Monday, 20 March 2017

It's science.




A couple of weeks ago, on a Saturday night, I went to my BFF's for dinner and drinks with her and her husband. 

After dinner, we drank wine and laughed and caught up on our busy lives.  

My best friend started telling a story when she suddenly abruptly stopped talking.  

She said "oops" and started laughing.

I looked at her with a confused look....and then at her hubby.

"What's wrong?"  I asked.

"Oh nothing!" she said, "Mike just doesn't like when I swear."  

"You swore??"  I suddenly realized that I was the only one in the room who wasn't phased by her gratuitous language.

I looked over at Mike and asked, "Why can't she swear??"

He answered casually,  "Well, it's not very lady-like.  And I don't find it attractive."


I left their house that night feeling very perplexed.


2 days later, I got a text from yet another girlfriend who wrote that for lent she was going to give up swearing.



I only had one response to both of these situations:



What the F@%K was going on???



I personally think that giving up swearing is not an option in life AT ALL!??

It's not something you can just stop doing.  

It's a way of life.  It's a way of de-stressing.  And I believe it's SUPER healthy.

For those of you who disagree, I bring your attention to several articles written on this topic.  

Enjoy.



The first article is written by Frederik Joelving entitled "Why the #$%! do we swear?". 


I know what you're thinking.  

No....I did not make this up.  Although the author's name DOES look like something I would throw together for the purpose of a joke.  


And I would say it with a German accent.  


Or Swedish.  


Probably Swedish.  


Anyway, I digress.  


The article tests the theory that swearing actually alleviates pain in uncomfortable situations.  

Out of a group of individuals who were forced to keep their hands in ice-cold water, the ones who were allowed to curse throughout the process, were able to withstand a longer period of time in the water than the ones who were not allowed to swear.

I found this article in the magazine Scientific American.  

In the Mind & Brain section.  (yes, there's a Mind & Brain section).


So my first article proves that swearing is good for you.  And it is actually seen as pain relief.

This is very legit.  In fact, it's all science.



Let's move on to the next article, shall we??


The second article, found on CBC News is entitled "What the....?"  and shows that swearing on the job can reduce stress and boost employee morale.  

Professor Yehuda Baruch, professor of management, states:

"Swearing was [seen] as a social phenomenon to reflect solidarity and enhance group cohesiveness, or as a psychological phenomenon to release stress."


I am not making any of this up..........  although once again, the professor's name TOTALLY looks like a name I would use in one of my ridiculous stories.  

OR.... Yehuda Baruch could possibly be Borat's best friend??   


Anyway, that article was in the Technology & Science section of CBC news.  

So again, I must point out that this is all science.  And you can't argue with science.  You just can't!




So in conclusion, for all of my friends who are trying to stop swearing, you are doing yourselves a HUGE injustice.  


Perhaps do what I do and hold back on the swearing in front of the little ones and elders.  We don't need a bunch of 3 year olds and 90 year olds dropping F-bombs everywhere....."Where's my F'ing DIAPERRRRR?!!!"  

Can you imagine?!?



But for every other stressful situation, like when you're stuck in traffic, or shoveling snow, or you notice a pimple on your nose right before an important date.......SWEAR!!!  


Swear like you've never sworn before.  

I'm telling you....you will feel a million times better.



You know why??




Because it's f*cking science.   That's why ;) 






Articles referenced in this amazing f#$king blog:

Why the #$%! do we swear?

What the ...?






Monday, 13 March 2017

Your Purpose.



....continued from last entry.  This is the LAST one though!  I PROMISE!  ;)




I sat still and completely stunned once I heard the voice.  

"Who was that?"  I whispered.


I looked slowly to my left......and then to my right.  Nobody was there.  


I then cautiously tippy-toed to the kid's playroom where both girls were playing with their barbies.  Other than the kids, no one was there either.  But my "mommy-timing" was perfect as I did catch Lola throwing Molly's barbie out of the barbie corvette just as Molly turned to grab something else.  But I didn't have time to reprimand this action......I was dealing with voices in my head after all. And not the usual ones that tell me it's time for a Mars bar (those ones happen a lot by the way).


