Tuesday, 21 October 2014
So I ended my last entry with a question to my readers:
Is it possible for a man to have a platonic friendship with a woman if he is already in a relationship?
I posed this question in an effort to get some advice on a neighbor who is in a long-distance relationship but seems to be sending me some mixed signals on the side.
The response, from both women and men, was quite interesting.
Most of you think that it is impossible for a man, who is in a relationship, to have a female platonic friend on the side. Then there's the few who believe that it is absolutely possible for a man to have a female friend. And then there's the rest of you, who think that my neighbor is confused.....and that possibly me flirting with him will give me the answers that I am looking for.
It amazed me that so many of my friends had such strong, and differing opinions about the same topic.
But WHY did this intrigue me so much? Everyone is different right? Everyone has their own opinion right?
So why did your opinions leave me so confused?
And why was this topic.....and this neighbor of mine bothering me so much?
And then it hit me.
Everyone has formulated their opinions based on their own life experiences, right?
So if that's the case, then obviously something in my past was causing me to question my neighbor and his slight advances.
I thought back to the last time I had heard the term "just friends".
Without getting into too much detail, my personal experience was that a man could NOT be friends with a woman while he was in a relationship.
It just didn't work.
But.....I am not that naive to believe that it can't happen.
Back to my neighbor.
Could he be a good guy that just likes my company and likes that our daughters are friends?
OR.......does he want something more and is just treading the water lightly to see how I respond to his subtle moves?
At the end of the day......I truly think it depends on the guy.
And since I don't really know him.....and I don't really know what his intentions are.....I guess then, it doesn't matter what he wants.
It matters what I want.
And what I want is a platonic relationship with my nice neighbor and his kids. If he wants something more......then he's knocking on the wrong door ;)
Tuesday, 14 October 2014
I tried to think of a clever way to start this blog entry........but we don't have time. I have a ton of questions that need answering, so we have to get started right away.
Remember my post about my cute neighbor? The one with the 2 little girls? The one who my other neighbors think is interested in me, but I'm pretty sure he has a girlfriend....remember that guy?? If you don't, then you have to read that entry first.
Please read it quickly though. Remember....we don't have time! (By the way -you should have ALL of my entries memorized but I don't even have time to reprimand you for this. You're lucky.)
Click on: Fuzzy was he?
Ok! You're all caught up now? Good.
So, my cute neighbor came over AGAIN to ask if our girls wanted to have a play date. Seeing as how it was a rainy day and I was running out of crafts to do and movies to watch, I decided that a play date was a good idea. He suggested his place because he just finished his basement.
So within 5 minutes, the kids were running around and the neighbor and I were chatting in his kitchen.
"Do you want to see the finished basement?" he suddenly asked, "I did the whole thing myself."
As we went down the stairs, I noticed a bar off to the side.
"You built a bar down here? That's awesome!" I said while laughing out loud.
"Yup. Every house needs a bar" he winked "Do you want a drink?"
And within minutes, we were drinking gin and 7's and chatting about his work....at the basement bar.
I was secretly hoping to get some more information on his status and his "girlfriend". The one I saw only once or twice in front of his house.
Suddenly....I knew the perfect segue.
"So, why did you finish the basement? Are you planning on moving? Was this place an investment for you?" I noticed that my eyes slightly narrowed, as if I was interrogating the guy. I quickly opened them wider so I wouldn't look so devious (mou hahahhahaha!)
"Nope. Definitely not moving. The girls and I are here to stay. We love it here".
"It IS a great neighborhood. We love it here too. I'm guessing your girlfriend lives close by then?" I took a sip of my drink right after so that the reasoning for my question wouldn't appear so forward.
"No actually. She lives in Halifax."
I had soon learned that she had also gone through a big divorce (surprise, surprise) and she had 3 kids with her ex who also lived in Halifax, and which prevented her from moving.
"So.... you guys just do this long-distance thing?"
"Yup. 3 years now!"
"3 years!?? Wow. Good for you guys. That's actually very impressive."
A short while later, I left his place feeling happy and confident that I finally knew my answer. This man was in a committed relationship and seemed happy. And as for us.....we were just gonna be friends.
But.....over the last few weeks, my neighbor has been somewhat more ...."friendly".
