Skip to main content

I'll take the EXPRESS PASS please!




"Mommy? Can you take a detour?"
"Wow!  Detour!  Do you even know what that word means sweetie?"
"Yes.  It means to take another way home." Lola replies.

 Unbelievable.  This is my 4 year old ladies and gentlemen.  I don't wanna brag....but......

 "Okay, sure sweetie!  Let's go this way!"
"What??  Why???" she asks in a panic.

 "Umm....because you wanted to do a detour?  So we'll just turn this way to get home instead of going straight."
"NO!!!  I don't want to go that wayyyyyyy!!!!!!!  Go straight!!" she yells from the back of the van.
"But....you....."

 I stop myself.  There's no point!

 "Mommy?"
(sigh) "....yes sweetie?"
"What's a detour?"

 Oh dear Lord, save me.

 And it's not just the 4 year old that challenges me.

 The other day my 18 month old is standing screaming at the fridge.
"Teeezzzz, teeezzzz!!" she yells.
"You want CHEESE?"
"Yeah!" she answers quickly, huge smile on her face.
"Say please!"  I say
"Peeez"

I open the fridge, pull out a cheese-string and start peeling back the wrapper.
Molly starts screaming at the top of her lungs.

"You DON'T want me to open it??"  I ask her.
"NOOOOOOO!!"

Oh brother.

"Okay. Relax honey.  Here you go."
I hand her the cheestring.  She takes it, looks at it, and throws herself to the floor.
"OPE!!!! OPE!!!!!".  She then throws the cheestring on the floor.
"You DO want me to open it?"
"Yeahhhhhhhh"  she says while sobbing.
I pick up the cheestring.  Open it up and hand it to her.
With the biggest smile, and tears still running down her face, she says, "Da-du Mommeeee!"

 Sigh. Deep breath.

 "You're welcome angel".
Raising children is like an episode of the Amazing Race. 
I always feel like I'm racing somewhere.......but I'm constantly getting hit with "detours", "eliminations", "sobbing and over-tired contestants", "U-turns" and a host that is constantly in my ear telling me what to do and where I went wrong!

 "Today, on the Amazing Race, Mommy and her 2 little girls must get to the Early Years Center before 9am.  If they don't get there on time.....they MAY get eliminated.  Stay tuned!"

 Or.....

 "Today, Mommy left her library card at home.  Will the library let her take out Lola's books, or will she have to go back and find her card before proceeding to the next leg of the race?  Stay tuned!"

 Pan to Mommy balling in the library lobby.......
"I just don't understand!!!!!  The cards were in the van!!"
And now pan to library card on the front porch of the house.  Cue dramatic music.
And finally, pan to Phil at the pit stop, "I'm sorry to tell you Mommy, but ........." (long pause)  "you HAVE been eliminated from the race".
The emotional roller-coaster is worse than riding the Leviathan at Canada's Wonderland.  One minute you're up ..."I love you Mommy!  You're the BEST!", the next minute you're down "NOOO!!!  I DON'T WANT A BATH!!  YOU CAN'T CATCH ME!!"  and you're chasing them down the hall.

 I guess the best way to raise kids is to just expect the unexpected......and not let it get to you....which is a feat unto itself.  Some days will be easy, some days will be super hard......

 "Mommy?"
"Yes sweetie?"
"I just wanted to say how pretty you look today".
(gulp!!)
.....and some days..... you're just sittin' pretty :)




Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Remember when you used to blog?

"Remember when you used to blog?  Those were the days....." This is what a dear old friend recently wrote to me on Facebook.   I was shocked.  Shocked that this person who I respected and liked so much even read my blog, or even knew that I had one.  And incredibly humbled and honoured that he took the time to send me that simple little line. I stared at the computer and re-read his words over and over again.  His comment had sent a wave of emotions running through me. And I'm sure he had no idea, but he had said exactly what I had been feeling for the past year and a half.   I must have re-read that sentence 20 or even 30 times.  And when I finally felt l like I had tortured myself enough,  I closed my eyes, took a deep  breath, lifted my head, put my hands on my keyboard.........and starting writing.   Again. -------------------------------------------------------------- Writing had always been a source of healing for ...
5 comments
Read more

Standing in the Dark.

“Are you sitting comfortably??   ….then we’ll begin.” Song:    It Doesn’t Really Matter. Artist:   Platinum Blonde. It was a quiet afternoon at the cottage.  Lola was reading on the hammock outside and Molly and I were coloring at the kitchen table. My cousin Julie suddenly barged in.  “Do you know who’s playing in town tonight??” she announced. Molly and I looked up startled. Julie yelled, “PLATINUM BLONDE!!” I gasped and dropped my fuschia-coloured crayon. Next to Guns N’ Roses, Platinum Blonde was a close second on my favorite bands list.   Songs like Standing in the Dark , It Doesn’t Really Matter and Situation Critical  were the theme songs of my youth as I regularly blasted them on my boom box in the 80's. I couldn’t believe that this iconic band would be playing in our tiny town of Haliburton!?  I could only hope that my...
2 comments
Read more

This. Is. London.

The year was 2000.   I was 24 years old. I had a huge job in a pharmaceutical company and was quickly heading up the corporate ladder.     During the week I busted my ass at work, which meant I made the rich corporate big wigs even richer (insert eye roll here).   It was very stressful but I worked damn hard every day to prove myself.   But on the weekends, well….. the weekends were a different story.   The weekends were my escape.     After university, my best friends and I quickly became infatuated with the Toronto nightclub scene.   It was the perfect escape for us.   The music, the people, the clothes, the dancing…..it was all so grand, so loud and so fun.    Completely the opposite of our corporate lives. We just craved it all the time.   We couldn’t get enough! You can imagine that going back to work on Monday was just awful. Not only was my body still filled with Red Bull and Vodka, b...
1 comment
Read more