Anyway, I went back to the kitchen and then I whispered again,  "Hello?  Are you still there??"

Nothing.

Hmmm.

Maybe I day-dreamed it??  I was a new mommy after-all.  I was SERIOUSLY sleep-deprived.

I was suddenly shaken out of my thoughts when I heard Molly screaming....

"WOWA!!  DIV ME BAT MY BAW-BEEE DOWWWWW!!!!!"


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


As the days and months went by, I found myself tortured by what that voice had said.  

I replayed the message over and over in my head, "what the F was I going to do with my life?"

That agonizing despair of feeling lost reminded me of my last month of university.  

After spending 4 years studying biology and finishing with honours, I was told by the guidance counsellor that "there really are no jobs out there for a biology major".

I stood staring at her with my mouth wide open, only to blurt out "So what am I going to do with my life??"  

She sighed and re-adjusted the reading glasses on her nose and said "You can always continue with school?"

As if!!??  

I was dying to get OUT of school, not sign up for another 4 years!

I remember leaving that office feeling so frustrated, not only with life, but with HER!

She provided me with absolutely NO GUIDANCE!!  Like.....you're not even doing your job!!



Anyway, the years had passed and as you know from my last blog, I did end up doing very well in my career. 

So I thought that I was doing everything right.   

I had a great education, I held many impressive job titles and now I was raising 2 new members of society.  

Wasn't that enough??  

What else did life want from me??

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


As I struggled trying to figure out who I really was and what I was meant to do in life, 
the universe threw me another curve ball.  And as you know, I spent the next 4 years trying to survive a completely foreign world of court, lawyers and divorce. 

So in addition to trying to figure out what I was meant to do in life, NOW I was trying to figure out how to re-build my life as a single mom.

I put the search for my life's "purpose" on hold as I moved into a new home, got a new job and learned how to raise my children with zero financial support and zero co-parenting. 

But, as every woman does, I eventually figured out how to manage work, kids and a house.

So then why couldn't I figure out the answer to that little question that continued to haunt me?  Certainly it should be easier than folding that giant pile of laundry every night?  Or sneaking veggies into my kid's meals everyday??  Or finding time to hit the gym 3 times a week to work out?? (Oh wait....I don't do that last one.   Please ignore.)


Anyway, I tried a few more times to talk to that little voice.  In hopes that she would miraculously speak again.

But she never did.

So I finally stopped asking.

And I just went on with living my life.


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


But....


......that being said.....I decided that if I was going to live my life, without that eternal answer to what my purpose was, then I may as well live it up to the fullest.

And instead of analyzing what I didn't have, I decided to be grateful for what I did have.

So every morning, in addition to my routine motivational saying of "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh darn people like me", I decided to just say THANK YOU.  Thank you for the life I had and thank you for the day I was going to have. (And also thank you for the blessings of coffee and Mars bars that I would consume later that day).

This was an excellent way of starting my day.  

I also made a huge effort to follow through on hobbies and projects that I consistently made excuses to skip out on.  

And last but least, I made an effort every week to enjoy life.  I mean REALLY enjoy life!

Because at the end of everyday, girls just wanna have fun!   Am I right ladies????


And as for my purpose in life.......well.......sometimes I THINK I have an idea of what God wants me to do......


But until I figure out what exactly it is..........I'll just keep on writing.  


Or as Tata would say......keep on plugging ;)









This blog is dedicated to my Tata, the smartest man I knew.......and the BEST dad a girl could ever have xoxo 





  






















Tuesday, 7 March 2017

Keep on plugging.




...continued from last entry....



There is one thing in life that I believe everyone needs to have.


Something so great, that if you can't find it, your life will suffer tremendous consequences.  

And something that your mind and heart already KNOW you need to have, even if you are not consciously aware that it is missing.

This "pull" towards that missing link is so strong and vibrates on such a high frequency that if you want it, it has the power to take you on the wildest and most amazing journey as your inner voice searches and searches for what it is looking for.

OR........ if you don't have any idea what "IT" is, "IT" can drive you absolutely mad as you go through life relentlessly trying to seek an answer to a question that you don't even know exists.  

