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Lights! Camera! Ridiculous Girl!







It was time.


 It was time for me to do the unthinkable.

 Time to do something that I have dreaded doing for the past year.

Something that I wanted to put off for even longer, but knew I couldn't.

It took a nasty text from Mandy, for me to realize that I could not delay this inevitable task any further.

 Babe.  You HAVE to change your Ridiculous Girl profile pic.  I'm sorry, but the selfie's gotta go.  It's horrible.  I love you. xo


I sighed and threw my cell on the couch and went back to watching The Bachelor.  I knew she was right.  I just wish I didn't have to get my pictures taken.  Especially now.  With everything I was going through, the last thing I needed was a camera inches away from my face.....revealing the darkness under my eyes and the worry lines I had recently acquired from the on-going stress of a separation in court.

Ugh.  Why did I need pictures?

Why couldn't I just write my blog and stay behind the scenes.  People didn't really need to know what I looked like, right?  My description is more than accurate. Tall, blonde, red lips.  Wasn't that enough?

But according to Mandy, it wasn't.  My BFF and personal public relations guru, insisted that the world needed to link a face to Ridiculous Girl.

I went back to watching my show.

 I would deal with this 'photo shoot' at another time.

 But first, I needed to finish my wine and then go wander around the mansion in hopes of finding The Bachelor Chris Soules so that I could score a one-on-one date with him before the other girls could.



I know what you're thinking.

I'd probably need 2 glasses of wine for that ;)
------------------------------------
4 weeks later

"Oh my God!  I could see the professional lighting through your front window when I was parking!  This is so exciting!  Are you excited?? I'm SO excited!!"

 I closed my front door behind Amy as she came into my front foyer.

I had asked my good friend to come over and help me with my hair and makeup on-set.....but I realized that I needed her instead to calm my nerves. 

"Aim.  I'm gonna barf."

 "Oh stop it!  You'll do great!  C'mon, let's do this!" she grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the light.

As Amy and the photographer discussed looks and poses, I sat quietly on a stool waiting, and also mentally preparing myself for the shoot.  I repeated my favorite mantra over and over in my head. You're good enough.  You're smart enough.  And gosh darn, people like you.
For a girl like me who loves to dish details of her life without any filters, it is probably surprising to you that I hate being on camera.  I instantly turn stiff and uncomfortable.  This also goes for any situation in which I am being watched.......hence my inability to flirt and my general awkwardness in life.

 But I don't necessarily see this as a bad thing.  

 I would rather be slightly insecure in myself and in my looks than overly confident.  I think this strategy helps keep me real and grounded.  

I am also aware that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder......and I am the beholder every morning who witnesses my transformation from Gary Busey to Marilyn Monroe ;)










"Ok Leo, you ready?"

I stared at my photographer like a deer in headlights, completely overwhelmed by the set and by all of the attention that I was receiving. 

It was clear that at that moment, he was not going to get the shot that he was hoping for.

"Gimme sexy" he said from behind the lens.

I squinted my eyes and curved my lips into what I thought was a sexy smile.   

 My photographer, who is also my dear friend sighed, walked into my kitchen and poured himself a glass of red wine.  Or at least that's what I thought.  He marched right over to me and handed me the glass and said, "Girl, you need to relax.  Drink this."

I know what you're thinking.

 I'd probably need 2 glasses of wine for that ;)

 ---------------------------------------
Even though it started off rocky, the photo shoot ended up being an incredible success.  The feedback that I received from the pictures that I posted was just insane.
And I'm happy to say that it wasn't because of the effects of the wine....although that didn't hurt ;)

 Sure I needed to loosen' up, but what turned things around was when my photographer finally asked,  "How do you want to portray yourself?  What do you want people to see when they see a picture of you?"

 Well, that was easy.  

I wanted people to see a girl who could be completely ridiculous and completely glam all at the same time.  A girl who never takes herself too seriously, and who laughs at herself more than anyone else ever could.  And a girl, who's been knocked down more times than she can count, but continues to get out of bed every morning and work hard to show herself and her daughters that anything in life is possible.
And with that realization, the fears drifted away and my spark returned.  


And Ridiculous Girl suddenly came alive on set ;) 


-----------------------------------------


For me, overcoming a fear like that begs the question.....what will Ridiculous Girl do next?  

 
Well, I'm not quite sure where my path will lead me, but I have a feeling that this journey is just beginning.  


And what I do know is that at the end of the day, with the right attitude, the right people and the right lighting.....anything is possible ;)




Thank you Amy and Biren for patiently waiting and helping me find myself in front of the camera that night.  You helped me turn my dreaded task into a fabulous reality xo








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