Slime.

As a single mom will know.............


Wait....let me start again.


As ANY PARENT will know, the key factor to how happy you are, is how happy your CHILDREN are.

When your children are happy, then life is absolutely blissful.  

Your day is filled with laughter, you frolic in the garden playing with butterflies and your overall appearance is more youthful......and beautiful.


I will now insert a huge EYE ROLL....because this almost NEVER happens.


Most of the time my kids are disappointed with my snack choices (healthy vs. laden with sugar), frustrated with me forcing physical activities on them ("but why can't we just watch NETFLIX all day???") and angry with each other ("Lola didn't say anything but I KNOW that she hates my outfit (wahhhhhhh!!!!)")


In all of these situations I have perfected the eye roll.  

If you need any help in this department, I have begun courses at the local college to help parents deal with their ridiculous kids.  My first course is called "Eye Roll 101".  If you complete that course with honours, then you graduate to "Adding effective sounds to your eye roll".  That's my favourite course by the way.  You'll learn quickly and effectively how to add an "ugh", "pppppfffftttt" or "sigh" to that eye roll to truly bring your point home.


Anyway, where was I??  Oh yes......


It has been my goal as a mom to do whatever I can to keep my kids happy and entertained despite ALL of the obstacles working against me.



Many of you moms out there are crafty moms.  I salute you.  You don't even know the advantage that you have in parenting.  You have the knowledge and creative ability to keep your kids entertained for hours with fabulous arts and crafts projects that the average mom could not even fathom.


My idea of arts and crafts is "Here are some colouring books kids.  Have fun!" and pray to God that they will colour for 3 hours quietly while I clean my entire house.  


So far I've only scored about 10 minutes.  Insert eye roll with a "guhhh".


But luckily for me (or unlucky for me), I have an 8-year old who is VERY motivated and will research her own arts and crafts projects on Kids YouTube.

The most recent one she brought to my attention was SLIME.


When she first asked me to help her make slime, I was completely overwhelmed.  How the heck was I going to make slime??  And WHY??? Why make slime??  It made no sense to me.


But Lola, being the young leader and entrepreneur that she is, presented to me several YouTube videos that showed slime making as the most delightful and colourful project in all the land.

Even I was mesmerized by the video which was made by a beautiful, young 16-year old girl, with an English accent and the most gorgeous manicure I had ever seen!?  

I almost felt that if I made this slime, I too would become young and beautiful with sparkly pink nails.

I was sold!


We were MAKING SLIME!!


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------


Our first attempt was not successful.  Lola cried her eyes out as the slime refused to coagulate.

But we didn't give up!

Our second attempt gave a slightly better consistency.  

But still not perfect.

By the third try, we had it DOWN!!


We had soon become completely OBSESSED with making slime, and it became an almost daily event.


Lola (again, my little entrepreneur), had soon begun making batches for her friends at school.

We were making different colours, different sizes and incorporating different glitter effects. 

We rocked at this whole slime thing!  


Even the parents at school were commenting at our new talent (and perhaps a new business venture in the near future???)


My kids were happy.  I was happy.  There were no more wars in the world.  Life was perfect.


Until........I noticed something strange about all of the kids clothes.


There were tiny little stains all over every single outfit that they had worn over the last 2 weeks. 

Then I noticed a weird hard gloop matted into my family room area rug.


It wasn't until I saw a small turquoise blob hardened on my beautiful grey couch that I finally put 2 and 2 together.


I had been.....SLIMED!!!  

Insert the longest and largest eye roll you have ever seen.  Along with a mouth wide open (that's from the 3rd course by the way.)


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Things went completely down hill after that.


On one occasion, Molly's slime had somehow exploded in her face.  I ran down the stairs only to hear "IT'S IN MY MOUTH!  I CAN TASTE IT!!!!"


And THEN, a batch of slime that Lola had made for her friend Eva had melted right out of the ziplock baggy that it was in, and began oozing into her back-pack.  Luckily her mom had found it just in the nick of time.  I profusely apologized to the mom and hoped to God we would still be invited back for playdates.  Because as any mom knows, once you find a good family for playdates, you gotta keep that shit going!



Slime had soon ruined our lives.


It had turned from the greatest craft invention of all time, to the craft of HELL.

It was EVERYWHERE.  On our furniture, in our clothes, in our hair, in our mouths, and in our ears.

Sadly, it was time to shut down our slime business......... much to my children's dismay.



And we were back to colouring books.  


Insert a regular eye roll with a sigh.  


It's unfortunate that our slime days are over.  We had a good run.

Perhaps one day someone will invent a slime that does not slime our lives.

GASP!!!!  That's it!!!


"LOLA!!  PULL OUT THE SLIME INGREDIENTS!  MOMMY'S GOT A NEW IDEA!!!"


;)




Here is a video that Lola made when we were in the prime of our slime days.  The ending pretty much describes how we all felt.


Enjoy!