I am surrounded by superstar athletes. My brother just came in FIRST in the Limberlost Challenge Trail Race.......56K run. He said the last 14K were hard. That makes me want to hit him. My dad was a competitive tennis player. Beat challengers half his age when he was 60. And my husband is competing in an upcoming triathalon. He is also a Master of Taekwondo and regularly bench presses over 300 pounds during his routine workouts.
I worked out with him once. We went to the local Y. He gave me a series of exercises. By exercise 2, I felt the tears filling my eye sockets. He looked at me and said "Are you crying????"....I sniffled...."nooo" I whispered back.
"Babe, are you serious?? what's wrong??"
"I can't do this" again I whispered, not wanting to draw any attention to myself.
"C'mon! Let's go to the bench press." He says as he ignores me and takes my hand and pulls me off the mat. He starts adding weights, 5 pounds on each side.....a total of 10 pounds plus the bar. I begrudgingly lie down on the bench. I lift my arms to the bar. I scrunch my face and push up as hard as I can. I close my eyes to further the intensity and strength. Nothing moves. At this point a "beefcake" approaches my hubby "Hey dude!! How's it going??" My husband turns away from me and starts chatting with Mr.Muscles. I look to the left.....emergency exit. I look to the right.....staircase to the main lobby. I can do this! I can escape!!!! I wipe my tears....and slowly start slithering off the bench press......but......oh no!!!! my stupid leggings are too slick....I'm losing grip......I smash to the ground below!!
"Jesus!!!! Babe!!! You ok????" my husband looks mortified!!!
"No, no..I'm fine! I ....uuuuhhhhh.....was ....just trying to grab another .....saucer....I mean....plate!!!"
"Nice!!! Good for you!!!! Here you go"
"Yeah....great ....thanks!"
I somehow make it through the next 20 exercises and then cry behind my Dolce & Gabbana sunglasses on the way home. I lift my sunglasses and look at the rearview mirror in the car. One of my eyebrows has rubbed off completely. Nice! Probably on a flippin' saucer....PLATE!! urghhhh!!!!! stupid workout!!!!!
THIS is how I feel about working out.
Don't get me wrong.....I do it....I just hate it!!!
So how the hell am I related to a brother who is one of the best triatheletes in Ontario right now....and my Dad who was fitter at 60 than I was in the my 20's. And not to mention, having a husband who LIVES to workout.
"Babe?? Wanna come for a bike ride with me???"
"Oooohhhh....ummm....yeah....I'd LOVE to.....but........the cable guy is coming....like...now."
"Really?? Why??"
"Stuffffff........with....the pvr......it's broken.....suckssss....... but thanks!!!"
"No worries! Next time!!! I know you love getting out there!!"
"Yup!! love love love LOVE it!!!!!"
What's funny is I actually do workout ....a lot........I'm actually training for my Black Belt right now. Yes......thank you.
But every time I think about doing crunches....or situps...or pushups....I cringe. I die a little.
I really don't understand how people love working out???
I have friends who spend HOURS at the gym everyday!! And they're phenomenal! Constantly posting their latest accomplishments on facebook. I'm constantly amazed.
I remember when I was 25.......I went to GoodLife everyday at lunch. In my cute new outfit from Winners.....red lipstick perfectly applied......Glamour magazine in hand...as I jumped on the treadmill and walked slowly for 25 minutes. Then I'd sigh in relief as I finished my "workout", grabbed my towel....wiped the 2 beads of sweat from my nose, and meandered back to the changeroom in style!
But I have to say....I have come a LONG way from those early days of my "pretendy workouts".....cause that doesn't fly when you pass the lovely age of 35.
I do workout hard now....I mean......you don't get HANDED a Black Belt. So I've had to re-train my mind and body.
But I still go to bed dreaming of being on the cover of some Sports magazine as Olympic Gold Medal winner in Taekwondo. I laugh when my husband tells me that people actually quit their jobs to train for the Olympics. "Oh Baby!" I say "You're so funny!!!" I giggle and go back to a picture of Michael Phelps online.
He rolls his eyes and leaves the room.
