As a mom of two young children, there are certain expectations to fulfill and certain events one must attend over the month of December. As November came to an end, I wrote up my list for said events using a gold pen on a beautiful memo pad surrounded in mistletoe and sprinkled with glitter. Well, to be honest, it was more like.... on the back of an LCBO bag written in black eyeliner, but that's close enough.
Anyway, here was my list:
1. Visit Santa at the mall. Also, make sure Molly does not pick out her own outfit or do her own hair this day.
2. Pick out Christmas gifts for teachers. Therefore, trip to the LCBO. Everyone knows that's the gift that keeps on giving.
3. Pick out Christmas dresses for the girls for Christmas Eve - don't forget the leotards like last year.
4. Decorate gingerbread houses with kids. Note: buy TWO houses this year to avoid tempter tantrum from Molly. "WHY DID YOU ONLY BUY ONE???????!!!! You know I like to decowate by mysewf!!! (WAHHHHH!!!!!)"
5. Buy Christmas cards. Note: don't forget to USE Christmas cards.
6. Decorate tree. In purple this year. And don't forget to buy fuzzy purple pillows to match the tree just like they do in Pinterest.
7. Bring fuzzy grey rug from my bedroom down to family room because that rug will look better next to the tree and fuzzy purple pillows. Then take a picture for Pinterest.
8. Decorate front of house. Try to beat that guy across the street who put up lights, a blow-up snowman AND a blow-up Santa on his front lawn. (note: go to Canadian Tire and buy 3 blow-up something's to place in front of house). Also, make those round ice balls you found on Pinterest using water, food colouring and balloons. First, find the directions on Pinterest. Then, take beautiful picture of front of house and put it on Pinterest for all to envy and wish they were like me.
9. Buy a new dress for me for Christmas Eve. Don't forget the leotards like last year! And start on green-smoothie diet IMMEDIATELY!!
and finally,
10. Don't forget about the kid's school Christmas concerts!!
Ahhh, the school Christmas concerts. Every mom and dad's favourite night of the year!! Or in my case, TWO nights of the year.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this year I was that LUCKY parent who got to spend TWO nights at the school being entertained by tiny little people singing songs that we all love to hear over and over .....and OVER again :/ And even luckier for me, the nights were taking place a mere 3 days before Christmas Eve. No stress there, right??!
As the weeks in December flew by, I was surprised that I had accomplished almost all of the items on my list. The Santa photos had been taken, leotards (for kids AND Mommy) were purchased, teacher's wine bottles bought and wrapped, and fuzzy purple pillows and fuzzy rug all placed accordingly in my magical Christmas family fairytale room.
As over-whelmed and stressed out as I was, I had pretty much done it all! Well, except for the stupid Pinterest stuff. Just so you know, Pinterest sets unreasonably high expectations for the average woman and should NEVER be used as an indicator to how amazing you actually are. Basically Pinterest can suck it.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The night of Molly's concert, my mom, the girls and I arrived 20 minutes before the start of the performance. Not only had I successfully completed all of the items on my Christmas list, but I was even EARLY for the first concert! It was honestly a Christmas miracle. I had even made time to re-apply my makeup and do my hair for the occasion. And I looked good. At least I thought I did....
We dropped Molly off at her classroom and casually sauntered to the gymnasium. We were so early so I was positive that we'd get great seats....even if we took our time.
Unfortunately the nerd-alert parents who showed up 45 MINUTES before the start of the performance were the ones who actually got the great seats. Apparently arriving 20 minutes prior to a child's concert performance start means that you are sitting in the back row.
Like, the VERY back >:(
As Mama and I took off our coats and scarves and settled into our back-row seats, Mama looked over at me. She looked quizzically at my face.
"What Mama?" I said aggressively (already knowing that anything she said would not be good).
"Your face." she said with her Polish accent, "It looks very......yellow. What foundation are you using now? Is it the one I brought you back from Poland??"
Sigh.
"No Ma. It's L'Oreal True Match. The lady at Shoppers said it was a PERFECT match to my skin tone".
"Vell, not really. You should go back to using the foundation I got you from Poland. It's really da best."
I rolled my eyes and turned around to look at Lola who was running in the back of the gym with her friends. Maybe if I didn't look at Mama anymore then she would stop talking about how I looked. But I was wrong....
