Tuesday, 21 February 2017

Is there candy stuck in my hair??




This story is an "oldie... but a goodie" as my Tata would say.


Let's go back in time for a bit, shall we?  About 10 years ago....when I was working for a shoecare company.  


I did this part-time gig where I would go to high-end shoe stores and teach the staff how to use shoe-care products.  Usually the job shifts were early in the morning, before the store opened, so I would very often sleep over at my sister's condo the night before so that I didn't have a long commute the next morning.


As my sister and I were watching The David Letterman show the night of my sleep-over, I found that I finally hit my wall and needed to call it a night.


I announced to my sis that I was ready for bed.


"Ok! Sounds good." Mishi answered.  "I'll stay up a little, but I'm hitting the sack soon too."


My sister only had one bedroom at the time, so we had to share a bed.  


About 10 minutes later, as I was pulling up my covers, she snuck into the bedroom to grab her book.


I suddenly realized that it had been a long time since we were kids and had to share a bed....


"Sooooo......you still don't move much at night do you?"  I asked slowly and through gritted teeth.

"No....why?"  she answered.


"Well....it's just that....I'm gonna need you to stay on your side, ok?"  I nodded my head as I spoke (something I learned while doing sales in order to get the other person to agree with you subconsciously).


"Oh brother Ludge! Don't be dumb."  she rolled her eyes.


I continued talking to her as I sat up and began putting cream on my hands (for ultimate overnight moisturizing.  Dammit...I wish I brought my over-night moisture-gloves!)  


"It's just that, I REALLY need my space", I said making sure the cream was getting between each finger crevice.  


"Yeah yeah, whatever.  Goodnight Ludge"  

My sister was about to leave the room when I continued....


"Ummmm.......are you going to be watching TV very late???"  I asked nervously.


"Don't worry, I'll turn in down".  She said that with a smile but her voice was very aggressive.  I was confused by the happy face but angry voice  >:(


Nonetheless, I smiled back "Good!"  I said happily.  "I'll have my earplugs in so I should be ok, but just wanna make sure the volume doesn't go past......4, ok???  Actually, make that 3."


My sister again was about to step out the door, but I caught her just in the nick of time....


"Anddd.......just so you know.......I wear a sleep mask now.  So don't get scared if you look over in the middle of the night, ok??"


I grabbed my mask which had the words HOT TONIGHT on one side and NOT TONIGHT on the other, and I gently placed it on my forehead.


My sister again rolled her eyes.


Suddenly I felt very chilly.  I wasn't sure if it was the temperature.....or her uncalled-for attitude. 


I pulled the covers off of me and felt my toes.  They were freezing....as usual.....but slightly more freezing than normal.  "Hey, is your heat on???"  I asked "It's like, REALLY cold in here.  Could you pass me my socks??" as I pointed to my over-night bag.


My sister marched over to my bag, grabbed my fuzzy pink socks and whipped them aggressively at my head.


"Heyyy!!!" I yelled, "Take is EASSYYY!!!"

I looked at her sideways as I reached for the socks behind my head.  Then my sleeping mask fell off which I had to re-position.  Sheesh!  What a disaster!!


My sister finally left the room.


After a few seconds I said....


"Hey Mish?  Do you wear your hair in a ponytail at night??"


My sister yelled from the hallway.


"Oh my God Ludge!!  What are you talking about??"


I reached over to grab a bag which was on the nightstand.  "It's just that....my throat is sore........so I'll probably pop a Polish eucalyptus candy in my mouth before I go to bed.  Ya know.....just to soothe my throat while I'm sleeping.  I find that REALLY effective."  


I un-wrapped one of my favourite candies and threw it in my mouth and smiled.


My sister came barging back into the room.


"Ludge!! That's not safe!!!"  her eyes were massive.  


"No no!  It's fine!"  I said re-assuringly.  "I only choked once. But that was only like, for a second.   But what I'm REALLY worried about, is that the candy might fall out of my mouth  while I'm sleeping and possibly get into your hair....."