I continue daydreaming. I wonder if they'd let me have music in the stadium when I entered the ring?? Like in the UFC.......it would HAVE to be something by Gwen.....or Guns 'n Roses......."Welcome to the Jungle baby.......you're gonna dieeeeeeee..." I giggle again....THAT would be awesome!!!!
I worked out with him once. We went to the local Y. He gave me a series of exercises. By exercise 2, I felt the tears filling my eye sockets. He looked at me and said "Are you crying????"....I sniffled...."nooo" I whispered back.
"Babe, are you serious?? what's wrong??"
"I can't do this" again I whispered, not wanting to draw any attention to myself.
"C'mon! Let's go to the bench press." He says as he ignores me and takes my hand and pulls me off the mat. He starts adding weights, 5 pounds on each side.....a total of 10 pounds plus the bar. I begrudgingly lie down on the bench. I lift my arms to the bar. I scrunch my face and push up as hard as I can. I close my eyes to further the intensity and strength. Nothing moves. At this point a "beefcake" approaches my hubby "Hey dude!! How's it going??" My husband turns away from me and starts chatting with Mr.Muscles. I look to the left.....emergency exit. I look to the right.....staircase to the main lobby. I can do this! I can escape!!!! I wipe my tears....and slowly start slithering off the bench press......but......oh no!!!! my stupid leggings are too slick....I'm losing grip......I smash to the ground below!!
"Jesus!!!! Babe!!! You ok????" my husband looks mortified!!!
"No, no..I'm fine! I ....uuuuhhhhh.....was ....just trying to grab another .....saucer....I mean....plate!!!"
"Nice!!! Good for you!!!! Here you go"
"Yeah....great ....thanks!"
I somehow make it through the next 20 exercises and then cry behind my Dolce & Gabbana sunglasses on the way home. I lift my sunglasses and look at the rearview mirror in the car. One of my eyebrows has rubbed off completely. Nice! Probably on a flippin' saucer....PLATE!! urghhhh!!!!! stupid workout!!!!!
THIS is how I feel about working out.
Don't get me wrong.....I do it....I just hate it!!!
So how the hell am I related to a brother who is one of the best triatheletes in Ontario right now....and my Dad who was fitter at 60 than I was in the my 20's. And not to mention, having a husband who LIVES to workout.
"Babe?? Wanna come for a bike ride with me???"
"Oooohhhh....ummm....yeah....I'd LOVE to.....but........the cable guy is coming....like...now."
"Really?? Why??"
"Stuffffff........with....the pvr......it's broken.....suckssss....... but thanks!!!"
"No worries! Next time!!! I know you love getting out there!!"
"Yup!! love love love LOVE it!!!!!"
What's funny is I actually do workout ....a lot........I'm actually training for my Black Belt right now. Yes......thank you.
But every time I think about doing crunches....or situps...or pushups....I cringe. I die a little.
I really don't understand how people love working out???
I have friends who spend HOURS at the gym everyday!! And they're phenomenal! Constantly posting their latest accomplishments on facebook. I'm constantly amazed.
I remember when I was 25.......I went to GoodLife everyday at lunch. In my cute new outfit from Winners.....red lipstick perfectly applied......Glamour magazine in hand...as I jumped on the treadmill and walked slowly for 25 minutes. Then I'd sigh in relief as I finished my "workout", grabbed my towel....wiped the 2 beads of sweat from my nose, and meandered back to the changeroom in style!
But I have to say....I have come a LONG way from those early days of my "pretendy workouts".....cause that doesn't fly when you pass the lovely age of 35.
I do workout hard now....I mean......you don't get HANDED a Black Belt. So I've had to re-train my mind and body.
But I still go to bed dreaming of being on the cover of some Sports magazine as Olympic Gold Medal winner in Taekwondo. I laugh when my husband tells me that people actually quit their jobs to train for the Olympics. "Oh Baby!" I say "You're so funny!!!" I giggle and go back to a picture of Michael Phelps online.
He rolls his eyes and leaves the room.
I continue daydreaming. I wonder if they'd let me have music in the stadium when I entered the ring?? Like in the UFC.......it would HAVE to be something by Gwen.....or Guns 'n Roses......."Welcome to the Jungle baby.......you're gonna dieeeeeeee..." I giggle again....THAT would be awesome!!!!
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