Tuesday, 28 April 2015

Til we meet again.....




I started Ridiculous Girl 4 years ago.  


I never thought that anyone would actually read my stories.  

I wrote because I loved to write. 

The thought of one day having thousands of people read my entries every month never crossed my mind in the slightest.


--------------------------------------------------------


My road in the blogging world had a bumpy start.  Shortly after I started, I needed to stop writing to deal with a very unexpected separation.  

I needed to figure out how to move forward.  I thought that taking a break from writing would help me.....but in fact, it wasn't until I started writing again that the real healing would begin.




Each time I sat down to the computer, the words and ideas just flowed through my fingertips.  It was effortless and healing.  I felt a sense of peace and happiness in sharing my stories and my life with you.

And with each story I told, I saw that people were reading.  People were following.  People were sharing.  And people were laughing.

I was just amazed at all of this.

I had found my voice ....and it felt incredible.





But lately, I have been having a hard time sharing my happiest moments with you knowing the heaviness that I am consistently experiencing in the background through a lengthy court custody battle.


With you, my readers, I am primarily focusing on one aspect of my life....the fun and ridiculous part.....but there is so much more going on behind the scenes that unfortunately I just can't share with you.

And because of this, I am slightly losing focus in my direction.  




It is with a VERY heavy heart, that I must stop writing my Ridiculous Girl blog at this time.

With an impending custody trial on the horizon and much pressure on my shoulders to protect myself and my girls, I must say good-bye.  For now.




It breaks my heart to make this announcement and yet at the same time, I also feel extremely confident that I am making the right decision.  

It took me a long time to finally decide to close the doors on Ridiculous Girl, so please know that this is not something I just decided overnight.



I feel very strongly that not only am I on the right path, but that there is a remarkable journey waiting just outside my door.


And as I close this chapter and start a new one, I am grateful as I look back at the journey and friendships that Ridiculous Girl has brought my way.  For it has changed my life and confidence forever.

Thank you for the love....the support and the laughs.

I will never be the same.


Here's hoping our paths cross again.....



Love,

Leokadia xoxo









Wednesday, 22 April 2015

Ridiculous beauty.





My top 10 beauty tips.

 
Enjoy :)



1.  I do steam facials.  I boil a pot of water, put my face over it, put a towel over my head and let the steam do it's magic.  And then I realized, why go to that much extra effort when I'm very often already boiling veggies on the stove almost everyday?  So I have recently starting doing broccoli steam facials, corn on the cob steam facials, sweet potato steam facials.......
Effective....and delicious :)

2.  Having read up on the benefit of moisture for my body I filled buckets of water and put them in random locations around my house during the cold and dry winter months.
I thought I was quite brilliant until I found several barbies in my buckets.  Apparently the kids thought that I had set them out as Barbie hot tubs :/  Like Barbie needs ANY more beautifying!?

3.  I have recently started doing a technique that my sister taught me.  The 30-second face lift.  I massage the muscle between my ear and my chin for 30-seconds in order to lift my entire face.  I see no change.  And yet I refuse to stop just in case my face magically transforms on the 1,234th time.

4.  Because being beautiful on the inside is as important as being beautiful on the outside, I use a neti-pot to clean and drain my sinuses by pouring warm salt water up my nostrils while my head is tilted sideways above the sink.  One day when telling Mama that I thought I had a sinus infection, she asked (and don't forget the Polish accent)  "Are you using your naughty potty??"

5.  I believe that being beautiful starts with being grateful, so every morning I wake up and say "Thank you God for this incredible day".  And then I do a yoga pose.  Lion face.





6.  In an effort to improve the quality of my hair, I have been slathering my entire head in warm olive oil and coconut oil every night and keeping my head covered for 2 hours before bed.  One evening, while watching TV with my head slathered, the olive oil started dripping down my neck.  It took me a while to realize that I was licking it off my cheek every time it dripped down to my mouth :/

7.  I recently learned about Frownies, facial patches that you stick on your problem wrinkle areas in an effort to diminish those unwanted lines.  But my BFF and I soon realized that we could create our own at a fraction of the cost.  We now go to sleep with packing tape on our foreheads.

