December 2012
"Babe, you HAVE to see this!" my girlfriend said as she handed me her laptop at a recent playdate.
On her computer, were hundreds of pictures of a tiny little red elf all over her screen. This little elf was posed in various positions and locations all over someone's home.
"What is this?" I asked, "Who is this little guy?".
"Oh my God. It's the newest rage. It's "Elf on a Shelf". You can buy it anywhere. And then you hide it in different locations all over the house for your kids to find the next morning! I just ordered it online! Can't wait for it to come! My kids will love it!"
I looked back at the screen. This elf was hilarious! The parents had him hang-gliding in one photo, flirting with Barbies in a corvette in another photo and having a marshmallow fight with a teddy bear in another photo. On one hand, this looked like a lot of work for me. But on the other hand, this looked incredibly fun.
A few days later, that same girlfriend came over after the kids had gone to bed and she surprised me with our very own Elf on a Shelf.
When she left, I unwrapped the package and pulled out our little Elf. She was the cutest thing ever. A little girl! I threw the box in the recycling bin and chucked the book that the Elf came with into the office. I'm sure the book wasn't pertinent to the Elf's story. I'd read it some other time.
I gently placed the Elf on the fireplace mantle and smiled. Lola will just freak out! This elf was just the sweetest thing.
The next morning, Lola came down the stairs and immediately noticed our newest family member. She slowly walked up to the mantle and looked up.
"What iz this?" she asked (in her little toddler voice).
She stared at the elf....very curious and confused.
"It's an ELF ON A SHELF!!!" I yelled (I couldn't contain my excitement!)
My daughter continued to stare at it.
"Why iz it here??" she seemed mesmerized, but still leary.
"Welllll........" a sly smile appeared on my face.....I was so excited to share this moment with her..... "She came from the NORTH POLE!"
"Whatttt??? Why???" Lola asked.
This wasn't going how I thought it would This was supposed to be a beautiful Christmas moment and Lola was sort of being a downer :/
And I didn't realize she'd ask so many questions? Why was she asking so many questions!? I sort of assumed she'd fall in love with the elf immediately like I did......over that glass of wine last night.
I quickly thought of a reason as to why the elf was suddenly with us.
"Ummmm......Santa sent her to us!" and before Lola could ask any more questions I quickly added, "You have to name her!"
Lola kept a safe distance from the elf and quietly whispered, "Soooo.....Seeee"
"Suzie???" I asked.
"No....SoooSeeee"
"SooSee?? Um, ok? If that's the name you want, then we will name her SooSee! Anyway, isn't she cute?" I went right up to the little Elf and looked at her cute little face.
"Why iz she here?" Lola asked.
Ugh. This kid is persistent.
I wasn't really sure why SooSee was here. I sort of wish I read that book now. Maybe it had some direction on what to say to the kids about this elf...? Probably not though.
Again, I quickly thought up something on the spot.
"To ummmmm.......make sure you're OK!"
"Soooo, what does she do??" Lola asked looking sideways at the elf.
"Ummm....." (ugh....I don't f'ing know what she does!?) "She......walks around at night and checks on you!"
Lola's eyes grew as big as saucers.
Shoot.
I don't think this is right.
"She ....walks?? On ...her legs????" Lola looked terrified.
Crap. This isn't right.
"Ummmm.....yeah." I desperately tried to sound confident. But I was pretty sure I was messing this all up.
"She walks around the house??? at night?????" Lola asked petrified.
Oh dear.
"Ummmmm......yyyyyuppp." I answered ever so slowly.
Oh man.
"Does she come into my room????" Lola asked while still looking sideways at the elf.
Ok.....I'll totally redeem myself now!!
"YES!! YES SHE DOES! She'll come up to your room at night and pull up your covers and make sure you're ok while you're sleeping."
There!! I'm a good mom again.
Phew! Dodged THAT bullet.
But Lola's eyes were still massive. And now her mouth was open, and her brows were completely furrowed.
Oh dear.....
Lola looked at me furiously and pointed to the elf and yelled, "Mommy!! You tell THAT ELF that my covers are FINE and she can stay down here!"
For the love of God what did I do???
"Ummmmm.....ok sweetie. Yeah....don't worry about it! Let's go brush our teeth."
Desperate to find out what I did wrong, I quickly put Lola to bed and ran back downstairs to read the book (which I found buried under bills in the office).
I sipped my glass of red wine and read the entire book - cover to cover only to realize that I got the story COMPLETELY wrong!!
The elf is supposed to FLY back to the North Pole every night and give Santa an update on whether Lola was a good girl or not.
NO walking around the house. NO pulling covers up. And NO checking up on Lola in the middle of the night.
Dammit.
Well....Lola's just a kid. I'm sure she'll forget about this whole fiasco by tomorrow night.
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The next night, at bedtime, Lola did not run ahead of me up the stairs.
If fact, she hung back, hanging onto my leopard print bathrobe.
And she did not yell, "ME FIRST MOMMY!! ME FIRST!!!".
"Sweetie??? Are you ok???" I asked concerned.
"Um. yeah." she quietly answered.
"So why aren't you trying to beat me up the stairs like you always do?"
"Because Mommy. You need to go first. That THING might be up there!!"
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