The desk.

Growing up I always had a desk in my room, even when I was very young.  

Tata (my dad) always felt that it was important that we had a place in our rooms to do reading and writing.  Even at the tender age of 4.  

I don't wanna brag but, I was kind of a genius.  I was like Boss Baby....without the Alec Baldwin voice.

I always LOVED my desk.  I made sure it ALWAYS looked perfect and pretty.    


I set it up with my funky multi-coloured pens (you know the kind that you click on a different colour on the top??  VERY popular in the 80's) and I also had a huge assortment of pop and push pencils (you know, those pencils that you pop the lead out when it was done and put it to the bottom to push out the next lead out??  those were also a HUGE HIT in the 80's. ps- I was VERY cool back then).  I also lined my desk up with numerous diaries, notebooks and colouring pads.  And on the side was my calculator which I used quite often to randomly add and subtract numbers while holding my finger to my lips and looking up at the ceiling (you know....like I was coming up with some sort of genius Einstein equation).   

I was VERY important at my desk.

So seeing as how cool I turned out, it should be no surprise to you that I would want the exact same for my children.  


When Lola turned 4, I found her the PERFECT desk on Kijiji.  It was white, it was beautiful and it looked just gorgeous in her room.  

As soon as she saw it, she squealed and then immediately went to work setting it all up with her pens, pencils, notebooks and diaries.  She also carefully positioned a calculator on the side under the light.   As you can imagine, this was a very MONUMENTAL moment in our mother-daughter relationship.  I stood at her door smiling.  I was VERY proud.


But fast forward to 3 years later, and I had still not yet been able to find a desk for my little Molly who had just turned 5.

Everyday she approached me,

"Mommy.  WHEN will you find MEEEEE a desk????"

"Sweetie!!  I'm LOOKING!  I'm literally on Kijiji and LET GO every single day!!" I yelled back as I yet again pulled up my Kijiji app on my cell phone for the 5th time that day.

She just stared at me and then walked away yelling,

"IT'S NOT FAIW!  LOLA HAS A DESK!  I NEED A DESK!! SHE'S HAD A DESK FOR LITE, YEAWS AND YEAWS!!"

I rolled my eyes and went back to my phone. 

And all I thought was ....she's gonna kill me if I don't find this desk for her???

And as I looked at her one last time as she marched down the hall, she looked back at me,  only to put her 2 little fingers to her eyes and then pivoted them towards me.......like people do when they want to quietly say I'm watching you......


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A few weeks later, on a weekend that the kids were at their Dad's, I STILL had not found Molly's new desk ...... and I was getting frustrated.  

I woke up super early that Sunday morning and I had decided that I would just drive down to IKEA in the afternoon and buy a brand new desk that would probably cost me a small fortune.  

I was planning on going to church for 10am, but since I had woken up so early that morning, I decided to go for a quick walk around the neighbourhood as it was such a gorgeous and sunny day.  I figured that God would be very happy with my decision to take in and absorb his magical land.


By 7:30am, I was doing my very intense 'pump-it' walk.

Aside:  For those of you who have never been on a walk with me before, a pump-it walk is something that I invented and I'm VERY proud of.  I force all of my co-workers on our daily walks to do this with me - and even though they say it's the dumbest thing they've ever seen - I'm pretty sure they secretly love it.  
Basically it's a walk that's only slightly faster than a regular slow-paced walk, but you "pump" your arms up and down REALLY hard to make it look like you're doing a lot more and walking a lot faster than you actually are.  It's VERY effective.  In addition, you also add very fast, deep breaths ...using a lot of breathing noise through your nose and your mouth.  This actually TRICKS your body into thinking that it is working out much harder than it actually is.  Try this walk once a month and I promise you that you will never have to see the inside of a gym ever again. Good luck.  And..... you're welcome.


Back to the story!


By 8am, I had looped around the entire neighbourhood and was coming to the final stretch.  

My pump-it walk was going along quite beautifully, when suddenly, I saw something. A garage sale.  

Ugh, how I LOVED garage sales.

As I sped up my pump-it walk (please don't speed up unless you are a trained professional like me), something caught my eye.

GASP!!!!!!

It was a DESK!!!  A beautiful, glorious, magical KID'S DESK!!!  I had FINALLY found a desk for MOLLY!!  And it was PERFECT!!!

I ran to the older lady at the garage sale.

"Is that desk for sale???"  I yelled mid-pump-it walk.

She looked shocked.  

"This desk???" she asked as she walked towards the desk which was partially hidden in her garage.

I nodded eagerly....and in extreme anticipation.

"Sweetie," she said calmly, "You can have this desk for.....$15."

"OH MY GOD!!!  I'LL TAKE IT!!!!" I screamed!

She started laughing, "OH THANK GOD!" she replied.  "I've been trying to get rid of this thing ALL weekend!!

