie's house feeling giddy.

How I could not see that this man may possibly be interested is beyond me.  But that's the thing about me.  I would never want to assume something and then be disappointed.  I'd rather be slightly pessimistic and naive than be wanting something that might never be.

I walked the short distance to my home close to 2 o'clock in the morning.  My head was spinning from the vodka drinks that Natalie "forced" me to have.

But somehow I managed to get home, wash my face, throw on some pj's and climb into bed.

I thought of my fabulous evening with some hilarious and great new friends. 

The vodka drinks had caused my thoughts to be a little blurry.

But I couldn't help falling asleep with a smirk on my face.......thinking of a man ......

........who appeared to be a little less fuzzy ;)

Tuesday, 8 July 2014

Dat's not faiw!

At 7pm every night, I start the girls' bedtime routine.  It's all very smooth and relaxing.  We laugh and giggle as the girls skip up the stairs, brush their teeth, jump into the pj's that I have chosen for them, and then climb into bed for story-time.  And with no complaints from either girl for only getting to hear one bedtime story, we say our prayers, and then I give Lola a huge hug and kiss.  Molly then jumps on top of Lola and smothers her sister with love, saying "Dubai Lola!  Dood-night!  I luff you to infinity and beyond!!" and jumps out of bed and runs to her room.

I then tuck Molly into her "bid-durl bed", smother her with kisses and hugs, turn on her froggy night-light and leave.

I peacefully and happily skip down the stairs to the kitchen, make myself a camomile tea, and read a couple chapters of my book outside on the deck.

Now.....if you believed any of that.....then I've got a piece of land to sell you.

I will now share with you the ACTUAL events of a regular night putting L & M to sleep.

Enjoy.  Because I didn't!

"Molly, Lola!  Time for bed.  Let's get our pj's on!"  I am hopeful that tonight will go smoothly.

"NOOOO!!!!  We don't want to go to bed!!  One more show!!  One more "Arthur"!!!!

"No.  No more shows.  And if you don't listen, then you won't get any shows tomorrow."

Lola crosses her hands and storms down the hallway.  Molly grabs her Dora pillow, and runs after Lola.

"Lola!!  I'm donna beat you up the staiws!!!"

Oh no.  Here we go.  Lola sees Molly's little pudgy body bolting down the hallway, and Lola immediately goes into action.  She flies up the stairs in 3 big jumps.  She has made it to the top first.

Molly immediately starts screaming.  "Lola wonnnnn!! Wahhhhh!!  Mommy....Lola not faiw!!!!  Dat's not faiwwww!!!"

I look down the hallway at my kitchen.  My bottle of red wine is waiting patiently on the counter.  It whispers to me silently "Don't worry sweetheart.....I'll wait for you...."

I walk up the stairs holding the Dora pillow which got left behind during the 3-stair sprint.

"Molly.  Come brush your teeth."

"Nooo!!  I don't wanna bwush my teef."

"Then you don't get a story with us tonight".

"Fine.  I don't wanna stowy!"

Thankfully Lola brushes her teeth without any issues, gets in her pj's and chooses a story.  I quickly dress Molly and put her into bed.  

"I don't want bed.  I wanna stowy!!!"

I take a deep breath and look up at the ceiling.  I whisper to myself "Powerrrrr.  Powerrrrrrr"

And then I think that there is no way any other mother is going through the same nonsense as me every night.  I definitely have the most active and spirited kids in the entire universe.  (If you're a mom out there reading this....please tell me I'm not alone!)

After prying a toothbrush into Molly's mouth, I am confident that at least 2 teeth were properly brushed.  I'll get the rest tomorrow.

Molly then jumps into Lola's bed.  And I follow slowly behind.

But I already see that another Molly-tantrum is en route, for Lola has chosen the library book to read without waiting for Molly's input.

"Lola picked da boot!!  I didn't pit it!!!  Wahhhhh!!!!  Dat's not faiw!!!"

I end up caving and reading 2 books.  One for Lola and one for Molly.  During both stories, Molly is inching her way onto Lola's Dora pillow.  Lola finally realizes that Molly's blonde curly hair is on her pillow and she loses it.