Now my sister was starting to look a little weird.  Her eyes were bugging out of her head again, and she looked very angry.  I honestly didn't know what her problem was?

"Please tell me you're joking??" she said in a very loud voice.


I looked up at the ceiling and threw my hands up and laughed.  "Yeah! I know right!  It  happened to me once.  Not in my hair!  But one morning I woke up, and it was stuck to my forehead!   I pulled it off with no trouble.  But it DID leave a stain on my head that lasted a few days.  But......I'm sure you'll be fine!!  It's just that you have really long hair........beautiful hair........and I just don't want anything to happen to it.  So maybe you can tie your hair up in a ponytail tonight??  Or maybe a bun?  A bun would be best I think."



Suddenly my sister lost it.


"ARE YOU SERIOUSLY TELLING ME THAT CANDY IS GOING TO END UP IN MY HAIR TONIGHT??  THIS IS RIDICULOUS!!  YOU ARE RIDICULOUS!!!!"


And with that, she stormed out of the room and slammed the door behind her.



Jesus.  What the heck got into her?? 


Why was she SO angry?



Her behaviour was beyond inappropriate for night-time.



Everyone knows that you need to be calm at night. That's the ONLY way you'll get to bed in a nice, peaceful way.  Otherwise you're just setting yourself up for tossing and turning and night-terrors.


Maybe I should teach her how to go to bed in a relaxed way??


Yes!!  That's what I should do!!


I will help my sister be more relaxed at night.


She really needs to just calm down. 




And with that, I turned off the light, pulled down my eye mask, stuck my earplugs in my ears, popped another eucalyptus candy, adjusted my fuzzy pink socks, pulled up the covers, turned on my sound machine, rolled over onto my stomache, stuck my hands under my pillow, turned my head to the side, took a deep breath, and went to sleep.



Some people should really learn to just CHILL OUT!!!


:)







Sunday, 12 February 2017

The Edge Walk.




Today's blog is continued from last week. 



So I'll give you time to go back and read last week's blog if you haven't yet.  

Because there's one thing that drives me mental......and it's people that skip my blogs and don't read the prequels.  

That's super lazy.  You don't want to be lazy, do you??

Not to mention, you are going to miss CRITICAL life lessons and facts about me.  

And you're also gonna be that annoying person asking "Wait, who's that??  Why did they go there?  Who's handsome guy?  Why do people call her Ludge?  Why is she afraid of blue pontoons??"  

So please stop being a crazy-pants and read the prequel.....and the rest of my fabulous blog entries.... and save us all that heartache.



THANK YOU!!!


Love, 

Ridiculous Girl xoxo

ps -  Sorry if that was a little harsh.  But it's only cause I love you.  And it'll make you stronger - I promise!






Ok.....if you've finally read last week's blog......then we can continue!! yay!!

ENJOY!!


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I sat on the dock biting my thumbnail and staring out onto the lake for a good 30 seconds, while Handsome Guy sat quietly beside me.  I knew he was watching me the entire time, but I couldn't be distracted or swayed by his good looks and mesmerizing brown eyes so I needed to NOT look at him while I made my decision.

I thought to myself......could I ACTUALLY go up on the CN Tower with this guy??

"Babe.  Don't worry about it.  I'll cancel it"  he said in the kindest voice.

"Wait!  Let me think!"  I said cutting him off.  I suddenly got all sweaty at the thought being over 1,000 feet above ground level.  

I needed some logistics in order to make up my mind.  

"Ok....just tell me.......how many people have died doing this CN Tower edge walk?"  I asked nervously.

"Like, this year?"  he asked.

My eyes bulged out of my head and my mouth dropped open as I whipped my head around to look at him.

"I'M KIDDING!!!"  he laughed.

"Oh my God!!"  I said as I punched his arm.  

