So this past Saturday I went out with my sister and all her friends for her birthday. The plan was to go to a trendy new Asian restaurant and then go dancing afterwards.
My sister is tall, skinny and gorgeous.....and 7 years younger than me. I am still waiting for her to gain weight. She has been 8 pounds since the day she was born and I am patiently waiting for her to develop our famous Walc "thighs". She just turned 30. I'm thinking this is a lost cause.
The day of her party, I am running seriously behind. I say "seriously" because I am always running behind. I am notoriously late for everything. But this day, I was VERY late. I text her on my way down, that I still needed to swing by the mall and look for a top to wear that night.
I run through the mall as fast as I can. Most of the stores are catered to younger girls......teenagers mostly. But since I feel "young" on the inside, I'm feeling confident that I can pull any of these tops off.
I finally find a sexy top and rush over to my sister's condo.
"Why did you go to the mall?" my sister asks immediately as I walk through her door.
I'm caught off guard.
"Because. I needed a new top. You know I have NO cute clothes right now" I say as I'm quickly pulling off my boots and running to her bathroom to get ready.
"Ok. Well hurry up. Natalie's gonna be here in 10 minutes. You're super late."
I roll my eyes at her. She's not impressed with my eye roll. AND she's not scared of me either. Isn't your little sister supposed to be scared of you?
She goes into her kitchen.
"Do you want a drink?" she yells at me while I'm switching tops.
"Yeah....my stomache's off.......get me a vodka shot with black pepper!"
Babcha's old remedy. That should do the trick. I'll be better within half an hour.
I look at my outfit. Ok. Not bad, I think to myself.
I step out of the bathroom and stand in front of my sister.
I'm wearing shiny black leggings, a long black tank top, and a flowy belly top over the tank. I'm thinking I look good. Like......really good (said in Ron Burgandy voice).
"What do you think?" I say confidently, "And don't forget, I have gorgeous new studded stilettos to go with the outfit"
She's staring at me with a blank face.
"What are you wearing?" she says.
"Ummm.....you don't like it?" I'm losing my confidence. Where's that damn vodka shot?
"This is totally not appropriate for you. You look like a 16 year old. You actually look like you're about to step into an 80's workout class. You can't wear that."
"It's THAT bad??" I wish I didn't have to listen to her......but she IS an Image Consultant. Damn her and her fashion sense.
"You ABSOLUTELY cannot wear that." She is not happy with me. She goes into her bedroom and starts pulling out tops.
"But you didn't see the shoes yet?!" I yell from her couch as I'm buckling up my stilettos. Goddam these are tight. I wish that shoe sales guy wasn't so cute.....I probably wouldn't have bought these....
My sister walks into the family room holding several tops. She looks at me feet.
"Are those tight? They look extremely tight."
I'm trying not to squint. I can't feel my left toe.
"Nope."
Oh Jesus.....what's wrong with these shoes? Stupid plastic! I should've splurged and got the leather ones.
"Take those off. We're going dancing. You'll be crying after the first song".
Arghhhh! What does she have? Fashion sixth sense??
Her phone rings.
I barely manage to pull my feet out of the shoes and then I pick out one of her tops, which I have to admit, looks pretty good on me.....and then I run into the bathroom to do my hair.
So I decided earlier that day that I was going to crimp my hair. Yes.....I said "crimp".
I fell asleep one night with my bangs braided. When I pulled out the braid the next morning, my bangs were all fun and crazy. I pinned back the sides and I totally looked like a rockstar.
So that night, I decided to re-create that look with a crimper.
I grabbed my little crimper doo-hickey and crimped my bangs and then pinned back the sides of my hair.
It turned out a little wilder than I originally imagined. I kind of resembled Billy Idol. But I'm sure my sister would see past the craziness and see the potential of a super cute, trendy hairstyle.
I gave it a final spray and step into the kitchen.
My sister, who was in the middle of her conversation with her best friend, looked up at me.
Her mouth dropped.
She sighed out loud and rolled her eyes.
"Natalie. I'll have to call you back. I have to go fix my sister's hair".
Uh-oh.
"Cute eh??" I pretend I didn't notice her disappointment.
