Monday, 30 March 2015

One text too many.

As a single mom, my weekends with my children are filled to the brim with  activities.  Swimming, nature hikes, the park, pre-school groups and the library are just a few of the places we go to in order for my children to expend their insane amount of energy.  (Oh to have just 10% of it!)

A few weekends ago, after church, I took my daughters to an indoor play park.  Although the volume at one of these places is incredibly loud and not exactly relaxing for parents, it is still an incredible place to go to on those cold and rainy days.

About an hour in and I found myself watching Molly as she sped down a little ramp in her car.

"Mommy!  Watch me!!!"

Over and over she repeated her drive down the little hill.

"They can do that for hours eh?"

I looked up to see who was talking to me and noticed a guy standing not too far from me.  Probably my age ....and most definitely a dad.

"Oh, yeah!  Totally!" I answered back laughing.

And just like that, our conversation began.  

It was very easy to talk to him and I soon realized that we had a lot in common.  

I was kind of amazed at how much we had in common actually.  I was completely shocked when I told him that my favorite band was Guns N Roses and he eagerly announced that that was HIS favorite band too.

This simple fact blew me away. 

NOBODY likes Guns N Roses except me. 

In fact, everyone laughs at me when I tell them that GNR is the best band of all time.  I'm not quite sure why.....

As our conversation continued, Molly grew tired of her car and slide.  And as she began fussing and getting impatient, I knew it was time to go home.

I said to the guy,

"Well, looks like it's time for me to go.  Nice meeting you!"

"You too!" he said " you mind if I get your number?"

I had a feeling he would ask.  

I wasn't sure how I felt about him yet, but decided to give him my number anyway.

What could go wrong???


The girls and I got home around 4:30pm and I quickly got to preparing dinner.  

By 5:09pm I had received my first text....

Hey!  It was nice talking with you today :)

Although the message was sweet, it did arrive VERY soon after our initial meeting.

I decided to wait a bit before responding.   I didn't want this to become a let's text all night type of thing.  And I was definitely not interested in getting to know someone through choppy sentences mixed with emoji's and auto-corrects.

I wrote back at 7:30pm,  after putting the kids to bed.

Hey!  It was really nice chatting with you.

I immediately received his response.

Hope we can do it again soon.

I wrote back. 

Yeah, we should!

I waited a bit....and was happy to not receive any further texts.

Once again, I still wasn't sure how I felt about this person.  He was nice, he was cute.......but not sure it was the right fit.

Perhaps a coffee date in the next couple of weeks would give me a better understanding of who this person was.

But apparently a couple of weeks did not suffice for this guy.  For as I was preparing to start my work shift the next morning, my cell beeped.

I found it buried at the bottom of my purse and checked it to make sure it wasn't an emergency with the girls.

It was not. was a text from my Sunday friend.

Morning :)

Oh brother.

I immediately felt pressure to respond.....when I didn't really want to.  I mean, what was the point in writing back just as I was about to start work?  

I threw my cell back in my purse and started my shift.

At lunch, I decided to check FaceBook.  Between bites of my turkey sandwich I noticed that I had a new friend request.  Oooooh, I love new friend requests!  Who could this be??


Oh for the love......

Yup.  You guessed it.  My Sunday friend had already found and added me on my favorite social media site.  He had no idea of my last name or even the spelling of my first he had clearly put some time and effort into this.  

Of course, in a situation like this, an emergency call had to be made.  I gave my BFF the quick run-down of events over my lunch hour.

"Mandy.  Be honest.  It's too much right??  Or am I overreacting??"

She sighed and said "Well, it IS a little much.  But he's obviously a friendly guy.  Don't freak out about it just yet."

She knew what I was going to say back before I even said it.  But I said it anyway....

"But know meeeee!!"

My best friend, of all people, knows my personality inside and out, and knows that I have the potential to bolt at any circumstance that may weird me out.

"Just send him a text tonight.  Don't write him off yet!"

But once again,  I was not even given the opportunity to even remotely miss the guy.  For 3:40pm had rolled around, and yet another text had beeped through.


Oh gawwddd.  Why?  Why so many texts??

I texted my BFF for advice again.  

Too much right???

Her response.....and I quote.....

Yah.  I just.....yeahhhhhh.....

