Tuesday, 19 August 2014

Now that's service!

You may not know this about me, but I am very particular about my van.  I am quite proud of it, and I like to keep it super clean and tidy.  Everything has its place ....my coins, the kid's DVD's, my MAC lipsticks (red and nude), extra snacks, water bottles, 5 pairs of sunglasses, and Polish eucalyptus candies.

I also have stowed away in the back several cleaning products.  Glass wipes, tire wipes, shine wipes,  ultra-shine wipes and baby wipes.......for the delicate and hard to reach areas of course.

After my car has been through the car wash, and I have painstakingly detailed the entire interior myself....I walk around my van smiling with my arms crossed and wash cloth thrown over my shoulder.  I wink at people as they walk or drive by so that they know that this sweet ride belongs to me.

Knowing all this, it should come as no surprise to you then, that I always have my gas topped up, and my oil changes up to date.

A few months ago, I took my van in for its regular oil change.  As always, I had a million and one things to do, and was very pressed for time.  So I decided to try an oil-change drive thru. 

I had never been before so I was curious as to how long it would actually take.   I made sure to grab a magazine and a large coffee because I was convinced that this would take much longer than their advertised "9 minutes or less".  Pfffftt!  Ya right.

As I pulled up to the building, there was a sign that directed me to drive around to the back.  Hmmm.... this was a little sketchy.   Perhaps their plan is to drug me for several hours and then when I wake up, it'll seem like the oil change was only 9 minutes.....?  I figured this probably highly unlikely though, so I proceeded.

As I pulled the van around the back, the garage doors to the drive-thru immediately started opening.  And as they did.......... I was surprised at what I saw.

I saw 6 handsome young men dressed in coveralls all standing and waiting for me to pull through.

Good God! 

What is happening here?

This was very unexpected.  I expected old, overweight mechanics covered in oil stains.  This was far from it! 

I suddenly became very self-conscious.  In a panic, I changed the stereo from Ricky Martin to Guns N Roses.  And then I quickly glanced at myself in the rear-view mirror.  If there was time, I'd re-apply my lips.....but I feel like that would be a little too obvious now .....and possibly a little too sexual....?

I pulled the car into the garage while one of the guys motioned for me to keep coming closer.  After he motioned for me to stop, one of the other young men ran to open the door for me.

"Hello Miss.  How are you today?"

He offered his hand to help me out of the vehicle and then took my keys.

"Umm....I'm fine...thank you"

And then suddenly I felt my inner charm come out.  I flicked my bangs out of my face and in one smooth move pulled off my sunglasses and threw my purse over my shoulder.  I walked away from the van and felt my flowy skirt swoosh from side to side.  It was all so glamourous......in the oil-change drive thru.

Just so you know, "Charming Leo" only comes out once in a while.  I never know when she's going to make an appearance, so it's always a nice surprise.  Some days everything goes off without a hitch, and I'm super sexy and romantic.  But most days I end up walking into a car just as a handsome man says hello to me.  I'm very often a complete disaster.

Anyway, back to the oil change.  I waited off to the side while my van was being serviced.  I pretended to look at my magazine but was sneaking peaks at the cute guys tending to my car. 

I couldn't help my mind from drifting.......

The large garage doors slammed shut.  A spotlight suddenly beamed onto my navy blue Dodge Caravan.  Six gorgeous men in tight white shirts, black pants and leather jackets all jumped onto the hood of the car.  And before you know it, a young and sexy John Travolta runs out and starts singing Greased Lightning.  I then waltz in all sexy with my big poufy platinum hair, super tight leather pants, 5 inch platform sandals and whisper...."tell me about it, stud".......

"Ma'am??  Ma'am??  Your van is ready."

My body jolted back to reality and I cleared my throat.

"(ahem!) Yup! Yes!!  I'm here!"  Oh brother.  Disaster Leo has returned.

The cute man at the counter looks at me for what seems like an eternity and smiles.  He probably thinks I'm a complete moron.

"That'll be $33.50"

I hand him the money and he says,

"I hope we'll see you again."

I grab the receipt and he walks me to my car.

I think to myself....oh....you'll see me again Mr.Greased Lightning......

The men are back in their 6-person line-up and saying good-bye as I get into my car and drive away.   

Whoever thought of this oil-change drive thru is a genius.  

And also a woman.


