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I'll take the EXPRESS PASS please!




"Mommy? Can you take a detour?"
"Wow!  Detour!  Do you even know what that word means sweetie?"
"Yes.  It means to take another way home." Lola replies.

 Unbelievable.  This is my 4 year old ladies and gentlemen.  I don't wanna brag....but......

 "Okay, sure sweetie!  Let's go this way!"
"What??  Why???" she asks in a panic.

 "Umm....because you wanted to do a detour?  So we'll just turn this way to get home instead of going straight."
"NO!!!  I don't want to go that wayyyyyyy!!!!!!!  Go straight!!" she yells from the back of the van.
"But....you....."

 I stop myself.  There's no point!

 "Mommy?"
(sigh) "....yes sweetie?"
"What's a detour?"

 Oh dear Lord, save me.

 And it's not just the 4 year old that challenges me.

 The other day my 18 month old is standing screaming at the fridge.
"Teeezzzz, teeezzzz!!" she yells.
"You want CHEESE?"
"Yeah!" she answers quickly, huge smile on her face.
"Say please!"  I say
"Peeez"

I open the fridge, pull out a cheese-string and start peeling back the wrapper.
Molly starts screaming at the top of her lungs.

"You DON'T want me to open it??"  I ask her.
"NOOOOOOO!!"

Oh brother.

"Okay. Relax honey.  Here you go."
I hand her the cheestring.  She takes it, looks at it, and throws herself to the floor.
"OPE!!!! OPE!!!!!".  She then throws the cheestring on the floor.
"You DO want me to open it?"
"Yeahhhhhhhh"  she says while sobbing.
I pick up the cheestring.  Open it up and hand it to her.
With the biggest smile, and tears still running down her face, she says, "Da-du Mommeeee!"

 Sigh. Deep breath.

 "You're welcome angel".
Raising children is like an episode of the Amazing Race. 
I always feel like I'm racing somewhere.......but I'm constantly getting hit with "detours", "eliminations", "sobbing and over-tired contestants", "U-turns" and a host that is constantly in my ear telling me what to do and where I went wrong!

 "Today, on the Amazing Race, Mommy and her 2 little girls must get to the Early Years Center before 9am.  If they don't get there on time.....they MAY get eliminated.  Stay tuned!"

 Or.....

 "Today, Mommy left her library card at home.  Will the library let her take out Lola's books, or will she have to go back and find her card before proceeding to the next leg of the race?  Stay tuned!"

 Pan to Mommy balling in the library lobby.......
"I just don't understand!!!!!  The cards were in the van!!"
And now pan to library card on the front porch of the house.  Cue dramatic music.
And finally, pan to Phil at the pit stop, "I'm sorry to tell you Mommy, but ........." (long pause)  "you HAVE been eliminated from the race".
The emotional roller-coaster is worse than riding the Leviathan at Canada's Wonderland.  One minute you're up ..."I love you Mommy!  You're the BEST!", the next minute you're down "NOOO!!!  I DON'T WANT A BATH!!  YOU CAN'T CATCH ME!!"  and you're chasing them down the hall.

 I guess the best way to raise kids is to just expect the unexpected......and not let it get to you....which is a feat unto itself.  Some days will be easy, some days will be super hard......

 "Mommy?"
"Yes sweetie?"
"I just wanted to say how pretty you look today".
(gulp!!)
.....and some days..... you're just sittin' pretty :)




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