I couldn't understand the need for so much communication when we had just met the day before?  Why couldn't he just wait for me to respond?? 

And why did I feel soooo stressed out?   


As I drove home, I thought about his texts.  

They WERE nice.  Thoughtful.

Definitely too many of them in a 24 hour time span.  But maybe he just couldn't stop thinking about me??

I guess I couldn't blame him.

Maybe I was being too mean?

Perhaps I should still give him a chance?

Maybe I should just write the guy back and see if he wants to go out for drinks?

Then I'd get to know him in a better context.

Yes....that's what I'll do.

I won't discard this potential relationship just yet.  

There may still be hope!

My thoughts were interrupted by another text:

Forget about me already?  lol

Yah.  I just........ NO. 



Monday, 23 March 2015

Fingertips and faxing and zebras...OH MY!

I pulled into the driveway and right up to the back door of my new workplace. 

Lady Gaga was blaring on the speakers in my van.

I live for the applause, applause, applause...... 

I turned off the car and Gaga's voice temporarily vanished from the speakers.

I looked up at the building in front of me.

Here we go!!

I got out of the car, took a deep breath and looked up at the sign that hung over the front door.   MEDICAL CENTRE.

Eeek!  This was it!  First day of work! I was back in the game.

I walked over to the side of my van and opened the door to grab everything I brought for my first day of work.  Nothing crazy.....just a few essentials.  My lunch bag, purse, water bottle, makeup bag, coffee traveling mug, extra milk for coffee throughout the day, indoor shoes, chap-stick, hairbrush, hand cream....and a sweater......just in case I got cold.

I carefully picked up all my things, and balanced them as I made my way into the building.

I was immediately greeted by my supervisor, a lovely nurse who happened to be a 10-year veteran at the clinic.  I was then re-introduced to my new co-workers, all of which I had met previously at my interview.  The girls welcomed me with open arms, and within the day had shown me the basics of the job.

And by the end of the first week, I had quickly learned several things about myself at my new place of employment:

1.  I hate shredding.

When something was scanned or faxed, if we didn't need the original copy anymore, I was directed to put it into the shredding bin.  But the shredding bin seemed so I was afraid that once it was gone, then I'd realize that I needed it again....for whatever reason.  So instead of shredding those pages, I just kept a pile off to the side labeled "To Be Shredded".  It took my coworker a week to find my pile.  She just laughed and said "DO IT!" while pointing to the the shredding bin.  

I think I cried a little when I finally let go of those pages....

2.  It's ok to dress casual.

I was told that I could wear 'scrubs' at this job.  But for a Polack like me, who loves to dress up when going somewhere important.....this was a hard thing to accept.  But I guess it was important to dress appropriately for the job.  And of course I wanted to fit in and look like the other girls.  It was crucial that I learned to dress casually and comfortably for this fast-paced job.  I would need to put my Gwen Stefani outfits in the back of the closet and get myself some proper clothing.   

By the way....did you know that Walmart sells zebra-print scrubs??

3.  I have fat fingers.

You know those rubber fingertips that help you flip pages really fast?  Well, I've never used them before.  I always thought they were dumb.  Turns out...not so dumb.  They actually REALLY work.  I went from flipping like, 10 pages per minute to approximately....10,000 pages per minute.  And that's a pretty accurate guesstimate.  Anyway....the sucky thing was that my coworkers couldn't find one to fit my finger.  Apparently I'm a 'LARGE'.  The whole office laughed and laughed at my fat fingers.....'s ALLLLL fun and games when you have nice skinny fingers >:(

4.  I love to fax.

After a week and a half on the job, I was getting the hang of things!  My coworker began testing my knowledge of the job by showing me a form and asking what to do with it.  I was doing pretty good until she showed me a report that totally stumped me.  "Ummmm...I fax it??".  She looked at me patiently and said "no".  I had to step away for a few minutes to help a patient and when I came back to her, she was still waiting for the correct answer.  Forgetting what I said the first time around,  I looked at her and said "Ummm.....I fax it?"   
I did this about 3 more times until she threw her hands up and burst out laughing.

Apparently I love to fax.


Two weeks into the job and I was feeling pretty good.  I had learned almost everything I needed to know for my role ......and I continued to be the Queen Bee of faxing.