"Molly!  Stay on your side!!"

Ugh!  It is now 7:45pm.  My energy is fading fast.  I need to get Molly to her bed before I fall asleep, and before any more drama can ensue.

I ask Molly to say "dood-night" to Lola but she decides to do everything else instead.  In 2 minutes, she has thrown the books off the bed, jumped on Lola's pink horse, scribbled on some paper at Lola's desk and knocked over a fresh basket of laundry.  She is as bad as a bull in a china shop!

I kiss Lola on the cheek, say a quick prayer with her, scoop Molly up like a football and head into her bedroom.

"Molly.  It's late.  You need to go straight to bed."

"But Mommy, I need a stowy!!"

Knowing that I will probably get tears if I don't, I start my story.

"(yawn)  Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess named Molly....."

"Noooo!!!  I don't wan a stowy about meeeee.  I want a stowy about Miti and hew twip to Sain Sopez!!!"

It takes me a couple minutes to realize that she is talking about my sister Mishi and her upcoming trip to St. Tropez.  This is what happens folks when you let your sister put your 2-year old to bed. 

Suddenly I am telling an elaborate story of Mishi and her friends on a giant yacht, drinking yummy drinks, and partying with Lil Jon.  

I know that Molly is satisfied with my story because within minutes her eyelids start fluttering.  And soon after,  I notice that her hands have fallen to her sides and then her breath gets deeper.  

Ahhhh.  Finally.  She's asleep.

I kiss her on the forehead and sneak out....trying not to step on the squeaky parts of her bedroom floor (a trick only mothers know!)

I stop at Lola's bedroom and see that she is also fast asleep.  I pull the covers up to her neck, kiss her on her soft, red, curly head, and sneak out.

I go downstairs to the kitchen and finally pour myself that much-deserved large glass of wine.  I sit down on the couch and turn on the TV.  It is now 8:30pm, and I have just missed one of my favorite shows, "New Girl".  

After a huge sigh, all I can say to myself is .....

"Dat's not faiw!"

For more ridiculous adventures with Lola & Molly:

new form of Starbucks
infinity and beyond 

express pass

Tuesday, 1 July 2014

Ground yourself.

By now, you probably have a good idea of who Ridiculous Girl is.

In addition to giving you 60 ridiculous facts about me, I tend to write each and every blog without a filter.  What you see, is what you get.  Sometimes I think I write too much about myself.  And then I laugh.....there's soooo much more!  We haven't even scraped the surface baby ;)

But the one thing that I don't think you know about me is how important it is  that I "ground myself" on a regular basis. 

Let me explain.

Even though I love to dress up, bleach my hair and wear tons of makeup,  I equally love to be at my simplest state.
I find that especially after a late night of partying, I need to get back to this simplest state as soon as possible.  In a way, trying not to lose myself in a materialistic and shallow world.

I find that 3 simple steps help me to achieve said "grounding" after a night of debauchery.

1.  I must get enough sleep to over-compensate the harsh effects of staying up late the night before.  For example, if I stay up until 4am (which I did 2 weekends ago), then I MUST sleep in until noon the next day.  Only 8 hours of sleep will suffice in bringing me back to my normal state.  If someone tries to wake me up any earlier, then I will yell very loud at them, with my eyes still closed under my sleep mask.  I was once referred to as a "sleeping monster". 

2.   I must do the opposite of what I did the night before.  If I wore my hair down the night before, then it's up the next day.  If I wore a short, tight dress the night before, then it's long and flowy the next day.  If I was with a ton of people the night before, then I need to be alone the next day.  I feel like doing the exact opposite is essential to getting back to your natural state.  If you don't understand this concept, don't worry.  It's science.

And finally,

3.   I must become at "one" with nature.  Usually for me, nights out involve dark nights and dark nightclubs.  So to counter-act the "vampire" effect, I have my breakfast, and then go frolic in the woods.  Not naked or anything.  Although that would be amazing!  But I'll go barefoot in the lake, or do some gardening, or go for a long walk on a forest path.