"Nobody Ludge.  No one has died doing the CN Tower walk."  He continued to laugh under his breath as he waited for my decision.

I didn't know what to do.  

On one hand, I knew that I would probably have a TON of fun doing this with him - maybe we'd even make out at the top of the tower??  I feel like the tour guide would probably hate that.......and us........ but it would be SUPER sexy. 

But on the other hand.....I could die.  

Ughhhhhh!  

Why was Handsome Guy always challenging me with these life-changing decisions??  



But after one more minute of silence, I finally looked at him, and through clenched teeth and slight apprehension I whispered, "Ok.  Let's do it".

"Really??  You sure??"  he said in the happiest voice.

I looked at him and laughed and said, "No...I'm not sure at all!"

But once again, my gut told me that this was a life moment that I absolutely needed to seize.

I just wish I could seize it at maybe, like, 20 feet above ground level instead :/



------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


On our day of danger (as I like to call it) I was meeting Handsome Guy downtown Toronto.  

He said he needed to arrive a bit earlier than me in order to get things ready.  I didn't really know what that meant, other than the fact that he was making plans for our CN Tower funeral later that day.

But I was happily mistaken.

He had booked a fabulous Airbnb right downtown, and had a bottle of red and 2 wine glasses ready and waiting on the kitchen table as I walked into the condo. 

He dropped my bags on the floor and walked me to the table beside the window.  And as he poured my glass of wine, I finally looked out the window at our view.  And when I did, I gasped!

He laughed and said, "Pretty amazing eh?" and came up behind me and handed me the glass of wine.

For 10 seconds I just stared in awe at the most perfect view of the CN Tower..... which was right outside our window.

And I don't know if it was the CN Tower, or the wine, or my birthday, or Handsome Guy, but I was suddenly on a high.  

And then, as if it couldn't have gotten any better, he kissed me  ;)


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Before I knew it, we were being out-fitted in orange jumpsuits and being given instructions on what not to do at the top of the CN Tower.

Handsome Guy said he was nervous but didn't look it.

I, on the other hand, was probably green.  I was worried that I'd miss that one important instruction like "MAKE SURE YOU DO NOT TOUCH THE RED BUTTON ON YOUR ORANGE SUIT.  BECAUSE THAT WILL EJECT YOU FROM THE CN TOWER AND YOU WILL DEFINITELY PLUMMET TO YOUR DEATH".

I looked down at Handsome Guy who was sitting and smiling and watching the instructors yank and grab all the cords and hooks in order to make sure my suit was on perfectly.  

I whispered nervously to Handsome Guy "I have not listened to one single thing they told me.  And I feel like I'm going to throw up.  And I also need to pee".

Handsome Guy started laughing and said "Don't worry, I've been listening to everything".

And then the Australian instructor yelled in my ear "Did I hear you need to pee darlin'?? You'd better go now.  We'll be at the top of the tower for about and hour and a half!"

AN HOUR AND A HALF???  Why do I need to be at the top of the CN Tower for an hour and a half????  What are we gonna do up there??  Read a book???

Nonetheless, I quickly ran to the bathroom in my orange suit.  Only to come back to the whole group who was waiting patiently on the nervous blond girl.

Aussie guy yelled "GREAT!  She's back!!  Ok, let's go to the elevator folks!".


Oh brother.  

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


We all stepped into the elevator, which lucky for me, had a glass floor.

"Oh my Goddddd"  I whispered as I looked down at the ground which was disappearing before my eyes.  I pressed my body as close to Handsome Guy as I could because I was super nervous.......but also because he's hot.


We finally made it to the top level and then made our way into a very white, laboratory-like room with tons of computer screens.  It kind of looked like a room that Tony Stark would build the next generation of Iron Man in....so that was very cool.  But not cool when they strapped us into our orange suits even tighter and then connected us with several cables to a bar above our heads.

There were cables and ropes sucking me into my suit all over my body, and as I slowly followed everyone out the lab door, Handsome Guy grabbed my butt.

