Ridiculous Girl

"Babe, you HAVE to see this!"  my girlfriend said as she handed me her laptop at a recent playdate. On her computer, were hundreds of pictures of a tiny little red elf all over her screen.  This little elf was posed in various positions and locations all over someone's home.  "What is this?"  I asked,  "Who is this little guy?". "Oh my God.  It's the newest rage. It's "Elf on a Shelf".  You can buy it anywhere. And then you hide it in different locations all over the house for your kids to find the next morning! I just ordered it online!  Can't wait for it to come!  My kids will love it!"  I looked back at the screen.  This elf was hilarious!  The parents had him hang-gliding in one photo, flirting with Barbies in a corvette in another photo and having a marshmallow fight with a teddy bear in another photo.  On one hand, this looked like a lot of work for me.  But on the other hand, this looked incredibly f...

Sorry about not blogging.  My life has been turned completely upside down since I last sat down to write. About 4 months ago....I separated from my husband of almost 8 years.  I never thought that this would happen to me or that this was my fate.....but God CLEARLY has other plans. I will not get into the "whys".  Let's just say, once again, that I never thought I'd be here right now. So now I embark on a new journey.........alone.  Well....not entirely alone....I have my 2 beautiful baby girls by my side.  Everyone is saying to "stay strong" for them..........and I do...........but I believe one should stay strong for themselves. I've done a ton self-reflection and soul searching in the past 4 months.  An episode like this makes you question EVERYTHING about your life........who you are, and why you are in this position right now.  What brings me solace, is knowing that this mere snapshot in time is not actually my life.......it's j...

"Sweetie?" "Yes Mommy?" "Let's go for a walk!" "Ok!!!  I'll get my Dora bicycle!!!" I strap the one year old in the stroller with tons of toys, rice puffs (in an impossible to open container...for hours of pleasure) and a bottle. The 3 1/2 year old jumps on her bicycle.  I push on her helmet.  "OWWWW!!!  urgh!!!  Not so HARD Mommeeeeee!!!!" sigh.  I barely pushed. And we're OFF!!!!! Oh no!  A green electrical box.  Here we go! "Mommy, Mommy!!!!!  Let's play Starbucks!!!!!" sigh. So, every single walk.....and every single electrical box.....we must play Starbucks.   It was super cute when she first started this game.  She would run behind the box, duck, I would have to call "Ohhh Starbucks lady?"  and she would jump out and the ordering and sales would begin. But we walk EVERY SINGLE DAY and there are about 10 electrical boxes on our route. "Ok. Mommy."  she says...

Our shower has not been functional for 6 months.  The caulking keeps peeling off.  Apparently you need caulking on the seals.  Otherwise water seeps behind the tiles.  Are you impressed with my knowledge of showers yet??  You should be. We have a gorgeous glassed in shower......that we cannot use. I am about ready to fix it myself. My husband is not only crazy busy with our company....but is also NOT  a huge fan of handy work....which prevents him from jumping on this job with excitement and joy. I, on the other hand, would work on my house 24-7 if given the opportunity.  But I know NOTHING of handy...person....jobs. Which makes me think.....how many handy-WOMEN are out there?????? "Of course I cut the grass!!!  I LOVE cutting the grass!!!" one of my girlfriends once told me. "John??  We don't need John!!  I'll cut this wood myself!!!"  another friend says. Then there's my BFF who on a regular basis is telling me things...

We just came back from our friends cottage.  Spectacular is the only way I can describe it.  High cathedral ceilings.  Stunning hardwood floors.  Gorgeous "chefs" kitchen with granite counter tops.  Top of the line ski boat.  All the water sport gadgets you could dream of.  Bubbling hot tub....ready to loosen those muscles and heat up every bone in your body.  Plush guest bed that reminded me of the last high-end hotel I stayed at in New York.  I have tasted the good life. And now.........I start day dreaming. "BABY?!!!!!" He sighs....he knows that tone......"yes dear?" he says in a matter-of-fact way. "WE NEED TO MAKE MILLIONS!!!!!!" "Oh really?  WE do???"  he snickers .......knowing that HE is the bread winner of the family. "YES!!!!  WE do!!!!!"  I yell back. I am yelling since he is still upstairs in the bathroom getting ready for work and I am downstairs looking at million dollar properties on line.  Wha...

So I'm addicted to MANY reality shows.  The Bachelor.  Bachelorette.  Bachelor Pad.  Love in the Wild.  Amazing Race. America's Next Top Model.  The list goes on and on.  I love sitting back, with a glass of wine, and watching all these ridiculous people competing for either love....or money....or fame.....I just think it's an absolute riot!!  And soooo far-fetched from my routine life, that it keeps me completely entertained.  (ps - you must think I'm an alcoholic from the number of reality shows I watch since I drink wine during all of them.  We'll end that discussion there.)  But the one reality show that I continue to watch.....and it drives me COMPLETLY BONKERS is Keeping Up with the Kardashians.  If you've never watched this show before.....you have not missed out on anything....in fact, you're smarter for NOT watching the show!!!  But, for the purpose of this blog, basically the show follows th...

I am surrounded by superstar athletes.  My brother just came in FIRST in the Limberlost Challenge Trail Race.......56K run.  He said the last 14K were hard.  That makes me want to hit him.  My dad was a competitive tennis player.  Beat challengers half his age when he was 60.  And my husband is competing in an upcoming triathalon.  He is also a Master of Taekwondo and regularly bench presses over 300 pounds during his routine workouts.  I worked out with him once.  We went to the local Y.  He gave me a series of exercises.  By exercise 2, I felt the tears filling my eye sockets.  He looked at me and said "Are you crying????"....I sniffled...."nooo" I whispered back.  "Babe, are you serious??  what's wrong??"  "I can't do this"  again I whispered, not wanting to draw any attention  to myself.  "C'mon!  Let's go to the bench press."  He says as he ignores me and takes my hand and pulls ...

