Monday, 16 January 2017
Dating after a divorce can be very tricky.
I've realized from many of my friends - both guys and girls, who have gone through a brutal separation - that there are varying degrees of dating intensity and dating timing after a break-up.
There are the people who immediately jump into another long-term relationship. These are the people that either luck out and find their soulmate right away.....or they just can't bear the thought of being alone for even a second.
Then there are the ones who date a different guy or gal every few months in hopes of finding that next right match. But sadly each one that they find doesn't suit their desires, so they quickly move on to the next suitor. With very little time spent alone.
And then...... there's me.
The girl who was jaded.
For those of you who have followed my blog for the past 4 years, you know that after my divorce, I went through a very dark time. And during that time, I guess I subconsciously closed off the idea of a future love. I remember telling friends and family that I would now be single forever - so they would just have to get used to that idea. I even temporarily toyed with the idea of becoming a nun......but I would definitely be the worst nun ever. And my halo tips WAY too often......
Anyway it took me months, actually close to half a year, to finally climb out of my dark space and want to get out again.
And when I finally did, my desire wasn't to meet a guy. As you can imagine, boys were the LAST thing on my mind. All I wanted to do was to have fun again.
LOTS of it.
And I did :)
But somehow, boys snuck into the mix again.....as they always do ;)
So there I was, single and divorced........but dating again.
It was a very confusing time for me though. The eternal optimist in me wanted so badly to believe in the possibility of a relationship again. But the jaded side of me kept whispering "don't bother, there's no point".
It's almost like the 'jade' was that little evil guy on my shoulder whispering negative comments when I tried so hard to be positive. And his only job was to keep reminding me that it's better.....and safer....to be alone.
Which one would think could make dating seem somewhat pointless, right?
But I dated anyway.
And I NEVER told any of the boys that I was dating how jaded I was.
Handsome guy and I had been seeing each other for a couple months and things were going just lovely. I had forgotten what it felt like to be with someone who made things so fun and so relaxed.
No matter what we did together, we just always laughed and kissed and enjoyed each other's company.
But, there always comes a time in a relationship where one wonders what exactly the other person is thinking.
And that's when the serious questions start to pop up. And things start to get a little heavy.
"Have you dated anyone since the divorce?" he asked me one night while we laid in bed talking.
I immediately started to get that nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach one gets when a very poignant question is asked. And I was worried as to where this conversation would go.
"Umm, a bit." I answered
"And what happened?" he pressed.
Ok, there was no way out of this. It was time for me to get real.
Well, I had 2 options.
I could either lie and say that I was the most absolute perfect woman in the entire universe and that it didn't work out with those guys because they just couldn't handle someone so incredibly fabulous and bigger than life.
OR......I could tell him the truth.
And tell him that I had the worst opinion of boys based on what happened with my ex-husband. And that it would probably NEVER work with me and any guy because I was tainted and a complete non-believer in love and the fairy tale ending. And that most likely I was sabotaging every single relationship that I had been in......because it was easier for me to just love myself....and be alone.
But I couldn't possibly say all that.
So instead I said....
"I guess.....I'm just a little jaded. And I hate saying that, because I hate that word, but I guess that's what I am".
And with that said, I didn't dare look at him.
I had already confessed something that I felt was so profound that I had not admitted to anyone else, and I was afraid to let him know any more ugliness about me, so I refused to look in his eyes. God forbid he look into my goddam soul and learn anything else 'real' about me that night.
So I just continued staring at the ceiling until he spoke. IF he spoke....
He was quiet for about 5 seconds (I counted).....but it felt like 5 hours.
And then he finally said, "Jaded's not so bad."
And then he pulled me close to him, right onto his chest, and wrapped his big arm around me.
After another 5 seconds he said.....
"So.... we're like dating right?"
I finally looked up at him and the biggest smile came over my face. I snickered and said, "Yup."
He looked down at me and said, "I'm not dating anyone else. Let's just date each other, ok?"
I bit my lower lip and nodded and kept smiling.
"Ok." I whispered.
And after we kissed, I put my head back on his chest.
And as I started falling asleep, I realized that he was right.
Being jaded wasn't so bad.