I was helping one of the patients when my coworker came up behind me and whispered "Dr.B wants to see you".

"What??"  I whisper-yelled back.

"Dr.B!  Go!!"

Dr.B was the owner of the clinic....and the man who hired me.  A man who we rarely saw but who was always around.  He was the reason the clinic ran so perfectly.

I jumped off my seat and ran up the stairs.  But at the top of the stairs I stopped.  I immediately felt nervous.   Why did he want to see me?  Was I in trouble?  Did he learn about my obsession with faxing?  Did I fax too much??  Are my fingertips too fat for this job??

I looked down the hall and realized that I forgot how to get to his office.  I had been there only once weeks before for my interview.  

As I walked down the hall, the location of his office had suddenly come back to me.   But then I thought of something else.  What if he wanted to give me some patient info?  I'd need a notepad .......a pen....something to write his message down.  I can't go to him empty-handed.  I'll look like a fool.  A damn fool!!  

I ran back to the nurses office and stole her post-it pad and purple pen from her desk.  Perfect!!

I smoothed out my zebra-print scrubs, took a deep breath, shook my hair out of my face, and walked right up to his office door.  

The door was open and his back was facing to me.  He looked very large.  Very intimidating.  I got nervous again.  I hoped to God he wasn't firing me.  But if he was going to, it was a good 2 week run.  Not really something I could add to the resume......but if I did, I'd probably write:   A short-lived, yet incredibly valuable learning experience...........


My thoughts were interrupted when Dr.B turned around and saw me standing like a deer in headlights.

"Hi Dr.B!  Nice to see you!"

I sat down and expected the worst.  

Dr. B had asked how I was doing with the new role and how I was adjusting.

"It's great.  Really great.  The clinic is amazing.  And the staff have been so incredible.  AND everything is getting faxed on time....."

My nerves were getting the better of me.  I tried to get back on track by coaching myself internally....  Calm down Leo.  Get a hold of yourself!  Faxing is a VERY important part of the job.

Dr. B continued...

"Well listen Leo, I just wanted to tell you that the feedback I'm receiving from the nurse and the rest of the staff is that you're doing super.  I knew you would.  You're a smart girl and I knew you'd fit in here perfectly."

After a few more fabulous comments from Dr.B, I practically skipped out of his office.....light as air...and with a massive smile on my face.

His words repeated over and over in my head....

I'm super...and smart....and I fit in perfectly!! Tee hee!!

I skipped past the nurses office and almost arrogantly threw the post-it and purple pen back on her desk.

Pfffttt.  I had NO doubt!!





Tuesday, 17 March 2015

The next chapter....

For almost 6 years I have been a stay at home mom to my 2 little girls.  Although at times I went a little cuckoo trying to cope with a lack of sleep, temper tantrums, and the incessant high-pitched voice of Dora the Explorer, I would still not go back and trade those years for anything else.  I am incredibly grateful for the amount of time that I have been able to spend with my angels and be by their side as their grew up before my eyes.

But.... I always knew that there would be a day that things would change.  That eventually, I would flip the page of my book of life and realize that the chapter had ended, and a new one would begin.

That page was recently flipped.  Exactly 2 weeks ago I started a new chapter.  

My new job.


The night before my first day at work, I tossed and turned in bed.

My heart was racing.

What have I done?  I thought to myself.  How am I going to do this?  How can I possibly work and still manage to take care of my children and my home?  There is NO way I'll be able to pull this off.  I'm sure there are NO other women out there who work AND have children.  This is a total and complete impossibility.

I pictured my first day of work as a complete train wreck.  Staring at my supervisor as she tried to explain the computer system to me.  And then being too afraid to ask " do I print something again??"

I finally sat up in bed and did the only thing that would calm me down.  

No...I didn't hit the liquor bottle.  I said a little prayer.

God.  Tomorrow is my first day of work.  But you probably know that already.  Please don't let me mess up.  Give me the strength to know how to stuff.  And if they fire me, please let them do it privately so that I don't get humiliated.  Or throw me out the door and onto the street like they do in cartoons.  Thanks God.  Amen.

And with that, I fell asleep.



I jumped up as soon as the alarm started blaring and turned it off.  No 'snooze'ing' for this girl!