So, now that you know all of this about me, it's no surprise that I would adore every minute of the most grounding location of all time......my family cottage.  A simple and rustic home built by my parents, before they were even married.  It is the perfect weekend getaway, 3 hours north of Toronto and located on a beautiful and large lake.   It is surrounded by massive trees that obstruct every view except the water.  Once you are there, you feel like you are in the middle of nowhere and you are immediately removed from the stress and nonsense of daily life.

For someone like me, who has been battling a very nasty separation for almost 2 years straight, I have found a lot of solace being at my cottage. 
Going for a ride in the canoe on a quiet evening when the sun is setting, or going for a walk in the woods all by yourself,  can help slow down your thoughts and frustrations immediately.  Yoga stretches on the dock first thing in the morning can breathe peace and happiness back into your soul within seconds.

One will often get sucked into the life that they are going through at the moment, however negative it is.  It seems to consume you and it becomes harder and harder to see a light at the end of the tunnel with each passing day. It is crucial to not let this phase of your life take over and define who you are.  

Being at the cottage has grounded me in a way that it has continually reminded me who I was and what I wanted out of life.   Sitting on the dock and reminiscing about my days as a 7 year old eager kid with her Dad spending hours on the water trying to learn how to water-ski.  

Back then the world was your oyster.  You had dreams and you were going to achieve them all.

Being at the cottage this past weekend, reminded me of that spirit, and that 7-year old little girl, with the bowl haircut, who whispered to herself in the water "Get up. Get up. Get up.  You can do this.  You know you can do this....." 

And even though I fell.....and I fell.......and I fell......I knew that there would be one time that I would finally get up....and it would be the best feeling ever.  Because I would have accomplished something that was huge.

Going back to that moment reminds me that I CAN do anything.  And this separation that I have been going through, where I have been beaten down....emotionally and mentally....for so many years, will NOT define me.

I will "get up" as hard as it is, and "do this".  

And I will carve out a whole new path for myself.  A life that is full of success, and happiness, and love with my 2 little girls.

For I know, that when I want something bad enough, I'll make it happen.  

I will never be able to walk on water........but who's kidding who......water-skiing is pretty damn close ;)

Tuesday, 24 June 2014

For love, or money?

A while back, I went out for coffee with a good friend.  She and I don't have the opportunity to meet up that often, so it was time for us to re-connect and get caught up on each others lives.  The last time I saw her, I was happily married.  So a lot had changed since then.

After hearing about my separation, she took a sip of her cappuccino and then sighed.

"Honestly Leo, if for some horrible reason things didn't work out with my husband, then I would never marry for love again."

"What?  Why?"  I was shocked.  Shocked at the thought of things not working out with her and John, but even more shocked at the thought of her giving up on love.

"Well, if we broke up, I don't think I'd have faith in love anymore.  I would never go through it again. But I WOULD marry again for money".


I didn't quite know how to respond to this.

My good friend, who I would never in a million years peg as a gold-digger, was telling me that she would marry for money.

It made me wonder.  Weren't there enough fish in the sea that if one didn't work out, you could find another that loved you just as much...if not more?   I found it hard to believe that one would so quickly settle for anything less than true love?

On a Saturday night, not too long ago, my sister Mishi and I went downtown Toronto.  We started our evening at The Drake, a trendy restaurant and patio bar.  Our waitress, a lovely and chatty Korean girl, came by to take our order.  But as it somehow always seems to happen with me at restaurants, I end up forgetting about our waitresses' duties and engage her in a lengthy conversation about life and love instead.  I once asked a waitress to grab a beer and join our table.

Our waitress knelt down to get closer to us and began telling us a story.

"My grandparents' wedding was part of an arranged marriage.  But they were lucky.  They actually fell madly in love with one another.  When my grandmother died, my grandfather built a home next to where she was buried and he visited her grave site everyday.  When I went to visit him in Korea a few years ago, he brought me to where she lay.  I remember it so well.  It was a chilly day and after 10 minutes of being there, my grandfather took off his coat and placed it over her tombstone saying "So your grandmother doesn't get cold".  His whole attic in his home is still filled with little knick-knacks that they gave to each other during their marriage.  He refuses to get rid of anything.  And he still talks about her everyday.  Now....THAT'S true love.  And that's what I'm waiting for".

