The divorce.

It was June 2015.

I was frustrated.  

I was going on my third summer in family court, and there was no end in sight.

On our last court date, my ex and I had FINALLY agreed on accomplishing one thing, and that was signing our divorce.  But sadly that didn't mean that our time fighting in the system was over.  It only meant that on paper we were officially done as a couple.  Sure, it was a relief, but was only one of the many issues that needed to be resolved.  And I'm sure it  would still be months before I even got the divorce finalized by the court.


A couple weeks later, on a Saturday afternoon, I sat at my kitchen table going through bill after bill after bill.  By the 5th envelope I sighed out loud and rolled by eyes.  

I stopped to take a sip of my coffee when I noticed an envelope, amongst the others, from the courthouse.

I felt sick to my stomach as I wondered what my ex was taking me to court for now?  Somehow the guy just couldn't leave me alone.

I thought it best to open it and read it as fast as I could.  Sort of like ripping a bandaid off.  Only I had ripped about a thousand off in the last few years and it was really starting to hurt.

But I did just that, and I opened it as quickly as I could.  My eyes sped through the paperwork in lightening speed hoping to process the letter in mere seconds and get the pain over with sooner rather than later.

It took me a total of 10 seconds to realize what the letter was saying.

And then it hit me.  

The courthouse had sent me my official divorce papers.  Something was actually finalized!  Our marriage was OVER.  


I jumped out of my chair.....and started screaming with joy :)


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I never understood divorce parties.

I always thought they were tacky and pathetic and disrespectful.

A woman burning her wedding dress while eating a cake shaped like a penis surrounded by her girlfriends all cheering her on to honour a marriage gone sour?  

Well, to me, this just seem like blasphemy.  

Until.....I got divorced.  

And then I realized that those parties, well, they weren't at all celebrating a failed marriage.  

Those parties were actually a celebration of survival.  Goddam survival.

Women and men surviving through cheating  partners and their affairs, years of unfair costly and stressful court dates and lawyers, losing out on any possible income from the family business, child support or spousal support because the ex is suddenly 'bankrupt' and is living under the new significant other.  And not to mention the countless text messages, emails and phone calls every single day in which the ex consistently blames and verbally abuses you because he or she knows very well that THEY are the bad guy and I guess in abusing you, makes THEM feel better. 

So.........if a woman (or man) can go through all of that shit for YEARS and is still standing at the end of it all, hells ya they're throwing a divorce party!

And let me tell ya folks........I could not wait any longer to start planning mine.


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I remember the phone calls to my girfriends, in which I announced my divorce and our upcoming divorce party get-away.  I was giddy with excitement.  

Right from the get-go I knew exactly where we were going and what we were going to do but I wasn't ready to share the details with them just yet......

But that didn't stop my gals from making their own suggestions for our weekend.......

"Why don't we do a quiet wine tour where we can just drink and catch up??"

"What about staying local, I might have the kids that weekend....."

"What about dinner and a movie??"



Now......before I tell you how I responded to these normally lovely friends of mine, you must learn a thing about me.  

I am stubborn.

Like......REALLY stubborn.

And even though most times I can be convinced to do something I didn't initially want to do, when it comes to something I'm firm about, no one can convince of anything otherwise.  I mean....no one.  

So I smiled at each of my friends and gave them the following replies.....to their lame suggestions:

"No.  We're not going and doing a stupid wine tour where we're going to talk about our children and our menstrual cycles"

"No, we HAVE to get out of this town.  I will not be in the same city as my ex-husband  for my divorce party.  And as for your kids, you better start looking for a sitter now because shit's about to get real...."

"Dinner and a movie?  DINNER AND A MOVIE??? HELLS TO THE NO.  Don't you ever say 'dinner and a movie' to me again!".



That night, the girls came over for a drink, and I felt it imperative to have a discussion with them.  

I put my hands in prayer position and lifted them slowly under my nose.  I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, opened them again and looked at each of my girlfriends, and very assertively but calmly said.....


"Ladies.  In 2 weeks time, we will be going out of town for the weekend in order to celebrate my divorce.  I NEED this trip. For the last 3 years, I have been fighting and crying and trying to survive, and you have all been by my side every step of the way.....which is why I need you there with me.  But also, in the past 3 years I have watched you all bust your asses taking care of your children, taking care of your husbands and taking care of your homes.  So I think YOU all need this trip too.  We have not done ANYTHING for ourselves.  So, we all need this trip....badly!  And a couple glasses of wine, dinner and a chick-flick will NOT suffice.  So call your husbands, call your ex's, arrange for sitters, and do WHATEVER you need to do, because in 2 weekends we're OUTTA HERE!!  And I promise you........oh boy.......do I ever promise you........that it is going to be the BEST weekend of our lives".


My girlfriends sat staring at me in silence.


It was finally broken when my BFF said, "I love you....but you are the BOSSIEST event planner I have EVER met!"



We all burst out laughing.


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2 weeks later my girlfriends showed up at my doorstep, with overnight bags in hand and a bottle of champagne.

I yelled at them, "YOU'RE LATE!!  We're going to miss the first event of the weekend!!"

My BFF hugged me and marched past me into my kitchen with the bottle.

"First of all," she said, "you need to relax" (she said this to me VERY often - I was used to it), "Second of all,  we need to toast to this weekend first!".

I giggled as I hugged my other 3 girls as they ran past me into the kitchen.

The cork popped, my BFF said a beautiful toast, we yelled CHEERS!!  and then our 5 glasses filled with bubbly clanked perfectly at the exact same time.



We threw all of our over-night bags into the trunk, put on our sunglasses, and jumped into the car.


My one girlfriend said, "What should we listen to??"

I looked back at her and smirked.  I held up a USB thingy and said,

"I've got the music right here ladies,"  I paused for a second and then smiled a very sly smile,  "Actuallyyyyy.......I've sort of got a bit of a THEME that I've planned for us this weekend......"

I plugged in the USB, cranked up the volume and turned around to look at their faces.  I giggled as I waited in anticipation for the music to start.

Suddenly, Ginuwine's PONY came booming through the speakers.

The girls SCREAMED and threw their arms up in the car as we pulled out of the driveway.


Halfway through the song, one of my girls yelled, "Leo! WHAT are you planning for this weekend????"


"OH ladies......just wait.  Just YOU wait........"  I said smirking.


And I looked back out onto the road which was taking us VERY far away from home.

And I knew that we WERE going to have the best weekend of our lives. 


But I had NO IDEA what the universe was actually planning for ME that night........


;)





.......to be continued.  

OBVIOUSLY!!!









For those of you who want a hint of stop #1 on Ridiculous Girl's Debaucherous Divorce Weekend Extravaganza, click on:

FirstStop