Of course the latter sentence refers to me.

And of course this thing, this "IT", that I am referring to, is PURPOSE.


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Shortly after Anthony Qu gave his recommendation for me to step into the coveted sales position within our company, I found myself thrown into a different and exciting world. 

Within a year, I was having business meetings with top company executives, was earning a 6-figure salary, and was travelling around the world.  

It was nothing for me to be meeting with the president of a hugely successful company in Silicone Valley one week and then be checking in to the Fairmont in Banff a few days later in order to sign the paperwork on yet another exclusive pharmaceutical deal.  And in between these business meetings, I was living life to the fullest. Eating the best steaks, drinking the best wines, skiing on the best mountains and (occasionally) smoking the best cigars at the best local jazz bars ;) 

Life was pretty rad.

As you can imagine, Tata was VERY impressed with how far I had come (minus the cigar part).

And even though Tata was nervous with each risky career move I made, and he strongly and very frequently advised me against it, he was happily surprised when the outcome landed me in a better position, with a better company, and with a better salary.  

It's not that Tata didn't believe in me when I was making these decisions, he just didn't want me to ruin a good thing.

He routinely told me to "keep on plugging".....which I believe translated to:  "work hard, make your money and shut up".  In essence, don't rock the boat.

But Tata didn't know about this "thing" that was brewing inside of me.  That thing called Purpose that kept telling me that there was something more out there.  Something else that I needed to do.  

Hell, I didn't even know it was brewing inside of me!?  

But I knew that there was something going on.  


And no amount of steak, wine or money could satisfy it.


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



The time had finally come for me to hang up my corporate suits and put away my fabulous high-heels.  For my new wardrobe now consisted of over-sized sweaters, maternity jeans and ugly ballet flats.  

I'll give you a moment to imagine how much sexier I must have looked at my new career.  

Oh wait...... I almost forgot to mention that my tops were always covered in baby spit-up, my hair was never washed, and my eyebrows were always crooked.  

And don't laugh!  You try drawing eyebrows on while holding a screaming 6 month old!  


Anyway, I did not look my best during those years, but that being said, I was now the proud and happy mom to 2 gorgeous little girls, Lola and Molly :)  And these dolls brought me a whole new meaning to life.  Everyday brought new adventures, new laughs and new changes.

I thought my life was finally complete.

And yet...........as the years passed by..... and the girls grew out of their baby phase, that flame inside of me somehow re-ignited.  

NOW it was starting to bug me.


So .....I did what I NEVER did before.


And I shut up.



I stopped talking, I stopped analyzing, and I stopped thinking.


And I listened to my soul.

And the CRAZIEST thing happened.

My inner voice actually spoke up.



"Well, well, well!!  Nice to meet ya!!  Where the hell have you been this whole time?  And what the F are you gonna do with your life??"




GASP!!!!!



....to be continued.  AGAIN!!  ;)





















Monday, 27 February 2017

Doctor Ridiculous Girl?




When I was young, my parents taught me the value of working hard.

Tata (my dad),  said the following things to me on a daily basis:

1)  "Life is hard"

2)  "It's hard to watch the show from the cheap seats (which he pronounced cheap SEEDS)"

and

3)  "If you're not going to be a doctor, lawyer or dentist, don't bother becoming anything else because you will not get anywhere in life".


Tata constantly reiterated that one must work incredibly hard in life, even if that meant hating what you did.  Because as long as you had a great paycheque coming in every week, then you were successful.


I did not agree.


I didn't know at the time that I didn't agree, but as the years passed and I got older, I knew that my theories did not match those of my beloved father's.

It all started when I promised Tata that I would write the MCAT to try and get into med school.  I had no desire whatsoever to write the feared exam.   And yet I tried to study every single day for 3 months straight over my summer break in order to prepare.  All for my dad.

When the big day came, and I got to the location of the exam, I realized very quickly that I was NOT in the right place.

I looked around at my studious colleagues who were all wearing golf shirts, had an assortment of 2H pencils and hi-tech calculators.  

I, on the other hand, wore my Use Your Illusion Guns N Roses t-shirt, held an assortment of fuzzy pink pens and brought with me about 4 red lip glosses.