I looked back at him and winked "It looks good eh?" 

"Mmmm, It certainly does" he said with a rumble.

"Well, this is the last thing you'll ever see, you lucky guy! Nice knowing you!!" and I blew him a kiss as I nervously stepped out onto the ledge and looked down. 


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Our Australian tour guide was hilarious.  He cracked jokes nonstop and with no fear hung over the CN Tower's edge the entire time he spoke to us.  And then he announced, "Ok folks!  Let's do some activities now!!"

Activities?  I thought.  Like what?  Card games?  Crafts??  It's WAY too windy up here to play Gin Rummy.

"I want everyone to slowly hang forward off of the edge like this!"  and Aussie man put his protective rope across his chest and let go, and hung forward, completely hanging over the edge, as if it was nothing.

OH!  HELLS TO THE NO!!!!!

I looked back at Handsome Guy and almost cried.


But I'll tell ya ladies and gents....that there's this thing about me.  That even if I'm scared to death to do something, if someone keeps telling me to do it, I'll eventually cave.  Because I'm always afraid to miss out on what could have been the best experience of my life.  Even if it could kill me!

So I slowly, and carefully, and very cautiously tippy-tapped my little toes forward to the edge and after about 5 tries, I finally leaned forward :)  (By the way, watching that part on our EdgeWalk video later that week, had me laughing so hard that I had tears pouring down my face.  It's so embarrassing that I'll probably never show anyone, but I just wanted you to have that ridiculous image in your head.)


Handsome Guy and I had completed all of our activities with honours, and we were quite proud of ourselves.  And then Aussie guy gave us 15 minutes to just walk around and stare at the beautiful surroundings of downtown Toronto and get our photos taken.


As I stood staring out onto the city that I grew up in, I couldn't help but realize how beautiful everything looked.  And even though I tend to be one of those girls that very often has rose-coloured glasses on, you couldn't fake, or over-exagerrate how incredible this moment was.

And I was right.  I knew my 40th would be monumental......life-changing......EPIC.


And all it took was elevating myself just a little bit......1,168 feet above ground to be exact........and somehow I had found myself on cloud 9  ;)























Monday, 6 February 2017

Hail Mary.





There comes a moment in every woman's life that is monumental.  Life-changing.  EPIC.  

This moment has the power to change the way you think about yourself and every other woman around you. 

It is on this day, that you have the right to say that you have gained a certain notoriety.  A certain power, and a certain wisdom that your former self could not even fathom.

Of course I speak of the woman's 40th birthday.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was August 31st of last year, and I was packing for yet another fabulous weekend up at the cottage.  But this weekend would be extra special. Not only was it my birthday weekend, which, let's be honest, is ALWAYS fabulous (mostly because I force everyone to celebrate it nonstop for the entire 3 day long weekend whether they want to or not), but THIS weekend would be the weekend to end all weekends.  

This was my 40th birthday weekend.  

And I was ready and excited to bring the house....... I mean the cottage DOWN!!

I of course packed many unnecessary clothes, as I always did.  For some reason, whenever I packed for the cottage, I behaved as if I was packing for a 2-week long trip to Europe.  

Among the un-necessaries....I packed a few essentials - 3 Guns N Roses t-shirts, a brand new sexy bathing suit,  and my new low-tint aviator sunglasses.  

These gorgeous new aviators had absolutely zero UV protection and would be virtually impossible to look through in the glaring sun, but they were so f'ing cool that I'd be damned if I didn't wear them on my birthday weekend.  I would just have to squint extra hard while I wore them..........but not THAT hard that I'd create new brow wrinkles.  As one turns 40, she must ALWAYS be aware of brow wrinkles.  To all ya women out there.....write that down!  And....you're welcome.


Sadly handsome guy could not join in the festivities due to his work schedule.  Or at least I thought......


At work the following day my phone dinged with a new text.

Handsome guy:    So, I have a plan for your birthday.

