The plant.

One day, Mama did something horrible.  Something unspeakable.  Something a mother should NEVER do to her daughter.

It's almost hard for me to talk about.

But I think I have to.  

I think it's healthy for me to get this off my chest and share my story with the world.

Ok.  Here goes.

Mama.....(gulp).....bought....me.......(sniff).....a.......PLANT.

I'll give you a moment to gasp.

You ok?


As good as you can be I guess after hearing such horrific news.



A few months ago, Mama pranced up my front steps, looking fabulous as always.  Her blonde hair in a perfect Marilyn Monroe coif, her nails matching her purse (which that day were both red, but the day before were both pink).   And her shoes were perfectly polished as they clicked up the concrete stairs.

She presented the giant plant to me (which was the size of a small tree) with her jewellery-covered hands.  She then made her way towards an empty pot at my front door.

"Look at dis GORGEOUS palm.  Can you belief it??  Izn't it soo bu-tiful??"


Without even looking at me, she began moving the pot into a different location and squeezing the giant tree into the planter.

"Ummm. Yeah Ma.  It's nice."

"Dis vas da last one.  Can you belief it??  Izn't it spectacular??  Now go inside and get some water for it".


I looked at the plant and rolled my eyes.  It just swayed with the breeze without a care in the world.    

I felt like the plant was the mean girl at school and my mom had just forced us to play.  

And now I had to go get her a snack  >:( 


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A couple weeks after the first "incident", Mama came over with another plant.

And just recently, a potted flower had somehow made it into my home.

So now, I have three plants in my home.  

THREE!!!

Don't get me wrong, the plants are beautiful, and it was very sweet of Mama to present me with said gifts.  

But that's not how I look at them.

For me, it's just three more LIVING THINGS that I need to take care of.  Like I don't have enough responsibility???

So in addition, to my 2 beautiful daughters, my extremely handsome jack russel terrier, and myself (the Queen Bee of the home), now I have to look after plants.  PLANTS!!


And as you all know, I'm a hoarder.  (And if you don't know that, then you need to go back and refresh your memory by reading all of my past blogs.  I won't even get mad at you right now for being behind on my posts because I'm too angry at the rainforest that is slowly taking over my home).

Anyway, back to being a hoarder.  

So BECAUSE I am a hoarder, it is VERY hard for me to get rid of anything.  So when friends recently gave me advice over my "green" situation, recommending that I just throw them out, I OBVIOUSLY gasped.

"Throw something out?? Who throws anything out??  What if you need that plant in the future?  You know, for when the zombie apocolypse comes and all of nature is wiped out and MY 3 plants are the ONLY source of oxygen for my entire neighbourhood??  Who're ya gonna come running to then?  Huh??  Who???"


Anywayssss........I may have digressed there slightly. And I'm not quite sure how zombies will wipe out nature?    Sooooo..... I apologize.  

These plants have really riled me up.

But the amount of extra work they have given me is completely ridiculous!

Every week I have to stop EVERYTHING I'm doing in order to take care of these living jungles.  And for some reason (just to make my life more difficult I think) they are all in pots that leak, so I have to pour minute amounts of water into them and wait quietly and patiently as the first batch of water gets fully absorbed by the soil so that I don't have water-spill-over onto my gorgeous hard-wood floors.  And let's all hope that the soil is not too dry and then the water doesn't get absorbed at all and just pours over the sides..... because that's a whole OTHER fiasco.  Don't even get me started on THAT!

Anyway, so every week I have to water them.  

But that's not all.


I've heard....you know, through the rumour mill (the greenhouses), that it's good to talk to your plants.  So even though I'm SUPER MAD at these so-called "oxygen-providers", I still give them tons of love through calm and peaceful comments.

"Hello plant.  You are very beautiful.  You have the .....(eye-roll) shiniest leaves I have ever seen.  And .......(pause to think for a moment) your flowers are about to bloom.....and...(sigh) that will make you even more attractive.  I hope you live.....(gulp)....forever.  The end"

I do this for all 3 plants.  Every week.  

I may even caress their leaves tenderly.  If the mood strikes me.  But most of the time I tell them I have a headache and need to go lay down.



Anyway.   So I think I'm done complaining.  

I'm sorry if I was super negative today.

But I really feel like my story needed to be shared.  

For all you Grandmas out there, don't buy your daughters potted flowers, or plants, or small trees.  You're just setting them up for a lifetime of stress and unnecessary work.

Just buy them what they really want.

A bottle of wine, a one-hour massage and a box of chocolates.



Thank you for listening.