A week later my friends and I go out for dinner and then dancing.  It was a stressful week for all of us and we just needed to unwind and have a little fun. 

We were dancing in our usual circle when I felt a tap on my shoulder.  I thought it was my friend bringing our drinks back from the bar, so I turned around mid-dance.  I was thrown off when I came face to face with a very cute guy.  I knew him from somewhere.....but I couldn't place him.

"You don't remember me, do you?"  he said, obviously noting the confusion on my face.

I smiled but scrunched up my face and shook my head no.

He said "I remember YOU."

And then suddenly it hit me. 

"Oh!  You're the guy from the Oil Change place!  You gave me my receipt!"

He started laughing.  "Well, I actually own the place" and then he paused for a second, "You know...... you created quite a stir when you came by last week".

"Me??"  I acted surprised.

I wasn't really surprised though.   Charming Leo is really quite fabulous.

"Can I get you a drink?  Red wine?"

I smiled and nodded.

I checked him out as he walked to the bar.   

And all I could think of was how happy I was that I tried that oil-change drive thru. 

I mean........you just really can't beat that kind of customer service ;)

For more hilarious clubbing adventures, check out:

I bet you look good on the dancefloor


Tuesday, 12 August 2014

Tragedy? Or just spoiled rotten?

It was one of those mornings.

Molly was at my bed at 5:30am.  Lola followed close behind.  Against all my wishes for a longer sleep, these 2 little people had somehow convinced me to get out of bed. 

I made it downstairs, and with both eyes closed, managed to prepare breakfast for both girls.  I only opened half an eye to make myself a coffee.  I was tired.....but I didn't want to get burned.  Remember that whole McDonald's fiasco?  I knew I wasn't going to get a million dollars if I spilled coffee all over myself this morning.

By 7am, I had already dealt with 2 of Molly's tantrums and spilled milk.  I felt like crying but remembered that saying "Never cry over spilled milk".  So I whimpered instead. 

By 8am, I was involved in a lengthy negotiation with Lola over which outfit she wanted to wear to the zoo.  Her outfit made her look like a 90-year old lady going to "games night". 

By 9am, Molly was arguing over which shoes she wanted to wear.  Apparently Mommy's leopard print stilettos were going to be "puh-fect fo da zoo".


I filled the van with toys and movies and snacks in an attempt to keep the girls quiet for the 1/2 hour drive. We had a brief argument over which DVD was going to play on the way there.  Molly wanted
The Little Mermaid, Lola wanted Mermaid Tale and I wanted Finding Nemo.  Hey....if I was doing all the work, I should be rewarded with a little Ellen Degeneres humor right?

It was 9:30am by the time we picked up Mama.

Mama jumped in the car, cheery as always and asked how my morning went.

And with that "invitation to vent", I exploded.  I went on and on ...and on about my horrible morning.  

"....and then Molly screamed over a toy that Lola was playing with.......that's when I spilled the milk.........then I walked into the dishwasher.....look at my leg??!!  LOOK AT MY LEG!  This is gonna be one NASTY BRUISE! My morning was a tragedy Mama.  A Goddam TRAGEDY!"

I was so angry.  This morning couldn't get any worse.

Mama sat quietly listening to my rage.  And when I finished, she took a long, slow breath and in a very calm voice she said.....

"Dis is not a tragedy.  Do you vant to know what iz a tragedy?  Tragedy is growing up in Poland in communistic times, vere nobody had anyting.  Der was no money.  Der was no food in da stores.  Vomen vit babies had to line up at 5am just to get a small loaf of bread and a piece of meat.  My fadder had to bribe a store owner for supplies like toilet paper.  Ve had no clothes, no DVDs, no big cars, no "Treehouse TV", no barbies......ve had nutting!  DIS is a tragedy."


And just like that, my morning went from tragedy.......to pure guilt.


Growing up, my sister and I were always taught to appreciate everything we had.  Very often we were told stories of my parent's upbringing and challenging times in Europe during the communistic regime and World War 2.  

As a young boy, my father was forced to live in a small war camp with his father and sister and 30 other people.  By the age of 7, his mother had already passed away from Tuberculosis.  The conditions were horrible.  There was nothing to eat and definitely nothing to play with.

My parents worked very hard to teach me that life is not always fair......a lesson that I am still learning to this day.  But when it comes to the materialistic side of things.....somehow society had gotten the better or me.