The knocks on my door for play dates has become MUCH more frequent recently, and there is never a missed opportunity to come over and chat when he sees me outside.
If I know someone has a girlfriend, then the proverbial doors for me are closed. Shut. Bolted. Alarmed. But somehow I felt that this neighbor didn't see things the same way.
I mentioned this to my neighbor-couple the other night and the husband burst out laughing.
"Leo! The guy is still after you! No question. Don't you think it's convenient that his girlfriend lives thousands of miles a way and he's not planning on moving?"
His wife immediately jumped in, "He could still like her as a friend! This could be totally innocent."
He looked at his wife and then at me. He had that look on his face when you try to explain something to someone....and they're just not getting it.
"I guarantee you he doesn't want Leo just as a friend. If he wants a friend, he can call up one of his buddies and go watch a football game."
I couldn't help but wonder if he was right?
Was I being super naive about this whole situation? What did my neighbor really want? Were we on two completely different pages?
Is it possible for a man to have a platonic friendship with a woman if he was already in a relationship?
I need some help here people.
What do YOU think??
To be continued.
Tuesday, 7 October 2014
8am this morning
"Yes angel? I'm in Lola's room".
Molly stumbled in with messy hair and squinted eyes.
"Mommy? Tan you tate off my diapew?"
"Of course" I looked at her very rounded bum and laughed. "Wow! It's full!"
"Yeah. I was dweaming and dweaming and peeing awww night long"
"You were dreaming? What did you dream of?"
"I dunno. I cannot wemembah."
I pulled the stickers off Molly's 10 pound diaper and it slammed down to the floor in a giant thud. Molly ran away bare-bummed and happy as can be.
The discussion of dreaming with my 3-year old already had my head spinning. I just LOVED trying to recall my dreams. Especially if they were good ones.
I slept 9 hours last night (great success!), and even though I woke up often to flip and readjust my hands under my pillow, I still managed to have some very long and crazy dreams.
I remembered 2 of them.
The first dream I found myself at a concert watching my new favorite band, Future Islands. I think the lead singer, Samuel Herring, is just amazing, and in my dream, I had managed to score a seat near the front row to get the perfect view of him.
I arrived at the concert alone. I'm not sure why because I've never gone to a concert alone. But for some reason, I was meant to be by myself. I quickly became friends with the woman sitting next to me (of course I did) and we bonded in our love for this amazing band. And as they sang song after amazing song, the lead singer suddenly jumped off the stage and walked straight towards my seat. I remember not being surprised that he did this.
Sam came and sat down beside me and we starting talking........right in the middle of his concert. I felt a little bad that my new girlfriend was missing out on our amazing conversation, so once in awhile, I'd lean over to her and whisper the things that this super cool rock-star was telling me. She was very appreciative of that. What can I say. I'm pretty considerate.
After 20 minutes, he finally just grabbed my hand and we left together.....abandoning the whole concert. The audience was pissed .....and angry.....for the lead singer had chosen me over them.
It was amazing.
My second dream though...... not so amazing.
I had left my rockstar life and was back to my everyday struggles and challenges.
I remember seeing my ex and feeling frustrated with him....and not being able to see eye-to-eye with him on anything. This is actually a recurring dream I often have. And probably a recurring dream most ex's have about each other.
Not only did everything feel gross....but everything looked weird too. We were all dressed in strange clothes, and the homes that we were in were bizarre and open to the outdoors and decorated like it was the 70's. There were also tons of motorcycles parked outside....almost as if we were situated amongst someone's gang hideout.
I wanted nothing more than to escape this weird world.
I guess I finally did when I woke up at 7am.
Or did I??
My good friend Amy is always saying that your dreams are a way of your subconscious telling you how you are really feeling.
Well, if that's the case, then I am feeling like I'm leading 2 completely separate lives. One where I feel happy and care-free and I'm partying like a rock star.
And then there's the other life, where nothing makes sense, and I am frustrated and trapped in a bizarre and strange world.
There was definitely some truth to Amy's theory.
This was EXACTLY how I was feeling lately. The only piece that was missing was my 3rd life....where I was a quiet, stay-at-home Mommy who removed 10 pound diapews from my adorable little 3-year old every morning.
I have not given up hope....hope that things will settle down with my life eventually.......and that all 3 lives will somehow blend into one calm and happy existence.
