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NOTHING!!



It was a quiet spring evening.  

 I sat at my desk (couch), reading the latest news reports (Facebook updates), drinking a camomile tea (red wine), in my tight Lululemon clothes (baggy Stitches army-printed track pants).

 When all of a sudden, my Facebook account started dinging out of control with updates.  I thought to myself....what could all of this racket be about??  

 I clicked on the link that had my name in caps followed by what looked like a million exclamation points.  The following article immediately popped up.....

 GUNS N' ROSES CONFIRM NORTH AMERICAN TOUR
Gasp!!!!

 I placed my camomile tea delicately on the table (chugged my red wine in one gulp and threw the glass at the fireplace).  I jumped up and started screaming and doing the Borat dance of joy. 

 My dreams had finally come true!! My favorite band in the whole world (and also the BEST band to have ever been created) was back baby!

 And NOTHING..... I mean NOTHING was going to stop me from seeing them!

2 months later

 I texted my very hip younger cousin as the big day was fast approaching.

ME:  Victoria - you're buying tix tomorrow right? (I used the term "tix" instead of tickets to show that I was equally as hip as her)

 VICTORIA:  YESSSS!!!  Don't forget to be ready to order right at 10am! 

 ME:  Totes ma goats!!  (She will be so impressed with my new-age lingo).
I put the phone down and went straight to bed.  Sure it was only 8:30pm, but I was going to need at least 10 hours of sleep in order to successfully pull this off.  

 Nothing was going to stop me from seeing this band.  Nothing!

The next day I gathered my medical centre co-workers in a circle.  I put my hands in prayer position and placed them under my nose and took a deep breath.

 "Ladies.  As you all know, Guns N' Roses is coming to Toronto this summer.  I know...I know...you're all very excited.  But I need us all to stay focused ok?  Tickets go on sale in approximatellllyyyyyyy.........(I leaned back in my chair to glance at my iPhone) .......15 mins.  So I'll need everyone to work together in order to allow ME to purchase tickets on Ticketmaster in a timeline fashion.  Does anyone have any questions?"

 I looked around at each of the staff who in turn looked at each other, and then walked away.

 Hmmm.  I guess they just don't want to be distracted at this very crucial time.  Totally understandable.  Totes....ma goats.

The time was quickly approaching.

 9:57

I took my last big chug of coffee.  Mmmm.  Excellent.  I am revved up!  I wish I went pee, but no time for that now.

 9:58

 Eeeeeekkkkkkkk!

 9:59

 AHHHHH!!

 10:00!!   HERE WE GO!!!
As I frantically clicked on the Guns N Roses venue announcement, a lady came to the window and handed me her health card.  

 "Helloooo dear.  How are you today?" she said in her 90-year old voice.

 I whispered under my breath as I stared at the screen "how many of these pictures contain rivers? what??  this is sooo stupid!!  whyyy??  why do I need to count rivers?  what do rivers have to do with Guns N Roses???"

 "What's that sweetheart??" she said in her raspy, old voice.

 "Oh? What? Nothing, nothing!  Here's your card back!"  I tried not to throw it because she was so cute and old but I did not have time for her cuteness and her oldness. There was no time for health when my life was in REAL jeopardy!!

 Each time I answered the stupid question about rivers, I sat patiently as ticketmaster searched for seats.  My right foot shook a million miles a minute as I bit my left thumbnail.

 "How's it going babe?"  my coworker Tracey asked.

 "TRACEY!" I yelled back  "STOP DISTRACTING ME! I HAVE TO STAY FOCUSED!!"

 My eyes were drying out from not having blinked in what seemed like 3 hours.  I was so tired.  And so thirsty.  I wish I had some water.  And now I had to pee.

 What a horribly lengthy ordeal.  This was the WORST!!  

 I suddenly realized what a wuss I was being.

 Leo!  Keep it together.  You are in this for the long haul!  

 I glanced at my phone.  

 10:03

 Oh my God.  

 I would not survive this.

 I began mumbling to myself again as I read Ticketmaster's latest ploy to delay my purchase... "What is it asking me now?  Type the code??  What code?  Oh Jesus.  8Fc93x.  Dammit!  8Fc93s."
No tickets matching your criteria found.

 So I changed my stupid criteria.

 No tickets matching your criteria found.

 So again I changed my criteria.

 No tickets matching your criteria found.

 "I DON'T WANT ANY CRITERIA!!  SCREW THE CRITERIA!  JUST FIND ME TICKETSSSSSS!!!"  I yelled.

 I heard my coworkers whispering to each other behind my back.  But I'm almost certain that they were sending positive messages to the universe on my behalf.

 As 10:15am hit, I clicked on FIND TICKETS one last time.  

 This was it.  

 I could feel it.

 The universe would NOT let me down.  

 Nothing was going to stop me from going to see this band.  

 NOTHING!

THIS EVENT IS SOLD OUT.


NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stay tuned for part 2.




Guns N' Roses Confirm North American Tour
It's official: The Guns N' Roses reunion is hitting the road. After months of just scheduling gigs at Coachella, Las Vegas and Mexico City, Axl Rose, Slash, Duff McKagan and the rest of the band's current iteration of ( but not Izzy Stradlin ) have…
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