This was it!!  My first day at work.  

I stretched, yawned and then got right to my new morning routine.

My breakfast was pre-planned, a toasted bagel with pb & j....a personal favorite.  No sense in changing a breakfast that was already so perfect.  

My pinterest lunch was prepared and packed.   My travel mug ready to be filled with Folgers coffee for the commute, and my outfit all laid out.....right down to the socks :)

I rushed around and managed to accomplish everything in under an hour flat....and that's including perfectly drawn-on eyebrows ;)  During that time Mama had come over to help and the girls had made their way down the stairs with bedhead and eyes half-closed ;)

Saying goodbye to the girls before I left was the most difficult part.  I hugged and kissed them for what seemed like an eternity.  I knew that starting a new job would be good for me but it felt awful knowing that I was about to walk out the door without them.  Lola had tears in her eyes while Molly just screamed "Whyyyyyy???"  :( 

I hugged and kissed them once more and told them that I'd see them soon. I reassured them that they wouldn't even know I was gone....even though we all knew that was a lie :(

Even though I felt horrible leaving them, I knew that there was nothing more I could do.  I dedicated 6 years of my life to being a stay-at-home mommy,  and I knew in my heart that it was time for me to do something more.  Something for myself.  

As I was about to close the front door behind me I heard "Mommy!  Wait!!"

I pushed the door back open to see Lola standing there in her pj's with something in her hand.

"Mommy" she said very confidently "I'm very proud of you for getting a job.  Here, take this.  It's mine.  But you can have it for work".

As I looked down to see what Lola was handing me, my eyes filled up with tears.  It was a red and white Canada pen that Lola had found in a storage box at my mom's house.  It was one of my Dad's old pens.  He loved Canada and collected anything and everything with the Canada flag on it.  We very often laughed at my Dad's obsession with his Canadian paraphernalia.  But now....I realized that there was no coincidence that Lola had chosen, out of all of her pens, to give me this one to take to my first day of work.

I gave Lola a huge hug and whispered "Thank you angel".

I held the pen tightly in my hand as I walked out the door, wiped the tears from my face, and got into my van.

As I pulled out of the driveway, I imagined flipping the page of my book and seeing that my chapter had come to an end.

I will never forget my 6 years at home with my babies.  I will always have the most beautiful memories of being there for their first word, their first step, and their first day of school.

But now it was time for me to have a first. 

I put the car in drive and started on my new journey.  

And as I drove down the street away from my home and towards the sun rising, I looked down at my hand at my brand new pen.

And I thought, how ironic?

That without knowing, my little girl had given me something so perfect to write my next chapter with ;)

Stay tuned for next week's entry.  My first 2 weeks at work :)


Tuesday, 10 March 2015

Lookin' for something more....

One morning, on a Saturday, I was trying to get my housework done.  But I kept getting interrupted.

First I heard the girls fighting over a fancy dress.  Then over sparkly heels.  Then they fought over the remote.  By the fourth complaint, I couldn't take it anymore.  The screaming, the yelling, the was too much.  It was giving me a headache.  I wanted to scream For the love of God - SHUT UP!!  

But of course I didn't.  There was no point.  I mean, how could they possibly hear me if they were on TV?

Obviously, the girls I speak of are not my sweet little daughters.  

Instead, they are the over-indulged and media-obsessed Kardashian sisters.


Over the years I have gotten into the habit of watching Keeping Up with the Kardashians on the Saturday mornings that I don't have my kids.  I enjoyed having a show on in the background that was completely opposite from my life.  The glitz, the glam and the money were all a fun escape from my mundane reality of vacuuming, dusting and folding laundry.

For some reason I couldn't get enough of the ridiculous and self-absorbed story lines.  Scott and Kourtney's love-hate relationship, Khloe's super rushed marriage to Lamar....followed by a super rushed divorce,  Kendall's rise to fame on the catwalk, Kylie's transformation from teen girl next door to a voluptuous sexpot, and of course....who can forget Kim?  And her tumultous relationship with Reggie.  And Chris.  And now Kanye.

As if this wasn't enough, let's not forget about the drama with Rob's weight, Bruce's transition to a woman, and Kris's obsessions with being the spotlight ....I mean, "momager" of this family.