Mishi and I sat there listening intently to this beautiful story.  Momentarily forgetting where we were, and also forgetting that we were starving and we had yet to place our food order with our new girlfriend.

I wondered if love like this still existed or if it had become a thing of the past?  If you couldn't find true love again, did you have to settle? 

Sure, I can see the appeal of a luxurious life.  Never having to worry about money, having expensive sports cars, yachts, big homes, going on fabulous trips......but could all of this really take the place of true love?

Two hours later, our bellies were full of delicious food, and we were dancing up a storm at a nightclub. 

While begging the DJ to play some Guns N Roses, (to which he rudely laughed out loud), I noticed that I was getting "looks" from an attractive man across the dance floor.  But I couldn't focus on him because I still had unfinished business with the DJ....."Ok, if you won't play GNR, then what about AC/DC?"

As I came down from the very unreasonable DJ booth, I was greeted by the attractive man.

"I just had to come over and say hello.  You're very beautiful".

"Oh!  It's just makeup.  But thank you!"  I said while smiling and making my way back to the bar.

"Haha.  You're funny."  He said while following close behind me. "Can I buy you a drink?"

A short while later, we were drinking expensive champagne in a private booth.... the attractive man, his friend, Mishi and me. 

As the night progressed, we had learned that these men had started up very successful companies and that they were both extremely wealthy.

We were soon being promised car rides in their Ferrari's and parties on their yachts.   And with each promise that they told, they became a little more forward with us.  Their bodies inching closer to ours and suddenly their hands were making their way from our shoulders down to our lower backs.  

Now, normally I'm ok with a little bit of PDA in public, especially with an attractive man ;)  See blog:  'young and beautiful'

But something didn't feel quite right about this.

I jumped up just before his hand could go any further down my back.

"Mishi!  I need to go to the washroom!   Would you like to join me??"  I said while lowering my head and widening my eyes in her direction.

"Uh, yes, actually.    Let's go to the washroom!"

I looked towards the two men.  "We'll be back!"

I was thankful that my sister got the hint.  Neither of us needed to go to the washroom. 

We stepped out of the booth and made our way towards the restroom, but at the last minute, we changed direction and made a quick bolt towards the club's exit.

As soon as the door closed, we ran.  We ran as fast as we could in 4 inch platform sandals. 

After one block, we turned down an alleyway and stopped to catch our breath.

My sister and I looked at each other and burst out laughing.

The run was probably totally unnecessary.  And it probably stunned a lot of people on the street.  But we needed to get away from whatever was happening with those guys.

The thought of being lured into a situation by money made me cringe.  I refuse to let those materialistic things control my decisions.

Yes, it's nice to have money, but it shouldn't be how you sell yourself to a girl. 

This was not a relationship that I wanted to pursue.

Perhaps being a gold-digger works for someone else, but it doesn't work for me.  I'd rather hold out for the real thing.  A love that stands the test of time.  And maybe even lasts long after I've left this planet.

For at the end of the day, their ARE plenty of fish in the waters. 

And if it ain't true love, then I'll just keep looking.......because I refuse to settle for a simple little goldfish.

Tuesday, 17 June 2014

Taking it to the next level.

I'll never forget the day I met my best friend.

It was October 20th 1997.  I was about to start my shift as announcer for my university's local radio station.  Just recently, our station had gone cable, and it was going to be my first day on television.  To describe myself as nervous was an understatement.  I stood in front of the cameras like a zombie, trying to calm myself down before we went live.  I uttered a famous mantra over and over in my head.   You're good enough.  You're smart enough.  And gosh darn, people like you.

"You ready Leo?  In... 10....9....8...."  

Oh my God.  This is it.  I'm gonna vomit.

"....3....2...and 1.....you're ON!"

"Hi.  I'm Leokadia.  It's 6pm, and you're watching CHRW LIVE."