And maybe dating wasn't so bad either ;)
Wednesday, 11 January 2017
Once there lived a beautiful maiden named Ridiculous Girl.
Ridiculous Girl lived in a small and humble townhome in the suburbs in Ontario, Canada with her 2 lovely and rambunctious daughters.
Most days Ridiculous Girl was happy and boisterous, and just as exuberant as her girls. But lately, she felt different and out of sorts. Her energy had just...vanished, and she often found herself staring off in the distance waiting for something. But she didn't know what?
One cold December afternoon, she stood bundled up and shivering with her hands and chin propped up on her shovel handle as she lightly kicked the snow with her right foot. There was 2 feet of snow under her, and it continued to come down, but Ridiculous Girl was just way too exhausted to even think of moving any of it off the driveway.
When her neighbour, from across the street, looked over at her, she sighed out loud.
When he ignored her and went back to shovelling, she sighed even louder ..."SIGHHHHHH!".....and then accidentally (maybe purposely) dropped her shovel. Her neighbour rolled his eyes and then finally came over and cleared the lane for her.
Ridiculous Girl was so frustrated, but she couldn't figure out what was wrong? Even on her cold morning commute to work, she couldn't find the motivation to blare Guns N Roses or house music in order to get her pumped up for her 8 hours at the medical centre where she was often verbally accosted by patients. Instead, she just cranked the booty-warmer and trembled as she drove to work, all while angrily trying to find a spot through the ice to look through her front windshield.
"Where has my spirit gone?" she thought. "Is this the new low-energy version of me?? Had I gotten older and somehow lost my bounce?? And when have I NOT been in the mood to listen to Axl Rose or dance music?? Something is VERY wrong with me :( "
But one day, as Ridiculous Girl sat talking about life and the universe with her spiritually in-tune sister, it finally came to her.
"I AM SO FLIPPING COLD!!!" she screamed.
Her sister, who in that moment was probably meditating and thinking of star formations, practically fell off the couch.
Ridiculous Girl continued, "I am SO SICK of being cold. Do you know how many friggin' baths I took today??? THREE!! I took 3 stupid, insanely-hot baths!! With NO cold water! And the minute I got out, I was COLD AGAIN!! I CANNOT handle this ANYMORE!! The cold is literally sucking my will to live!!!"
And with that realization, Ridiculous Girl knew EXACTLY what to do.
And with a snap of her ruby red fingernails, Ridiculous Girl was in glorious and HOT MEXICO!!!
Now, when we said "snap", we actually meant:
A) a phone call to Ridiculous Girl's Mama to start organizing a fabulous week away, B) crazy, last-minute photos and passport applications,
C) arrangements at work to take extra time off
D) an appointment with the hairstylist where platinum locks were faithfully restored yet again.
So when we said "snap of the fingers", it was actually a goddam MIRACLE that this trip actually happened.
Ok, back to the story....
As Ridiculous Girl got to the resort, followed by her dutiful entourage; her 2 daughters, her sister and Mama (obviously!) she finally started thawing out from her cold and snow-ridden homeland.
It started with a drink being delivered at check-in. "Just FABULOUS", she thought as she took a sip of the delicious hibiscus concoction. And then Ridiculous Girl grabbed a pen from the concierge and wrote down in her notebook: Ask work to consider such hibiscus beverages throughout the day when patients get all angry-pants. I feel like management MIGHT say no, but try anyway.
Her happiness continued as she changed into an easy and relaxed outfit, consisting of a long and flowing skirt, tank top and sandals - MINUS the thick sweater, parka, scarf, hat, insulated mitts, Sorel boots and ski goggles. She threw her hair into an easy top-knot and skipped out the door with her entourage for a meal (that she would NOT have to prepare - yay!!) at one of the resort's restaurants.
The thaw of 2017 continued as Ridiculous Girl and her daughters slept in the next morning, then threw on their bikini's and made their way down to the pool where they set up loungers in the perfect sun/shade location to camp out for the rest of the day.
The children played for hours and hours in the pool while Ridiculous Girl periodically changed sunglasses (classic Ridiculous Girl move!), rotated from back-lying to front-lying (ensuring perfect tan coverage) and read part of Amy Schumer's latest book (did you know that she's an introvert?? who would've guessed, eh??).