In my mind that HAS to happen.
It just has to.
I will never stop hoping. And I will always be looking towards a brighter future.
And if that future just happens to have some islands in it........well, then all the better ;)
Tuesday, 30 September 2014
After a nasty separation and over 2 years stuck in the legal process, you start to lose your "sense of self". Not only do you wonder how people perceive you, but you start to wonder how you are perceiving yourself. I know who I am, and I know what I want...........but does it come across to others when they see me? This is something that I very often think about.
I looked into the mirror the other day and saw a woman staring back at me. She had kind eyes, but they looked tired. She had smooth skin, but it was dry and depleted. She had platinum hair and.............well, let's be honest.......there's absolutely nothing wrong with platinum hair ;)
I tried to momentarily step out of my body to see what others see when they look at me. But of course I couldn't. Because I knew the heaviness that I was going through at that very moment. It was clouding my judgement.
I am a woman who has been through a lot and I have every RIGHT to look tired and feel tired, but it is not how I want people to see me. I've talked about my Leo-spark before........was it still there??
I couldn't help but wonder.....could people still see the real me? Or was my bright blue sky covered with fog and clouds?
A few weekends ago, I went out with some friends to watch a buddy of mine perform with his band.
He rocked.......literally ;)
After the last set, we went backstage and hung out with the band and a few other "groupies" :) Within 10 minutes I found myself chatting with a very nice guy. A firefighter. I was surprised to learn that he too went through a lengthy divorce and also had 2 little girls. The only difference was that he had already finalized his divorce and had a fantastic relationship with his ex.
Without saying much to him, he sort of guessed at the challenges I was going through. And he was right. I told him how I was handling things with my daughters and what I was doing to keep my head above water. I suddenly started feeling the heaviness again.
But he obviously didn't notice because his next words to me were...
"You've got a good head on your shoulders."
I was slightly taken aback. I immediately felt the need to be humble.
"Oh gosh....no. I'm just doing my best under the circumstances".
"Don't say no. You do! I've been where you are. It's not easy. You should be more confident in yourself. You're doing amazing."
I was shocked that this man, who I had just met, was able to see confidence in me that even I couldn't see?
How was that possible?
The other day my sister took me out for dinner. I was hoping for a quiet evening in........but that's just not my sister's style. So an hour later, we were all dressed up and found ourselves in the trendy Bloor-West Village in Toronto. We had stumbled upon a very cute Mexican restaurant and were soon drinking margaritas and eating fish tacos. As we always do, we had soon befriended our super cute waitress and were stealing her away from her restaurant duties.
"So what are you guys doing after this? Big clubbing plans tonight?" she asked as she knelt down to get closer to us.
"Nah. I'm super tired. I'm actually shocked that my sister managed to drag me Toronto tonight." I looked over at Mishi and smiled.
Mishi then chimed in, "Yeah I dragged her out. She's going through a ton of drama right now and I wanted to remove her from all of that for the night".
The waitress looked over at me with the sweetest and kindest eyes, and she said "Well, I'd never in a million years guess that you were going through anything yucky right now. I see hundreds of different people every night, and I can honestly say that you seem so happy. And you have an amazing energy about you. So whatever you're doing, you're doing it right. Oh, gotta run! Wave me down if you want another margarita!"
And off she went. This pretty little person who just made me feel a thousand times better about myself.
I went home that night and after washing off my face, I looked in the mirror again.
This time I saw something different.
For the clouds had shifted, and I saw a small spark of sunshine.
It's amazing how it took 2 complete strangers to help me see it :)
Tuesday, 23 September 2014
COUCH FOR SALE.
HUGE COUCH FOR SALE.
(delete, delete, delete)
Urgh! This is so hard!
JUST BUY MY F**CKING COUCH. THE OTHER ONES SUCK.
Yeahhh....not so much. I might get permanently booted off Kijiji.
HUGE SECTIONAL SOFA FOR SALE!
Yes!! By George, I think I've got it!
Two weeks ago I placed my gorgeous and very huge sectional sofa for sale on Kijiji. I have been thinking about selling it for a few months now. The couch is just way too huge for our small townhome. And the girls seem to end up on top of eachother when trying to play because there's no room. It just isn't the right fit for our family anymore.