8.  There is nothing more beautiful than a beautiful mind.  And I try to keep my mind beautiful by listening to positive and inspirational audio-tapes on my commute to work.  It took me a while to realize once that my windows were open and the car driver next to me was listening as I repeated my mantra "I'm good enough.  I'm smart enough.  And gosh darn, people like me".

9.  I hate using chemicals on my body.  Whenever possible I try to use all natural soaps, facial cleansers, shampoos, conditioners and deodorant.  I just don't feel like that stuff is good for you.  




What's that you say?  

Bleach is not natural? 

Hey...TAKE IT EASY judgy-mc-judgerson!!


10.  After hearing of the many benefits of Himalayan salt lamps, I recently purchased one for our house.  Not only do they improve the quality of the air that you breathe, but they also remove the electromagnetic pollution in the air caused by computers and other electrical devices.  As I explained these benefits to my sister one day, I admitted to her that I licked the lamp to see if it was actually salt.  She burst out laughing and made fun of me for the rest of the day >:(  I felt like an idiot for sharing that with her.

Until I walked by my bedroom later that night and caught her with her tongue on my lamp.


----------------------------------------------------


For some, beauty may only be skin deep.

For me, it's about implementing a regime that keeps my mind, body and soul beautiful.

And for others, it's about doing whatever you can to erase the years so that you end up looking really, really, really, ridiculously good-looking.









At the end of the day, I think everyone is beautiful.   And I am grateful to all of my beautiful and loyal readers who read my blog every week and support me through all my ups and downs.  Thank you sincerely.  This blog is dedicated to YOU! xoxo

:) :)

Monday, 13 April 2015

Boys will be boys.




As I'm sure you all know by now, I love to dance.  

I mean....I REALLY love to dance. 

Anytime I am invited out to shake my tail feather, I will almost always go.........unless I have my girls that weekend.  And then I will not go.

Because another thing you should also know about me is that I need at least 10 hours of sleep immediately following a night on the town for my body to recover.  And that is totally impossible with a 3 year old who thinks it's hilarious to wake her Mommy up at the crack of dawn >:(


It should come as no surprise to you then that when my sister invited me out to go dancing with her and her friends for her birthday, and also conveniently the same weekend that the girls would be with their dad,  I was already trying on all of my stilettos while texting back YES!!


Not only do I love to dance, but I also love the party scene.  

There is a certain energy that comes with being out in Toronto for the night.  It's like an electric hum that manages to sustain your giddiness and excitement until the wee hours of the morning.

I remember a long time ago asking my old Polish Aunt why she loved living in Toronto so much.  She just closed her eyes, did a little dance and pursed her lips into a tight smile.  She then said "Ven I get off da street-car, I feel ALIVE!!"

Only a night on the town in a big city can create that kind of crazy buzz and energy.  For me at least :)



As we entered the bar, I quickly scanned the room to see what the evening had in store for us.  I needed to digest everything about the place.....the music, the vibe, the crowd, the drinks, the bartenders ....and the boys.

Ohhh, the boys!!

It had soon become very clear that we had gone to one of those night-crawling locations which held a cornucopia of men.  



In the five hours that we were there, I had soon realized 5 different types of guys.  

I will now breakdown each group for you for your reading pleasure.  


Enjoy!


The preppy guy
 
Within 2 minutes of arriving, our good friend Bianka had already found my future husband.

"Leo!!  3 o'clock. Tall hottie.  He's PERFECT for you!!"

I looked over and saw a perfectly-tall, perfectly-coifed and perfectly-dressed man having a perfect drink with his perfect buddies.

Yes, I had to admit....she was pretty bang-on with what I was looking for.  Bianka was perfectly good at that :)

I was definitely interested.  Until I realized that the guy had no game.  He followed us around nonchalantly but made no real efforts to actually talk to us.  He came super close and then ran off when my sister pulled out her famous 80's dance moves.  