With this much ridiculousness, it's no wonder that Keeping up with the Kardashian's has just renewed their contract with E! network for a whopping $100 million dollars.  


When I couldn't take the arguing and drama anymore, I put down the mop, marched over to the TV, grabbed my converter and changed the channel.  

And with that, my home was suddenly quiet.  

The drama had disappeared and the noises were gone.

I took a deep breath and my body and mind relaxed, for the first time in over an hour.

As I scrolled through the guide to find another show, I got to thinking.

Watching The Kardashian's was incredibly unhealthy for me.  It was unhealthy for my mind, my body and my soul.  Not only was it was filled with nonsense, drama and negativity, but I realized that the problems were never solved.  No one actually got any resolution.  In fact the issues just perpetuated, but were temporarily band-aided with cold "I love you's" and "I'm so over this's".

I knew their lifestyle was different than mine, but I didn't realize until that moment how different their mindsets were from mine.

I couldn't possibly spend another minute filling my brain with the stress and drama of this show.  God only knew I was still dealing with the stress and drama of my own life.....I didn't need anyone else's.

I needed to watch something that enriched my life.  Something that would add value to it.  Something that was bigger than life itself.

I stopped scrolling when I saw it.   I mean....her.


Suddenly she is taking up my entire television screen and appears to be talking as if only to me.  And her presence immediately fills my whole house.

As she explains her path to success, she reminds the audience (me) that we ALL have the potential for greatness. 

That we all have an energy in us that is connected to God and to the universe.  And if we can tap into that energy......who knows what we are capable of and what success is in store for us.

She says that only divine intervention can explain her "trajectory to success".

And as pictures of Oprah as a young girl are shown while she speaks in her soft, yet confident voice, I am reminded of how difficult this woman's life used to be, and how much she overcame to get to where she was today.  

Not only is this a smart and talented woman, but she is a woman who did not let fame get to her head.  Instead, she let her fame guide her to do more and do better in this world.

I'm realizing that I'm at a point in my life where I need to constantly be enriched.  There is only so much drama I can take.  And this is coming from a girl who is in love with and still completely obsessed with The Bachelor!

I don't think there's anything wrong with a little indulgence.  Like I always say, 'everything in moderation'.  

But at the end of the day, when it comes to choices, and who I'm going to follow as a role model and mentor.....I think I'd rather Keep up with Oprah rather than the Kardashians.

Tuesday, 3 March 2015

Jessie & Veronica

Continued from last entry.....


On Mama's last trip to Cuba, she decided to go alone.  She was slightly apprehensive at the thought of going to a new place without a companion, but I convinced her that she would be fine.  With her personality and outgoing nature, Mama would have no troubles meeting someone knew.

After her week away, our first question to her when she returned wasn't "How was the resort?"  or "How was the weather?" or "Was anyone else wearing the same bathing suit as you??" (a common annoyance for Mama). Instead it was "Did you meet any friends??"

Mama quickly responded.  

Now remember, don't forget the Polish accent....

"Oh my Lord, you have NO idea.  EVERY-BADDY vanted to be vit me.  I already knew 5 people coming off da plane.  Can you imagine?  Every-baddy was so nice.....but no one could beat Veronica".

I was listening to Mama while preparing 2 Folgers coffees.  I picked up the hot cups and slowly walked over to the kitchen table.

"That's great Mama!  I KNEW you'd meet people!  Who's Veronica?  A nice old lady??"

"Oh no!  Veronica vas dis young crazy girl dat I became, like, best friends vith.  We were togedder all da time.  She never vanted to leave me!  And she vas POLISH!  Can you believe dat??"  Mama stopped to take a sip of her coffee.

"Oh? She was young?  How young?"  For some reason this threw me off and I missed my mouth when trying to sip my black silk coffee.  The hot liquid split down my chin and onto my lap.

"Like tventy, I guess?  Vy are you making such a mess?  Don't you know ver your mout is?  Anyway, da craziest ting happened ven ve vere suntanning on da beach.  Dis guy comes up to Veronica and says "I didn't know you would be here?"  Turns out, dis is a guy dat she met on anudder trip!  She says she is not interessed in him, but I said to her "Veronica!  Dis could be fate you know!  Maybe he is da one??" .....

