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The next chapter....




For almost 6 years I have been a stay at home mom to my 2 little girls.  Although at times I went a little cuckoo trying to cope with a lack of sleep, temper tantrums, and the incessant high-pitched voice of Dora the Explorer, I would still not go back and trade those years for anything else.  I am incredibly grateful for the amount of time that I have been able to spend with my angels and be by their side as their grew up before my eyes.

 But.... I always knew that there would be a day that things would change.  That eventually, I would flip the page of my book of life and realize that the chapter had ended, and a new one would begin.

That page was recently flipped.  Exactly 2 weeks ago I started a new chapter.  

My new job.

 ---------------------------------


The night before my first day at work, I tossed and turned in bed.

My heart was racing.

What have I done?  I thought to myself.  How am I going to do this?  How can I possibly work and still manage to take care of my children and my home?  There is NO way I'll be able to pull this off.  I'm sure there are NO other women out there who work AND have children.  This is a total and complete impossibility.

 I pictured my first day of work as a complete train wreck.  Staring at my supervisor as she tried to explain the computer system to me.  And then being too afraid to ask "Soooo....how do I print something again??"

 I finally sat up in bed and did the only thing that would calm me down.  

No...I didn't hit the liquor bottle.  I said a little prayer.

 God.  Tomorrow is my first day of work.  But you probably know that already.  Please don't let me mess up.  Give me the strength to know how to do.......ummm....work stuff.  And if they fire me, please let them do it privately so that I don't get humiliated.  Or throw me out the door and onto the street like they do in cartoons.  Thanks God.  Amen.

And with that, I fell asleep.

-------------------------------------------

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

 I jumped up as soon as the alarm started blaring and turned it off.  No 'snooze'ing' for this girl!

This was it!!  My first day at work.  

I stretched, yawned and then got right to my new morning routine.

 My breakfast was pre-planned, a toasted bagel with pb & j....a personal favorite.  No sense in changing a breakfast that was already so perfect.  

My pinterest lunch was prepared and packed.   My travel mug ready to be filled with Folgers coffee for the commute, and my outfit all laid out.....right down to the socks :)

I rushed around and managed to accomplish everything in under an hour flat....and that's including perfectly drawn-on eyebrows ;)  During that time Mama had come over to help and the girls had made their way down the stairs with bedhead and eyes half-closed ;)

Saying goodbye to the girls before I left was the most difficult part.  I hugged and kissed them for what seemed like an eternity.  I knew that starting a new job would be good for me but it felt awful knowing that I was about to walk out the door without them.  Lola had tears in her eyes while Molly just screamed "Whyyyyyy???"  :( 

I hugged and kissed them once more and told them that I'd see them soon. I reassured them that they wouldn't even know I was gone....even though we all knew that was a lie :(

Even though I felt horrible leaving them, I knew that there was nothing more I could do.  I dedicated 6 years of my life to being a stay-at-home mommy,  and I knew in my heart that it was time for me to do something more.  Something for myself.  


 As I was about to close the front door behind me I heard "Mommy!  Wait!!"

 I pushed the door back open to see Lola standing there in her pj's with something in her hand.

 "Mommy" she said very confidently "I'm very proud of you for getting a job.  Here, take this.  It's mine.  But you can have it for work".

 As I looked down to see what Lola was handing me, my eyes filled up with tears.  It was a red and white Canada pen that Lola had found in a storage box at my mom's house.  It was one of my Dad's old pens.  He loved Canada and collected anything and everything with the Canada flag on it.  We very often laughed at my Dad's obsession with his Canadian paraphernalia.  But now....I realized that there was no coincidence that Lola had chosen, out of all of her pens, to give me this one to take to my first day of work.

 I gave Lola a huge hug and whispered "Thank you angel".

 I held the pen tightly in my hand as I walked out the door, wiped the tears from my face, and got into my van.

 As I pulled out of the driveway, I imagined flipping the page of my book and seeing that my chapter had come to an end.

I will never forget my 6 years at home with my babies.  I will always have the most beautiful memories of being there for their first word, their first step, and their first day of school.

 But now it was time for me to have a first. 



I put the car in drive and started on my new journey.  

And as I drove down the street away from my home and towards the sun rising, I looked down at my hand at my brand new pen.

And I thought, how ironic?

That without knowing, my little girl had given me something so perfect to write my next chapter with ;)








Stay tuned for next week's entry.  My first 2 weeks at work :)



 

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