Hey - if you're not gonna stick around for Pump up the Jam....there's no future for us.


The Frenchie

Soon enough we got to chatting with a French guy.  

Wait.  Let me re-phrase.  

A guy visiting from Montreal.  

Not that's there's anything WRONG with Montreal.  I love Montreal. It's just that the guy kept saying that he was worried about his cousin, who was also visiting from Montreal, because "it iz so different here in TO-ronto." 

Gimme a break. You're from Montreal!  Not PARIS!!

Anyway, a quick whisper to my sister and we had continued on our way.


The Wild and Crazy Guys

We were soon approached by pure mayhem.  The wild and crazy guys are the guys that act totally absurd, dance like wild turkeys, and dress in the most ridiculous clothes in order to attract the utmost attention from the opposite sex.

My sister and I were taken aback when these 2 guys had thrown themselves into our dance group.  One of them wearing a fur vest and the other, standing at 4 feet tall, dancing around the fur vest guy screaming "ISN'T HE THE COOLEST??  HE PLAYS IN THE NHL!  HE'S SO WILD!  LOOK HIM UP ON GOOGLE!  HE'S THE BEST!!"

Hmmm.   I wasn't sure what was going on here.  

Was the little guy trying to sell us on the big guy?? Or was he secretly in love with the big guy himself????

We left them both to figure out the dynamics of their relationship.



The Lawyers

By the end of the night, we found ourselves standing near the bar and next to 2 normal looking guys.  Within a short time, we were all telling stories and cracking jokes.  These guys were cool.  They were not too preppy, not too Frenchie and not too crazy.  They were fun, but not too fun.  They were silly, but not too silly. 

They seemed like nice, smart guys.

Everything was going fine .....until............. it happened.  



That thing that ALWAYS seems to happen to me.  

Just when everything was nice and quiet and "safe".....I made the mistake of looking up and seeing the sexiest guy I had ever seen.


And that brings to me to my final category of the night.....


The Bartender

As the lawyer went on and on about his recent trip to Peru, I caught myself  staring at this beautiful person behind the bar.   

With his shoulder-length locks, perfectly chiseled features and a body to die for, he was almost a spit image of Jared Leto.


I took another sip of my drink when the lawyer said,

"We know that guy."



Shoot.  Busted!!  


I had been caught.


"Sorry what?"  I said laughing and looking down, trying to hide my embarrassment.

"The bartender.  We know him.  He's a great guy.   Really sweet".



I didn't know if hearing that made me feel better or worse.  

Because a part of me wanted to hear that the guy was a total douche so that I would just stop staring and move on.


Dammit! 

I wish I wasn't such a sucker for a cute boy.  Life would be sooo much easier.

This was stupid.  

I was being stupid!

We were about to leave anyway.   I needed to get out of this bar.



I took another sip of my gin and 7, only to realize that it was already finished.





And then I thought......what's one more drink?


;)





 








Monday, 6 April 2015

Leo doesn't workout.




I know what you're thinking.  

You're thinking "How's your new job going Leo?  Are you enjoying it?  Are you still the Queen Bee of Faxing?"


Thanks for asking guys!  

Work is going great.  I really, really like it.  And yes....I am STILL the Queen Bee of Faxing.  One of the other girls tried to steal my title last week, but no luck.  She has no clue how fast these fat fingers can fax.  (say that 5 times fast!)


Anyway, somehow, I am balancing all of the aspects of my life.  Work ($), kids (cuteness), house (ughh), court (ew) and personal (yay).  

I'm not managing them perfectly.....but I'm still managing.  


But the one aspect of my life which I have totally neglected and put on the back-burner since I started my new job is working out.  

Wait....Leo doesn't work out.  Let me re-phrase...."the occasional walk and yoga class".


