Ridiculous Girl

1.  Once I fell asleep on my arm and I lost the feeling in it.   When I woke up, I saw an arm beside my head and I started screaming...I thought there was a dead body in bed with me. 2.  I never lose socks in the wash.  Never.  This is something you can't learn.  You have to be born with such a talent. 3.  I hate when people have "flip-up" garbage cans under their sink. You can't access your garbage properly.  It's stupid.  I will take my sisters garbage out from underneath her sink and leave it in the middle of her kitchen....just to prove a point.  I'm pretty badass. 4.  I love slalom water skiing.  I sing ou t loud when I ski.  Usually Madonna.  I'm the only person who can "Vogue" and water ski at the same time. 5.  I have very poor circulation.  My hands and feet are always ice cold.  I sit on my countertop in my bathroom and warm my feet in a sink full of hot water...

It's amazing how when you're single "again" after becoming separated, your view on who you are and how you look completely changes. You could be the most confident person in the world when you're married, but then when you're alone again, you start to question how other people see you in your new phase of life. I am definitely not looking to start up in a relationship anytime soon, but one does often think......ok, what next?? What does the future hold for me?? I've experienced such a huge loss with my marriage not working out that one becomes a little.......skeptical.....and jaded. "Babe!!  You're HOT!  You'll totally meet someone again!  Someone AMAZING!" I roll my eyes at my friend and crack open a beer. "You've got to be kidding me!!"  I say  "Ladies....as you ALL know.....I'm now 30-mrph years old.  I'm over the hill. I'm DONE-ZO!!!" "Your age doesn't MATTER!!  Guys don't ca...

This story is an "oldie... but a goodie" as my Tata would say. Let's go back in time for a bit, shall we?  About 10 years ago....when I was working for a shoecare company.  I did this part-time gig where I would go to high-end shoe stores and teach the staff how to use cleaning shoe-care products.  Usually the job shifts were early in the morning, before the store opened, so I would very often sleep over at my sister's condo the night before so that I didn't have a long commute the next morning. As my sister and I were watching The David Letterman show the night of my sleep-over, I found that I finally hit my wall and needed to call it a night. I announced to my sis that I was ready for bed. "Ok! Sounds good." Mishi answered.  "I'll stay up a little, but I'm hitting the sack soon too." My sister only had one bedroom at the time, so we had to share a bed.   About 10 minutes later, as I was pulling up my covers, she snuck...

"Mommy? Can you take a detour?" "Wow!  Detour!  Do you even know what that word means sweetie?" "Yes.  It means to take another way home." Lola replies. Unbelievable.  This is my 4 year old ladies and gentlemen.  I don't wanna brag....but...... "Okay, sure sweetie!  Let's go this way!" "What??  Why???" she asks in a panic. "Umm....because you wanted to do a detour?  So we'll just turn this way to get home instead of going straight." "NO!!!  I don't want to go that wayyyyyyy!!!!!!!  Go straight!!" she yells from the back of the van. "But....you....." I stop myself.  There's no point! "Mommy?" (sigh) "....yes sweetie?" "What's a detour?" Oh dear Lord, save me. And it's not just the 4 year old that challenges me. The other day my 18 month old is standing screaming at the fridge. "Teeezzzz, teeezzzz!!" she yells. ...

I run into my girlfriend at the Y one day. “Hi Babe!"  she yells across the gym "We’re going out for Carrie's birthday this weekend.   You should come!  We're going SALSA DANCING!" "Definitely!  I'm THERE!" I yell back. I put my earphones back in my ears and continue watching The Ellen Degeneres Show while keeping a nice, slow pace on the treadmill.    I start thinking of the outfit I will choose for my salsa event.  Thank God I got this treadmill session in this week.......my body will look slammin'. As the week progresses however, I start to panic.   Salsa?   I don’t salsa!   shit.  Why did I say yes? “Babe.   You SHOULD go!    You'll have so much fun!  And you'll meet new people!   Totally out of your element!”    My BFF finally convinces me. She’s right.  I need to step out of my comfort zone right now.  My friend texts me...

My girlfriend calls one night. "Hi bunny! Whatcha doin?" she says "Babe!!"  I answer quickly...."I'm DOWNLOADING!!!!!" "Oh honnnneyyyyy!!!  Good for you!!!" she says in a very "proud momma-bear" voice! I accept the praise. "I know!!!!  It's ..like....not THAT hard!!!  I just had to ask about some websites and VOILA!!!  Magic Mike is "en route"!!!!" "Look at you sweetie!!  I knew you could do it!!!!" "Ok.....now what does 'seeding' mean???" So now I'm sitting here with a teeny-tiny little pink MP3 player ....all decaled up in Disney Princesses.....for Lola of course :)  Song after song is being uploaded....Lola will just FREAK OUT!!!!!!!!!!  Since Christmas......day after day Lola has been asking me the same question "Mommy!  Have you put songs on my princess thingy yet???" sigh. "No bunny.  Not yet.  Mommy doesn't know how.  I'll ask my frien...

So ....many of you know that I'm obsessed with the Iron Man movies.  OBSESSED.  I have both Iron Man 1 and 2 PVR'd and I watch them on a regular basis. My buddy texts me the other day, "Did you see the preview for Iron Man 3?" I quickly text back..."What???? No!!!!" I jump off the couch and run to my computer. I google...."IRON MAN 3 TRAILER". My computer is thinking.....that stupid little circle is spinning ....I whisper under my breath.."hurrrryyyyyy" Suddenly, hundreds of pictures of Robert Downey Jr. and his elaborate red and gold suit flood my screen. I am giddy with excitement. I take a sip of my wine and click on the trailer. I stare wide-eyed at the screen for the next few minutes as images from the upcoming movie flash before my eyes.  I realize that once it's finished, I forgot to breathe. "So like, what is it about these movies that you love so much??"  my BFF asks me as we're carrying snacks i...