She sighs again as she's slowly walking towards me, staring at my hair the entire time.
"What..........possessed you to do this?" she asks in a very slow, frustrated voice.
"I thought.....maybe.....it would be cute??" I say as she's grabbing my arm and pulling me into the bathroom.
She points to my crimper. "Is this the contraption you used to do this to your hair?"
"Yupp." I answer quietly. I feel like I'm in trouble.
She's standing with her hand on her hip still staring at my hair.
"I guess I can straiten it?" I ask, waiting for her response.
"Well, we HAVE to do something!" she says.
I start soaking my bangs with water, but the crimped formation is not going away. Damn my stupid bleached, dry hair.
"Why is it still crimped?" my sister asks impatiently
"Because my hair is practically dead! I've been bleaching it since university remember!?"
I keep soaking it with water.
My sister pulls out her straitener.
"You can't straiten it when it's wet! You'll burn it! I'll be like that girl from YouTube who burnt off that chunk of her hair! I barely have any hair as it is!" I'm yelling at her now.
"It's not going to burn it off. It CAN'T possibly be any worse than it is now!"
We somehow manage to tame the crimpiness and finally it starts to regain it's old look.
Then, my sister's phone rings. It's Natalie. She's downstairs waiting in her car.
Thank God. Saved by the bell.
"We have to go!" she says while grabbing her purse.
"Wait! Our vodka shot!" I run to the kitchen, grab our shots and hand her one of the glasses.
In true Polish fashion, I raise my vodka shot in the air, forget about the last hour, and say, with a HUGE smile on my face.......
"Happy Birthday to my little sister. The greatest sister a girl could ever have. A sister that has been there for me when things were good and when things were really, really bad. And......a sister.......that would...... never......ever.....let me leave the house with crimped hair".
She finally laughs out loud, we hug, and we do our vodka shots.
"Ok, let's go you insane woman! I can't believe you friggin' CRIMPED your hair!! Let's go!" she throws her arm around me and we start to leave.
"Wait" I yell........"can you loan me a pair of shoes?"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SEEEEESTER!!!! I RUFF YOU :) XO
My sister is tall, skinny and gorgeous.....and 7 years younger than me. I am still waiting for her to gain weight. She has been 8 pounds since the day she was born and I am patiently waiting for her to develop our famous Walc "thighs". She just turned 30. I'm thinking this is a lost cause.
The day of her party, I am running seriously behind. I say "seriously" because I am always running behind. I am notoriously late for everything. But this day, I was VERY late. I text her on my way down, that I still needed to swing by the mall and look for a top to wear that night.
I run through the mall as fast as I can. Most of the stores are catered to younger girls......teenagers mostly. But since I feel "young" on the inside, I'm feeling confident that I can pull any of these tops off.
I finally find a sexy top and rush over to my sister's condo.
"Why did you go to the mall?" my sister asks immediately as I walk through her door.
I'm caught off guard.
"Because. I needed a new top. You know I have NO cute clothes right now" I say as I'm quickly pulling off my boots and running to her bathroom to get ready.
"Ok. Well hurry up. Natalie's gonna be here in 10 minutes. You're super late."
I roll my eyes at her. She's not impressed with my eye roll. AND she's not scared of me either. Isn't your little sister supposed to be scared of you?
She goes into her kitchen.
"Do you want a drink?" she yells at me while I'm switching tops.
"Yeah....my stomache's off.......get me a vodka shot with black pepper!"
Babcha's old remedy. That should do the trick. I'll be better within half an hour.
I look at my outfit. Ok. Not bad, I think to myself.
I step out of the bathroom and stand in front of my sister.
I'm wearing shiny black leggings, a long black tank top, and a flowy belly top over the tank. I'm thinking I look good. Like......really good (said in Ron Burgandy voice).
"What do you think?" I say confidently, "And don't forget, I have gorgeous new studded stilettos to go with the outfit"
She's staring at me with a blank face.
"What are you wearing?" she says.
"Ummm.....you don't like it?" I'm losing my confidence. Where's that damn vodka shot?