You all know my love of yoga right?  Well, I have not been able to squeeze it in anywhere.  My original goal of waking up 1/2 hour early to do a couple of downward dogs and cat/cow poses before breakfast is unfortunately not happening at all.  

In fact, the only animal that is present before sunrise is the chicken......or the egg....I'm still not sure which one comes first.


Anyhoo....after a month on the job, I noticed that with each morning that my alarm went off, I woke up with more pain and more stiffness in my body.  I wasn't quite sure why?  I guess one could assume that this was due to age....but let's not be ridiculous.  After all, I'm only 30'mrph years old.  

And it couldn't be the way I slept....on my stomach with my hands under my pillow and head cranked to the right side only.  This was the most comfortable way to get a perfect night's rest.  Everybody knows that!!



But regardless, everyday I wake up and everyday my body aches.



Today was especially bad.

I practically swung my body out of bed, painfully cracked my neck on either side and zombie-walked down the stairs where I threw myself onto the couch head first.  

With my face buried in one of the throw pillows, I groaned as I realized what my body needed.  


It needed.....(gulp).....activity.

But I didn't want to be active.  Instead all I wanted to do was rest and relax and be inspired by PVR'd episodes of Oprah's Super Soul Sunday.  

Isn't a healthy and positive mind enough??  

Sadly, I'm afraid it isn't :(



I knew what I had to do.


After a very healthy pancake breakfast, I threw on some runners, a toque, some mitts and took my furry friend Bruce Lee for a walk.

But something interesting happened on our 1 hour nature hike.

As the walk progressed, my muscles seemed to loosen up.  And with each hill Bruce and I climbed up, I seemed to gain more energy.  

Before long, I was running!  

I know!!!   I was shocked too!?

Even Bruce looked back at me in amazement at one point.



Once we got home, I had so much energy, that I ran right into the kitchen and found my yoga schedule.  The next class was in 1/2 hour.  Perfect!

I ran upstairs, switched outfits and jumped in the car.



Within 15 minutes I was stretching and putting on my anti-slip yoga socks when the young instructor approached me.

"Hi.  I haven't seen you here before.  Is this your first yoga class?"

"Oh!  No no!  I do yoga all the time.  Like ALL THE TIME.  I guess I've just never had you as a teacher before?"

He smiled and said in a quiet, sincere voice "Ok. Great!  Well let me know if the poses are too challenging or if you need to modify anything."

"No no....I won't need any modifications!"  I said confidently, "But thank you!"



Twenty minutes into class and my heart was pounding out of my chest.  

I had never been to such an intense yoga class in my entire life!!  Even the woman beside me started laughing while attempting to get into one of the  poses.  

Now that I think of it, she could have been crying....?



The instructor had fooled me with his quiet demeanor and soft voice.  He totally made it seem like this was going to be a peaceful relaxation class.  What are those classes called?  Restorative or something?  This was NOT restorative.  This was the opposite of restorative.

And because I was so cocky with the instructor at the beginning of class, now I didn't have the option of modifying the more difficult poses.  

Why did I have to go and show off??  Dammit.


But although class was insane, I had pushed myself and gotten through all of the animal poses and completed the entire hour.

Who would have ever thought that a pigeon could be so deadly??





By the time I had come back home, Bruce was patiently waiting by the door for another walk.

Clearly I had spoiled him with such a fantastic experience earlier and he wanted more.



Typical man!



So, I pulled off my boots, put my runners back on and began activity #3.




 ------------------------------------

It is now 8pm.  And I'm very tired.


But I must admit that my body feels good.

No aches and no pains.  

I actually feel young and quite strong again.

And I'm pretty confident that today's workouts have significantly minimized the size of my thighs and even added definition to my stomach.  

I also feel like I might be taller.


Wait a minute......

Maybe this whole "workout" thing may not be such a bad thing after all.  And perhaps it ISN'T just a fad.  

And maybe....just maybe....it IS something that I should be doing at least a few times a week?


Hmmmm......




No.


I'm pretty such that's not necessary.