After Mama had put things in perspective for me, I turned around in the van to look at my kids.......but instead was hit with a sea of pink and purple "things".  DVD's, toys, books, games and computers.....all packed into one vehicle for a simple 1/2 hour car ride.  And somehow, I was still frustrated.

I couldn't help but wonder. In a world where we strive to have it all....and end up with an excess of "stuff".......are we really making things better?  Or are we just spoiled rotten?

When I compare how my mother raised me to how I am raising my children, the differences are shocking.  

Yes, I am a loving and compassionate mother to my children like Mama was to my sister and I.  But back in the day, there were no playgroups, or YMCA's or Early Years Centers.  We only had one car and my dad used it for work, so we couldn't go anywhere far.  There was no money for fast food, or expensive coffees, so my mom slaved away in the kitchen all day preparing healthy meals and home-made snacks.  I had one Lego set and a few Barbies and 3 teddy bears.  I played alone while Mama cooked and cleaned and folded.  It was up to me to stay entertained.

Now, compare that to how we raise our children today.  Our children have it all.  Most homes not only have bedrooms for the children, but they have separate toy rooms for the kids.  And usually these rooms are filled to the brim with toys that are probably replaced with new ones every 6 months.  Even in the past 2 years where things have been financially strained for me, my children have never gone without toys or teddy bears or TV.  Even without personally spending a dime, my children are constantly showered with elaborate gifts for their birthdays and Christmas from family and friends.  Heck, even Valentines Day and Easter come with their own set of presents nowadays!

Almost everyday a playdate or excursion is planned.  Moms are running themselves ragged.  But at what cost?  We are exhausted.....and we end up teaching our kids that what we have is never enough.

When it comes to raising children, I think sometimes I need to step back and look at how Mama did it.  

She didn't have my fancy van with all the bells and whistles.  She didn't have a stroller that opened and closed with the push of one button.  And she certainly didn't have TV, or DVR's, or Netflix.  

But there was NEVER a day that I didn't feel like I wasn't the most important thing in the world to her.  Somehow, without all this "stuff", Mama figured it out.  She did it all.......and on top of that raised 2 happy and healthy kids.


The other day I took the kids to the beach.  In my rush out the door, I completely forgot the sand toys.  I was so upset with my absent-mindedness.  How the heck would the kids keep entertained for all those hours?  

Well, I guess the kids are smarter than me.........because they spent hours having fun and building sand castles with......their HANDS! 

Can you believe it?  ;)

I think when it comes to parenting, I have to remember that even without all the stuff, the kids will be alright.

Because I can recall that some of my best memories as a kid were spending all day in a bathing suit by the water and playing in the wet sand.

I guess some things just never change :)


This blog is dedicated to one of the funniest comedians I've ever watched.  Robin Williams, thank you for always making me laugh.  You are already missed.

Wednesday, 6 August 2014

Take back your suit.

For 2 years, I have been fighting.   

I have been fighting for justice in a lengthy court battle that by now should have made me fall apart.

But it has been 24 months.....and somehow, I have not fallen apart, even though I continue to be challenged nonstop.

Just recently someone heard of all the nonsense that I am still dealing with daily and she said, "And you're STILL smiling and laughing??"

It made me stop and think.  Yeah!?  How the HELL am I still smiling and laughing??

Now, don’t get me wrong, it was not always like this.  When I first got separated, I didn’t know if I would ever smile again.  I had no clue why my life had gone down the path that it did and I couldn’t seem to shake the feeling of devastation, pity and sadness.  Remember when I blogged about that dark room 2 years ago?  Well,  I was living in it.....day after day after day.  I couldn’t smile, I couldn’t laugh and I was overcome with fear.  I also became very worried that I had lost my Leo-spark forever.   The only thing that gave me some sort of happiness and desire to go forward during that dark period of my life were my daughters........and watching IRON MAN.  I watched it over...and over....and over again.  For some reason, watching a sexy man blow things up made me feel better about my life.  

Now you’d think by now I would have finally got some resolution in court.   

Well, I haven’t.   

And if you are in a battle like me,  then you have 2 choices.  You either give up and give the other party everything that they want (which is TOTALLY unfair), or you keep fighting for justice.  

 I refuse to give up.  And I also refuse to let this fight take over my spirit.