"Did you use dat blue shampoo on your hair again? Your hair looks very ....grey. Asually, maybe your face looks yellow because of da contrast betveen your skin and your hair. I don't tink you should use dat blue shampoo anymore."
Ughhhhhhhhhh.
"Ok Ma. Thanks" I said sarcastically.
But Mama continued.....
"You know....it is probably the fluorescent lights in dis gym. Dey REALLY show every-ting."
And with that last comment, she went back to looking at everyone in the crowd.
This is one of those moments where your mom THINKS she's being helpful, but instead she is documenting every single one of your imperfections and flaws knowing that you are forced to sit under this God-awful and intimidating lighting for another solid 15 minutes before the lights dim and the show starts.
I felt like a criminal at a police station in those movies when they shine the light directly in your face and yell, "WHERE WERE YOU ON THE NIGHT OF...???" And I'd quietly whimper "shampooing my hair with blue-toning shampoo and applying non-Polish foundation that was too-yellow.......WAHHHH!!!!!!!"
As the concert began, I quickly forgot about my blue hair and yellow face, and I sat up tall and proud to watch my little Molly dressed as a snowflake (or a snowman - I'm still not quite sure about that one?)
She took the stage like a superstar and belted out all of the words all while dancing her little booty off. She will DEFINITELY be going to the next Guns N Roses concert with me.
After Molly's class, the rest of the concert was very.......long.
At one point my friend's husband whispered, "How much longer is this thing?" to which his wife glared at him disapprovingly. I snickered under my breath.
Then he made a funny face and whispered "It smells like dirty socks in here." to which I burst out laughing.
Mama then leaned in and whispered "Tank God der is only one concert NEXT year", to which we ALL burst out laughing.
The show ended with the final class singing a song about falling snowflakes. The word "falling" was sung 7 times in a row. Ironically at the same time, we were all falling asleep....."falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling......."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
By the second night which was Lola's concert, we had learned our lesson and showed up slightly earlier (like the nerd-alerts) in order to avoid being stuck in the cheap-seats. But instead of being the first to show up, we were forced to go to the back of the line which already had about 100 people ahead of us and had wrapped around the entire kindergarten area. It was very clear that we were attending the hottest event of the year.
But despite the extreme line-up, Mama and I ended up scoring pretty excellent seating. And we found seats right next to our good friends. GREAT SUCCESS!!
Mama told me I looked much better tonight and said that she was happy that I went back to using the Polish foundation. I was still using L'Oreal, but I dare not tell her.
Unfortunately Lola's class was one of the last to go on, and by the 4th class, I had become so incredible giddy and silly that everything set me off into a fit of laughter. The little girl who dropped her microphone and chased it as it rolled away. The backdrop that had fallen backwards off the stage (falling, falling, falling, falling, falling.....). The kid who's Christmas hat had dropped over his eyes but couldn't fix it because his hands were in his shoes acting as feet in a hilarious elf skit, thus singing blind-folded the entire 5 song-set. And the Chinese kid who had no idea what his lines were so he just stood there and bounced to the music with his eyes closed and the dumbest grin on his face.
All of this had me laughing so hard that I had to hold my stomach in a crunched position as tears poured down my face.
I had gathered myself together enough to video-tape Lola's performance (which I must say was impeccable) but the camera still jittered from my shaky-laughing hands. My snickering in the background of that video will forever be part of her performance :)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Christmas can be crazy. Wait, let me rephrase.
Christmas IS crazy.
It is the absolute nuttiest holiday of the year. And the expectations of what one should accomplish or how one should look during the month of December is just completely ridiculous.
Come to the think of it....I think Christmas and Pinterest.....and maybe Mama are all working together???
Anyway, we all try our best, and we all try to make it as perfect and beautiful as possible, but it doesn't come without it's stresses, frustrations ......sometimes boredom....and the occasional smelly sock ;)
And watching those concerts made me realize that those kids could honestly care less about the way they looked, the way they sung or whether there was a back-drop behind them or not.
So from this Ridiculous Girl....to all you ridiculous people out there, I hope your Christmas was filled with love, laughter, friends, family, bad hair, bad makeup, smelly socks, and thousands upon thousands of Christmas carols (which I will always love and to which I will ALWAYS roll my eyes at!)
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!
Comments
Post a Comment