I'm pretty sure that being active 3 times in one day means you don't have to workout again for like at least another.........month.




Right????





;)















Monday, 30 March 2015

One text too many.




As a single mom, my weekends with my children are filled to the brim with  activities.  Swimming, nature hikes, the park, pre-school groups and the library are just a few of the places we go to in order for my children to expend their insane amount of energy.  (Oh to have just 10% of it!)

A few weekends ago, after church, I took my daughters to an indoor play park.  Although the volume at one of these places is incredibly loud and not exactly relaxing for parents, it is still an incredible place to go to on those cold and rainy days.


About an hour in and I found myself watching Molly as she sped down a little ramp in her car.

"Mommy!  Watch me!!!"

Over and over she repeated her drive down the little hill.


"They can do that for hours eh?"


I looked up to see who was talking to me and noticed a guy standing not too far from me.  Probably my age ....and most definitely a dad.


"Oh, yeah!  Totally!" I answered back laughing.


And just like that, our conversation began.  


It was very easy to talk to him and I soon realized that we had a lot in common.  

I was kind of amazed at how much we had in common actually.  I was completely shocked when I told him that my favorite band was Guns N Roses and he eagerly announced that that was HIS favorite band too.

This simple fact blew me away. 

NOBODY likes Guns N Roses except me. 

In fact, everyone laughs at me when I tell them that GNR is the best band of all time.  I'm not quite sure why.....



As our conversation continued, Molly grew tired of her car and slide.  And as she began fussing and getting impatient, I knew it was time to go home.

I said to the guy,

"Well, looks like it's time for me to go.  Nice meeting you!"

"You too!" he said "Hey...do you mind if I get your number?"



I had a feeling he would ask.  

I wasn't sure how I felt about him yet, but decided to give him my number anyway.






 
What could go wrong???


----------------------------------------------------


The girls and I got home around 4:30pm and I quickly got to preparing dinner.  


By 5:09pm I had received my first text....

Hey!  It was nice talking with you today :)





Although the message was sweet, it did arrive VERY soon after our initial meeting.

I decided to wait a bit before responding.   I didn't want this to become a let's text all night type of thing.  And I was definitely not interested in getting to know someone through choppy sentences mixed with emoji's and auto-corrects.


I wrote back at 7:30pm,  after putting the kids to bed.

Hey!  It was really nice chatting with you.


I immediately received his response.

Hope we can do it again soon.



I wrote back. 

Yeah, we should!


I waited a bit....and was happy to not receive any further texts.

Once again, I still wasn't sure how I felt about this person.  He was nice, he was cute.......but not sure it was the right fit.

Perhaps a coffee date in the next couple of weeks would give me a better understanding of who this person was.



But apparently a couple of weeks did not suffice for this guy.  For as I was preparing to start my work shift the next morning, my cell beeped.

I found it buried at the bottom of my purse and checked it to make sure it wasn't an emergency with the girls.

It was not.

Instead....it was a text from my Sunday friend.

Morning :)




Oh brother.



I immediately felt pressure to respond.....when I didn't really want to.  I mean, what was the point in writing back just as I was about to start work?  

I threw my cell back in my purse and started my shift.


At lunch, I decided to check FaceBook.  Between bites of my turkey sandwich I noticed that I had a new friend request.  Oooooh, I love new friend requests!  Who could this be??

Click.


Oh for the love......
 

Yup.  You guessed it.  My Sunday friend had already found and added me on my favorite social media site.  He had no idea of my last name or even the spelling of my first name......so he had clearly put some time and effort into this.  



Of course, in a situation like this, an emergency call had to be made.  I gave my BFF the quick run-down of events over my lunch hour.

"Mandy.  Be honest.  It's too much right??  Or am I overreacting??"

She sighed and said "Well, it IS a little much.  But he's obviously a friendly guy.  Don't freak out about it just yet."

She knew what I was going to say back before I even said it.  But I said it anyway....

"But ......you know meeeee!!"