But I wrote the stupid exam.  I hated every minute of it, and I rolled my eyes at least 72,000 times during the 4 hours that I was there.  But I wrote it.

You're probably wondering how I scored?

Well, let's just say that my brother ended up being the big-shot surgeon in our family :/



But things were not lost on me yet!  

And Tata still had hope in his "non-physician in training" daughter. 

I had secured myself an entry-level position in the health & safety department at a large and prominent pharmaceutical company.  Tata was very impressed!  

What was even better was that I enjoyed the company and my co-workers so much that I moved up in the ranks quite quickly.  

Before I knew it, I found myself in the role of lab scheduler - which is an impressive title for  "girl who runs around and talks to everyone and make sure that all of the drugs were made on time".  I was very good at this job. 


I had soon found myself a mentor, Anthony Qu.   The Manager of the Pharmaceutical Development Services department, who prior to joining the company had been a pharmacist.  

I admired Anthony very much.  He was very smart and ran a department of over 70 people without ever looking stressed.  But I mostly liked him because he was outgoing like me and made everyone laugh.  He also dressed really cool.  I bet you a stupid exam didn't teach him how to dress!!

As I pondered my future career, I found myself wondering if I should follow in Anthony's foot-steps and go back to school to become a pharmacist? 

As he and I sat talking shop one day (that's pharmaceutical lingo meaning we were talking about "work"), I asked him that very question.

He tilted his head to the side, looked at me through winced eyes and after a few seconds he said, 

"No.  That's not the right job for you."


GASP!! 


I was shocked.  I had finally decided on what I thought was the perfect occupation and he shot it down......in mere seconds!??  He didn't even give it a chance??


Anthony saw my perplexed look and continued to explain himself...


"Leo, you have so much life in you.  You would be so bored working as a pharmacist.....the same pharmacy, the same people....everyday......that's not enough for you.  You're meant for something else.....something bigger, something greater".


And with that, he announced that he was putting in a recommendation for me to get the highly-sought after position in sales that was just posted.


I was very confused.

But isn't everybody in their 20's??  

How the hell do you know what you're supposed to be for the rest of your life, if some days you can't even figure out what mood you'll be in? Or what you really like? Or who you really are?  Or what other people think of you? 

Was Anthony trying to get rid of me?  Did he not think I was doing a good job in the lab?

I stood up,  thanked Anthony for his recommendation and I left his office.   

Feeling worse than I started.

And as I walked down the hall, of our gigantic pharmaceutical institution, I realized that I had no clue who the hell I was, and what the hell I wanted from life.

And the worst part was that I was pretty sure that I'd never figure it out.





......to be continued.  









Tuesday, 21 February 2017

Is there candy stuck in my hair??




This story is an "oldie... but a goodie" as my Tata would say.


Let's go back in time for a bit, shall we?  About 10 years ago....when I was working for a shoecare company.  


I did this part-time gig where I would go to high-end shoe stores and teach the staff how to use shoe-care products.  Usually the job shifts were early in the morning, before the store opened, so I would very often sleep over at my sister's condo the night before so that I didn't have a long commute the next morning.


As my sister and I were watching The David Letterman show the night of my sleep-over, I found that I finally hit my wall and needed to call it a night.


I announced to my sis that I was ready for bed.


"Ok! Sounds good." Mishi answered.  "I'll stay up a little, but I'm hitting the sack soon too."


My sister only had one bedroom at the time, so we had to share a bed.  


About 10 minutes later, as I was pulling up my covers, she snuck into the bedroom to grab her book.


I suddenly realized that it had been a long time since we were kids and had to share a bed....


"Sooooo......you still don't move much at night do you?"  I asked slowly and through gritted teeth.

"No....why?"  she answered.


"Well....it's just that....I'm gonna need you to stay on your side, ok?"  I nodded my head as I spoke (something I learned while doing sales in order to get the other person to agree with you subconsciously).


"Oh brother Ludge! Don't be dumb."  she rolled her eyes.


I continued talking to her as I sat up and began putting cream on my hands (for ultimate overnight moisturizing.  Dammit...I wish I brought my over-night moisture-gloves!)  