I ran and gave her the biggest hug while excitedly telling her about Molly and how she was 5  years old and she desperately wanted a desk and she was starting to threaten me with her demands, yadda, yadda, yadda......

She looked slightly concerned about the last comment, but still jumped for joy with me.


"Ok, let me run home and get my car.  I'll be back!!"  

And I pump-it walked home faster than I've EVER pump-it walked.  I would definitely not have to go for another walk for weeks after this!  I was VERY excited about that!

I picked up my little red Mazda and fast-and-furious raced her back to the lady around the block.

As I jumped out, she was already trying to heave the first part of the desk herself.

I stopped her just in time.  I went to pick it up with her but then realized how heavy it actually was.

"Oh wow!  This thing is heavy!" I announced while brushing sweat off my brow.

Aside:  I start sweating just THINKING of doing physical activity.  I don't ACTUALLY have to be doing anything.

Back to the story!


"Oh sweetheart" she said, "They don't make desks like THIS anymore!  This is REAL wood ya know!  This is the REAL thing!!"


"Oh." I said, "Maybe we need some help??  Are there are men on your street??"  I looked around hoping to see a big, strong man that could help us.....

"Men???" she said, "We DON'T need any MEN!! We can do this ourselves honey!!  Women can do ANYTHING!!!"

I liked what she was saying, but still looked around hoping that Channing Tatum was just around the corner.....


When I saw that there was literally not a man in sight, I heaved as hard as I could and picked up the side of the desk and carried it to my car.

"Ok, I'll run this home and come right back for the other piece!"  I said, still sweating profusely.

"Well, how are you going to get it OUT of your car at your house sweetie???? I'm going with you!!!"  

And with that, the old lady jumped into my car.

I laughed, and jumped into the driver seat and we drove to my house.

In that 2 minute drive, this lady had told me her entire life story!  

She told me how she was a widow, and that she was selling her house so that she could move into a smaller home and then give the profits to her children.  She then told me about her husband - and how he was a gorgeous Italian man who was the love of her life and was taken away too soon by a drunk driver in a car accident.

I gasped, "Oh my God!  I'm SO sorry!!"

"Oh, it's ok sweetheart.  It was 10 years ago.  I'm ok now", she said matter-of-factly.

I said the only thing that I knew to say in that moment..."Well, I'm sure he's watching over you from Heaven".

"Oh!  He'd better be!!  But knowing him, he's FLIRTING with all the gorgeous angels up there!!"  

I burst out laughing :)



We got to my house and within minutes, she had helped me unload the first part of the desk and we were back en route to her place to pick up the second part.

But back at her house, we couldn't fit the larger part of the desk into my car.

Again I searched for Channing.   This time I flicked my hair  - usually that works with guys.  But sadly, no one came :(


"Well," the lady announced "I guess we're walking it back to your place!!"

"I'm sorry... WHAT???" I laughed.

"Well sweetheart, it's not going to fit!  We HAVE TO WALK IT BACK! Oh wait....that reminds me! I have a trolly!"

And off she ran into her garage, only to come out with the tiniest trolly I had ever seen.

"There's NO WAY we can carry this thing on THAT tiny trolly!"  I announced.

"Oh yes we can!! C'mon, help me lift this thing on!!"


Oh for pete's sakes, I thought to myself.


Minutes later we were rolling down the street with this giant desk on a trolly.  It was the most ridiculous thing I had EVER done.  

I was just praying that my neighbours were all still asleep and would not witness this ridiculousness (after all, it was still only 8:30am on a Sunday morning!)


We talked all the way to my house, unloaded the desk and then rolled the empty trolly all the way back to her place while chatting some more.

I told her all about my life, my kids and my divorce.

"Well sweetheart, it sounds like you're WAY better off without that ex-husband of yours!!" she announced confidently.
I laughed and nodded.  

I REALLY liked this lady.

She was wild, she was fun and she was a super strong female!  



Before getting in my car, I gave her the biggest hug and thanked her so much for the desk and for all of her help.  And I wished her an amazing move ....and also told her that our neighbourhood was losing an incredible person.


She laughed and said thank you and hugged me back.


I jumped into my car and drove home.


And on the way home I thought.....did that ACTUALLY happen??  Was that lady even real???  Did I make up that ENTIRE scenario??

Within 1/2 hour I had bonded with this fabulous person who I had never met before, learned about her entire life and felt like I wanted to hear more about her and her incredible experiences.  

Who was this amazing woman??

And then it suddenly occurred to me.........


She was.......


RIDICULOUS LADY!!


And thanks to Ridiculous Lady, my little 5 year old will no longer threaten me with lingering eyes and verbal threats.  GREAT SUCCESS!!

And now.....all of the 3 ridiculous girls in my house all have their own desks.....which we will all use to write our own fabulous and ridiculous life stories.


;)