And we were off.

Somehow, I managed to pull myself together, and the entire thing went off without a hitch.  

Well, almost.

I was down to my last story, and about to sign off, when through the bright lights, I saw something hurdling towards my face.  I moved out of the way, just in the nick of time, and heard the object smash against the backdrop. 

I had no idea what had just happened.

I stood there in shock.

It took me a good 10 seconds to realize that I was still on air.

"Ughh.  Ummmm.  I'm.....I'm.... Leo...kadia..?  Thanks for tuning in."

"And....we're done.  Good job Leo".

The bright lights turned off.  Everyone left.  I stood there in a trance.  

What the hell just happened??  

It was as if someone read my mind because a voice suddenly yelled from behind one of the cameras.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU CATCH IT??"  a girl's voice asked.

"What?"  I replied with attitude.

Who was this psychotic person and why was she throwing something at my head??

Suddenly a beautiful and slender girl popped out from behind the camera holding a bag of apples.  She had long brown hair, was wearing a fitted sweater, tight burgundy pants, and the biggest smile I had ever seen.

"The apple!!  I threw an apple at you!  You were supposed to catch it, take a bite out of it and then sign off.  I guess I threw it a little high.  Sorry about that!  haha!!"

"Are you insane???"  I snapped.

 I couldn't believe this girl.  Who the hell did she think she was? She threw an apple at my HEAD?! The nerve!!  She almost killed me!!

"It would've been sooo funny!!   Oh well.  Next time! We'll practice. Good job on the show.  See ya later!"

And off she went. 

Pfffftttt.  See ya later!?  As if!!  I was NEVER going to see this girl AGAIN. 

She's 100% insane.



I'd like to introduce you all to Mandy.  The apple thrower.  And........... my best friend.

Although Mandy CLEARLY tried to do away with me on day one, somehow I was drawn to her.  Her energy was contagious.  She was fun, wild and hilarious.

Almost 20 years of being best friends and there has never been a single dull moment.   When we got together, crazy things happened.  Her and I have taken the most boring events and turned them into ridiculous parties.

I laugh when I think of the things she has convinced me to do over the years.  Dancing on tables, scamming her way into VIP areas, and driving the wrong way on one-way streets.  That last one is super dangerous by the way....I do NOT recommend doing it.

For the most part, my BFF and I have been completely in sync.  We have the same sense of humor, similar goals, and the same appreciation for culture and faith.  And without any planning, we somehow managed to give birth to both of our children a mere month apart from one other.

Distance never hindered our relationship either.  For several years, we lived 8 hours apart, but it seems as though our daily telephone calls just brought us closer together.

So as you can see, Mandy and I are the perfect best friends.  It's ok to feel jealous of us.  Most people are.

HOWEVER........ there is one distinct difference between her and I that has always interfered with taking our relationship to the "next level".

My best friend will take every....and I mean EVERY single opportunity that is placed before her in order to live life to the fullest.  She will never miss a party, will never miss the chance to hang out with friends, and will never miss the opportunity to attend fabulous events.  Even if she is crazy busy, or over-whelmed at home.

I, on the other hand, will miss out on anything if I need my personal time.  I'm a bit of loner that way.  I need my quiet time to keep me calm, focused and centered.  Most of my alone time is spent cleaning my house while listening to AC/DC.  You may find this lame.  I think it's wonderful.

So over the years, Mandy has struggled with ways to convince me to boycott my cleaning activities in order to have fun with her instead.  

The funny thing is that I know I will have fun with her.  Lots of fun.  But getting me out of the house, and out of my routine comfort zone is quite the challenge.  And when someone tells me to do something, my instinct is to do the exact opposite.

But as you know, I have had my ass kicked by a horrible separation recently.  And Mandy and my girlfriends have come to my aide many....many times.  They have helped me and the girls financially, they have helped me take care of my kids, and they have stood up for me in situations that were dangerous and very scarey.  

But like they always say.......everything happens for a reason right??