"It's just that, I REALLY need my space", I said making sure the cream was getting between each finger crevice.  


"Yeah yeah, whatever.  Goodnight Ludge"  

My sister was about to leave the room when I continued....


"Ummmm.......are you going to be watching TV very late???"  I asked nervously.


"Don't worry, I'll turn in down".  She said that with a smile but her voice was very aggressive.  I was confused by the happy face but angry voice  >:(


Nonetheless, I smiled back "Good!"  I said happily.  "I'll have my earplugs in so I should be ok, but just wanna make sure the volume doesn't go past......4, ok???  Actually, make that 3."


My sister again was about to step out the door, but I caught her just in the nick of time....


"Anddd.......just so you know.......I wear a sleep mask now.  So don't get scared if you look over in the middle of the night, ok??"


I grabbed my mask which had the words HOT TONIGHT on one side and NOT TONIGHT on the other, and I gently placed it on my forehead.


My sister again rolled her eyes.


Suddenly I felt very chilly.  I wasn't sure if it was the temperature.....or her uncalled-for attitude. 


I pulled the covers off of me and felt my toes.  They were freezing....as usual.....but slightly more freezing than normal.  "Hey, is your heat on???"  I asked "It's like, REALLY cold in here.  Could you pass me my socks??" as I pointed to my over-night bag.


My sister marched over to my bag, grabbed my fuzzy pink socks and whipped them aggressively at my head.


"Heyyy!!!" I yelled, "Take is EASSYYY!!!"

I looked at her sideways as I reached for the socks behind my head.  Then my sleeping mask fell off which I had to re-position.  Sheesh!  What a disaster!!


My sister finally left the room.


After a few seconds I said....


"Hey Mish?  Do you wear your hair in a ponytail at night??"


My sister yelled from the hallway.


"Oh my God Ludge!!  What are you talking about??"


I reached over to grab a bag which was on the nightstand.  "It's just that....my throat is sore........so I'll probably pop a Polish eucalyptus candy in my mouth before I go to bed.  Ya know.....just to soothe my throat while I'm sleeping.  I find that REALLY effective."  


I un-wrapped one of my favourite candies and threw it in my mouth and smiled.


My sister came barging back into the room.


"Ludge!! That's not safe!!!"  her eyes were massive.  


"No no!  It's fine!"  I said re-assuringly.  "I only choked once. But that was only like, for a second.   But what I'm REALLY worried about, is that the candy might fall out of my mouth  while I'm sleeping and possibly get into your hair....."


Now my sister was starting to look a little weird.  Her eyes were bugging out of her head again, and she looked very angry.  I honestly didn't know what her problem was?

"Please tell me you're joking??" she said in a very loud voice.


I looked up at the ceiling and threw my hands up and laughed.  "Yeah! I know right!  It  happened to me once.  Not in my hair!  But one morning I woke up, and it was stuck to my forehead!   I pulled it off with no trouble.  But it DID leave a stain on my head that lasted a few days.  But......I'm sure you'll be fine!!  It's just that you have really long hair........beautiful hair........and I just don't want anything to happen to it.  So maybe you can tie your hair up in a ponytail tonight??  Or maybe a bun?  A bun would be best I think."



Suddenly my sister lost it.


"ARE YOU SERIOUSLY TELLING ME THAT CANDY IS GOING TO END UP IN MY HAIR TONIGHT??  THIS IS RIDICULOUS!!  YOU ARE RIDICULOUS!!!!"


And with that, she stormed out of the room and slammed the door behind her.



Jesus.  What the heck got into her?? 


Why was she SO angry?



Her behaviour was beyond inappropriate for night-time.



Everyone knows that you need to be calm at night. That's the ONLY way you'll get to bed in a nice, peaceful way.  Otherwise you're just setting yourself up for tossing and turning and night-terrors.


Maybe I should teach her how to go to bed in a relaxed way??


Yes!!  That's what I should do!!


I will help my sister be more relaxed at night.


She really needs to just calm down. 