Me:    You do..? 

Handsome guy:   Yeah. I was thinking....you, me and fireworks from your dock this Saturday?

Me:   But I thought you couldn't come????

Handsome guy:  I couldn't.  But I threw a Hail Mary to my manager today and she said no problem ;)


And just like that ladies and gentlemen, my 40th got a little sexier. 

And handsome guy kicked my sexy new aviator glasses' asses ;)


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

3 days later



It was a gorgeous and hot sunny day, and I sat on the dock in the blaring sun  (trying not to squint) while attempting to fix Molly's tangled up Dora fishing rod as the girls swam and played in the lake.

Handsome guy walked over just as I was cursing Dora under my breath.  He put his cell phone down on my towel (which was playing some very fun summer music) and sat down beside me.

"Whatcha doin?"  he said with a smirk.

"Trying to fix this stupid fishing rod" I said, "Dora's the worst!" 

Handsome guy laughed and grabbed the fishing rod from my hands and started taking it apart to fix it.

"So....I want to take you somewhere for your birthday" he said looking over at me while pulling the fishing line out.

"You do now?"  I said with a sly smile.

I was dying to know where he was planning on taking me, but the conversation was put on hold as my 5 year old interrupted our moment.  

Molly ever so gracefully (not gracefully at all), dragged a giant air mattress right beside us, pushing me out of the way.  She shoved her booty in my face as she shimmied the mattress between two spots of shade to steal the only perfect line of sun.   Her wet bathing suit body and matted wet hair dripped all over us as she awkwardly climbed onto the air mattress.  She finally lied down, only to lift herself up seconds later to grab handsome guy's cell phone,  which she then moved onto the air mattress right beside her....I'm assuming so that she could hear the music better.  She then lied back down, put her hands behind her head and with a smile, closed her eyes.

I looked at handsome guy and shook my head.

He laughed and went back to fixing the Dora fishing rod.

"So, do you want to know where I'm planning on taking you?" he said  "Or would you rather it be a surprise?"

"Surprise!" I yelled, "Definitely a surprise!"

"Ok."  he said, "You sure??"

"Ummmmmmm....no."  And I gritted my teeth and made an I'm nervous face.  

He laughed.  "Well, I've already booked it, but I'm a little worried that you may not want to go?"

"Of course I'm going to want to go! I know I'm gonna love it, no matter what it is!"

I paused for a moment, and then continued......

"But....it's not snorkling right?? Cause you know how freaked out I am about stuff under the water.  Remember that story I told you about when that blue pontoon got loose from that floating dock and sunk in the middle of our bay?  And then 2 days later I canoed over it????  Oh my god...worst day EVER!!  BLEH!"  I shivered and stuck my tongue out.

"Haha...no, it's not snorkling. And yes, I remember that story."  he laughed.

"Or bugs.  I can't do anything with bugs.  Like Fear Factor crap??  NO THANKS!"  again I shivered.

"Nope, definitely no bugs", he said confidently.

"Or heights!  Like I can't do bungee jumping or anything.  I would have a goddam heart attack!!"  

I noticed that a few seconds went by and he didn't say anything.  

Where was my answer of reassurance??  

I quickly looked over at Handsome Guy....who was staring and smiling at me.

"IT'S BUNGEE JUMPING???"  I said breathlessly.

"No."

"Oh thank God" I said relieved.


"We're doing the CN Tower walk."







.....to be continued ;)













Sunday, 29 January 2017

I am NOT just a girl. Well.......





In honour of this Sunday's SuperBowl....here's a throwback blog :)

(And good luck to Lady Gaga ....who NO DOUBT will kill the half-time performance xo)  

Enjoy ;)




In the last 10 minutes of Sunday's 49th Super Bowl championship, by overcoming a 10 point deficit, Tom Brady brought victory to the New England Patriots with a 28-24 win over the Seattle Seahawks.


Sounds like I know what I'm talking about right?  