I remember the moment I made this very poignant decision in my life.    

I was in the middle of watching IRON MAN 2.  Of course I was.  Tony Stark was in court and the government wanted him to give up his Iron Man suit.  He said "Well, you can't have it!" and then blew a kiss to the politicians.

I turned off the TV and sat in silence.  

A year and a half of feeling sad and feeling sorry for myself was enough.  


It was time to take my suit back and not let this fiasco get the better of me.

And with that conscious decision, I took back my life.  And I started laughing again.  I laughed with my girls. I laughed with my sister and Mama.  And I laughed with my friends. 

And with each laugh, and each smile and each positive thought, more came my way.

I suddenly remembered what it felt like to be happy again.  And it felt good. 

And with my happiness, my power returned.

I had definitely noticed the positive change in myself  but it seems that everyone else noticed it more.  For the past few months, not a day had gone by without someone commenting on my strength and my happy demeanor.

I am writing this blog today not for myself, but for everyone who is going through a very difficult divorce.

Do not lose your spirit.

Do not let them walk all over you.

Stand your ground and be strong.

If you are worried about your reputation or what your ex is saying about you...... don't.  Smart people will figure things out.  Goodness always shines through.  

Make a conscious decision to smile, lift your head up high, and live positively and truthfully.  

And don't.........I repeat........DON'T.....let anyone take away your suit.

Cause that shits YOURS!!!

And for anyone trying to take it from you...........Tony Stark has something for you.......

MUAH! ;)

Tuesday, 29 July 2014

Sh*t show shack

As all Canadians know, our summers are very precious.  Very, VERY precious.  Most of us cherish and value the sun and heat, especially after a long and brutal winter like the one we just had.

I think back, only for a brief moment, to one morning when I walked the girls to school in a nasty blizzard in January.  I came back home with my mascara running down my cheeks and my lips imprinted on my scarf.  I looked like Tammy Fay Baker.

I quickly shake my head to get rid of that horrific image, and go back to drinking my coffee and staring out at the lake on one beautiful and sunny summer morning. 

I have shared with you before my love of our family cottage and my need to go there to "ground" myself.  

We spend as much time as we can at the cottage before the ugly cold weather sneaks up on us again.  It is always a lovely getaway.  Well......almost always. 

Being at the cottage for a weekend with your 2 kids, mom and sister is a ridiculous adventure all on it's own.

It motivated me to share with you my next top 20.  Cottage edition.  

Enjoy :)

1.   The drive to the cottage is a short 2 hours.  The scenery is beautiful and breath-taking.  It can be a lovely and calming drive.    But add kids to the ride, and your drive is twice as long and extremely annoying.  We stop 5 times for various reasons....kids need to pee, kids need to poo, kids need to eat, Molly's pillow falls, Monsters University stopped working, etc, etc.  I look at my sister at one point who sighs out loud while staring out the window.  Her hand is on the door.  I'm afraid she might jump out.

2.  We make yet another stop at Tim Hortons.  Coffee and timbits are essential right now.  Mishi and Lola get into an argument over which timbits are best .....chocolate glaze or powdered.  This is a very serious debate between them.  But obviously they're both wrong....timbit dutchies are BY FAR the best.  Hands down.  No question.

3.  We finally arrive at the cottage.  Molly has her first tantrum:  her kiddie pool is not filled with water.  I'm not sure if she assumed that the forest elves would do this for her while we were en route to the cottage?  I never bothered asking her.

4.  Our dog Bruce Lee (the most beautiful dog ever) is taunted by a tiny chipmunk.  Bruce runs one way looking for him and the chippy runs the other way.  At one point the chippy was eating nuts out of Lola's hand and Bruce ran right by them.  I never said he was the "smartest" dog in the universe.....just the most beautiful.

5.  There are mosquitoes everywhere.  One sits on my sister's face.  I smack it really hard.  She yells at me.  I yell back saying that I was trying to save her from malaria and then walk away.  We don't realize until hours later that the mosquito carcass is still stuck on Mishi's face.  

6.  Molly has her second major tantrum.  She wants to jump off the dock without a life jacket..!!??  Who does she think she is?  Michael Phelps?