My best friend, of all people, knows my personality inside and out, and knows that I have the potential to bolt at any circumstance that may weird me out.

"Just send him a text tonight.  Don't write him off yet!"


But once again,  I was not even given the opportunity to even remotely miss the guy.  For 3:40pm had rolled around, and yet another text had beeped through.


Hey!


Oh gawwddd.  Why?  Why so many texts??



I texted my BFF for advice again.  

Too much right???

Her response.....and I quote.....

Yah.  I just.....yeahhhhhh.....



I couldn't understand the need for so much communication when we had just met the day before?  Why couldn't he just wait for me to respond?? 

And why did I feel soooo stressed out?   


 

As I drove home, I thought about his texts.  

They WERE nice.  Thoughtful.

Definitely too many of them in a 24 hour time span.  But maybe he just couldn't stop thinking about me??

I guess I couldn't blame him.



Maybe I was being too mean?

Perhaps I should still give him a chance?

Maybe I should just write the guy back and see if he wants to go out for drinks?

Then I'd get to know him in a better context.



Yes....that's what I'll do.

I won't discard this potential relationship just yet.  

There may still be hope!





My thoughts were interrupted by another text:


Forget about me already?  lol








Yah.  I just........ NO. 




LEO'S OUT!!






 

Monday, 23 March 2015

Fingertips and faxing and zebras...OH MY!






I pulled into the driveway and right up to the back door of my new workplace. 

Lady Gaga was blaring on the speakers in my van.

I live for the applause, applause, applause...... 

I turned off the car and Gaga's voice temporarily vanished from the speakers.


I looked up at the building in front of me.

Here we go!!

I got out of the car, took a deep breath and looked up at the sign that hung over the front door.   MEDICAL CENTRE.

Eeek!  This was it!  First day of work! I was back in the game.

I walked over to the side of my van and opened the door to grab everything I brought for my first day of work.  Nothing crazy.....just a few essentials.  My lunch bag, purse, water bottle, makeup bag, coffee traveling mug, extra milk for coffee throughout the day, indoor shoes, chap-stick, hairbrush, hand cream....and a sweater......just in case I got cold.

I carefully picked up all my things, and balanced them as I made my way into the building.


I was immediately greeted by my supervisor, a lovely nurse who happened to be a 10-year veteran at the clinic.  I was then re-introduced to my new co-workers, all of which I had met previously at my interview.  The girls welcomed me with open arms, and within the day had shown me the basics of the job.


And by the end of the first week, I had quickly learned several things about myself at my new place of employment:


1.  I hate shredding.

When something was scanned or faxed, if we didn't need the original copy anymore, I was directed to put it into the shredding bin.  But the shredding bin seemed so .....final.....and I was afraid that once it was gone, then I'd realize that I needed it again....for whatever reason.  So instead of shredding those pages, I just kept a pile off to the side labeled "To Be Shredded".  It took my coworker a week to find my pile.  She just laughed and said "DO IT!" while pointing to the the shredding bin.  

I think I cried a little when I finally let go of those pages....


2.  It's ok to dress casual.

I was told that I could wear 'scrubs' at this job.  But for a Polack like me, who loves to dress up when going somewhere important.....this was a hard thing to accept.  But I guess it was important to dress appropriately for the job.  And of course I wanted to fit in and look like the other girls.  It was crucial that I learned to dress casually and comfortably for this fast-paced job.  I would need to put my Gwen Stefani outfits in the back of the closet and get myself some proper clothing.   

By the way....did you know that Walmart sells zebra-print scrubs??

3.  I have fat fingers.

You know those rubber fingertips that help you flip pages really fast?  Well, I've never used them before.  I always thought they were dumb.  Turns out...not so dumb.  They actually REALLY work.  I went from flipping like, 10 pages per minute to approximately....10,000 pages per minute.  And that's a pretty accurate guesstimate.  Anyway....the sucky thing was that my coworkers couldn't find one to fit my finger.  Apparently I'm a 'LARGE'.  The whole office laughed and laughed at my fat fingers.....
 