Well I don't.

I have no knowledge of football whatsoever.  

Yet, for some strange reason, I cannot go a single year without missing the Super Bowl.  

The excitement and adrenaline of the match combined with the best concert of the year is enough to have me hooked on a sport that otherwise never interests me.

And once again,  I know absolutely nothing about football. 

Absolutely nothing......


-----------------------------------------------

Fall 1996



"Hey Leo!  Wanna join us??  We're going over to the field to play."

I looked over at my room-mate who was standing at the front door.  He was wearing a track suit and holding up some sort of large and brown ball.  

"Ummm...  I don't knowwww" I answered slowly and un-enthusiastically.  "I'm about to cook some perogies.....and 90210 is about to start...."  I then motioned my right hand towards the TV in order to exaggerate the importance of watching my show.


"Oh come on!! You've watched that show a million times!  Let's go!  It'll be fun! I'll wait outside for you."


He walked out, and our shotty screen door slammed behind him.






I rolled my eyes.  And then I threw the bag of frozen perogies back into the fridge. 

How I HATED when my friends tried to get me to work out with them.  

First the debacle of 1995 when the instructor had to stop the step class in order to walk me through each step while everyone else impatiently watched....and now this.  

Football.  Ughhhhh.  


Well, if I was going to do this....I might as well do it in style.

I ran upstairs, put my long blonde hair in a pony tail, threw on a cute sweater with our university's name across the front, and then finished the look with some red lipstick.


The screen door slammed aggressively behind me and my roommate stopped throwing the football in the air to look at me.

He laughed and shook his head.  "You're too much. C'mon, let's go!  Everybody's waiting for us."  


Within 10 minutes we were on the field and getting ready to play.   

We were given our positions (I forgot mine the second they told it to me) and then someone yelled  "Ok!  Are we ready?  Let's PLAY!!"


I suddenly panicked.

"WAIT!!"  I screamed.

My friends all looked over at me.

"What do I do if I get the ball??"  I asked nervously.

As if pre-planned, they all simultaneously answered, "RUN!!!"




The game began.  

I wasn't really paying attention.  I was just running around aimlessly, yelling when others yelled, and getting angry when others got angry.  

I found myself screaming at one point "DAMN YOU FOUL BALL!  DAMN YOUUU!!!"  I had no clue what I was saying.



But then, I heard it.  Someone screaming my name.  

I looked up into the sky and saw that large brown ball hurdling towards my face.

Gasp!!!

This was it.  

This was my chance to prove that I wasn't just a girl.  That I could wear red lipstick and be feminine and still score a touchdown (whatever that meant). 

This was my moment.

I felt like it was all happening in slow motion.  I took a deep breath, looked up, raised both of my arms in the air and watched through squinted eyes as the ball connected with my hands.

Oh my God.  Oh my God.  I did it!  

I caught the ball!!  I CAUGHT THE BALL!!

I stood there with a huge grin on my face holding the ball tight to my chest.  I couldn't believe it!  I felt so good.  So strong.  

I showed them!  I wasn't JUST a girl.  I was a FOOTBALL PLAYER!!  I could do ANYTHIN.......

"LEOOOOOO!!!!!!!" 

I turned around to see who was yelling my name, but was shocked to see an army of people running towards me.  They looked angry.  VERY angry.  Why was everyone so angry in this game??


I looked around in panic and finally caught the eyes of my room-mate.  And again, everything switched to slow motion.   As he slowly (quickly) ran towards me, he was mouthing the words (yelling) "RUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!"

Run??  Run WITH the ball???  He MUST be joking.

Now, because everything was in slow motion, I had a few seconds to think about things.  

I could take the ball and run with it and try to score a touchdown (whatever that was) and prove to the whole world (my group of 12 friends) that I was not just a girl and I could actually play a sport.


Hmmmm...?


Nope!


Instead, I did what came naturally to me.  