But I just LOVE my couch. It's big and beautiful and very comfortable. And, as you all know.....I'm a hoarder. And I don't like to sell things. I just want to keep everything I've ever purchased. In fact, if I could, I would just store this couch somewhere and buy a new one....knowing that the old one was still close enough to touch. But unfortunately my money tree in the backyard has not started sprouting yet, so this is not really an option at the moment :/
One morning, I drank my coffee as I watched Lola and Molly play in the family room. They started arguing AGAIN because there wasn't enough room to play.
"Mommy!! Molly keeps coming on my side! Make her go over there!"
"I don wanna doe ovah daiw!! Dez no woom! Mate Lola doe ovah daiw!!!"
I sighed very loudly as I looked around for someone to blame for this ongoing problem. But of course no one else was around....it was just me and the girls. So I looked at the ginormous sofa which took up almost the entire family room. I squinted my eyes and whispered to it....this is all YOUR fault! You're too big! You need to get outta here!
There. I felt better. I went back to my coffee.
That afternoon, I took pictures of my sofa and created my Kijiji ad. Within days, I was overwhelmed with emails and text messages from people who were all interested in my couch. Clearly I created a phenomenal ad :)
The first few hits were low-ballers. Pfffttt! Who did they think they were? This was a stunning couch from The Brick! No stains, no tears and from a non-smoking home.....I was selling gold here!!
After I turned those folks down, I got an email from a woman named Pat. She offered a bit less but I figured I could get her closer to my asking price. She asked me to call her back. So I did. But I was surprised when I heard a man's deep and rugged voice on the answering machine.
Hey. It's Pat. I'm not here right now. Leave me a message. I'll call you back. Or maybe I won't.
EW! This guy was a douche. Not sure I wanted a douche to own my couch. He was probably going to do douch-y things on it. But he was the only one interested for now. I had to keep pursuing this if I was going to sell this damn thing.
After days of going back and forth with Pat, he finally agreed to come and see the sofa. He was coming all the way from up north (a 2 1/2 hour drive) so I knew it was a done deal.
But as we all know, ridiculous things happen to this Ridiculous Girl. And of course this couldn't be a simple event. The couch-pick-up day turned into a complete fiasco. Not only was Pat running 2 hours behind, but he still hadn't picked up a trailer to transport the sofa back home. I patiently waited trying not to sit on the couch so that it looked perfect for when he arrived.
I received a text from him while I waited.
R u ner Lowes
What is this guy talking about? And why is he such a bad texter?
I was getting frustrated but kept my cool. He was buying my couch after all. I texted back directions to the hardware store and then directions to my place.
An hour later, he emailed me.
Is Lowes by hwy 11
What is wrong with this guy? And why is he emailing me now? What happened to texting?
I finally called him. He told me that he wasn't good at texting and he preferred to email. Oh...and he had no GPS.
This guy was a complete disaster. I was selling my couch to a complete disaster.
My poor couch :( How would it survive with him?
An hour later, Pat had finally arrived. I ran to open the front door and was surprised to see a 70-year old man standing there.
"Hi. Sorry I'm so late! I'm Pat".
OOoooohhhhhhh. This made SO much more sense. He was OLD! Of course!! That's why he couldn't text! And that's why he sounded like a douche! I understood perfectly now! I suddenly had much more patience for him.
Well, until he said.........
"So, how big is this thing? Cause I couldn't get the trailer."
"You're kidding right? Pat! It's MASSIVE!" I led him towards the family room and waved my right arm over the entire couch........sort of like how Vanna White used to present the covered letters on Wheel of Fortune.
"Ah, no worries. We'll figure it out!"
Mama was at my home watching the girls while this whole disaster took place. I looked over at her with angry eyes and flared my nostrils.
"Let me just get my buddy to help me carry it out".
We went outside to greet Pat's buddy......who was actually his brother, and like....85 years old .....and overweight. "Dave"....slowly climbed out of the van and huffed and puffed as he greeted me.
"Hey" (hufff.....pufff) "I'm Dave!"
Oh for the love of God.
Dave barely made it up the 4 steps to my front door. Clearly it was going to be ME who was going to help Pat carry this gigantic couch out the door. I didn't prepare for this! I didn't even stretch for God's sakes.
