Lawn Wars. The Finale.

I’d like to take you back…...back to a cold and wet afternoon in May. 

That day, I posted a video in which I was VERY frustrated about the state of my lawn.  Do you remember this video??

Of course you do!  You remember EVERYTHING I do!  Because you are all TRUE FANS!!

For the rest of you who do not remember……..…you are dead to me.  Please stop following me immediately.

Anyway, where was I?  

Oh yes!  I was reminding my TRUE FANS of a video I posted at the beginning of May – where I introduced you to LAWN WARS!  A competition that I have every year with my neighbors to compete for the best lawn at the end of the summer.

If you recall, I was slightly nervous during this video, because there were many wet and drizzly days in May, perfect for initial grass fertilization, yet I was behind in my lawn maintenance, and had yet to do this crucial first step in achieving the most beautiful lawn in all the land!

But fast forward to the end of the month, when I posted a blog also entitled LAWN WARS, where I was all caught up.  Phew!

And my lawn was looking good.

I mean REAL GOOD.

And again, for my TRUE fans,  you may recall from that blog post that I was feeling confident!

REALLY confident.  I was certain that I would win!

I was also being heckled daily by my jealous neighbors.   But I refused to let them steer me off track.  

I continued to regularly weed, regularly edge and finally install new solar lamps …….which if you recall, were a tad disco-ballish – but they definitely added the pizzazz and charm that defined a garden that would be owned by the one and only Ridiculous Girl :) 

The heckling continued well into August, as our lawns were flourishing with the very wet and rainy summer that we were blessed to have ;)

But by the end of August, and after a few hot weekends, several neighbors had bowed out of the competition due to their poor maintenance and lack of sprinkling. 

HAHA!!  SUCKERS!!!  

LATER LOSERS!!

It was now down to the final 2 competitors.  Myself, and my buddy Dylan across the street. 

Dylan would often come over to “talk” while I was working on my lawn.

But I knew all too well that this was just a tactic.  I was 100% sure that he was doing his due diligence and sneaking a peak at what the competition was up to. 

I would not stoop that low.  I REFUSED to go over to his place and “pretend” to look at his lawn.  That was sooooo beneath me.

Instead, I just spied from my bedroom window on a daily basis.

But I have to tell you folks, his lawn was looking good too. A little TOO good.

And once again, I was starting to get a teeny, tiny bit nervous…………..

The big day had FINALLY arrived.

After 4 LONG months of very hard work, we were ready!

We had secured 2 very important judges for the grand finale.

Matt, our buddy from down the street, who is a self-proclaimed lawn-wars champion……. and Cooler Guy. 

Remember Cooler Guy???  From the Lawn Wars blog?  Silly me, OF COURSE you remember Cooler Guy!!

Anyway,  I quickly made a few final touches to my lawn before they came over.

I lightly sprinkled the lawn with water to give it diamond-like finish.   Sort of similar to when I put one more coat of shiny lip gloss on top of my already perfect red pout ;)  It was the PERFECT grand finale!

I then straightened my disco-ball solar lamps and I “pouffed-up” my hostas.

I was READY!!!

Matt and Cooler Guy came over and said hello.  I was VERY impressed with their professionalism.  This was a far-cry from the normally boisterous men who drank in their garages every weekend. 

When they approached me, I noticed that they even had clipboards!  CLIPBOARDS!!!  Can you believe it!?

I ran up to them and shook their hands.  I figured that I should match their professionalism in order to impress them right from the get-go.  

They smiled, said hello and went to work grading my lawn, as I quietly stepped out of their way.

To say I was nervous was an understatement.
  

In fact, I wish I wore deodorant that day :/  I began flapping my arms behind their backs in order to cool off my sweaty armpits.

I then looked over at Dylan across the street who was standing on his driveway.

I didn't like what I saw.

He looked confident and cool.

Cool as a cucumber in fact. 

He was all relaxed and smiling……..... and I was flapping my arms like a wild Canadian goose :/

The judges whispered amongst themselves as they inspected every single square inch of my lawn,  and then wrote several notes on their clipboard pages.

When it looked like they were done, the judges then said thank you to me and proceeded to Dylan’s house.  I ran behind them.... and then took my place standing next to Dylan.

And for the first time in weeks, I got a chance to see Dylan’s lawn up close.

I thought of the categories that Matt and Cooler Guy were judging us on.  Color of grass, thickness of grass, edging, garden, and curb appeal.

We would probably tie on colour of grass and thickness of grass, but edging.  Crap!!  His edging was GOOD!   I knew I shouldn’t have used a steak knife for my edging!! 

Dylan also had some sweet lawn mower lines.  He did that thing that only the REAL lawners do – he “zig-zagged” his mowing lines!! 

Shit just got real folks.

Who the hell knew that we were incorporating zig zag lines!!??

Now I was REALLY nervous.

I started flapping my arms nervously again.

Cool Dylan looked over at me and said “You ok??”

“Shhh!” I whispered in an angry voice hoping to eavesdrop on Matt and Cooler Guy’s conversations.

And suddenly, the judges turned around.

This was it!!!


The moment of truth!!



"And the WINNER....."  Matt yelled un-necessarily loud (after all, it was just us!?)....."of the 2017 LAWN WARSSSSS COMPETITIONNNNNNNNN ISSSSSSS........."


I was freaking out!!  This was my moment to shine!  After all my hard work and dedication to my beautiful lawn, everything would FINALLY pay off!!!


"DYLANNNNNNNN!!!!!"


I took a step forward to accept my................WAIT!......WHAT??????????



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Yes folks.  I'm very sad to report that Ridiculous Girl did NOT win the 2017 Lawn Wars competition.


Sigh.


But I guess all is not lost.


I worked VERY hard, and my lawn really did look so incredibly beautiful after all my slaving and hard work all summer.


In the end I was very proud of myself :)


And Dylan really DID deserve that win.


He is clearly the champion.



"So Leo!  Are you in for another competition next year???"  Matt asked as I gave Dylan a congratulatory hug.


I look at Matt and said.....


"Matt, thank you for asking.....but there's NO F'ING WAY!!  You guys can compete!  Next year, I'm letting my lawn go to HAY!......


.......But I'll be relaxed, and happy, and drinking margaritas in my garage!"


LONG LIVE LAWN WARS!!!!


:)