I screamed, threw the ball on the ground and ran back home.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I think I'll stick to what I do best when it comes to football.  Watching the Super Bowl once a year and proudly announcing to all of my friends the following day who won and who made the winning play in the last 10 minutes.



And when it comes to being 'just a girl'.....I'm totally ok with it.  Because at the end of the day, you have to define your own path as a girl.  

My path will probably never lead me onto a football field again.  Wait......let me rephrase...my FRIENDS will never lead me onto a football field again ;)


Anyway, there are some women out there who kick some serious ass on the football field.  And I commend them.  

But today, I leave you with a video of my own platinum icon who had her own way of showing that she was more than 'just a girl' at the Super Bowl.....


Enjoy ;) 



Oh, and enjoy this weekend's Superbowl :)

GO FALCONS!!!!


(Wait.....the Falcons are playing right???)






ps - this blog is dedicated to my BFF's hubby - and the BIGGEST football fan I've ever met!  This one's for you MIKEY!!!



Tuesday, 24 January 2017

Ruby Red





Every person comes to a moment in their lifetime when they realize that they have to let go of certain things in order to move onto the next chapter.

Especially when that next chapter is having kids.

Kids are amazing, but sadly, parents have to give up A LOT in order to give their children the life that they need and deserve in order to grow up to be healthy and happy.   For example, you can no longer live on pizza and chinese take-out when you have children.  You actually have to feed them HEALTHY foods.  And let me tell ya folks...it's a royal pain in the ASS!!  If I could only tell you how many times I have cursed while chopping cucumber and celery slices for my kid's school snacks at 11pm at night.  Grrrrrr  >:(

Anyway, I know that there are tons of parents out there who have had to sacrifice their own little luxuries in order to provide for their children.

For some dads, it's giving up on those week long fishing trips with the boys.

For some moms, it's saying good-bye to those monthly spa days.

For me, it was having to sell my sportscar.  My beautiful little navy blue Hyundai Tiburon..... which I was absolutely in love with.

Sigh......

That car was the BEST.

It could take you from 0 to 60 in like.............well.......I'm not quite sure??  I'm not good at that car stuff.  

But it was cute and FAST!  

I'll never forget the day I sold my little rocket racer.

I hated having to let her go.  But it was time for me to move on.....and get a new car that would fit a baby car seat, a stroller, and my new life.


I knew, at that moment, that I would NEVER love a car as much as my Tiburon.  And I balled my eyes out as we drove away from her .....




Fast forward to 2 weeks later, and I was in Cambridge picking up our brand new van.    

BARF!   

She was navy blue as well (my go-to colour for cars), but she was not little and sleek :(  She was big.  And boxy.  And boring.  

And Leo does NOT do boring.

And I'll never forget my drive home in that thing .......3 hours.....with a screaming baby Lola in the back seat.....the entire way home.  

I already hated my new van.



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But something funny had happened.

Over the next few years, I kind of developed an interesting relationship with my Dodge Caravan.  

She sort of became a really solid friend to me?  

She was always there for me.  She never broke down, she could fit like A LOT of gas in her (that's the technical measurement used by car manufacturers by the way), she could fit ANY new purchase that I made at IKEA (great success!), she played movies for the kids, she could download any song from one of those computer stick-thingy's (another technical term), and she could open and close doors with just the push of a button.

Not only that, but Nemo (yes...the kids and I had named her), became the go-to vehicle for all of our family and friends road trips.  2-hour treks to the cottage, 6-hour drives to Montreal, and endless commutes to the city and back were all courtesy of my new 4-wheeled friend.  Not to mention, Nemo was the limo, and a HUGE part of my EPIC divorce party weekend with my girlfriends in Niagara Falls.

Very often she was littered with Timbits, Bruce Lee's fur, DVD's, Dolce & Gabbana sunglasses, red lipsticks, kid's toys and Guns N Roses CD's.....but she NEVER once complained.  In fact, I think she secretly loved how much time we spent with her. 

