Ridiculous Girl

Being a newly single mom to 2 small children is .........well........how should I put it?  Insane.  It's insane.  It's busy, it's crazy and you don't stop moving or talking for a single second.  So I'd love to say that the days that I don't have the girls are the days that I sit and relax and stare off into space.......but alas......no.  Those are the days where I REALLY swing into action.  Those are the days that I get 101 tasks completed in a mere 8 hour time-frame.  Like my BFF always says "If you need to get something done......ask a busy Mom!!" The other day.......one of my alone days......I had been running around like a chicken with my head cut off and I was just about ready to pass out from exhaustion.  But I had approximately 20 minutes left before the girls would be dropped off and I really didn't want to spend my last short amount of time playing Candy Crush on the couch (although I'm proud to announce that I've successfully ...

So this past weekend, we all enjoyed a lovely family reunion & birthday party for my Aunt who turned 80 years old.  I love when the whole family gets together.  It's a great way for me to catch up with all of my cousins.  They are all about 10 years younger than me........but I act as if we're all the same age.  I think they like it.  They probably think I'm really hip and cool. My cousins all started asking about my little girls and how they are as sisters. "Oh, they're awesome!" I answer, "Super close.  Really loving.  Kind of like me and Mishi".   I throw my arm around my sister. "What are you talking about??"  my sister says while giving me the stink eye. "Mishi!  We had a great relationship growing up!"  I say loudly with a bit of a laugh.  Then I give my sister a sideways glance so that she stops talking immediately.   She does not get the hint because she continues..... "Lodz!!"   Mi...

Someone once called me the "skinniest fat person" they know.   "What do you mean?"  I ask curiously.  It kind of sounds like a compliment, but I have to make sure..... "Well"  the man answered "You barely work out, you love to eat junk food, but you're really skinny". I smile and tip my head downwards.  This is TOTALLY a compliment. "Thanks, that's so sweet!" "That wasn't a compliment"  he says. "Whaa???" "You SHOULD work out.  And you SHOULDN'T eat junk food". "Hahaha!  You're hilarious!"  I laugh and walk away.  That guy was funny! So I'm sitting at the Y the other day sipping my coffee, when the Zumba instructor (or Zumba lady as I like to call her) walks by me. I look up at her and quickly look away, like I didn't see her. "LEEOOOOO!!!"  she says in an angry voice. "Oh hey!  I didn't see you there!  How's it goin?  How's ....z...

So I'm at my BFF's house the other day for a kids playdate........and who's kidding who....for me to finally talk to an adult.  If I had to play one more game of hide-and-go-seek, or listen to Dora's high-pitched voice for any longer....God only knows what I would do to myself.......or to Dora. My BFF and I have children almost the same age. We have toddlers, who 4 years old, and babies, who are a year and a half.    The babies were napping so we only had the toddlers to deal with, who are a handful alone.  I'm always shocked at how loud they are.  (This is where my sister would yell...."LODZ - YOU'RE LOUD!  SHE GOT IT FROM YOU!"  and I would answer in a whisper..."I'm not THAT loud". On a regular basis I wonder how a toddler can talk nonstop for an entire day.  Literally.  An entire day.  No joke.  Like.....24 hours long.  There is not a moment of silence in my house.  Very often I w...

So this past Saturday I went out with my sister and all her friends for her birthday.  The plan was to go to a trendy new Asian restaurant and then go dancing afterwards. My sister is tall, skinny and gorgeous.....and 7 years younger than me.  I am still waiting for her to gain weight.  She has been 8 pounds since the day she was born and I am patiently waiting for her to develop our famous Walc "thighs".  She just turned 30.  I'm thinking this is a lost cause. The day of her party, I am running seriously behind.  I say "seriously" because I am always running behind.  I am notoriously late for everything.  But this day, I was VERY late.  I text her on my way down, that I still needed to swing by the mall and look for a top to wear that night.  I run through the mall as fast as I can.  Most of the stores are catered to younger girls......teenagers mostly.  But since I feel "young" on the inside, I'm feeling confid...

1.  Once I fell asleep on my arm and I lost the feeling in it.   When I woke up, I saw an arm beside my head and I started screaming...I thought there was a dead body in bed with me. 2.  I never lose socks in the wash.  Never.  This is something you can't learn.  You have to be born with such a talent. 3.  I hate when people have "flip-up" garbage cans under their sink. You can't access your garbage properly.  It's stupid.  I will take my sisters garbage out from underneath her sink and leave it in the middle of her kitchen....just to prove a point.  I'm pretty badass. 4.  I love slalom water skiing.  I sing ou t loud when I ski.  Usually Madonna.  I'm the only person who can "Vogue" and water ski at the same time. 5.  I have very poor circulation.  My hands and feet are always ice cold.  I sit on my countertop in my bathroom and warm my feet in a sink full of hot water...

It's amazing how when you're single "again" after becoming separated, your view on who you are and how you look completely changes. You could be the most confident person in the world when you're married, but then when you're alone again, you start to question how other people see you in your new phase of life. I am definitely not looking to start up in a relationship anytime soon, but one does often think......ok, what next?? What does the future hold for me?? I've experienced such a huge loss with my marriage not working out that one becomes a little.......skeptical.....and jaded. "Babe!!  You're HOT!  You'll totally meet someone again!  Someone AMAZING!" I roll my eyes at my friend and crack open a beer. "You've got to be kidding me!!"  I say  "Ladies....as you ALL know.....I'm now 30-mrph years old.  I'm over the hill. I'm DONE-ZO!!!" "Your age doesn't MATTER!!  Guys don't ca...