But somehow Pat and I managed to lift and carry the couch to the driveway while Dave kept wheezing off to the side. At one point Dave asked if I was in my 20's....???
I replied, "Uhhh...no. I'm in my 30's"
"30's. Good years. That's great! (huffff)"
Again I looked at Mama and rolled my eyes.
After 45 minutes of shifting and maneuvering, Pat finally decided that only one of the couch sections would fit in the van.
No guff!! I wanted to yell "I TOLD YOU SO!" but decided to refrain.
He told me he would return later that night for the other piece.
"How late do you stay up?"
"Ummm....like, 11?? But let me know if you're coming, cause if you don't, I'm getting into my pj's and you don't want to see me in my pj's"
"Oh. I don't know about that" He smiled.
Oh geeze louise! Pat is a 70-year old FLIRT!
I needed Pat to go home.
At 11pm, I still hadn't received any messages from Pat. So I sent a quick text before I went to bed.
I'm assuming you're not coming back tonight?
This was Pat's reply by text:
Ya tomoro jus kickd out drunk friends too bad couldnt get back tonite to c late nite wardrobe
I rolled my eyes as I pulled back the covers and climbed into bed.
The next day Pat picked up the last piece of the couch.
I received this final text from him later that night:
Ur couch is now verry happy again thanks let me know when u r traveling north and we will do cocktails
Pfffft!! This guy is crazy.
That money tree in my backyard better start sprouting soon......because it will be a VERY long time before I sell anything on Kijiji ever AGAIN!
Good bye my beautiful couch. And good luck to you!!
For more hilarity, check out:
Hi, I'm Leo. And I'm a hoarder.
Tuesday, 16 September 2014
Once in awhile I'll get a new friend request on Facebook. Usually these requests are from girlfriends who I knew in grade school, high school or university. I always eagerly jump to this new online friend's page to see what they've been up to and see who they're still talking to after all these years.
I always love getting to know these people all over again. It's like finding a new friend in your back pocket. But you don't have to work as hard in creating a brand new friendship from the start....cause you already did that years ago. It's a really good feeling. Kind of like finding a $20 bill in your winter coat after pulling it out of storage. Isn't that just the best?
Anyways, I digress.
Just recently I logged onto Facebook and saw that the tiny 2-person icon on my main page had a little red number 1 beside it.
Eeeek! A new friend!
I quickly clicked on the icon while wondering who the new lucky candidate would be.
The picture popped up on my screen. And when it did, my mouth dropped.
I slowly took my hands off the keyboard and folded them under my chin.
It took me a while to realize that I was biting my left thumbnail. Something I only do when I'm really nervous......
4 weeks earlier
"Babe. Guess who I saw last night?" my sister's friend Bianka said.
"Who?" I asked excitedly.
HOLD UP! Wait a minute. I just realized something. If I say this person's name, then all of you....my Ridiculous Girl followers......will go on Facebook and look this person up. I must protect his anonymity. I'll change his name. Yes....that's what I'll do! Ok....back to the story.....
"I saw ...Chazz!"
(Sorry....that's the first name that popped into my head)
"You saw Chazz??" Suddenly my eyes were huge.
"Yup! And he looked GOOD!! You guys would have made a smokin' couple!"
Chazz and I were a thing back in the day. I say "thing" because it never really became official. We sort of knew that we weren't meant for each other.....and eventually we both went our separate ways. There were crazy sparks between us....but nothing to substantiate an actual relationship. But there were crazy sparks between us...........wait, did I say that already??
"So....like, what happened with you two? Do you ever talk to him?"
I smiled and raised my shoulders to my ears.
"Nope. I haven't seen or talked to him in...... forever. I guess he's become a thing of my past."
Well.....somehow my past had found me and jumped into my present life and right onto my Facebook page.
I couldn't help but wonder, if I had tried this relationship before and it didn't work.....then why was I being tested with it again? And could I actually be friends with this person?
This extremely handsome person.
This 6'4" extremely handsome person.
I got to thinking about closure and the steps involved in moving on. Sure, there weren't as many steps in closing my thing with Chazz as there were with closing the relationships of my other boyfriends. But there were still steps. And did it make sense to open up a box that was already sealed with tape and put into storage?