With each hour Ridiculous Girl got more and more relaxed. By day 2 she even did the aquafit class at noon with Fernando the aerobics instructor. (Yes! Ridiculous Girl worked out!! Yet another miracle!!)
By day 3, Ridiculous Girl had gotten so used to the extreme heat that she was sipping a hot, capuccino in the afternoon, just like the locals did - without even breaking a sweat. May we add that the cappuccino was prepared by Jesus. Not the real Jesus of course..... that would be taking miracles to a WHOLE other level! But by the waiter Jesus. And we'd also like to add that the cappuccino was set on fire as it was served - but then we'd feel like we were bragging, so we'll leave that part out.
It was 4 days into her vacation and Ridiculous Girl had not taken ONE BATH to warm up. Not one!! She had just naturally become one hot tamale on her trip - and she was happier and more energetic than ever. She even felt like she could join the fire dancing trio that performed one evening - well, until the guy swallowed a flaming stick, and looked like he was about to die.....so then she decided to just stick to her very dangerous daily workout of her long, walk on the beach.
By the 5th day, Ridiculous Girl was on cloud 9. She knew everyone who worked at the resort by name,....Fernando, Miguel, Jesus, Miguel #2, Jesus #2, Miguel #3 and Jose, and happily skipped by as they presented her with gifts of Tequila, cerveza and sangria.
That evening as Ridiculous Girl and her entourage made their way to the beach to watch a mexican band perform (in their own-words) "classic rock", she could only hope and pray that her favourite band would be in the mix.
And as fireworks boomed in the sky, the band began playing "Sweet Child O' Mine".
And Ridiculous Girl went to Mexican heaven.
It was Ridiculous Girl's last night in beautiful Mexico, and what better way to celebrate the most fabulous trip, than a night on the town with her ridiculous sister.
Ridiculous Girl had finally shed all of her cold, winter baggage. And this Mexican seniorita was ready to PARRRRR-TAYYYYY!!!
She and her sister jumped out of the cab and danced their way into Mandala night club.
The tall bouncer tried to stop them to put on those ugly plastic club bracelets on their wrists, but Ridiculous Girl just pulled her hand away and laughed. Silly little bouncers!! Ridiculous Girl was on a whole other level....and she was practically untouchable as she danced her way into the VIP lounge :)
And just when things couldn't get any better, a song from her past boomed onto the speaker system.
The song, Toca's Miracle by Fragma blared, and it instantly took Ridiculous Girl back. Back to a trip 10 years ago with her girlfriends, in beautiful and sunny....and hot, Mexico :)
And Ridiculous Girl knew at that moment, that life was beautiful and filled with dancing, and family and friends and happy times.
And that miracles do come true :)
"TELL IT AGAIN MOMMY!! TELL IT AGAIN!!!!"
"No, my angels. It's time for you both to go to bed."
"AWWWW :( "
"Maybe tomorrow night. I love you Lola. I love you Molly".
And I kissed both of my daughters on their heads, pulled up their covers, and turned off their lights.
I stood at the door for a second and blew them a kiss and quietly snuck out.
And then I went to the bathroom.............to have another f'ing BATH!
Saturday, 31 December 2016
Top 20 New Years Resolutions.
1. Wear less red lipstick.
2. Don't swear as much.
3. Don't listen to Guns N Roses as if they just released new music yesterday.
4. Stop wearing track suits and UGGs like....everyday.
5. Do not eat Nutella from the jar anymore (Even though it is THE most delicious jar/spoon snack in the entire universe).
6. Start working out.
7. And stop calling the walk from the car to the mall a "workout".
8. Try a more delicate laugh. One that is less like a hyena or a Canadian goose and more like a sweet, little chickadee.
9. When nervous, do not bite nails. Instead, try a yoga inversion pose in which you hang upside down at your waist. Even if you are in a public place. People won't judge. I'm almost sure of it.