As Mama went on and on about her new best friend,  all I could think of the hell did Mama become Veronica's new best friend and protege, and even helped her find the man of her dreams, all in under a WEEK??  And on a hot, sunny beach of all places??  

What about me??  Did she forget that her first priority was to find ME a hunky beach man??  

This was entirely unacceptable.  Mama had a new best friend.....and it wasn't me.  AND on top of it all, this chick was younger that me!  This couldn't get any worse.

I took another sip of my coffee and missed my mouth again.



In the middle of choosing bananas at the grocery store the other day my cell phone rang.  I grabbed it and saw the caller's name.  MAMA.

"Hey Ma!  What's up?", I pressed the phone between my ear and shoulder and continued on my quest to find the perfect greeny-yellow bananas. 

"Nutting.  Vat are you doing?"

"Just shopping at No Frills.  Do you need anything from here?"

"Oh. You are at No Frills??"

Mama does this everytime. She repeats where I am, thinks about it, and then decides if this was a good decision on my part.

After a few seconds of silence she continues,

"Yeah I guess der are some good sales der dis veek.  I tink lactose-free milk is on sale?  And so is butter.  Do you need butter?"

"Um, no Ma.  Do YOU need anything?"  

"No.  I haf everyting I need.  So listen, I went to Jessie and Josh's last night.  Oh my Gawd!  He is really hilarious you know.  He answered da door vearing dis big sveater, but it vasn't a sveater, it has a huge blanket.  He said he vas really cold.  He looked like a bear!  I said to him Jessie, vat are you....a bear??  Ve laughed SO hard!!"

Jessie is Mama's OTHER new best friend.  A gay man who lives across the street from her and who has developed a relationship with Mama akin to a long-lost son.

I knew they were becoming close when I observed them together at my mom's Christmas party back in November.

"Jean!" Jessie yelled as he ran towards my mom, one hand holding a glass of red wine, the other hand motioning up and down towards her dress,  " You look fabulous!  Anyway, listen, do you know what's going on with that weird neighbor down the street?  The one we were unsure about?  Cause I think I have a theory."

Mama's eyes suddenly went huge and she leaned in towards Jessie.  "Vat's going on?  Tell me!"

"Wellllll, I'm just sayin'.....I see women going in.....but I don't see them going out.....?!  And you know how observant I am, right Jean?  I'm pretty sure he's a murderer."  Jessie lifts up one hand like a stop sign and rolls his eyes upwards as if to let the world know that he just figured everything out.

Mama purses her lips and slaps her thigh.

"I knew it Jessie!  I knew someting vas off!".

So......Mama's new best friends are a 20-year old and a gay man.  

And I was jealous.

And there was no way I could compete with this new talent.  It was impossible.

I know what you're thinking.  That I must be over-reacting.  

Really?  Is that what you think?

Then how do you explain the fact that my daily phone calls with Mama have dwindled down from 3 calls to a measly 1 call per day??  

How the hell can you build a relationship on only 1 phone call a day???


The other day, the girls and I were at Mama's.

Mama ran out of the family room and grabbed kid's clothes that she bought at Old Navy and excitedly showed them to me.

"Vat do you tink??  Amazing eh?  All for $2.97 each!  Der sales are de best!"

"Wow Ma!  $2.97???  That's crazy!!"  I was going through all her finds, "There are some good stuff in here!"

"Yeah I know.  But don't you luff da colours?"

"They're amazing!!  Thanks Ma!"

"Ok, vat about my hair?  I need to change da colour.  I'm sick of it you know!  Should I go darker or leave it like it is??"

I was sort of shocked that my mom was still wanting my opinion. 

"What do your friends think??"  I gave my mom a sideways glance to see if she knew where I was going with this.

"Vat friends?  YOU are my friend."  

And with that, I realized that it doesn't matter who is in my mom's life, because at the end of the day, I'm her daughter.   And nothing beats a daughter!  Daughters have a connection with their mom that is unbeatable.  Nay.....UNBREAKABLE!  

I said confidently...."You're right Mama!  You and I will be friends forever!  BEST FRIENDS!  Super Polish sisters!  We will never leave each other's side........"

I looked over at Mama, who had already left my side to go play with the kids.

Oh well.