There are many positives that have come out of this mess of a divorce, even though I am STILL being hit with many of the negatives.  But one of the things that became incredibly apparent to me over the past 2 years, was how lucky I was to have people in my life that would stop at nothing to make sure that I was safe and happy.  

My friends were no longer just friends.  It was very clear to me that they were now family.  And my bonds with them grew stronger with each passing day and each challenge that I faced.   

I was beyond grateful that I had a best friend who loved me so much, and very often, put her life on hold to be there for me.

This whole experience taught me.....that I needed to be a better friend.

Now, don't get me wrong, I've always been a good friend.  You should be so lucky to have me as your friend ;)

But in my heart, I knew I needed to step it up.  That extra phone call and text just to make sure they were ok.  Really opening up my ears to hear what challenges they were facing and how I could help. Staying up past 10pm to have a much-needed girls night and catch-up sesh.  And finally, leaving my house a mess, to meet my best friend for a yoga class on a Saturday afternoon :)

Maybe there's a reason why Mandy threw that apple at my head the day we met.  

Maybe she knew that she was going to be the girl that needed to shake things up a little in my world.  

And maybe she needed to knock some sense into me.  Sense that I learned two decades later.......and I will forever be grateful.

Tuesday, 10 June 2014

The dreaded peacock.

This past weekend I took Bruce Lee for a walk.  

If you didn't read my last blog post, then you wouldn't know who Bruce Lee is.  

If this is the case..... then why didn't you read my last entry?  

I will forgive you, on one condition.  That you go back and read the last entry and any other entry you may have missed prior to reading this one.  Please don't tell me that you're busy, or you have kids, or you have to "work"......these are all lame excuses.  Go read my blog.

Anyway, Bruce Lee is my dog.  And he's the most beautiful dog on this planet.

So the other day, Bruce Lee and I went for a walk.  

We have a few routes that we like to take, mostly nature walks.  Through forests, on beaten paths and near ponds and rivers.  

We very often spot wild animals on our hikes, which is always a fun treat for Bruce who likes to chase after the many geese, squirrels, chipmunks and beavers.  Once in a while though, we'll spot a turtle.  The turtle is my favorite.  He moves the slowest, yet manages to scare the living daylights out of my dog just by poking his teeny tiny little head out of his shell.  After one such occasion, where Bruce was embarrassed by yet another turtle, he finally walked away with his head down and tail between his legs.  He was humiliated and pissed off.  And I laughed...and laughed....and laughed.....

Sorry, back to the story!

This past weekend however, Bruce and I came across a different animal.  A very wild and dangerous creature.  An animal so large yet so rarely seen by the public.  Upon spotting it, I quickly jumped and hid behind a bush so that it wouldn't see or attack me.  Luckily for me, Bruce was occupied with a giant rock which he thought was a turtle, so I had time to check out this beast close-up.

I moved a branch carefully and then I had the perfect view.

There he was.  Standing in the sunlight.  He was very shiny.  And he had strange markings all over his body.  He puffed up his chest and then looked around to see if anyone was watching him.  No one was around and he couldn't see me lurking in the bushes so he began grooming himself.  Fixing his hair and checking his nails.  

I prayed to God that he wouldn't see me.  I have had too many experiences with this animal.  I knew that if he spotted me, I was a goner.

After a few more minutes, he finally ran off.  


I was safe to walk back home.

"BRUCE!  BRUCE LEE!  Where are you?  Oh for the love....Bruce....it's just a rock.  Let's go!"

I walked home carefully, whipping my head from side to side nervously, making sure the creature wouldn't suddenly come up from behind and surprise me.

Most females have encountered this type of animal before.  Somehow they have a way of finding us.  Of "sniffing us out" and harassing and accosting us.  

BUT....if you haven't yet met one, then I feel it is my duty as Ridiculous Girl to educate you....and the millions of women who read my blog everyday.  You need to know about this horrible creature and how to stay away from it.

The animal that I speak of is........the dreaded PEACOCK.

I don't speak of the bird of course. 

I speak instead of the cockiest man on the face of the planet.  

The guy who thinks he is God's gift to women, but is actually far from it.

