I am happy to report that summer is finally gone and fall is officially here!! YAYYYYY!!
Long, hot, sunny days have given way to cool, wet, damp mornings.
Breathe in that crisp, fresh, nose-stinging air…..isn’t that just glorious??
Oh, and don’t forget to put away all of your summer stuff!! Hats, bathing suits, flip flops and sun tan lotion ......or oils for us 70’s babies! Pack that shit all away!!
And wipe the dust off of those huge Tupperware containers filled with your winter clothes which are buried deep in your basement storage.
Time to pull out your knits, parkas, scarves, suede booties, UGG’s (or UGG'LIES as boys like to call them).......and cover yourself head to toe in preparation for the non-allergy, non-ragweed, and non-sinutab weather!
Wait. What was that????
You’re not happy that summer is over???
You already miss the beach???
You actually LIKE wearing flip flops??
I can’t believe I’m hearing this!
I thought everyone was sick of the summer by now!? You don’t all feel like me???
Well,…..I guess you’re entitled to your own opinion. I guess….. :/
I mean…..it’s the WRONG opinion. But that’s ok. You’re still entitled to it.
I personally have always LOVED the transition from summer to fall.
By the time the magical month of September arrives (also my birth month – go figure!?), I am ready to say good-bye to the heat and hello to the cold, stay-in-all-day-snuggling-watching-Netflix weather!
I have felt like this for a very long time.
As long as I was a wee-little bowled-haircut Polish kid growing up in Toronto.
But I have to tell ya folks.........that just last year..... something horrific happened that almost destroyed my love for the fall.
Something SO ghastly that I’m almost afraid to tell you about it.
But alas, I will.
Afterall, you should protect yourself from the horror that I had to endure……
Last year. Cold day of horror.
It was a brisk fall day. I had just taken the children to run some errands. I waited patiently for my 6 year old to put on her seat belt (which every mom knows is the most annoying and the longest task you could ever ask your child to do). As I waited and waited (it honestly felt like 17 hours of her fidgeting), I finally turned around and said “Molly sweetie, what’s taking you so long?”. When I suddenly noticed a small chunk missing from her seat belt. What the heck!?
“Molly! What did you do to your seatbelt??” I said (after I GASP’d very, very loud)
“I didn’t do any-fin!” she yelled, finally giving up on her seatbelt and picking up her Merliah barbie to play.
I quickly jumped out of the car and went to the back seat to further inspect the damage.
I carefully studied the seat belt as an inspector would do. Kind of like Inspector Gadget…………..but………without the gadgets.
What a strange, strange thing, I thought to myself as I stared at this tiny little notch. How the hell did Molly do this???
The next day, while running errands again, I threw something in the back seat......only to find yet ANOTHER chunk missing from my vehicle!!?
A small hole near the kid's cup holders, which was now white from the foam behind it, rather than black as the rest of my sexy car interior.
What in God’s name was going on?
I sat watching Netflix that night whilst using my Inspector Gadget skills to try and figure out the car hole mystery.
When suddenly it hit me!
I HAD A MOUSE IN MY CAR!!!!!!
You’d think that I’d be paralyzed with this discovery...... but there’s something that you guys should know about Ridiculous Girl folks.
There is VERY little that I am scared of.
I’m not scared of the dark......I’m not scared of spiders........ and I’m definitely NOT scared of a teeny, tiny, little mouse.
I immediately jumped off the couch, paused Orange is the New Black, and went to WORK!
I threw open my fridge door, grabbed a hunk of marble cheese and started chopping. I chopped like I had never chopped before. There were flames coming off my knife, that's how furiously I was chopping! I only stopped to wipe the sweat off my brow! (and then I wiped off part of my drawn-on brow.....but even THAT didn't stop me!!)
Once I had about 17 pieces of marble cheese perfectly chopped (which I thought was the perfect amount to “lure” a dangerous animal like this)... I then ran to the garage to find a deep bucket and a 2 foot long piece of wood.
My buddy Mike once showed me how he caught a mouse humanely.
For even though I am not scared of mice, I certainly don’t want to kill them! I just would like to kindly re-locate them to a new, more mouse-friendly neighborhood. And this way, I would hope that all of the other mice would see what a nice person I am and would tell all the other mice to leave the nice, blonde girl alone :)
After I grabbed the bucket and wood, I ran with my supplies to my car, jumped into the back seat, and began my process.
I carefully scattered the cheese pieces into the bucket which I put on Molly’s side of the car.
I then strategically placed the plank of wood from the seat up to the bucket. The goal here was to get the mouse to climb up the plank, fall into the bucket and then VOILA! Mouse will be caught!!
I would then delicately take the bucket (filled with said mouse), bring it to the forest behind my home, and release him. THEN.....I would receive a standing ovation from all of the other little critters in the neighboring fields.
I smiled to myself as I gently closed the car door and ran back inside the house.
And now……..we wait.
I checked back on the car several times.
But each time I was disappointed.
I finally gave up and went to bed. It was late after all.
The next morning I woke up like a kid on Christmas!
I ran down the stairs excitedly in my pj’s, threw on my uglies (I mean, UGGs), and ran to my car.
I threw open the back door of the car…………..only to find the most disturbing thing that I had ever seen.
An empty bucket.
With no mouse.
Ladies and gentlemen............I HAD BEEN PLAYED!!!!!!
To be continued......