At least she's tied to me because of the grand-kids.   

She's mine forever.....MOU HAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!


My fashionable Mama.  Playing at a kid's park.  Because that's how she rolls..... :)

Tuesday, 24 February 2015

Mama and her friends.

If you know me personally, then you most probably have met Mama, my hilarious and outrageous Polish mother.

If you have never had the pleasure of meeting her, then you most certainly have heard about her through my blog.  I very often insert comments about her endless advice, her fashionable style and of course, her hot red sports car.  

Since I was little, I always thought Mama was fabulous.  Not only did she look like a star, but she was by far the funniest woman I ever knew.  She always had ridiculous stories, outrageous theories, and punch lines that she could never remember.....which made the joke all the more funny.

And she was always the one to come waltzing down the stairs at our family parties dressed up as some gypsy goddess, covered in jewellery, and putting on the most hilarious show with her brother-in-law for all of us to watch and laugh.  And we did.

With an energy so contagious, it should come as no surprise to you that Mama seems to attract people to her all the time.

She is always meeting somebody new, and during our daily phone calls, she tells me her "new friend" stories.  But they are always so random and so all over the place that by the end, I always end up totally confused.

For example,

....and don't forget the Polish accent.....

"You know, I vent to take my car for a car vash today, because remember dat storm de odder day?  Remember all da slush??  Vell of course I had to drive into da biggest puddle you have EVER SEEN!  I vas so mad.  Anyways.  I took my car to Shell. Or vas it Petro Canada?  No. Shell. Because I had coupon for a free car vash.  Did you get dat coupon?  In da mail?  I got it last veek.  Go check your mail.  Ok.  So listen to dis.  I vas about to drive into da vash but I missed dat stupid ting you put your tires in.  You know, I don't tink dey design dose tings very well because you know how low my car is right?  It's not like your van.  You have no problem.  But my car, dat's a different story.  Anyways.  I finally got my tire in dat stoopid ting and I looked at da car driving out in front of me.  A lexus.  Remember dat voman I met 2 weeks ago at Vinners?  I told you about her husband who lost his arm in Germany.  He was der at da same time as Tata.  1945. Can you IMAGINE?  Anyways.  So she was in da kid's section and ve started talking because she has a grand-daughter who is 6.  Like Lola! Vat a coincidence! And den she told me about her Lexus and how she got into a car crash and dis guy scratched da whole back of her new car!  Can you IMAGINE?  So anyways, I see dis Lexus in front of me, vit a scratch and I knew it vas her.  I knew it!!  So after we were out of da vash, she was vacuuming her car and obviously I needed to vacuum too because of dis stoopid vedder. My whole carpet is covered in salt.  I don't even tink you can get dat out?  Can you?  Anyways.  So I get out and I say "Joanna.  Is dis you."  But I already KNEW it was her!  (Mama starts laughing to herself) And dis voman turns around and yells "Jean!".  Ve laughed SO HARD!  Anyways.  Can you believe dis story? And dat I recognized her car?  Dis is really unbelievable you know."

So.  I'm totally used to these stories. 

I hear them everyday.  No joke.  Everyday.

But if you are not used to this much detail, you are probably VERY over-whelmed with the number of facts that were thrown at you in one sitting.  So, please take a deep breath and meditate for a bit.  Gather your thoughts.  

I'll wait.


Ok.  You good?  


Let's continue.  

In a nutshell, Mama meets people everyday and everywhere.  People love her, they want to be her, and they want to be with her.

Now, normally I am very happy for my mom and her new relationships.  

But lately, Mama has made 2 friends that she seems to be talking about more and more everyday.

It started off small (like the above paragraph), but now the stories were getting longer, and the focus was only on 2 friends.

As she went on and on the other day about Jessie and Veronica, I started feeling something.  A weird tingling in my belly.  A feeling of unease and confusion.....

What was going on??

And then, I realized what it was.



To be continued..........

Tuesday, 17 February 2015

Lights! Camera! Ridiculous Girl!

It was time.

It was time for me to do the unthinkable.

Time to do something that I have dreaded doing for the past year.

Something that I wanted to put off for even longer, but knew I couldn't.

It took a nasty text from Mandy, for me to realize that I could not delay this inevitable task any further.

