Skip to main content

Handsome Guy





It's been a while since I've written about Handsome Guy.  And there's a reason for that.
Sadly, we broke up.
Nothing really bad happened.   It just seemed like our time together had come to an end.  The 2 hour commute between our homes along with an almost impossible schedule to deal with (his, and mine), took planning our visits from exciting to downright frustrating.

 There came a day when I just knew, deep in my heart, that it was time to let go and move on.

 Our break-up was very sad, but sweet.  

 We both knew that this was the best decision for the both of us, and we separated in the most adoring and amicable way.

 In fact, we joked about how easy our "divorce" was.  He promised to be a good guy and not torture me with 4 years of court ;)  I laughed and in turn asked if he would like to share custody of my beloved jack russell terrier Bruce Lee.  He laughed and said "hell no!  he's ALL yours!"  

 Aside:  Bruce Lee had actually tried to bite Handsome Guy while we were dating........but PLEASE don't let this be an indicator of what kind of dog Bruce is.  Because he is, by all means, the MOST incredible and most beautiful dog you have ever seen in your life.  He's just misunderstood.  And angry.  And hates anyone who comes within a 1 metre radius of me.  I mean, can you blame him??? 

 Sorry.......... I digress.  Back to the story!  
Anyway, Handsome Guy and I joked a little bit more, but then the time had come for us to say our final good-bye's.   
And then, we parted ways.  

 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The brutal thing about break-ups is that they send you through a wave of emotions. 

 Usually the first week is the hardest.  But in our case, my first week was the easiest.  

 Handsome Guy and I were used to not seeing each other everyday, so the first week
was just like any other week, and in that first week, I was actually feeling very confident in my decision to end things, and was very proud of myself for deciding to move on from something that wasn't working for me.


I bragged to my coworkers the next day that "this was the BEST decision for me.  I'm really proud of myself".

 ....and to my sister  "it's just that, we weren't meant to be, ya know??  So I guess it's time to move on."

 ......and then to my girlfriends "He was so great. And we had tons of fun, but I need more from a relationship.....do ya get my drift??"
Everyone in my life was very proud of me that I was moving on so easily.  But not very happy that I was trying to bring back the saying "do ya get my drift?" :(

But unfortunately by week two, I was an absolute mess.  

 But I didn't KNOW that I was an absolute mess.  I was just very miserable and angry everywhere I went.

My coworkers said things like, "Is it that time of month for you??"

 ......and my sister asked,  "You sure you're ok??"

 .....and then finally, my girlfriends said, "You seem REALLY frustrated.  Is it possible that this frustration is because you MISS Handsome Guy??"

GASP!!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Weeks 3 through 6 were a blur.  I don't even remember them.

 I guess I was just going through the motions of life, but it was finally clear to me that I really missed Handsome Guy, and thoughts of him hounded me all day long.  

 And as it often happens, when you're desperately trying to forget someone or something, somehow the universe has a sick sense of humour by torturing you with constant reminders of them.

 Everywhere I went, I thought I caught glimpses of him.

 Even my girlfriend's attempt to drag me to a local bar to forget about Handsome Guy one night ended in failure.  

 I was hit on by a young guy who I was not interested in at all.  As he went on and on about himself, I looked around the room and wished that Handsome Guy would suddenly walk in the door.

 "What month were you born in??"  he asked me eagerly.

 "Ummm....September."  I answered unenthusiastically.  And then I remembered how Handsome Guy was born in the same month as me.

 "NO WAY!" bar guy yelled, "So am I!! LOOK!!" And he pulled out his wallet only to show me his driver's license with a birthdate of September 20th......the same birthdate as Handsome Guy.

 I sighed and went back to my drink.

I thought of Handsome Guy all of the time.  

 And I wanted more than ever to reach out.  To say hi.  A quick little text.  Just to see how his day at work went.
I strongly debated doing this one night.....against all of my better judgement.

 And now here's the funny thing about break-ups.  Even when you're doing the right thing, you're still "pulled" to do the wrong thing.  And your heart just keeps telling you that it's ok to be pulled towards the wrong thing, because THIS is a relationship and so THIS makes it different.