And she didn't even cry when I held Molly's car seat against her side with my knee and accidentally scratched the whole passenger door.  Oops!

Anyway, she was a really good girl.

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But once again, it was time for that next chapter in my life.  

Lola and Molly were now well past the toddler stage....and I had out-grown the phase of my life which included baby car-seats, strollers and packable playpens.  And THANK GOD for that!  I no longer needed a giant 7-seater vehicle.  

And as my van approached it's 7th year of life, she had started to show her age, and major signs of wear and tear.  

At first I refused to acknowledge the signs.  The shaking on the highway, the vibration of the steering wheel, and the check-engine light that just refused to go away.

These were all normal little glitches, weren't they?  She'd be fine!!

Not even the torn off front plastic bumper which had wedged itself under my van and prevented me from driving any further......which forced me to pull-over and yank that thing out from under my car could make me think of getting rid of her.  

In my eyes, she was still perfect.

But it wasn't until my buddy, who borrowed my van one weekend, very aggressively said once he dropped her off, "Leo!  Get rid of this thing!  You shouldn't be driving it!! This van is not safe!  I'm pretty sure a wheel is about ready to fly off"

I whispered under my breath angrily, "maybe YOUR wheel is about to fly off....."  


But he was right.

I needed to move on.  

It was time.


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I did LOTS of research looking for my next new vehicle.  And by lots of research, I mean I played on car websites "building a new car" and determining what looks I was going for.  Exterior vs. interior colours, interior cloth vs. leather, sunroof vs. no sunroof and tinted vs. non-tinted windows.  These were all SUPER CRUCIAL deciding factors.

Some of the cars were too big.

Others were too small.

But the Mazda 3 was JUUUUUSSSSSTTT RIGHT :)

My test drive was ridiculous as the sales guy decided it would be fun to take me for a spin and give me a heart-attack while making a complete right turn at 70 kms/hour.

I was SOLD!

And it was that next chapter in my life, where I was ready to own a cute little fast car again.

"Ok.  We're almost finished completing the order here....." said the sales guy, as I excitedly tapped my fingers on the desk and shook my right foot, "OK!  Last question.  What colour??"  he asked finally.

I already knew I was going to pick navy blue.  I ALWAYS picked navy blue.  It was the perfect car colour.  Dark...and sexy.

But when I opened my mouth, I yelled "RED!!"

The sales guy looked and me and said "OK!  Red it is!"  

CLICK.

Well.  THAT was unexpected!


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As we went out to the van, one last time, the sales guy went on and on as to how I made the best decision and how amazing Mazda is, and how my van was literally about to fall apart, when suddenly........I felt it coming.

Oh no.

The tears!!

My throat suddenly closed up with a huge lump, and I felt my eyes welling up.

He looked back at me and knew right away.  

I needed to be alone with Nemo.

The sales guy nervously said, "Umm.  I've just gotta run inside for a second.  I'll be right back!"  And he ran away as fast as any guy could run away from a girl who was about to cry.


And as soon as we were alone, I burst out crying.

"NEMO!!  I love you sooooooo much! (wahhhh!!) I'm SO sorry I have to say good-bye!!  You have been (sniff), one of the BESTEST friends I could ever have!!!  Thank you for EVERYTHING you have done for me. (wahhhh!!!!)  I will NEVER forget you!!!  And I hope that the next people who own you are amazing and sweet and they love you as much as I do!  Or I hope you don't get shipped to Africa or something??  But if you do, I hope you get to see elephants and giraffes....because that's something I always wanted to see (WAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!).  Anyway Nemo, I love you.  The girls loved you.  Thank you!!"

And with that, I hugged my van, and said good-bye.  

In plain daylight.  Where everyone could see.  In the middle of the Mazda parking lot.

And I knew in that moment, that I would NEVER love another car as much as I loved my van.

I mean.....how could I???


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Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to introduce to you the newest member of our family.


Little Miss....RUBY RED.