10. Read books that are not only found in the TEEN section of the library.
11. Watch the news. And not just the Life & Style Weekly updates that get posted to your Facebook page.
12. Drink no more than 1 cup of coffee a day. 2. 3. Ok....no more than 4 cups of coffee a day.
13. Learn how to drive and talk at the same time. (This one might take a few more years).
14. Stop burping in public.
15. Stop telling the same stories over and over....and over again. (Even though they are EXTREMELY funny and the whole world should be thanking you for telling such hilarity).
16. Stop taking lines from movies and using them as your own. (Again....even though they are EXTREMELY funny and the whole world should be thanking you for REPEATING such hilarity).
17. Stop rolling your eyes at your neighbor who talks to his dog like, all the time, but then tell your dog he's the most beautiful dog in the entire world and then try to pretend that the 2 situations are not the same because your dog really is more superior to all other dogs in the neighborhood....and should thus be spoken to like an adult.
18. Stop bleaching hair.
19. Stop blowing kisses or doing "ducky face" to the camera.
20. No more selfies.
There, all done.
By the way.......I'm not sure who these resolutions are for?
They're certainly not for me!
I just thought I'd be nice and throw some ideas up for you guys.
I will continue doing all these things in 2017....AND BEYOND!!!
Personally, I think New Years resolutions can suck it :)
HAPPY NEW YEARS EVERYONE!!
ps- shameless selfie WITH a ducky/blowing kiss face. TAKE THAT! ;) xo
Wednesday, 28 December 2016
As a mom of two young children, there are certain expectations to fulfill and certain events one must attend over the month of December. As November came to an end, I wrote up my list for said events using a gold pen on a beautiful memo pad surrounded in mistletoe and sprinkled with glitter. Well, to be honest, it was more like.... on the back of an LCBO bag written in black eyeliner, but that's close enough.
Anyway, here was my list:
1. Visit Santa at the mall. Also, make sure Molly does not pick out her own outfit or do her own hair this day.
2. Pick out Christmas gifts for teachers. Therefore, trip to the LCBO. Everyone knows that's the gift that keeps on giving.
3. Pick out Christmas dresses for the girls for Christmas Eve - don't forget the leotards like last year.
4. Decorate gingerbread houses with kids. Note: buy TWO houses this year to avoid tempter tantrum from Molly. "WHY DID YOU ONLY BUY ONE???????!!!! You know I like to decowate by mysewf!!! (WAHHHHH!!!!!)"
5. Buy Christmas cards. Note: don't forget to USE Christmas cards.
6. Decorate tree. In purple this year. And don't forget to buy fuzzy purple pillows to match the tree just like they do in Pinterest.
7. Bring fuzzy grey rug from my bedroom down to family room because that rug will look better next to the tree and fuzzy purple pillows. Then take a picture for Pinterest.
8. Decorate front of house. Try to beat that guy across the street who put up lights, a blow-up snowman AND a blow-up Santa on his front lawn. (note: go to Canadian Tire and buy 3 blow-up something's to place in front of house). Also, make those round ice balls you found on Pinterest using water, food colouring and balloons. First, find the directions on Pinterest. Then, take beautiful picture of front of house and put it on Pinterest for all to envy and wish they were like me.
9. Buy a new dress for me for Christmas Eve. Don't forget the leotards like last year! And start on green-smoothie diet IMMEDIATELY!!
10. Don't forget about the kid's school Christmas concerts!!
Ahhh, the school Christmas concerts. Every mom and dad's favourite night of the year!! Or in my case, TWO nights of the year.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this year I was that LUCKY parent who got to spend TWO nights at the school being entertained by tiny little people singing songs that we all love to hear over and over .....and OVER again :/ And even luckier for me, the nights were taking place a mere 3 days before Christmas Eve. No stress there, right??!
As the weeks in December flew by, I was surprised that I had accomplished almost all of the items on my list. The Santa photos had been taken, leotards (for kids AND Mommy) were purchased, teacher's wine bottles bought and wrapped, and fuzzy purple pillows and fuzzy rug all placed accordingly in my magical Christmas family fairytale room.
As over-whelmed and stressed out as I was, I had pretty much done it all! Well, except for the stupid Pinterest stuff. Just so you know, Pinterest sets unreasonably high expectations for the average woman and should NEVER be used as an indicator to how amazing you actually are. Basically Pinterest can suck it.