7.  We go for a long boat ride.  Ahhhhh....nice and relaxing.  After a beautiful 1/2 hour drive all around the lake taking in the scenery, it's time to head home.  We are parking at our dock when Bruce "the wonder-dog" decides he can make the 1/2 meter jump from the boat to the dock.  He jumps.  He doesn't make it.  His front paws hit the dock, but his back end doesn't even come close.  He is hanging on for dear life.  I try to help him but his booty is too heavy to lift up.  He was also blessed with Mommy's bootylicous body ;)  He finally falls into the water and swims back to shore.  I....on the other hand....am lying on the floor of the boat laughing so hard that tears are pouring down my face.  Bruce walks away humiliated.

8.  It's time for a drink (can you believe we still haven't had one yet???).  I pour myself a lovely glass of red wine and head down to the dock.  Mishi decides to go for a swim at the same time.  She calls up to Mama, who is in the cottage, to throw down a clean towel for her.  I take a sip of my wine and place it next to me on the dock.  Ahhh.....life is good. And then suddenly.....  SMASH!!  Mama, without looking, threw the towel down to Mishi........and it landed directly on my glass of wine. The towel immediately soaked up the delicious liquid.  Sigh.  Mishi quickly grabs the towel and starts washing it by smacking it against a large rock.  She laughs and says "Look at me washing this!  It's like the old days!!"  I cannot laugh.  I'm too sad by what just happened.

9.  Our outdoor patio set umbrella collapses on us during dinner.  I am almost decapitated by the stupid thing.  Mishi and Mama suddenly turn into the "Fix It Guys" and wire the whole thing together.  It looks amazing.   I am very proud of them.  The only problem is that now the umbrella will stay permanently open.  That's ok.....it's not like a giant storm and wind will come and take it away or anything....?

10.  A giant storm and wind comes and takes the umbrella away :(  We find the umbrella upside down in the middle of the forest.  It is still perfectly intact and still open.  Mama picks it up and yells "Help me!  It might take me away like Mary Poo-ppins!"

 11. The next morning, I overhear a conversation between Mishi and Molly.  Molly picks up her fishing rod and says "Miti.  I'm bettah den you".  Mishi answers  "Like, in fishing?  Or in general?  Molly replies "In dzeneral".

12.  Lola finally figures out how to work her toy bow and arrow.  We are very impressed with her posture and aim.  Unfortunately, she becomes SO good that we lose the arrow somewhere.  We find it 2 days later floating in the lake.  We now refer to her as Katniss.

13.  Bruce Lee continues to be taunted by the chippy.  We name the chippy Alvin.  Alvin runs in front of Bruce, does the "Macarena dance" and scampers off.  And all we hear in the distance.....in a teeny, tiny chipmunk voice is "loserrrrrrrrr!  hahahahahahaha!".  Chipmunks are nasty creatures.

14.  Each night we put Lola and Molly to bed.  Lola in one bedroom and Molly in the other.  Somehow I end up on the couch every night.  As I'm falling asleep I think to myself, "How did I end up on the couch??  Am I in trouble?? When did this shift of power occur?? Well, at least it's quiet now."  And then I hear thunder roll in.  Sigh.......

15.  One afternoon we notice that tons of boats are racing towards our bay.  We all wonder what could be going on?  Then we hear sirens.  Shoot.  There must be a fire somewhere!   I...... determined to be the hero of the day, start running down our dirt road to find out what's going on.  I get halfway down our long driveway but need to stop to take a breath.  To be continued......

16.  I finally catch my breath, stand up and continue running.  I make it to the end of the road and realize it's much too far to run after the blaring sirens.  When I make it back to my family, they are shocked as to why I'm breathing so hard.  I tell them not to worry about it. We finally find out that it was just some nosy cottagers trying to get our mansion-cottage neighbor in trouble for burning a large fire on his property.  Ahhh, gotta love neighborly disputes in cottage country eh??

17.  Molly tantrum #3.  We make Molly a roasted marshmallow, which she wanted.  When we finally go to give it to her, she throws the marshmallow and the stick in the dirt and screams "I didn't want it WOAH-STED!!!!"  I swear to God.........we will not survive these terrible twos.

18.  Bruce Lee finally catches the chipmunk!!      Pffft!!  As if.

19.   Mama and Mishi enjoy a vodka martini one night before bed.  Mama keeps saying how it "really helped her stomach and dat's vy she had such a good sleep".  Only a Polack would say something like this.

