I love how kids live in the moment.
They have the ability to channel what they're feeling without any other cares in the world. And one of the most interesting qualities about children, I think, is their ability to fall in love with people the minute they meet them, regardless of who these other little people are.
Just recently I took the girls to the library. Lola, my social butterfly, immediately meets another girl her age and they start coloring together. When I walk over to check out her drawings, she excitedly announces "Mommy! This is Madelaine! My new BEST FRIEND!"
I start laughing.
Only a 4-year old would make a new best friend within 2 minutes of meeting her.
2 days later, we meet our new neighbor and his 2 little girls. Tim comes over and introduces himself. Lola is already jumping off her bike, staring at the girls the entire time, with her mouth wide open.
"Hi. I'm Lola. What's your name?", she says in a very matter-of-fact way.
The little girl quietly answers, "Emily".
"MOMMY!" she yells, "Did you meet my new best friend Emily??"
Lola's ability to be-friend people so quickly makes me think about adults and how easy or difficult it is for US to meet new "best friends".
I think about a girls night I went to with my BFF years ago. On the drive down to the restaurant, she tells me that we gotta "tone it down for this event ok??". I start laughing. This is not the first time I've heard her say this to me.
My BFF and I tend to get loud and rowdy.....very often actually. I don't think we ever become "inappropriate", we just get really silly and goofy. I personally think we're lovely :) And we've been best friends for over a decade......so as long as we have fun.....we don't really care what other people think.
However, my BFF and I know that at certain events, we CANNOT show our true personalities right from the get-go. That would be SUICIDE with a new group of "potential friends"!
But we don't take this personally. My BFF and I understand very well that not everyone is like us. So we know, that with a new group of people, or a group that we already know is much more .....ummm.....how shall I put it......."subdued".....we need to take it down a notch. Otherwise our chance of "be-friending" those new people is just a complete write-off!
As a child, you just wanna have fun. You go to the park, the Y, school.... you meet other kids, and you just have fun together. As an adult, however, we cannot be so naive to believe that everyone out there and everyone you meet has your best interests at heart or wants to be your "true" friend. I learned that the hard way when I became friends with my Doula. Big mistake. Her and my ex-husband are living together now.
As an adult, you have to be cautious. Very cautious. You can't become friends with just anyone who smiles at you. And especially the people that very quickly "integrate" themselves into your family. I started reading a book by my good friend and colleague Dr.Phil. He's been wanting me to plug this book on my blog for awhile. I guess I can understand....what with my blog being so ridiculously popular right now. So I said to him....."sure". Sure Dr.Phil. But I did ask him to stop talking about his stupid son Jay and his publishing company. The whole Goddam world knows about Jay and his publishing company Phil!!
Anyhoo....I digress. The book is quite brilliant. It talks about "baiters". People who "bait" you into becoming their friends for the sole purpose of getting something out of it for themselves. These baiters will look at your husband, kids, business, cars, reputation, etc. and decide that they want it for themselves and will stop at absolutely NOTHING to get it. I like to call them snakes. I don't know why. Snakes just seems appropriate. These people are ugly and slimy like snakes too!
Anyway, my eyes are finally open. I will never be "baited" into another situation again. I will teach my kids how to watch out for these snakes, because as Dr.Phil says.....we live in a different world than the one our parents grew up in. And it is our responsibility as parents to teach our little ones not to get taken advantage of.
Bottom line is I will NEVER again become friends with someone if I have a strange "baitey" feeling about them.
And thank God that I'm done with having kids. Because I will NEVER in my life use a DOULA again!!!
They have the ability to channel what they're feeling without any other cares in the world. And one of the most interesting qualities about children, I think, is their ability to fall in love with people the minute they meet them, regardless of who these other little people are.
Just recently I took the girls to the library. Lola, my social butterfly, immediately meets another girl her age and they start coloring together. When I walk over to check out her drawings, she excitedly announces "Mommy! This is Madelaine! My new BEST FRIEND!"
