Dat's not faiw!

At 7pm every night, I start the girls' bedtime routine.  It's all very smooth and relaxing.  We laugh and giggle as the girls skip up the stairs, brush their teeth, jump into the pj's that I have chosen for them, and then climb into bed for story-time.  And with no complaints from either girl for only getting to hear one bedtime story, we say our prayers, and then I give Lola a huge hug and kiss.  Molly then jumps on top of Lola and smothers her sister with love, saying "Dubai Lola!  Dood-night!  I luff you to infinity and beyond!!" and jumps out of bed and runs to her room.

I then tuck Molly into her "bid-durl bed", smother her with kisses and hugs, turn on her froggy night-light and leave.

I peacefully and happily skip down the stairs to the kitchen, make myself a camomile tea, and read a couple chapters of my book outside on the deck.



Now.....if you believed any of that.....then I've got a piece of land to sell you.


I will now share with you the ACTUAL events of a regular night putting L & M to sleep.


Enjoy.  Because I didn't!



"Molly, Lola!  Time for bed.  Let's get our pj's on!"  I am hopeful that tonight will go smoothly.

"NOOOO!!!!  We don't want to go to bed!!  One more show!!  One more "Arthur"!!!!

"No.  No more shows.  And if you don't listen, then you won't get any shows tomorrow."

Lola crosses her hands and storms down the hallway.  Molly grabs her Dora pillow, and runs after Lola.

"Lola!!  I'm donna beat you up the staiws!!!"

Oh no.  Here we go.  Lola sees Molly's little pudgy body bolting down the hallway, and Lola immediately goes into action.  She flies up the stairs in 3 big jumps.  She has made it to the top first.

Molly immediately starts screaming.  "Lola wonnnnn!! Wahhhhh!!  Mommy....Lola not faiw!!!!  Dat's not faiwwww!!!"

I look down the hallway at my kitchen.  My bottle of red wine is waiting patiently on the counter.  It whispers to me silently "Don't worry sweetheart.....I'll wait for you...."


I walk up the stairs holding the Dora pillow which got left behind during the 3-stair sprint.

"Molly.  Come brush your teeth."

"Nooo!!  I don't wanna bwush my teef."

"Then you don't get a story with us tonight".

"Fine.  I don't wanna stowy!"

Thankfully Lola brushes her teeth without any issues, gets in her pj's and chooses a story.  I quickly dress Molly and put her into bed.  

"I don't want bed.  I wanna stowy!!!"

I take a deep breath and look up at the ceiling.  I whisper to myself "Powerrrrr.  Powerrrrrrr"

And then I think that there is no way any other mother is going through the same nonsense as me every night.  I definitely have the most active and spirited kids in the entire universe.  (If you're a mom out there reading this....please tell me I'm not alone!)


After prying a toothbrush into Molly's mouth, I am confident that at least 2 teeth were properly brushed.  I'll get the rest tomorrow.

Molly then jumps into Lola's bed.  And I follow slowly behind.

But I already see that another Molly-tantrum is en route, for Lola has chosen the library book to read without waiting for Molly's input.

"Lola picked da boot!!  I didn't pit it!!!  Wahhhhh!!!!  Dat's not faiw!!!"

I end up caving and reading 2 books.  One for Lola and one for Molly.  During both stories, Molly is inching her way onto Lola's Dora pillow.  Lola finally realizes that Molly's blonde curly hair is on her pillow and she loses it.

"Molly!  Stay on your side!!"

Ugh!  It is now 7:45pm.  My energy is fading fast.  I need to get Molly to her bed before I fall asleep, and before any more drama can ensue.

I ask Molly to say "dood-night" to Lola but she decides to do everything else instead.  In 2 minutes, she has thrown the books off the bed, jumped on Lola's pink horse, scribbled on some paper at Lola's desk and knocked over a fresh basket of laundry.  She is as bad as a bull in a china shop!

I kiss Lola on the cheek, say a quick prayer with her, scoop Molly up like a football and head into her bedroom.

"Molly.  It's late.  You need to go straight to bed."

"But Mommy, I need a stowy!!"

Knowing that I will probably get tears if I don't, I start my story.

"(yawn)  Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess named Molly....."

"Noooo!!!  I don't wan a stowy about meeeee.  I want a stowy about Miti and hew twip to Sain Sopez!!!"

It takes me a couple minutes to realize that she is talking about my sister Mishi and her upcoming trip to St. Tropez.  This is what happens folks when you let your sister put your 2-year old to bed. 

Suddenly I am telling an elaborate story of Mishi and her friends on a giant yacht, drinking yummy drinks, and partying with Lil Jon.  

I know that Molly is satisfied with my story because within minutes her eyelids start fluttering.  And soon after,  I notice that her hands have fallen to her sides and then her breath gets deeper.  


Ahhhh.  Finally.  She's asleep.

I kiss her on the forehead and sneak out....trying not to step on the squeaky parts of her bedroom floor (a trick only mothers know!)

I stop at Lola's bedroom and see that she is also fast asleep.  I pull the covers up to her neck, kiss her on her soft, red, curly head, and sneak out.



I go downstairs to the kitchen and finally pour myself that much-deserved large glass of wine.  I sit down on the couch and turn on the TV.  It is now 8:30pm, and I have just missed one of my favorite shows, "New Girl".  



After a huge sigh, all I can say to myself is .....



"Dat's not faiw!"

For more ridiculous adventures with Lola & Molly:

new form of Starbucks
 
infinity and beyond 

express pass