Babe.  You HAVE to change your Ridiculous Girl profile pic.  I'm sorry, but the selfie's gotta go.  It's horrible.  I love you. xo

I sighed and threw my cell on the couch and went back to watching The Bachelor.  I knew she was right.  I just wish I didn't have to get my pictures taken.  Especially now.  With everything I was going through, the last thing I needed was a camera inches away from my face.....revealing the darkness under my eyes and the worry lines I had recently acquired from the on-going stress of a separation in court.

Ugh.  Why did I need pictures?

Why couldn't I just write my blog and stay behind the scenes.  People didn't really need to know what I looked like, right?  My description is more than accurate. Tall, blonde, red lips.  Wasn't that enough?

But according to Mandy, it wasn't.  My BFF and personal public relations guru, insisted that the world needed to link a face to Ridiculous Girl.

I went back to watching my show.

I would deal with this 'photo shoot' at another time.

But first, I needed to finish my wine and then go wander around the mansion in hopes of finding The Bachelor Chris Soules so that I could score a one-on-one date with him before the other girls could.

I know what you're thinking.

I'd probably need 2 glasses of wine for that ;)

4 weeks later

"Oh my God!  I could see the professional lighting through your front window when I was parking!  This is so exciting!  Are you excited?? I'm SO excited!!"

I closed my front door behind Amy as she came into my front foyer.

I had asked my good friend to come over and help me with my hair and makeup on-set.....but I realized that I needed her instead to calm my nerves. 

"Aim.  I'm gonna barf."

"Oh stop it!  You'll do great!  C'mon, let's do this!" she grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the light.

As Amy and the photographer discussed looks and poses, I sat quietly on a stool waiting, and also mentally preparing myself for the shoot.  I repeated my favorite mantra over and over in my head. You're good enough.  You're smart enough.  And gosh darn, people like you.

For a girl like me who loves to dish details of her life without any filters, it is probably surprising to you that I hate being on camera.  I instantly turn stiff and uncomfortable.  This also goes for any situation in which I am being watched.......hence my inability to flirt and my general awkwardness in life.

But I don't necessarily see this as a bad thing.  

I would rather be slightly insecure in myself and in my looks than overly confident.  I think this strategy helps keep me real and grounded.  

I am also aware that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder......and I am the beholder every morning who witnesses my transformation from Gary Busey to Marilyn Monroe ;)

"Ok Leo, you ready?"

I stared at my photographer like a deer in headlights, completely overwhelmed by the set and by all of the attention that I was receiving. 

It was clear that at that moment, he was not going to get the shot that he was hoping for.

"Gimme sexy" he said from behind the lens.

I squinted my eyes and curved my lips into what I thought was a sexy smile.   

My photographer, who is also my dear friend sighed, walked into my kitchen and poured himself a glass of red wine.  Or at least that's what I thought.  He marched right over to me and handed me the glass and said, "Girl, you need to relax.  Drink this."

I know what you're thinking.

I'd probably need 2 glasses of wine for that ;)


Even though it started off rocky, the photo shoot ended up being an incredible success.  The feedback that I received from the pictures that I posted was just insane.

And I'm happy to say that it wasn't because of the effects of the wine....although that didn't hurt ;)

Sure I needed to loosen' up, but what turned things around was when my photographer finally asked,  "How do you want to portray yourself?  What do you want people to see when they see a picture of you?"

Well, that was easy.  

I wanted people to see a girl who could be completely ridiculous and completely glam all at the same time.  A girl who never takes herself too seriously, and who laughs at herself more than anyone else ever could.  And a girl, who's been knocked down more times than she can count, but continues to get out of bed every morning and work hard to show herself and her daughters that anything in life is possible.

And with that realization, the fears drifted away and my spark returned.  

And Ridiculous Girl suddenly came alive on set ;) 


For me, overcoming a fear like that begs the question.....what will Ridiculous Girl do next?  

Well, I'm not quite sure where my path will lead me, but I have a feeling that this journey is just beginning.  

And what I do know is that at the end of the day, with the right attitude, the right people and the right lighting.....anything is possible ;)

Thank you Amy and Biren for patiently waiting and helping me find myself in front of the camera that night.  You helped me turn my dreaded task into a fabulous reality xo