And with that, I turned off the light, pulled down my eye mask, stuck my earplugs in my ears, popped another eucalyptus candy, adjusted my fuzzy pink socks, pulled up the covers, turned on my sound machine, rolled over onto my stomache, stuck my hands under my pillow, turned my head to the side, took a deep breath, and went to sleep.



Some people should really learn to just CHILL OUT!!!


:)







Sunday, 12 February 2017

The Edge Walk.




Today's blog is continued from last week. 



So I'll give you time to go back and read last week's blog if you haven't yet.  

Because there's one thing that drives me mental......and it's people that skip my blogs and don't read the prequels.  

That's super lazy.  You don't want to be lazy, do you??

Not to mention, you are going to miss CRITICAL life lessons and facts about me.  

And you're also gonna be that annoying person asking "Wait, who's that??  Why did they go there?  Who's handsome guy?  Why do people call her Ludge?  Why is she afraid of blue pontoons??"  

So please stop being a crazy-pants and read the prequel.....and the rest of my fabulous blog entries.... and save us all that heartache.



THANK YOU!!!


Love, 

Ridiculous Girl xoxo

ps -  Sorry if that was a little harsh.  But it's only cause I love you.  And it'll make you stronger - I promise!






Ok.....if you've finally read last week's blog......then we can continue!! yay!!

ENJOY!!


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I sat on the dock biting my thumbnail and staring out onto the lake for a good 30 seconds, while Handsome Guy sat quietly beside me.  I knew he was watching me the entire time, but I couldn't be distracted or swayed by his good looks and mesmerizing brown eyes so I needed to NOT look at him while I made my decision.

I thought to myself......could I ACTUALLY go up on the CN Tower with this guy??

"Babe.  Don't worry about it.  I'll cancel it"  he said in the kindest voice.

"Wait!  Let me think!"  I said cutting him off.  I suddenly got all sweaty at the thought being over 1,000 feet above ground level.  

I needed some logistics in order to make up my mind.  

"Ok....just tell me.......how many people have died doing this CN Tower edge walk?"  I asked nervously.

"Like, this year?"  he asked.

My eyes bulged out of my head and my mouth dropped open as I whipped my head around to look at him.

"I'M KIDDING!!!"  he laughed.

"Oh my God!!"  I said as I punched his arm.  

"Nobody Ludge.  No one has died doing the CN Tower walk."  He continued to laugh under his breath as he waited for my decision.

I didn't know what to do.  

On one hand, I knew that I would probably have a TON of fun doing this with him - maybe we'd even make out at the top of the tower??  I feel like the tour guide would probably hate that.......and us........ but it would be SUPER sexy. 

But on the other hand.....I could die.  

Ughhhhhh!  

Why was Handsome Guy always challenging me with these life-changing decisions??  



But after one more minute of silence, I finally looked at him, and through clenched teeth and slight apprehension I whispered, "Ok.  Let's do it".

"Really??  You sure??"  he said in the happiest voice.

I looked at him and laughed and said, "No...I'm not sure at all!"

But once again, my gut told me that this was a life moment that I absolutely needed to seize.

I just wish I could seize it at maybe, like, 20 feet above ground level instead :/



------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


On our day of danger (as I like to call it) I was meeting Handsome Guy downtown Toronto.  

He said he needed to arrive a bit earlier than me in order to get things ready.  I didn't really know what that meant, other than the fact that he was making plans for our CN Tower funeral later that day.

But I was happily mistaken.

He had booked a fabulous Airbnb right downtown, and had a bottle of red and 2 wine glasses ready and waiting on the kitchen table as I walked into the condo. 

He dropped my bags on the floor and walked me to the table beside the window.  And as he poured my glass of wine, I finally looked out the window at our view.  And when I did, I gasped!

He laughed and said, "Pretty amazing eh?" and came up behind me and handed me the glass of wine.

For 10 seconds I just stared in awe at the most perfect view of the CN Tower..... which was right outside our window.

And I don't know if it was the CN Tower, or the wine, or my birthday, or Handsome Guy, but I was suddenly on a high.  

And then, as if it couldn't have gotten any better, he kissed me  ;)


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Before I knew it, we were being out-fitted in orange jumpsuits and being given instructions on what not to do at the top of the CN Tower.

