It was one of those mornings.
Molly was at my bed at 5:30am. Lola followed close behind. Against all my wishes for a longer sleep, these 2 little people had somehow convinced me to get out of bed.
I made it downstairs, and with both eyes closed, managed to prepare breakfast for both girls. I only opened half an eye to make myself a coffee. I was tired.....but I didn't want to get burned. Remember that whole McDonald's fiasco? I knew I wasn't going to get a million dollars if I spilled coffee all over myself this morning.
By 7am, I had already dealt with 2 of Molly's tantrums and spilled milk. I felt like crying but remembered that saying "Never cry over spilled milk". So I whimpered instead.
By 8am, I was involved in a lengthy negotiation with Lola over which outfit she wanted to wear to the zoo. Her outfit made her look like a 90-year old lady going to "games night".
By 9am, Molly was arguing over which shoes she wanted to wear. Apparently Mommy's leopard print stilettos were going to be "puh-fect fo da zoo".
Sigh.
I filled the van with toys and movies and snacks in an attempt to keep the girls quiet for the 1/2 hour drive. We had a brief argument over which DVD was going to play on the way there. Molly wanted
The Little Mermaid, Lola wanted Mermaid Tale and I wanted Finding Nemo. Hey....if I was doing all the work, I should be rewarded with a little Ellen Degeneres humor right?
It was 9:30am by the time we picked up Mama.
Mama jumped in the car, cheery as always and asked how my morning went.
And with that "invitation to vent", I exploded. I went on and on ...and on about my horrible morning.
"....and then Molly screamed over a toy that Lola was playing with.......that's when I spilled the milk.........then I walked into the dishwasher.....look at my leg??!! LOOK AT MY LEG! This is gonna be one NASTY BRUISE! My morning was a tragedy Mama. A Goddam TRAGEDY!"
I was so angry. This morning couldn't get any worse.
Mama sat quietly listening to my rage. And when I finished, she took a long, slow breath and in a very calm voice she said.....
"Dis is not a tragedy. Do you vant to know what iz a tragedy? Tragedy is growing up in Poland in communistic times, vere nobody had anyting. Der was no money. Der was no food in da stores. Vomen vit babies had to line up at 5am just to get a small loaf of bread and a piece of meat. My fadder had to bribe a store owner for supplies like toilet paper. Ve had no clothes, no DVDs, no big cars, no "Treehouse TV", no barbies......ve had nutting! DIS is a tragedy."
Gulp.
And just like that, my morning went from tragedy.......to pure guilt.
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Growing up, my sister and I were always taught to appreciate everything we had. Very often we were told stories of my parent's upbringing and challenging times in Europe during the communistic regime and World War 2.
As a young boy, my father was forced to live in a small war camp with his father and sister and 30 other people. By the age of 7, his mother had already passed away from Tuberculosis. The conditions were horrible. There was nothing to eat and definitely nothing to play with.
My parents worked very hard to teach me that life is not always fair......a lesson that I am still learning to this day. But when it comes to the materialistic side of things.....somehow society had gotten the better or me.
After Mama had put things in perspective for me, I turned around in the van to look at my kids.......but instead was hit with a sea of pink and purple "things". DVD's, toys, books, games and computers.....all packed into one vehicle for a simple 1/2 hour car ride. And somehow, I was still frustrated.
I couldn't help but wonder. In a world where we strive to have it all....and end up with an excess of "stuff".......are we really making things better? Or are we just spoiled rotten?
When I compare how my mother raised me to how I am raising my children, the differences are shocking.
Yes, I am a loving and compassionate mother to my children like Mama was to my sister and I. But back in the day, there were no playgroups, or YMCA's or Early Years Centers. We only had one car and my dad used it for work, so we couldn't go anywhere far. There was no money for fast food, or expensive coffees, so my mom slaved away in the kitchen all day preparing healthy meals and home-made snacks. I had one Lego set and a few Barbies and 3 teddy bears. I played alone while Mama cooked and cleaned and folded. It was up to me to stay entertained.
Now, compare that to how we raise our children today. Our children have it all. Most homes not only have bedrooms for the children, but they have separate toy rooms for the kids. And usually these rooms are filled to the brim with toys that are probably replaced with new ones every 6 months. Even in the past 2 years where things have been financially strained for me, my children have never gone without toys or teddy bears or TV. Even without personally spending a dime, my children are constantly showered with elaborate gifts for their birthdays and Christmas from family and friends. Heck, even Valentines Day and Easter come with their own set of presents nowadays!
Almost everyday a playdate or excursion is planned. Moms are running themselves ragged. But at what cost? We are exhausted.....and we end up teaching our kids that what we have is never enough.
When it comes to raising children, I think sometimes I need to step back and look at how Mama did it.
She didn't have my fancy van with all the bells and whistles. She didn't have a stroller that opened and closed with the push of one button. And she certainly didn't have TV, or DVR's, or Netflix.
But there was NEVER a day that I didn't feel like I wasn't the most important thing in the world to her. Somehow, without all this "stuff", Mama figured it out. She did it all.......and on top of that raised 2 happy and healthy kids.
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The other day I took the kids to the beach. In my rush out the door, I completely forgot the sand toys. I was so upset with my absent-mindedness. How the heck would the kids keep entertained for all those hours?
Well, I guess the kids are smarter than me.........because they spent hours having fun and building sand castles with......their HANDS!
Can you believe it? ;)
I think when it comes to parenting, I have to remember that even without all the stuff, the kids will be alright.
Because I can recall that some of my best memories as a kid were spending all day in a bathing suit by the water and playing in the wet sand.
I guess some things just never change :)
This blog is dedicated to one of the funniest comedians I've ever watched. Robin Williams, thank you for always making me laugh. You are already missed.
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