A while back, I went out for coffee with a good friend. She and I don't have the opportunity to meet up that often, so it was time for us to re-connect and get caught up on each others lives. The last time I saw her, I was happily married. So a lot had changed since then.
After hearing about my separation, she took a sip of her cappuccino and then sighed.
"Honestly Leo, if for some horrible reason things didn't work out with my husband, then I would never marry for love again."
"What? Why?" I was shocked. Shocked at the thought of things not working out with her and John, but even more shocked at the thought of her giving up on love.
"Well, if we broke up, I don't think I'd have faith in love anymore. I would never go through it again. But I WOULD marry again for money".
Wow.
I didn't quite know how to respond to this.
My good friend, who I would never in a million years peg as a gold-digger, was telling me that she would marry for money.
It made me wonder. Weren't there enough fish in the sea that if one didn't work out, you could find another that loved you just as much...if not more? I found it hard to believe that one would so quickly settle for anything less than true love?
On a Saturday night, not too long ago, my sister Mishi and I went downtown Toronto. We started our evening at The Drake, a trendy restaurant and patio bar. Our waitress, a lovely and chatty Korean girl, came by to take our order. But as it somehow always seems to happen with me at restaurants, I end up forgetting about our waitresses' duties and engage her in a lengthy conversation about life and love instead. I once asked a waitress to grab a beer and join our table.
Our waitress knelt down to get closer to us and began telling us a story.
"My grandparents' wedding was part of an arranged marriage. But they were lucky. They actually fell madly in love with one another. When my grandmother died, my grandfather built a home next to where she was buried and he visited her grave site everyday. When I went to visit him in Korea a few years ago, he brought me to where she lay. I remember it so well. It was a chilly day and after 10 minutes of being there, my grandfather took off his coat and placed it over her tombstone saying "So your grandmother doesn't get cold". His whole attic in his home is still filled with little knick-knacks that they gave to each other during their marriage. He refuses to get rid of anything. And he still talks about her everyday. Now....THAT'S true love. And that's what I'm waiting for".
Mishi and I sat there listening intently to this beautiful story. Momentarily forgetting where we were, and also forgetting that we were starving and we had yet to place our food order with our new girlfriend.
I wondered if love like this still existed or if it had become a thing of the past? If you couldn't find true love again, did you have to settle?
Sure, I can see the appeal of a luxurious life. Never having to worry about money, having expensive sports cars, yachts, big homes, going on fabulous trips......but could all of this really take the place of true love?
Two hours later, our bellies were full of delicious food, and we were dancing up a storm at a nightclub.
While begging the DJ to play some Guns N Roses, (to which he rudely laughed out loud), I noticed that I was getting "looks" from an attractive man across the dance floor. But I couldn't focus on him because I still had unfinished business with the DJ....."Ok, if you won't play GNR, then what about AC/DC?"
As I came down from the very unreasonable DJ booth, I was greeted by the attractive man.
"I just had to come over and say hello. You're very beautiful".
"Oh! It's just makeup. But thank you!" I said while smiling and making my way back to the bar.
"Haha. You're funny." He said while following close behind me. "Can I buy you a drink?"
A short while later, we were drinking expensive champagne in a private booth.... the attractive man, his friend, Mishi and me.
As the night progressed, we had learned that these men had started up very successful companies and that they were both extremely wealthy.
We were soon being promised car rides in their Ferrari's and parties on their yachts. And with each promise that they told, they became a little more forward with us. Their bodies inching closer to ours and suddenly their hands were making their way from our shoulders down to our lower backs.
Now, normally I'm ok with a little bit of PDA in public, especially with an attractive man ;) See blog: 'young and beautiful'
But something didn't feel quite right about this.
I jumped up just before his hand could go any further down my back.
"Mishi! I need to go to the washroom! Would you like to join me??" I said while lowering my head and widening my eyes in her direction.
"Uh, yes, actually. Let's go to the washroom!"
I looked towards the two men. "We'll be back!"
I was thankful that my sister got the hint. Neither of us needed to go to the washroom.
We stepped out of the booth and made our way towards the restroom, but at the last minute, we changed direction and made a quick bolt towards the club's exit.
As soon as the door closed, we ran. We ran as fast as we could in 4 inch platform sandals.
After one block, we turned down an alleyway and stopped to catch our breath.
My sister and I looked at each other and burst out laughing.
The run was probably totally unnecessary. And it probably stunned a lot of people on the street. But we needed to get away from whatever was happening with those guys.
The thought of being lured into a situation by money made me cringe. I refuse to let those materialistic things control my decisions.
Yes, it's nice to have money, but it shouldn't be how you sell yourself to a girl.
This was not a relationship that I wanted to pursue.
Perhaps being a gold-digger works for someone else, but it doesn't work for me. I'd rather hold out for the real thing. A love that stands the test of time. And maybe even lasts long after I've left this planet.
For at the end of the day, their ARE plenty of fish in the waters.
And if it ain't true love, then I'll just keep looking.......because I refuse to settle for a simple little goldfish.
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