The night of Molly's concert, my mom, the girls and I arrived 20 minutes before the start of the performance. Not only had I successfully completed all of the items on my Christmas list, but I was even EARLY for the first concert! It was honestly a Christmas miracle. I had even made time to re-apply my makeup and do my hair for the occasion. And I looked good. At least I thought I did....
We dropped Molly off at her classroom and casually sauntered to the gymnasium. We were so early so I was positive that we'd get great seats....even if we took our time.
Unfortunately the nerd-alert parents who showed up 45 MINUTES before the start of the performance were the ones who actually got the great seats. Apparently arriving 20 minutes prior to a child's concert performance start means that you are sitting in the back row.
Like, the VERY back >:(
As Mama and I took off our coats and scarves and settled into our back-row seats, Mama looked over at me. She looked quizzically at my face.
"What Mama?" I said aggressively (already knowing that anything she said would not be good).
"Your face." she said with her Polish accent, "It looks very......yellow. What foundation are you using now? Is it the one I brought you back from Poland??"
"No Ma. It's L'Oreal True Match. The lady at Shoppers said it was a PERFECT match to my skin tone".
"Vell, not really. You should go back to using the foundation I got you from Poland. It's really da best."
I rolled my eyes and turned around to look at Lola who was running in the back of the gym with her friends. Maybe if I didn't look at Mama anymore then she would stop talking about how I looked. But I was wrong....
"Did you use dat blue shampoo on your hair again? Your hair looks very ....grey. Asually, maybe your face looks yellow because of da contrast betveen your skin and your hair. I don't tink you should use dat blue shampoo anymore."
"Ok Ma. Thanks" I said sarcastically.
But Mama continued.....
"You know....it is probably the fluorescent lights in dis gym. Dey REALLY show every-ting."
And with that last comment, she went back to looking at everyone in the crowd.
This is one of those moments where your mom THINKS she's being helpful, but instead she is documenting every single one of your imperfections and flaws knowing that you are forced to sit under this God-awful and intimidating lighting for another solid 15 minutes before the lights dim and the show starts.
I felt like a criminal at a police station in those movies when they shine the light directly in your face and yell, "WHERE WERE YOU ON THE NIGHT OF...???" And I'd quietly whimper "shampooing my hair with blue-toning shampoo and applying non-Polish foundation that was too-yellow.......WAHHHH!!!!!!!"
As the concert began, I quickly forgot about my blue hair and yellow face, and I sat up tall and proud to watch my little Molly dressed as a snowflake (or a snowman - I'm still not quite sure about that one?)
She took the stage like a superstar and belted out all of the words all while dancing her little booty off. She will DEFINITELY be going to the next Guns N Roses concert with me.
After Molly's class, the rest of the concert was very.......long.
At one point my friend's husband whispered, "How much longer is this thing?" to which his wife glared at him disapprovingly. I snickered under my breath.
Then he made a funny face and whispered "It smells like dirty socks in here." to which I burst out laughing.
Mama then leaned in and whispered "Tank God der is only one concert NEXT year", to which we ALL burst out laughing.
The show ended with the final class singing a song about falling snowflakes. The word "falling" was sung 7 times in a row. Ironically at the same time, we were all falling asleep....."falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling......."
By the second night which was Lola's concert, we had learned our lesson and showed up slightly earlier (like the nerd-alerts) in order to avoid being stuck in the cheap-seats. But instead of being the first to show up, we were forced to go to the back of the line which already had about 100 people ahead of us and had wrapped around the entire kindergarten area. It was very clear that we were attending the hottest event of the year.
But despite the extreme line-up, Mama and I ended up scoring pretty excellent seating. And we found seats right next to our good friends. GREAT SUCCESS!!
Mama told me I looked much better tonight and said that she was happy that I went back to using the Polish foundation. I was still using L'Oreal, but I dare not tell her.
