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Your Purpose.



....continued from last entry.  This is the LAST one though!  I PROMISE!  ;)


I sat still and completely stunned once I heard the voice.  

 "Who was that?"  I whispered.
I looked slowly to my left......and then to my right.  Nobody was there.  
I then cautiously tippy-toed to the kid's playroom where both girls were playing with their barbies.  Other than the kids, no one was there either.  But my "mommy-timing" was perfect as I did catch Lola throwing Molly's barbie out of the barbie corvette just as Molly turned to grab something else.  But I didn't have time to reprimand this action......I was dealing with voices in my head after all. And not the usual ones that tell me it's time for a Mars bar (those ones happen a lot by the way).
Anyway, I went back to the kitchen and then I whispered again,  "Hello?  Are you still there??"

 Nothing.

 Hmmm.

 Maybe I day-dreamed it??  I was a new mommy after-all.  I was SERIOUSLY sleep-deprived.

 I was suddenly shaken out of my thoughts when I heard Molly screaming....

 "WOWA!!  DIV ME BAT MY BAW-BEEE DOWWWWW!!!!!"
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As the days and months went by, I found myself tortured by what that voice had said.  

 I replayed the message over and over in my head, "what the F was I going to do with my life?"

 That agonizing despair of feeling lost reminded me of my last month of university.  

 After spending 4 years studying biology and finishing with honours, I was told by the guidance counsellor that "there really are no jobs out there for a biology major".

 I stood staring at her with my mouth wide open, only to blurt out "So what am I going to do with my life??"  

 She sighed and re-adjusted the reading glasses on her nose and said "You can always continue with school?"

 As if!!??  

 I was dying to get OUT of school, not sign up for another 4 years!

 I remember leaving that office feeling so frustrated, not only with life, but with HER!

 She provided me with absolutely NO GUIDANCE!!  Like.....you're not even doing your job!!

Anyway, the years had passed and as you know from my last blog, I did end up doing very well in my career. 

 So I thought that I was doing everything right.   

 I had a great education, I held many impressive job titles and now I was raising 2 new members of society.  

 Wasn't that enough??  

 What else did life want from me??

 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


As I struggled trying to figure out who I really was and what I was meant to do in life, 
the universe threw me another curve ball.  And as you know, I spent the next 4 years trying to survive a completely foreign world of court, lawyers and divorce. 

 So in addition to trying to figure out what I was meant to do in life, NOW I was trying to figure out how to re-build my life as a single mom.

 I put the search for my life's "purpose" on hold as I moved into a new home, got a new job and learned how to raise my children with zero financial support and zero co-parenting. 

 But, as every woman does, I eventually figured out how to manage work, kids and a house.

 So then why couldn't I figure out the answer to that little question that continued to haunt me?  Certainly it should be easier than folding that giant pile of laundry every night?  Or sneaking veggies into my kid's meals everyday??  Or finding time to hit the gym 3 times a week to work out?? (Oh wait....I don't do that last one.   Please ignore.)
Anyway, I tried a few more times to talk to that little voice.  In hopes that she would miraculously speak again.

 But she never did.

So I finally stopped asking.

And I just went on with living my life.
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But....
......that being said.....I decided that if I was going to live my life, without that eternal answer to what my purpose was, then I may as well live it up to the fullest.

And instead of analyzing what I didn't have, I decided to be grateful for what I did have.

 So every morning, in addition to my routine motivational saying of "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh darn people like me", I decided to just say THANK YOU.  Thank you for the life I had and thank you for the day I was going to have. (And also thank you for the blessings of coffee and Mars bars that I would consume later that day).

 This was an excellent way of starting my day.  

 I also made a huge effort to follow through on hobbies and projects that I consistently made excuses to skip out on.  

 And last but least, I made an effort every week to enjoy life.  I mean REALLY enjoy life!

 Because at the end of everyday, girls just wanna have fun!   Am I right ladies????
And as for my purpose in life.......well.......sometimes I THINK I have an idea of what God wants me to do......
But until I figure out what exactly it is..........I'll just keep on writing.  
Or as Tata would say......keep on plugging ;)







This blog is dedicated to my Tata, the smartest man I knew.......and the BEST dad a girl could ever have xoxo 



  




















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