It is said that 50 is the new 40 and 40 is the new 30.
It is also said that once you hit 40, everything goes downhill.... like your looks and your health.
So who am I to believe?
Well, if you know anything about this Ridiculous Girl, then you know that I live in a world where I don’t age, I don’t wrinkle and I only get more youthful and beautiful with time :)
So, in essence, I live in a state of complete and utter delusion.
That all being said, I am obviously a firm believer in statement number 1. That 40 is the new 30.
Possibly even younger.
25 even.
But you can imagine what a huge shock it was to me when I actually did notice some, albeit minute, signs of aging. The odd wrinkle here and there, the cricking and cracking of my joints, and last but not least, my eyesight. Or rather, the lack of it.
That one I didn’t see right away, pun intended. In fact, it was a coworker who brought it to my attention when he walked by my computer and started laughing.
“Leo, why are your icons so huge??”
I cocked my head to the side, looked at my screen and furrowed my brow. Hmmmm, I guess they were slightly larger than everyone else’s? But I only increased the size because that made it easier for me to rea…… ……….GASP!!!
I was losing my eyesight!
It suddenly occurred to me how many adjustments I had made recently in order to see better.
Increasing the apps and fonts on my cell, turning on lights everywhere I went, leaning in closer to my computer while typing, and constantly squinting.
I then recalled Molly’s comments while I read a book to her the other night,
“Mommy, why iz de book so close to yo face?? I can’t see any-fing! Pull it BACK!”
But even with all of these realizations, I still refused to believe that this recent lack of eyesight was an age thing. I’m sure it was merely a coincidence.
But that didn’t stop my friends from trying to convince me otherwise.
How old are you? 41? Oh yeah, it’s just going to get WAY worse honey!
It’s all going downhill from here sister!
Oh, just wait for the sudden and random weight gain! That’s fun! (accompanied by a massive eye roll)
Well, obviously I did what any 40-something year old would do when she is being given advice from her older and wiser friends.
I turned around, rolled my eyes, and walked away.
I REFUSED to believe that my body would start to give up on me as I aged? Gimme a break!? I have treated my body like a temple! With love and respect my whole life. Surely it would pay me back with youth and longevity!
And let us not forget the endless cups of coffee I have consumed over the past 40 years? Everyone knows that coffee increases your lifespan. I mean, duh!
But alas, whether I liked it or not, I still had to deal with the problem of my blurry vision, endless squinting and getting yelled at by Molly during bedtime reading.
So off to the optometrist I went.
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My appointment was very boring.
Lots of “look here”, “turn your head”, and “what does that say?”. I went through the motions like a good student though. But I did protest when a sudden burst of air was shot into my eyeball. That was NOT cool >:(
At the end of my exam the optometrist read me my results. I was REALLY hoping that she would say that my eyesight was still 20-20, just as it has been for the past 40 years.
But with all of my recent eyesight troubles, I knew that wasn’t the case, and I unenthusiastically listened as she told me that I needed prescriptions for long-distance driving and also for the computer and reading.
I sighed.
She tried to cheer me up by telling me that my eyes were actually very healthy for my age and that my prescriptions were incredibly mild.
But I was still sad as I followed her into the glasses showroom.
I pictured myself looking like my Dad in the 70’s, with huge round-rimmed gold glasses, with a lense window etched out in the centre. Blech!!!
But when I stepped into the other room, I was blown away.
Gasp!!!
The eyewear was sooooooo beautiful!!
The crystals, the sparkles, the patterns!!
Everything looked so fancy and shiny!!
I threw my purse on the floor and ran to the glasses. Within seconds I had a pair on my face, and 5 more in my hand.
I spent the next hour trying on every single pair in the store as the optometrist's assistant happily watched.
As I was trying on pair #52, she said, "Wow! You're lucky! You look great in EVERY single pair!"
I blushed and said, "Oh stop. No I don't!"
But as I looked back in the mirror again, and saw my reflection with a gorgeous pair of black and white square-rimmed glasses, I changed my tune.
I DID look great in glasses! She was absolutely right. I looked FABULOUS!
Why had I never thought of wearing glasses before?? They were the perfect accessory for me!
As I skipped out of the store with my new prescriptions, all I could think was how good my new accessory would look paired with a hot, red lipstick.....
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That night I smiled as I gently placed my glasses in their beautiful glasses case on my nightstand.
And I then thought to myself.
Getting older isn't that bad!
As long as I can continue to decorate myself with new sparkly accessories.... I'll be TOTALLY happy...... and still useful to society :)
Just WAIT until you see my future walker!
;)
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