Sure....it's ALLLLL fun and games when you have nice skinny fingers >:(

4.  I love to fax.

After a week and a half on the job, I was getting the hang of things!  My coworker began testing my knowledge of the job by showing me a form and asking what to do with it.  I was doing pretty good until she showed me a report that totally stumped me.  "Ummmm...I fax it??".  She looked at me patiently and said "no".  I had to step away for a few minutes to help a patient and when I came back to her, she was still waiting for the correct answer.  Forgetting what I said the first time around,  I looked at her and said "Ummm.....I fax it?"   
I did this about 3 more times until she threw her hands up and burst out laughing.

Apparently I love to fax.

 
----------------------------

Two weeks into the job and I was feeling pretty good.  I had learned almost everything I needed to know for my role ......and I continued to be the Queen Bee of faxing.

I was helping one of the patients when my coworker came up behind me and whispered "Dr.B wants to see you".

"What??"  I whisper-yelled back.

"Dr.B!  Go!!"


Dr.B was the owner of the clinic....and the man who hired me.  A man who we rarely saw but who was always around.  He was the reason the clinic ran so perfectly.

I jumped off my seat and ran up the stairs.  But at the top of the stairs I stopped.  I immediately felt nervous.   Why did he want to see me?  Was I in trouble?  Did he learn about my obsession with faxing?  Did I fax too much??  Are my fingertips too fat for this job??

I looked down the hall and realized that I forgot how to get to his office.  I had been there only once weeks before for my interview.  

As I walked down the hall, the location of his office had suddenly come back to me.   But then I thought of something else.  What if he wanted to give me some patient info?  I'd need a notepad .......a pen....something to write his message down.  I can't go to him empty-handed.  I'll look like a fool.  A damn fool!!  

I ran back to the nurses office and stole her post-it pad and purple pen from her desk.  Perfect!!

I smoothed out my zebra-print scrubs, took a deep breath, shook my hair out of my face, and walked right up to his office door.  

The door was open and his back was facing to me.  He looked very large.  Very intimidating.  I got nervous again.  I hoped to God he wasn't firing me.  But if he was going to, it was a good 2 week run.  Not really something I could add to the resume......but if I did, I'd probably write:   A short-lived, yet incredibly valuable learning experience...........


"LEO!  COME IN, COME IN!"

My thoughts were interrupted when Dr.B turned around and saw me standing like a deer in headlights.

"Hi Dr.B!  Nice to see you!"

I sat down and expected the worst.  

Dr. B had asked how I was doing with the new role and how I was adjusting.

"It's great.  Really great.  The clinic is amazing.  And the staff have been so incredible.  AND everything is getting faxed on time....."

My nerves were getting the better of me.  I tried to get back on track by coaching myself internally....  Calm down Leo.  Get a hold of yourself!  Faxing is a VERY important part of the job.

Dr. B continued...

"Well listen Leo, I just wanted to tell you that the feedback I'm receiving from the nurse and the rest of the staff is that you're doing super.  I knew you would.  You're a smart girl and I knew you'd fit in here perfectly."


After a few more fabulous comments from Dr.B, I practically skipped out of his office.....light as air...and with a massive smile on my face.

His words repeated over and over in my head....

I'm super...and smart....and I fit in perfectly!! Tee hee!!




I skipped past the nurses office and almost arrogantly threw the post-it and purple pen back on her desk.





Pfffttt.  I had NO doubt!!

 
 

 

 




  




Tuesday, 17 March 2015

The next chapter....




For almost 6 years I have been a stay at home mom to my 2 little girls.  Although at times I went a little cuckoo trying to cope with a lack of sleep, temper tantrums, and the incessant high-pitched voice of Dora the Explorer, I would still not go back and trade those years for anything else.  I am incredibly grateful for the amount of time that I have been able to spend with my angels and be by their side as their grew up before my eyes.