 And when it comes to love and relationships, THAT my friends, is when you are at your absolute weakest, and you seem to have zero control over your mind and you have zero concept of proper decision making.
BUT, as I was about to text him, something came over me and told me not to.  

 So instead, I slowly put down my cell, picked up my glass of red wine and went back to watching Iron Man.  

 Because what else do you do when you're depressed??
And because I was not going to reach out to him, and he wasn't reaching out to me either, I had finally come to the conclusion that we would never re-kindle our romance again :( 

 So I guess it was officially over.
And that night, as I got ready for bed and brushed my teeth, I looked down and saw the one last thing in my house that I had forgotten to give back to him.  The last reminder of his visits and the last reminder of him.

 And I grabbed his toothbrush, held it above the garbage for a brief second and then finally let go.

 I sighed, and went to bed.


But as I tossed and turned that night, I realized that I couldn't let go.

 And my last thought as I drifted off to sleep was, I wonder if he's still thinking of me too...?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The next day, while I was getting ready to shovel the (goddam-f'ing) snow off of my driveway, my phone dinged with a new text.
Hey.  I miss you.

When I saw who it was, I just smiled and bit my lip.

I guess he WAS thinking of me ;)

And I guess he wasn't ready to let go either........





......to be continued.
For more blogs on Ridiculous Girl and Handsome Guy:

Shit

 GinRummyAnyone

Jadedsnotsobad




  

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

This. Is. London.

The year was 2000.   I was 24 years old. I had a huge job in a pharmaceutical company and was quickly heading up the corporate ladder.     During the week I busted my ass at work, which meant I made the rich corporate big wigs even richer (insert eye roll here).   It was very stressful but I worked damn hard every day to prove myself.   But on the weekends, well….. the weekends were a different story.   The weekends were my escape.     After university, my best friends and I quickly became infatuated with the Toronto nightclub scene.   It was the perfect escape for us.   The music, the people, the clothes, the dancing…..it was all so grand, so loud and so fun.    Completely the opposite of our corporate lives. We just craved it all the time.   We couldn’t get enough! You can imagine that going back to work on Monday was just awful. Not only was my body still filled with Red Bull and Vodka, but I swear that I could still feel the pumping of the music’s ba
1 comment
Read more

Standing in the Dark.

“Are you sitting comfortably??   ….then we’ll begin.” Song:    It Doesn’t Really Matter. Artist:   Platinum Blonde. It was a quiet afternoon at the cottage.  Lola was reading on the hammock outside and Molly and I were coloring at the kitchen table. My cousin Julie suddenly barged in.  “Do you know who’s playing in town tonight??” she announced. Molly and I looked up startled. Julie yelled, “PLATINUM BLONDE!!” I gasped and dropped my fuschia-coloured crayon. Next to Guns N’ Roses, Platinum Blonde was a close second on my favorite bands list.   Songs like Standing in the Dark , It Doesn’t Really Matter and Situation Critical  were the theme songs of my youth as I regularly blasted them on my boom box in the 80's. I couldn’t believe that this iconic band would be playing in our tiny town of Haliburton!?  I could only hope that my children would be so kind as to attend
2 comments
Read more

Remember when you used to blog?

"Remember when you used to blog?  Those were the days....." This is what a dear old friend recently wrote to me on Facebook.   I was shocked.  Shocked that this person who I respected and liked so much even read my blog, or even knew that I had one.  And incredibly humbled and honoured that he took the time to send me that simple little line. I stared at the computer and re-read his words over and over again.  His comment had sent a wave of emotions running through me. And I'm sure he had no idea, but he had said exactly what I had been feeling for the past year and a half.   I must have re-read that sentence 20 or even 30 times.  And when I finally felt l like I had tortured myself enough,  I closed my eyes, took a deep  breath, lifted my head, put my hands on my keyboard.........and starting writing.   Again. -------------------------------------------------------------- Writing had always been a source of healing for me.  Since I was a little girl, I h
5 comments
Read more