Handsome Guy said he was nervous but didn't look it.

I, on the other hand, was probably green.  I was worried that I'd miss that one important instruction like "MAKE SURE YOU DO NOT TOUCH THE RED BUTTON ON YOUR ORANGE SUIT.  BECAUSE THAT WILL EJECT YOU FROM THE CN TOWER AND YOU WILL DEFINITELY PLUMMET TO YOUR DEATH".

I looked down at Handsome Guy who was sitting and smiling and watching the instructors yank and grab all the cords and hooks in order to make sure my suit was on perfectly.  

I whispered nervously to Handsome Guy "I have not listened to one single thing they told me.  And I feel like I'm going to throw up.  And I also need to pee".

Handsome Guy started laughing and said "Don't worry, I've been listening to everything".

And then the Australian instructor yelled in my ear "Did I hear you need to pee darlin'?? You'd better go now.  We'll be at the top of the tower for about and hour and a half!"

AN HOUR AND A HALF???  Why do I need to be at the top of the CN Tower for an hour and a half????  What are we gonna do up there??  Read a book???

Nonetheless, I quickly ran to the bathroom in my orange suit.  Only to come back to the whole group who was waiting patiently on the nervous blond girl.

Aussie guy yelled "GREAT!  She's back!!  Ok, let's go to the elevator folks!".


Oh brother.  

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


We all stepped into the elevator, which lucky for me, had a glass floor.

"Oh my Goddddd"  I whispered as I looked down at the ground which was disappearing before my eyes.  I pressed my body as close to Handsome Guy as I could because I was super nervous.......but also because he's hot.


We finally made it to the top level and then made our way into a very white, laboratory-like room with tons of computer screens.  It kind of looked like a room that Tony Stark would build the next generation of Iron Man in....so that was very cool.  But not cool when they strapped us into our orange suits even tighter and then connected us with several cables to a bar above our heads.

There were cables and ropes sucking me into my suit all over my body, and as I slowly followed everyone out the lab door, Handsome Guy grabbed my butt.

I looked back at him and winked "It looks good eh?" 

"Mmmm, It certainly does" he said with a rumble.

"Well, this is the last thing you'll ever see, you lucky guy! Nice knowing you!!" and I blew him a kiss as I nervously stepped out onto the ledge and looked down. 


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Our Australian tour guide was hilarious.  He cracked jokes nonstop and with no fear hung over the CN Tower's edge the entire time he spoke to us.  And then he announced, "Ok folks!  Let's do some activities now!!"

Activities?  I thought.  Like what?  Card games?  Crafts??  It's WAY too windy up here to play Gin Rummy.

"I want everyone to slowly hang forward off of the edge like this!"  and Aussie man put his protective rope across his chest and let go, and hung forward, completely hanging over the edge, as if it was nothing.

OH!  HELLS TO THE NO!!!!!

I looked back at Handsome Guy and almost cried.


But I'll tell ya ladies and gents....that there's this thing about me.  That even if I'm scared to death to do something, if someone keeps telling me to do it, I'll eventually cave.  Because I'm always afraid to miss out on what could have been the best experience of my life.  Even if it could kill me!

So I slowly, and carefully, and very cautiously tippy-tapped my little toes forward to the edge and after about 5 tries, I finally leaned forward :)  (By the way, watching that part on our EdgeWalk video later that week, had me laughing so hard that I had tears pouring down my face.  It's so embarrassing that I'll probably never show anyone, but I just wanted you to have that ridiculous image in your head.)


Handsome Guy and I had completed all of our activities with honours, and we were quite proud of ourselves.  And then Aussie guy gave us 15 minutes to just walk around and stare at the beautiful surroundings of downtown Toronto and get our photos taken.


As I stood staring out onto the city that I grew up in, I couldn't help but realize how beautiful everything looked.  And even though I tend to be one of those girls that very often has rose-coloured glasses on, you couldn't fake, or over-exagerrate how incredible this moment was.

And I was right.  I knew my 40th would be monumental......life-changing......EPIC.


And all it took was elevating myself just a little bit......1,168 feet above ground to be exact........and somehow I had found myself on cloud 9  ;)