This is my third entry of the new year.
But you already know that because you are diligently reading all of my entries as soon as I post them...right?? :)
In my new years blog, I discussed with you some resolutions, and the fact that I will not be partaking in any of them. And in my next entry, I delved into some juicy tidbits about my delicious personal life ;)
Let's move on to some serious stuff now, shall we?
It's time to get real.
In the past 2 weeks, I have been reading all of my friends Facebook status updates....and I have to say....they have not looked good.
Many of my good friends said that 2014 was a bad year. Some even said that it was the "worst year of their lives".
As I read each status update, I thought of the person who wrote it. All of them friends of mine who are truly beautiful people, inside and out.
Why were all of these people having a bad year? Surely the whole year couldn't have been ALL bad?
I couldn't help but wonder, when you have a bad year, what's the reason behind it? Is it the people around you, is it the universe .......or is it just you?
I am going into my 3rd year of a brutal separation. Over 2 years in court, and still nothing has been finalized.
No settlement. No divorce. Nothing.
For me, most of 2014 was spent in the courthouse and in lawyer's offices trying to protect my children, and protect myself.
It has not been fun.
But all that said, I would still not say that 2014 was the worst year of my life. Heck, I wouldn't even say that 2013 was the worst year of my life....and that one was a real doozy!!!
So now I sit back and wonder, what DOES it take to make it a horrible year for someone?
Well, I think it comes down to perspective.
It depends on how you view your difficult moments and your hard times.
I've written several times about "loving your transitions".....but I'm realizing that this is a very tough concept for many people to accept.
In the past 2 years, I have had many people reach out to me. Some of them to offer support, and others, looking for support.
Most of them wondering, how the hell I have survived.....or rather, continue to survive this mess, and very often looking to me for advice on how they can cope with their own bad situations.
Well, my advice always starts off with my 2 favorite quotes. "It is what it is" and "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger".
But easier to say these quotes than to actually believe them.
To move on from a bad breakup, a bad day, a bad 'anything' ....you have to accept what happened and just move on.
If you keep reminding yourself of how unfair that situation was or how horrible your life has been, you'll never move forward. You will be stuck in a cycle of negativity.
But what happens if you accept it, and another bad thing happens? And then another? And then another?
What happens if, like me, you were hit with a barrage of crap for an entire year?
In the past year, I have been repeatedly bombarded with rude and arrogant emails, accusations and negativity .....all from the person who I once loved more than anything in the whole world.
How do you cope with something like that? Especially when it's nonstop?
Well, here's what I did.
For the situations that I could control, I did everything in my power to change things for the better.
And for the things I couldn't control, I just......well.......let go.
Hey....if it worked for Elsa.....it can work for anyone right? ;)
I threw my hands up to the universe and to God and asked out loud "You got this?? Cause I need a break!"
I'm not saying I checked out.
What I am saying is that things got too hard....and I needed to take a back seat.
I needed to let go of the control....and let things play out on their own.
There's a reason why so many bad things happened to me in one year.
Maybe life needed to toughen me up. Maybe I needed to be awakened. And maybe I needed to see things for what they really were.
Don't believe that you need to be happy all the time. That's a myth.
Believe instead that life is an incredible journey. And at times you'll be tested.
And that's not a bad thing.
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I'll never forget when things were at their "worst" for me last year.
My life was draining me. In fact I was completely depleted.
I called my sister sobbing. Again.
I remember her trying to coach me on how to get over my feelings of pure sadness and failure. But I didn't want her to coach me. I wanted her to listen to me vent and cry like a baby.
Luckily for me, she had no patience for that.
I remember telling her that things would just never get better for me. And that the worst was still yet to come.
She huffed, and said very simply....
"Well, if you think that, then you're doomed. And if you continue to think that, then you will never climb out of this hole".
When she heard that I didn't respond, she softened her voice and continued....
"You have to BELIEVE....truly believe.....that life is happening the way it's supposed to. You have to love your experiences....as bad as they are.... because everything will be fine."
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I truly believe that on that day, I was tested. And I passed.
And I continue to be tested. And I continue to pass.
But I know....that unless I pass....I won't make it to the next level.
And somehow, that stops me from ever saying that my experiences are the worst :)
This blog is dedicated to my beautiful sister. A person who pushed me so BEYOND my comfort zone.....that the uncomfortable became the most comforting place I could be in. I love you Mish xoxo
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