20.  Our visit to the cottage is almost over.  After all the shenanigans and chaos of the weekend, I decide to spend my last few hours alone with Lola.  I take her to a place that I visited over and over as a kid.  A place that brought me so much joy and so much excitement over the years.  A place that challenged your fears.....and eventually conquered them.  Lola once again impressed me with her confidence and courage.....and she did something that I would NEVER do at her age.  At the count of 3......we jumped.......and we never looked back ;)

Tuesday, 22 July 2014

Bad buoys, bad buoys, whatcha gonna do?

There are a lot of luxuries that one can enjoy in their lifetime.

Getting pampered for the day at a swanky spa, being treated to dinner at a very expensive restaurant, or spending a couple of weeks at an extravagant all-inclusive resort down south. 

 But even though all of these luxuries are upscale and blissful......there's nothing quite like spending a day on a yacht.

My good friend and her husband are the proud owners of one such luxurious water craft.  And luckily for me, I keep getting invited to join them on their lake escapades.  Their "lake-capades".   Clearly they love my cheesy sayings and jokes and that's why they keep inviting me.  Sayings like "lake-capades".  I mean, you really can't blame them.


This past weekend, my friend, her husband, my sister Mishi and I went cruisin' on a water adventure.  

We ended up at a popular gathering for boat enthusiasts.

I have learned through my many visits to my friend's boat, that boat owners are all very similar.  Watching the "captains" of these vessels is very interesting, and has sparked many ideas for me about writing a blog just on them.  It has also made my friend's husband feel very uncomfortable as I watch him closely and document his every move while on the boat.  

Log.  Day 1.   10:30am - Captain has just picked up binoculars to spy on a bigger yacht that just pulled into the Bay.  He is now cursing aloud.  I believe this is boat behavior for "jealousy".  Please await confirmation.

But although I have gathered a ton of data on this topic, to my friend's husband's dismay,..........I do not write of that today.

Today, I write of a different topic.

Today I write about.....BAD BOYS.


We had anchored around 10:00am.  The day was young and I was feeling relaxed and ready to soak in the sun.

We had attached our friend's boat to 2 others, and soon we were friends with our new boat neighbors.  

By 12pm, we were in our bikinis and dancing at the back of the boat.

At one point, one of our new boat friends asked if he could take a picture of us? He proceeded to tell us that he needed a picture of the "girls" in order to lure one of their guy friends who was too lazy to make his way to their boat.

We happily obliged.

We had no idea what the photo looked like, but clearly it was good, because this guy quickly made his appearance ;)


A few days later, I got a message from one of my guy friends saying that he had seen the picture.  Apparently, some friends from the boat were friends of mine.

He soon starting asking about my dating situation and that of my girlfriend and sister.

There was only one catch.  

This boy already had a girlfriend.

My good friend was with me when I received the message, and grabbed my cell out of my hand.

This girlfriend is one of my dearest friends and one of the sweetest girls you will ever meet.

She's also a firecracker :)

She texted back:  How's your girlfriend??

Suddenly the messages stopped.  

I think he got the hint.  We weren't interested in this kind of behavior.

But sadly, this happens all the time.

So it is up to us girls to stand up for eachother and help eachother in times like this.  Because sometimes the girl just doesn't know.....

And hopefully this guy's girlfriend will figure out soon enough that he's a bad boy.  And she deserves better than that.

I know not everyone is religious, but there is something to be said for following the 10 commandments.

But I guess if they don't want to follow the 10 commandments, there's another commandment that will eventually bite them in the ass........

the Golden Rule :)

Amen and Hallelujah!  

Tuesday, 15 July 2014

Fuzzy was he?

You question a lot of things when you're single and dating.  Will I ever trust again? Will I ever get married again?  And are there any good guys left out there?

I am still very much in a place where I don't really see myself settling down anytime soon.  My head and heart are still reeling from a very messy separation which I continue to be dragged through, against all wishes.  Add two incredibly active little daughters to the mix, and you don't really have any time to work on healing yourself.

But as the clouds in my life are slowly being lifted, I most definitely see a blue sky up ahead full of opportunities and success in my personal life and in my career.  But when it comes to this future "man" in my life.....he is still a huge mystery.  I think I see him.......but he is fuzzy.  Charming, but still fuzzy.

The one thing I very often wonder, is how I will meet him? 