Unfortunately Lola's class was one of the last to go on, and by the 4th class, I had become so incredible giddy and silly that everything set me off into a fit of laughter. The little girl who dropped her microphone and chased it as it rolled away. The backdrop that had fallen backwards off the stage (falling, falling, falling, falling, falling.....). The kid who's Christmas hat had dropped over his eyes but couldn't fix it because his hands were in his shoes acting as feet in a hilarious elf skit, thus singing blind-folded the entire 5 song-set. And the Chinese kid who had no idea what his lines were so he just stood there and bounced to the music with his eyes closed and the dumbest grin on his face.
All of this had me laughing so hard that I had to hold my stomach in a crunched position as tears poured down my face.
I had gathered myself together enough to video-tape Lola's performance (which I must say was impeccable) but the camera still jittered from my shaky-laughing hands. My snickering in the background of that video will forever be part of her performance :)
Christmas can be crazy. Wait, let me rephrase.
Christmas IS crazy.
It is the absolute nuttiest holiday of the year. And the expectations of what one should accomplish or how one should look during the month of December is just completely ridiculous.
Come to the think of it....I think Christmas and Pinterest.....and maybe Mama are all working together???
Anyway, we all try our best, and we all try to make it as perfect and beautiful as possible, but it doesn't come without it's stresses, frustrations ......sometimes boredom....and the occasional smelly sock ;)
And watching those concerts made me realize that those kids could honestly care less about the way they looked, the way they sung or whether there was a back-drop behind them or not.
So from this Ridiculous Girl....to all you ridiculous people out there, I hope your Christmas was filled with love, laughter, friends, family, bad hair, bad makeup, smelly socks, and thousands upon thousands of Christmas carols (which I will always love and to which I will ALWAYS roll my eyes at!)
Monday, 19 December 2016
So since posting that last blog about "handsome guy", I have literally been hounded everyday by all of my acquaintances and readers wondering who this man is and what happens next between us.
Well, I will not divulge his name........ but I will tell you what happens next.
Now, normally I would never post 2 back-to-back updates like this. After all I've gotta keep you guys guessing and in suspense for that next entry ;)
And what I would've normally done would be to post a blog in between about something else that was ridiculous and hilarious..... like how I purchased my new car.
But I really feel like although you would LOVE my car post (that's a given), that's not at all what you want to read about right now. Am I right??
(I can hear you all screaming YES!)
So let's post-pone my Mazda blog and get down to the nitty-gritty.
The handsome guy.
ps - this is a disclaimer to all of my cousins (including handsome guy's best friend) that things may get a little heated in this entry. So don't say I didn't tell you so!!
After our first date, we both left craving more. And it wasn't long before we were planning date #2.
A couple weeks later we went to a restaurant near my home, in which the food and wine were almost as yummy as he was.
I was amazed at how quickly I turned into a completely giddy school-girl around this person - for even though I am a self-admitted awkward nerd, for the most part I am very cool (again - self-proclaimed).
But seriously speaking, I don't date often because it is very rare for me to find a guy who gets me all "fajumbled"....in a good way.
And this guy did just that.
But that wasn't all. He was also very kind, sweet and very respectful. And for me (and most women) that goes a VERY long way.
I also think this guy really liked me too.......
Halfway through our date, he smiled and said "wait right here", and ran to his car. He came back one minute later and handed me a shiny round gold token. It kind of looked like a poker chip.
"Just something I picked up for you from my trip last week", he said.
On one side it had a picture of 2 red wine glasses on it. On the other side, was my name - Leo.
Yup, he definitely liked me.
When we got to my house, he started to walk me to my front door. But THAT, ladies and gents, was as far as he would get!
Yes, the chemistry between us was undeniable, but I did not want to do something I'd regret. After all I really liked this guy.
So before I opened the door, I smiled and pointed right at his face and said "Now listen! This...is as far as you're gonna get ok? This is just to kiss me goodbye, THAT'S IT!"
He started laughing and with a smooth, rumbly voice he said "Got it."
And he pulled me towards him, and like a gentlemen he kissed me goodbye...................for over an hour ;)
The following weekend I went out shopping with my girlfriend. As we stood in line at Starbucks ordering our $17,000 coffees, she asked me how things were going with handsome guy.