Sadly I have a lot of experience with the peacock.  I was in a relationship with a peacock for a very long time.  Obviously I didn't realize he was a peacock at the time.  I would have never settled down with someone who was so into himself.  But alas, I was blinded by love.

Websters definition of a peacock is as follows:

'A male peafowl distinguished by a crest of upright feathers .......which are mostly tipped with iridescent spots and are erected and spread in a shimmering fan usually as a courtship display'.

This definition is not far from what a human peacock does as well. 

The human peacock also tends to display his features in a courtship display.  He obviously doesn't have feathers,  but he does tend to have a standard look.    

I have put together a list of his most common features so that you are able to spot him from miles away.  Please print this list off and put it in your wallet.  I'm telling you.....this will save you in the future.

Ok, here's the list.  The human peacock is:

1.  Perfectly groomed, manicured and tanned.  Absolutely no hair is out of place (and I'm not just talking just the hair on his head and face.)

2.  Will find any opportunity to be shirtless.....even on a cold day, and even indoors when every other man around him is clothed.

3.  Usually covered in tattoos.

4.  Very flashy clothes and running shoes, which are almost always brand new.

and finally, 

5.  Unnecessary "extras".  These may include bandanas, chain necklaces, earrings and man purses.

Use the above list to help you recognize and avoid the human peacock.

The human peacock also has a series of characteristics and behaviors that will immediately draw your attention to them.  Be very careful not to get sucked in.  The human peacock is:

1.  Very loud.  The entire room must know that the peacock is present at all times.

2.  Brags about everything and behaves as if he is the best at absolutely everything he does in life.

3.   Constantly shows-off.  Just like the real peacock, he presents his "feathers" to impress the ladies.

4.  He has a false sense of reality.  He thinks every woman in the world wants him, when in fact, most are laughing at him.  So he does not follow society's path or rules.  He feels he is above everyone.


5.   He is extremely selfish.  If he is in a relationship with a woman, then it is only because the relationship suits him.  He is not interested in a mutually-growing and healthy partnership.  Being with an attractive woman does not suit the peacock.  After being with a beautiful woman who tends to get as much if not more attention than him, that relationship will soon lose it's appeal to the peacock.  The peacock will then move on to a much-lesser attractive bird so that he can go back to the dynamic that he loves the most......in which he is the most beautiful of the pair.

You may be asking yourself now...."where does the peacock live?" and "if he approaches me, how can I avoid him?"

Excellent questions my loyal readers.

The peacock can often be found at the GYM.  Usually in the weight-lifting section.  He brags to everyone that he can bench-press 300 lbs.  

If he approaches you, just run.  Run for your life.  If you brought anything with you, try not to leave it behind.  The peacock has an excellent sense of smell and if you leave a towel or even an earring behind, he will figure out where you live based on a few key scents.

Oh, and if you do suspect a human peacock, ignore him at all costs.  He HATES to be ignored. 

Ok ladies....I think I've covered everything.  

I hope that I helped you today.  If you have any further questions, please don't hesitate to get in touch with me through my blog.

Let me end with a quick story about my last interaction with the peacock.

Last week my girlfriend and I took our kids the park.  As we were sitting under the shade of a tree watching our children laugh and play, a man came to the park with his son.

He was 100% a peacock.  He had all the signs.  The tanned skin, tattoos, perfectly manicured facial hair and of course, shirtless.  Once he spotted us, his courtship dance began.  He jogged around the park several times, did the kid's monkey bars back and forth about 5 times, and then slam-dunked a basketball.  Even his own kid was getting the short-end of the stick on his own park date!  

But the peacock is....well, cocky.  And even though he THINKS he can do everything....he really can't.

This park peacock, jumped on his kid's scooter, in one last attempt to impress us.  But as he jumped on, he lost his footing and the scooter slipped out from underneath him.  He went flying backwards and fell HARD on the asphalt.

The peacock lay there in shock.  After a minute, he stood up and grabbed the scooter and his kid.

He finally walked away, with his head down and his tail between his legs.

He was humiliated and pissed off.

And we laughed......and laughed.....and laughed.......