As many of you know, when it comes to meeting men and flirting, I am incredibly awkward and a tad naive.   As I've written about before, I have been completely unaware of guy friends who have liked me for years, but I would have never suspected it.  In fact, it wasn't until I separated from my husband, that suddenly 4 very close guy friends asked me out on dates.  I was shocked at my naivety and even more shocked that 3 out of these 4 men were at one point married to close friends of mine!

I have often been told that guys are either interested in me or just checking me out, but if it's too subtle, sadly, I won't notice at all.

Over the weekend, I went over to my neighbour's house for drinks.  A delightful couple who I have gotten to know well over the past year of living in my cute, new town-home.   They had invited over another couple, so the 5 of us sat until the wee hours of the morning drinking and sharing stories and laughing.  We were making fun of the fact that our street is nick-named "Lovers Lane" because of all the divorcees, when Natalie asked me about my cute neighbor.

"Oh.  Yeah.  He's super cute!  We chat all the time.  But I think he has a girlfriend." I said while taking a sip of my delicious vodka drink. 

"Aww, that's too bad" said Natalie's best friend Sonya.  

"I hear he has a great job.  Cute AND successful!"  said Natalie with a wink.

"I know right?  He came over with his daughters the other night for a play-date.  I thought that was nice."  I said while taking another sip.  
Someone needs to take this drink out of my hand immediately.

"Wait.  What??"  asked Natalie's husband.  "He came over?  To your house?"

"Yeah.  Why?"  I stopped drinking to look up and see smirks all over my new friend's faces.

"Leo!  He clearly likes you!"  yelled Sonya.

"No he doesn't!  He has a girlfriend!"  And even though I said the words myself, suddenly I didn't believe them.  

I have to admit.  It did seem strange that he showed up that evening unannounced....... looking very handsome I might add.......

But I still wasn't sure.  I needed a guy's perspective on this one.

I whipped my head towards Sonya's husband, "What do YOU think?  You're a guy....AND a Dad.   You would bring your kids over for a random playdate to your neighbor's house right?"

He started laughing.  "Leo.  The guy is into you.  For sure.  There's no question".

My eyes grew wide.  And I couldn't help my lips from forming a little smirk.  

Natalie laughed at my expression while taking the empty glass out of my hand and replacing it with another delicious Grey Goose concoction.

I'm still pretty confident that this cute neighbor of mine has a girlfriend, and until I confirm that he doesn't, this person is off-limits to me. 

But I did leave Natalie's house feeling giddy.

How I could not see that this man may possibly be interested is beyond me.  But that's the thing about me.  I would never want to assume something and then be disappointed.  I'd rather be slightly pessimistic and naive than be wanting something that might never be.

I walked the short distance to my home close to 2 o'clock in the morning.  My head was spinning from the vodka drinks that Natalie "forced" me to have.

But somehow I managed to get home, wash my face, throw on some pj's and climb into bed.

I thought of my fabulous evening with some hilarious and great new friends. 

The vodka drinks had caused my thoughts to be a little blurry.

But I couldn't help falling asleep with a smirk on my face.......thinking of a man ......

........who appeared to be a little less fuzzy ;)

Tuesday, 8 July 2014

Dat's not faiw!

At 7pm every night, I start the girls' bedtime routine.  It's all very smooth and relaxing.  We laugh and giggle as the girls skip up the stairs, brush their teeth, jump into the pj's that I have chosen for them, and then climb into bed for story-time.  And with no complaints from either girl for only getting to hear one bedtime story, we say our prayers, and then I give Lola a huge hug and kiss.  Molly then jumps on top of Lola and smothers her sister with love, saying "Dubai Lola!  Dood-night!  I luff you to infinity and beyond!!" and jumps out of bed and runs to her room.

I then tuck Molly into her "bid-durl bed", smother her with kisses and hugs, turn on her froggy night-light and leave.

I peacefully and happily skip down the stairs to the kitchen, make myself a camomile tea, and read a couple chapters of my book outside on the deck.

Now.....if you believed any of that.....then I've got a piece of land to sell you.

I will now share with you the ACTUAL events of a regular night putting L & M to sleep.

Enjoy.  Because I didn't!

"Molly, Lola!  Time for bed.  Let's get our pj's on!"  I am hopeful that tonight will go smoothly.

"NOOOO!!!!  We don't want to go to bed!!  One more show!!  One more "Arthur"!!!!