But.... I always knew that there would be a day that things would change.  That eventually, I would flip the page of my book of life and realize that the chapter had ended, and a new one would begin.

That page was recently flipped.  Exactly 2 weeks ago I started a new chapter.  

My new job.

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The night before my first day at work, I tossed and turned in bed.

My heart was racing.

What have I done?  I thought to myself.  How am I going to do this?  How can I possibly work and still manage to take care of my children and my home?  There is NO way I'll be able to pull this off.  I'm sure there are NO other women out there who work AND have children.  This is a total and complete impossibility.

I pictured my first day of work as a complete train wreck.  Staring at my supervisor as she tried to explain the computer system to me.  And then being too afraid to ask "Soooo....how do I print something again??"

I finally sat up in bed and did the only thing that would calm me down.  

No...I didn't hit the liquor bottle.  I said a little prayer.

God.  Tomorrow is my first day of work.  But you probably know that already.  Please don't let me mess up.  Give me the strength to know how to do.......ummm....work stuff.  And if they fire me, please let them do it privately so that I don't get humiliated.  Or throw me out the door and onto the street like they do in cartoons.  Thanks God.  Amen.

And with that, I fell asleep.

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BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

I jumped up as soon as the alarm started blaring and turned it off.  No 'snooze'ing' for this girl!

This was it!!  My first day at work.  

I stretched, yawned and then got right to my new morning routine.

My breakfast was pre-planned, a toasted bagel with pb & j....a personal favorite.  No sense in changing a breakfast that was already so perfect.  

My pinterest lunch was prepared and packed.   My travel mug ready to be filled with Folgers coffee for the commute, and my outfit all laid out.....right down to the socks :)

I rushed around and managed to accomplish everything in under an hour flat....and that's including perfectly drawn-on eyebrows ;)  During that time Mama had come over to help and the girls had made their way down the stairs with bedhead and eyes half-closed ;)

Saying goodbye to the girls before I left was the most difficult part.  I hugged and kissed them for what seemed like an eternity.  I knew that starting a new job would be good for me but it felt awful knowing that I was about to walk out the door without them.  Lola had tears in her eyes while Molly just screamed "Whyyyyyy???"  :( 

I hugged and kissed them once more and told them that I'd see them soon. I reassured them that they wouldn't even know I was gone....even though we all knew that was a lie :(

Even though I felt horrible leaving them, I knew that there was nothing more I could do.  I dedicated 6 years of my life to being a stay-at-home mommy,  and I knew in my heart that it was time for me to do something more.  Something for myself.  


As I was about to close the front door behind me I heard "Mommy!  Wait!!"

I pushed the door back open to see Lola standing there in her pj's with something in her hand.

"Mommy" she said very confidently "I'm very proud of you for getting a job.  Here, take this.  It's mine.  But you can have it for work".

As I looked down to see what Lola was handing me, my eyes filled up with tears.  It was a red and white Canada pen that Lola had found in a storage box at my mom's house.  It was one of my Dad's old pens.  He loved Canada and collected anything and everything with the Canada flag on it.  We very often laughed at my Dad's obsession with his Canadian paraphernalia.  But now....I realized that there was no coincidence that Lola had chosen, out of all of her pens, to give me this one to take to my first day of work.

I gave Lola a huge hug and whispered "Thank you angel".

I held the pen tightly in my hand as I walked out the door, wiped the tears from my face, and got into my van.

As I pulled out of the driveway, I imagined flipping the page of my book and seeing that my chapter had come to an end.




I will never forget my 6 years at home with my babies.  I will always have the most beautiful memories of being there for their first word, their first step, and their first day of school.

But now it was time for me to have a first. 



I put the car in drive and started on my new journey.  

And as I drove down the street away from my home and towards the sun rising, I looked down at my hand at my brand new pen.

And I thought, how ironic?

That without knowing, my little girl had given me something so perfect to write my next chapter with ;)








Stay tuned for next week's entry.  My first 2 weeks at work :)