I start laughing.
Only a 4-year old would make a new best friend within 2 minutes of meeting her.
2 days later, we meet our new neighbor and his 2 little girls. Tim comes over and introduces himself. Lola is already jumping off her bike, staring at the girls the entire time, with her mouth wide open.
"Hi. I'm Lola. What's your name?", she says in a very matter-of-fact way.
The little girl quietly answers, "Emily".
"MOMMY!" she yells, "Did you meet my new best friend Emily??"
Lola's ability to be-friend people so quickly makes me think about adults and how easy or difficult it is for US to meet new "best friends".
I think about a girls night I went to with my BFF years ago. On the drive down to the restaurant, she tells me that we gotta "tone it down for this event ok??". I start laughing. This is not the first time I've heard her say this to me.
My BFF and I tend to get loud and rowdy.....very often actually. I don't think we ever become "inappropriate", we just get really silly and goofy. I personally think we're lovely :) And we've been best friends for over a decade......so as long as we have fun.....we don't really care what other people think.
However, my BFF and I know that at certain events, we CANNOT show our true personalities right from the get-go. That would be SUICIDE with a new group of "potential friends"!
But we don't take this personally. My BFF and I understand very well that not everyone is like us. So we know, that with a new group of people, or a group that we already know is much more .....ummm.....how shall I put it......."subdued".....we need to take it down a notch. Otherwise our chance of "be-friending" those new people is just a complete write-off!
As a child, you just wanna have fun. You go to the park, the Y, school.... you meet other kids, and you just have fun together. As an adult, however, we cannot be so naive to believe that everyone out there and everyone you meet has your best interests at heart or wants to be your "true" friend. I learned that the hard way when I became friends with my Doula. Big mistake. Her and my ex-husband are living together now.
As an adult, you have to be cautious. Very cautious. You can't become friends with just anyone who smiles at you. And especially the people that very quickly "integrate" themselves into your family. I started reading a book by my good friend and colleague Dr.Phil. He's been wanting me to plug this book on my blog for awhile. I guess I can understand....what with my blog being so ridiculously popular right now. So I said to him....."sure". Sure Dr.Phil. But I did ask him to stop talking about his stupid son Jay and his publishing company. The whole Goddam world knows about Jay and his publishing company Phil!!
Anyhoo....I digress. The book is quite brilliant. It talks about "baiters". People who "bait" you into becoming their friends for the sole purpose of getting something out of it for themselves. These baiters will look at your husband, kids, business, cars, reputation, etc. and decide that they want it for themselves and will stop at absolutely NOTHING to get it. I like to call them snakes. I don't know why. Snakes just seems appropriate. These people are ugly and slimy like snakes too!
Anyway, my eyes are finally open. I will never be "baited" into another situation again. I will teach my kids how to watch out for these snakes, because as Dr.Phil says.....we live in a different world than the one our parents grew up in. And it is our responsibility as parents to teach our little ones not to get taken advantage of.
Bottom line is I will NEVER again become friends with someone if I have a strange "baitey" feeling about them.
And thank God that I'm done with having kids. Because I will NEVER in my life use a DOULA again!!!
I want to make a master baiter joke - your BFF would make me tone it down. But really. this is a good article making really good points. Trust your gut and proceed with caution and always be yourself. And also really your doula? WTF. Vaginas and babies and those who are welcomed into the realm of those two areas of ones life should know better. sacrilege.
ReplyDeleteAmen, Mother Ship!! lol. There is nothing sacred about what's going on there.... on another note, love seeing the world through your eyes Leo.
ReplyDeleteYou are amazing:) Much of the world is going to hell in a hand basket and there are so many nasty people out there that can take advantage of kindness. Fortunately there are also many extraordinary, strong and caring people like yourself that make the world a better place. We need to keep the snakes with the snakes and the ridiculously fabulous need to stick together.
ReplyDelete