And who was Chazz now? What was Chazz looking for? Let's be honest.....Chazz never asked me to be Facebook friends with him when my status said "married".
(By the way....I'm having a ridiculous amount of fun with this whole Chazz name!)
Anyway, I didn't quite know what to do.
I certainly didn't want to live in the past. But I also wanted to be a grown-up about my decision. But I didn't want him to think that I wanted to start something up with him again. But....I also wanted to be mature and show myself that I could be friends with him if I really wanted to.
I scrolled my cursor back and forth over the buttons "confirm" or "not now" as I stared at his picture.
This decision would be MUCH easier if he wasn't so damn attractive.
But, somehow, after 10 minutes of debating the pros and cons........I finally decided what to do.
His blue eyes zoomed off the screen.
Well, that's that.
I feel good about my decision.
Wait, what was that?
You want to know what I picked??
Ha ha ha......
What do you think? ;)
Thursday, 11 September 2014
....continued from last entry....
I couldn't believe what I had just heard.
I looked around the cabin. Even though none of the passengers were panicking, you could cut the tension in the air with a knife.
I was afraid to look at Mike. I couldn't face him after I had just finished lecturing him on how flying was the safest way to travel.
We landed in Dayton Ohio within 1/2 hour of the pilot's announcement. And within seconds of landing, Mike was on a payphone letting his mom know that he was ok. There was no way that his mom even thought we were in danger....so I was frustrated and irritated that he left my side. I was still confident that there was nothing to worry about, but if there was, why wasn't Mike protecting me?
My thoughts were interrupted when suddenly I heard my name being announced over the speaker system. Who knew I was here?
I ran to one of the check-in counters. The attendant handed me a phone.
"Leo! Are you ok??"
It was one of the secretaries from our office back in Toronto. I was very confused. Even though most of the world had known what was happening in New York by now, we in the airport still had no clue.
After assuring her that Mike and I were ok, I asked her what was going on.
But before she could answer, something caught my eye.
"Never mind. Finish looking for the others. I'll call you later".
I hung up the phone and walked slowly towards one of the restaurants in the airport. There, in the bar area, was a crowd of about a hundred people staring blank faced at the TV.
I made my way up to the front of the crowd and stood beside 2 pilots. I looked up at the screen, and watched plane #2 hit one of the Twin Towers in New York.
I gasped ......and my eyes filled with tears.
For the next few days, we were stranded in Dayton, Ohio. Flights were grounded, and every other means of transportation was impossible to secure.
Mike and I ended up finding a hotel to stay in while we searched for ways to get home.
We were both in completely different states of mind. While Mike panicked and worried about how to get home to his parents, I sat on the bed in a state of utter sadness watching hours and hours of coverage of the tragedy that had just occurred. I still couldn't believe that this had actually happened.
I cried for days. I cried for the mothers who lost their children. I cried for the wives that lost their husbands. And I cried for the firefighters who risked, and lost their lives at the mere chance that they could save another.
We had soon learned that our American Airlines flight was probably targeted by the terrorists as one of the planes to hi-jack. Apparently the terrorists were looking for larger planes traveling from the East coast to the West coast.
I couldn't understand why so many people had lost their lives ....and yet my life was spared.
After 3 days, we had finally found a rental car that needed to be returned back to Toronto.
As we drove home, images of the terrorist attacks replayed over and over in my head. As I sat in silence, Mike went on and on about how he would never fly again and how unsafe the world was. As he spoke, he pushed the "lock" button on the rental car to lock the car doors. He told me that "we were driving in an unsafe neighborhood". I looked at the speedometer. We were driving 110 kms/hour on a highway. Unless someone jumped onto our car from a bridge above, there was no way we were in any way "unsafe". But I didn't want to comment. I just leaned on the side of the car door and went to sleep.
When I woke up, we were home.
I slowly climbed out of the car and walked to my door. I heard Mike following close behind.
When I stopped at the porch, I turned to look at him. He put both of his hands on my face and kissed me. We looked at eachother for a few seconds.
We both knew.
He whispered, "I love you. I'll call you later" ....and walked back to the car.
I sat down on the porch and watched him drive away.
The next day we broke up.
After 9/11, I knew that things would never be the same with us.....and with the world..... ever again.