"This is totally not appropriate for you. You look like a 16 year old. You actually look like you're about to step into an 80's workout class. You can't wear that."
"It's THAT bad??" I wish I didn't have to listen to her......but she IS an Image Consultant. Damn her and her fashion sense.
"You ABSOLUTELY cannot wear that." She is not happy with me. She goes into her bedroom and starts pulling out tops.
"But you didn't see the shoes yet?!" I yell from her couch as I'm buckling up my stilettos. Goddam these are tight. I wish that shoe sales guy wasn't so cute.....I probably wouldn't have bought these....
My sister walks into the family room holding several tops. She looks at me feet.
"Are those tight? They look extremely tight."
I'm trying not to squint. I can't feel my left toe.
"Nope."
Oh Jesus.....what's wrong with these shoes? Stupid plastic! I should've splurged and got the leather ones.
"Take those off. We're going dancing. You'll be crying after the first song".
Arghhhh! What does she have? Fashion sixth sense??
Her phone rings.
I barely manage to pull my feet out of the shoes and then I pick out one of her tops, which I have to admit, looks pretty good on me.....and then I run into the bathroom to do my hair.
So I decided earlier that day that I was going to crimp my hair. Yes.....I said "crimp".
I fell asleep one night with my bangs braided. When I pulled out the braid the next morning, my bangs were all fun and crazy. I pinned back the sides and I totally looked like a rockstar.
So that night, I decided to re-create that look with a crimper.
I grabbed my little crimper doo-hickey and crimped my bangs and then pinned back the sides of my hair.
It turned out a little wilder than I originally imagined. I kind of resembled Billy Idol. But I'm sure my sister would see past the craziness and see the potential of a super cute, trendy hairstyle.
I gave it a final spray and step into the kitchen.
My sister, who was in the middle of her conversation with her best friend, looked up at me.
Her mouth dropped.
She sighed out loud and rolled her eyes.
"Natalie. I'll have to call you back. I have to go fix my sister's hair".
Uh-oh.
"Cute eh??" I pretend I didn't notice her disappointment.
She sighs again as she's slowly walking towards me, staring at my hair the entire time.
"What..........possessed you to do this?" she asks in a very slow, frustrated voice.
"I thought.....maybe.....it would be cute??" I say as she's grabbing my arm and pulling me into the bathroom.
She points to my crimper. "Is this the contraption you used to do this to your hair?"
"Yupp." I answer quietly. I feel like I'm in trouble.
She's standing with her hand on her hip still staring at my hair.
"I guess I can straiten it?" I ask, waiting for her response.
"Well, we HAVE to do something!" she says.
I start soaking my bangs with water, but the crimped formation is not going away. Damn my stupid bleached, dry hair.
"Why is it still crimped?" my sister asks impatiently
"Because my hair is practically dead! I've been bleaching it since university remember!?"
I keep soaking it with water.
My sister pulls out her straitener.
"You can't straiten it when it's wet! You'll burn it! I'll be like that girl from YouTube who burnt off that chunk of her hair! I barely have any hair as it is!" I'm yelling at her now.
"It's not going to burn it off. It CAN'T possibly be any worse than it is now!"
We somehow manage to tame the crimpiness and finally it starts to regain it's old look.
Then, my sister's phone rings. It's Natalie. She's downstairs waiting in her car.
Thank God. Saved by the bell.
"We have to go!" she says while grabbing her purse.
"Wait! Our vodka shot!" I run to the kitchen, grab our shots and hand her one of the glasses.
In true Polish fashion, I raise my vodka shot in the air, forget about the last hour, and say, with a HUGE smile on my face.......
"Happy Birthday to my little sister. The greatest sister a girl could ever have. A sister that has been there for me when things were good and when things were really, really bad. And......a sister.......that would...... never......ever.....let me leave the house with crimped hair".
She finally laughs out loud, we hug, and we do our vodka shots.
"Ok, let's go you insane woman! I can't believe you friggin' CRIMPED your hair!! Let's go!" she throws her arm around me and we start to leave.
"Wait" I yell........"can you loan me a pair of shoes?"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SEEEEESTER!!!! I RUFF YOU :) XO
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