I'm assuming that most of you who read my blog are women.  Correct??   Well.....then I don't have to even explain my blog-post subject title.   By now you are already getting all hot and bothered thinking of those ridiculously beautiful men gyrating up on stage.   Matthew and Channing have changed the way we expect girls nights to be......they have changed the way we think LIFE should be! -------------------------------------------- I went with a group of girlfriends to see this much-anticipated movie.  All of us ready for these men to "perform". And let me tell you my friends.....they did not disappoint ;)   I left that movie theatre in a daze. Giddy and silly.....and feeling like I needed a cigarette. I got a drive home with 2 of my friends after the show.  Thank goodness because I don't think I could have driven home after that much visual stimulation!  The 3 of us climbed into my friend's car, ...

So by now you've read enough of my blog to know that I don't really hold anything back.  My life is an open book.  I am very emotional and "EVERYTHING affects me"  as my husband would say.  "sigh......why can't you spend all day at the beach honey??"  he asks in a monotone voice with his eyes already rolled back into his head. "BABY!!  you know why!!!!  you know I can't be exposed to the sun and wind all day!!!!" I always communicate my thoughts and feelings about my day to all those close to me.  If I had a good day....you'll know about it.  If my child didn't nap....you'll know about it.  If I forgot to draw on my eyebrows....you'll know about it.....well.........you'll also see that I have no eyebrows that day....sooooo....bad example. Anyway.......my husband tells me on a regular basis that I don't REALLY need to express my feelings ALL the time.  But I disagree.  I think.....he...of all people....should ...

I have not written in months....maybe a year.....I have completely lost track of time.  There's actually NO time to do anything.  I am sitting in here ugly sweats......my daughter's snot all over my shirt.......and wondering how to approach this day. I have been a bit of a mess lately.  I look like a mess.  I feel like a mess.  I just AM  a mess.  Hey...I'm like Little Miss Messy....I read that book with my daughter last night!!!!!  I digress.  Ok.....so why am I mess you ask???  Well......I feel like I just can't get my s--t together!  I feel like my house and kids are controlling me and not the other way around.  And if you're a mom...you know what I'm talking about.  But like most moms....you suck it up...drink more coffee.....and keep on truckin' (or as my late dad would say "keep on plugging!!!")  But I can't!!!!!  I'm drained and I'm exhausted.  I look around the house and sooo much needs to be done.....

So I just came back from getting my hair done.........even though I am literally covering my head with toxins and bleach.....it truly feels like I can BREATHE again!!!!!  I feel like myself again!!! I started bleaching my hair years ago.......just as I was finishing highschool......just shortly after I discovered makeup.  And then it became something more....something bigger.......I liked the way I looked....a lot!!!  I grew up in a very Polish family.....my mom, my cousins, my aunts....even my 70 year old grandmother were addicted to makeup and hair dye.  So seeing all these made-up women around me all the time was nothing new.....in fact I was always in awe at how stunning they looked!   It was common to get all decked out to go to the grocery store with full on makeup, teased hair, big gold earrings, a tight red-leather jacket and stilletos! So back to the original point....I started dying my hair blonde just before university...and since I didn't have...

Last night our 3 year old breaks into song......not "Ring around the rosey", not "You are my sunshine".....but "Born this Way" by Lady Gaga!  It came out of nowhere!!!  She jumped up on the coffee table, started whipping her head around, found her princess toy microphone and started belting out the lyrics.....well....what she thought were the lyrics!!  Instead of "oooh there ain't no other way", she yells "uda, eda, uddaway....right track baby I was BORN THIS WAY!!!!!".  My favorite part was "don't be a drag, just be a queen!!"  NICE!!!  Then there's my 6 month old, who ALSO does whatever she pleases!!!  It's usually a good 3 tries to get her down for a nap because the first 2 end up with her opening her eyes and laughing at me....as if saying "pffttt, not that time Mom!!!  Try again!! hahaha!!!" Even my husband will break into a Red Hot Chili Pepper song, full volume in the grocery store....oblivio...

So from my first blog entry, you know that I am in my mid-30's.  This age will not be repeated to you again.  So remember it from now on.  In fact, I might start doing what my brother started ages ago, and that's to go backwards with each birthday..........I think he's like 12 now.  Not really effective, but kind of makes you feel better.  Anyway, I digress.  With this empowering age, I have started to show signs of  .....gulp....aging.  THERE!  I said it!!!  I am admitting to the world that I have those horrible lines across my forehead and 2 "up and down" lines between my eyebrows.  They're all disgusting.  I will climb up onto the bathroom counter at night and stare at them.  They look better when you douse your face in thick moisturizing night cream.......so of course I do that prior to the observation period.  But either way, it's no good.  So I'm out with my BFF one day, and she, next to my immed...

It's 10:43pm........I should be in bed.  My 3 year old has been asleep since 7pm and my 6 month old went down at 8:30.....which means I'll be up at the crack of dawn, and I'll be cursing the fact that I didn't head upstairs at 9.  But I'm a mom....and as most moms know, when your children are asleep, this is the ONLY time of the day that you have to yourself .....all to yourself.  Time where, technically, you should be writing down your grocery list, or folding laundry, or putting on another load of laundry, or doing something that involves getting your house to a better state than it is in now.  But I'm so sick of laundry I could vomit.  And if I have to pick up one more toy (that I know will end up in the exact same spot on the floor in the middle of the family room) by 7am tomorrow......I will just explode!  So I sit back and analyze my life and wonder, where's the spark???  I mean.....I get it....my life is not Gwen Stefani's.....