"Excellent." I said, "I really like him. He's great, very fun, very sweet......and...." I looked at her sideways and whispered "very sexy...." and I started giggling.
The barista handed me my super expensive latte and he smiled.
Clearly I wasn't whispering quietly enough, so I mouthed the rest of the words to her. "I can't be alone with him! I don't trust myself! This guy drives me crazy!"
"Well, remember what Steve Harvey says in our book. Wait 3 months!" my girl-friend Jace said assertively ....and a little aggressively if I may add.
I thought of the book that I often referenced to all of my friends as the mecca of dating guidelines. But right now my friend Steve was just being a royal pain in the ass.
"Ugh....3 months! This is gonna be so hard!!" And with that I drank my month's mortgage away.
But she was right.
In order to take things to another level, it was important to stay strong and somewhat platonic. At least that's what mecca says.
So if I wanted to play my cards right, I needed to listen to Steve Harvey.
Better yet, I should not be alone with handsome guy for at least 2 more months.
Several weekends later we were going to meet up at the cottage again. He with the cousins, and me at my cottage. Luckily Mama and my sister always joined me so there was no worry about being alone at the lake with handsome guy. So there would be no temptation whatsoever!
Just as I was packing up, Mama called me to tell me....(and don't forget the Polish accent) "So, you know dat me and Mishi are not going to da cottach vit you dis vee-kend right?"
She continued, "YA. Mishi has some party and I am going to visit my friends. But all da cousins are going. So you will haf fun!"
Oh the for the love of God. I was doomed.
HOLD UP! Wait a sec!! What am I saying?? NO!!! I was STILL in control here!
I would just have to keep us busy and occupied with cottage activities all weekend! It would be fine. And if we ran out of things to do, I'd ask him to teach me how to play Gin Rummy - the most BORING and complicated card game in the entire universe. That would take any spark out of the weekend.
Perfect, my plan was set :)
Shortly after I arrived to the cottage, we were laughing and catching up over a bottle of wine on the deck over-looking the lake. Having learned that he had never been to the island, I squealed "You've NEVER been?? Oh my God, it's the BEST! Let's go!!" and we packed up the bottle of red, and the wine glasses and canoed to one of my favourite places ever.
We sat on the rock, which was still hot from the day's sunshine, and talked for hours while watching passerby's in their boats. Luckily we both behaved on our island trip and romance was kept to a minimum. Little kisses .....often interrupted by my jealous dog Bruce Lee. Good job Bruce!
But, back at the cottage, and after a big dinner with the cousins, one by one, the family had left us and retreated back to their place.
And it was me and him.
And what started off as him "helping me tidy the kitchen after dinner", resulted in another hot make-out session against the refrigerator door (what's with us and doors??).
Ok, this was going too far.
"Wait!" I announced taking a breath, "We can't do this! So....so you have to go! Because.......well, because.....I REALLY like you. And I don't wanna mess this up, ok? There! I said it!"
He took a step back.
I shouldn't have said that.
Dammit!! Now he's all freaked out!! Why did I have to go and spill my guts??
But he said......."I really like you too Ludge", and he kissed me once more, smiled, and turned to leave.
Once he got to the door, I couldn't help myself..."Wait" I said.
He looked back at me. But I didn't know what to say?
I was so confused.
This is one of those moments in life where you have no clue what you're going to do next. And you have no clue how the repercussions of your decision will affect the next chapter of your life.
And especially, when there is someone else involved, that you really like, you have to wonder how your decisions will impact what happens between the two of you and where it takes you on your journey.
Like in that proverbial game of cards, was it safest to keep playing, fold, or reveal your entire hand?
I had a feeling that there was something bigger here between us, but I wasn't sure. And I didn't want to assume anything. And if there wasn't, then I didn't want to get hurt.
So I had to make a decision that I would be confident with, knowing that whatever happened, everything would work out just the way it was supposed to and that I would be fine.
So with that in mind, I finally made my decision.
You're probably wondering what I decided and what happened next?
Well, all I'll say is......I definitely played my cards right.
And sometimes.....just sometimes.......revealing your whole hand may be the best thing you could ever do.
And just like that gold chip that he gave me on our second date, maybe he was betting on this thing too.