"No.  No more shows.  And if you don't listen, then you won't get any shows tomorrow."

Lola crosses her hands and storms down the hallway.  Molly grabs her Dora pillow, and runs after Lola.

"Lola!!  I'm donna beat you up the staiws!!!"

Oh no.  Here we go.  Lola sees Molly's little pudgy body bolting down the hallway, and Lola immediately goes into action.  She flies up the stairs in 3 big jumps.  She has made it to the top first.

Molly immediately starts screaming.  "Lola wonnnnn!! Wahhhhh!!  Mommy....Lola not faiw!!!!  Dat's not faiwwww!!!"

I look down the hallway at my kitchen.  My bottle of red wine is waiting patiently on the counter.  It whispers to me silently "Don't worry sweetheart.....I'll wait for you...."

I walk up the stairs holding the Dora pillow which got left behind during the 3-stair sprint.

"Molly.  Come brush your teeth."

"Nooo!!  I don't wanna bwush my teef."

"Then you don't get a story with us tonight".

"Fine.  I don't wanna stowy!"

Thankfully Lola brushes her teeth without any issues, gets in her pj's and chooses a story.  I quickly dress Molly and put her into bed.  

"I don't want bed.  I wanna stowy!!!"

I take a deep breath and look up at the ceiling.  I whisper to myself "Powerrrrr.  Powerrrrrrr"

And then I think that there is no way any other mother is going through the same nonsense as me every night.  I definitely have the most active and spirited kids in the entire universe.  (If you're a mom out there reading this....please tell me I'm not alone!)

After prying a toothbrush into Molly's mouth, I am confident that at least 2 teeth were properly brushed.  I'll get the rest tomorrow.

Molly then jumps into Lola's bed.  And I follow slowly behind.

But I already see that another Molly-tantrum is en route, for Lola has chosen the library book to read without waiting for Molly's input.

"Lola picked da boot!!  I didn't pit it!!!  Wahhhhh!!!!  Dat's not faiw!!!"

I end up caving and reading 2 books.  One for Lola and one for Molly.  During both stories, Molly is inching her way onto Lola's Dora pillow.  Lola finally realizes that Molly's blonde curly hair is on her pillow and she loses it.

"Molly!  Stay on your side!!"

Ugh!  It is now 7:45pm.  My energy is fading fast.  I need to get Molly to her bed before I fall asleep, and before any more drama can ensue.

I ask Molly to say "dood-night" to Lola but she decides to do everything else instead.  In 2 minutes, she has thrown the books off the bed, jumped on Lola's pink horse, scribbled on some paper at Lola's desk and knocked over a fresh basket of laundry.  She is as bad as a bull in a china shop!

I kiss Lola on the cheek, say a quick prayer with her, scoop Molly up like a football and head into her bedroom.

"Molly.  It's late.  You need to go straight to bed."

"But Mommy, I need a stowy!!"

Knowing that I will probably get tears if I don't, I start my story.

"(yawn)  Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess named Molly....."

"Noooo!!!  I don't wan a stowy about meeeee.  I want a stowy about Miti and hew twip to Sain Sopez!!!"

It takes me a couple minutes to realize that she is talking about my sister Mishi and her upcoming trip to St. Tropez.  This is what happens folks when you let your sister put your 2-year old to bed. 

Suddenly I am telling an elaborate story of Mishi and her friends on a giant yacht, drinking yummy drinks, and partying with Lil Jon.  

I know that Molly is satisfied with my story because within minutes her eyelids start fluttering.  And soon after,  I notice that her hands have fallen to her sides and then her breath gets deeper.  

Ahhhh.  Finally.  She's asleep.

I kiss her on the forehead and sneak out....trying not to step on the squeaky parts of her bedroom floor (a trick only mothers know!)

I stop at Lola's bedroom and see that she is also fast asleep.  I pull the covers up to her neck, kiss her on her soft, red, curly head, and sneak out.

I go downstairs to the kitchen and finally pour myself that much-deserved large glass of wine.  I sit down on the couch and turn on the TV.  It is now 8:30pm, and I have just missed one of my favorite shows, "New Girl".  

After a huge sigh, all I can say to myself is .....

"Dat's not faiw!"

For more ridiculous adventures with Lola & Molly:

new form of Starbucks
infinity and beyond 

express pass