Mama, and her friends.

If you know me personally, then you most probably have met Mama, my hilarious and outrageous Polish mother.


If you have never had the pleasure of meeting her, then you most certainly have heard about her through my blog.  I very often insert comments about her endless advice, her fashionable style and of course, her hot red sports car.  

Since I was little, I always thought Mama was fabulous.  Not only did she look like a star, but she was by far the funniest woman I ever knew.  She always had ridiculous stories, outrageous theories, and punch lines that she could never remember.....which made the joke all the more funny.

And she was always the one to come waltzing down the stairs at our family parties dressed up as some gypsy goddess, covered in jewellery, and putting on the most hilarious show with her brother-in-law for all of us to watch and laugh.  And we did.


With an energy so contagious, it should come as no surprise to you that Mama seems to attract people to her all the time.

She is always meeting somebody new, and during our daily phone calls, she tells me her "new friend" stories.  But they are always so random and so all over the place that by the end, I always end up totally confused.

For example,

....and don't forget the Polish accent..... 


"You know, I vent to take my car for a car vash today, because remember dat storm de odder day?  Remember all da slush??  Vell of course I had to drive into da biggest puddle you have EVER SEEN!  I vas so mad.  Anyways.  I took my car to Shell. Or vas it Petro Canada?  No. Shell. Because I had coupon for a free car vash.  Did you get dat coupon?  In da mail?  I got it last veek.  Go check your mail.  Ok.  So listen to dis.  I vas about to drive into da vash but I missed dat stupid ting you put your tires in.  You know, I don't tink dey design dose tings very well because you know how low my car is right?  It's not like your car.  You have no problem.  But my car, dat's a different story.  Anyways.  I finally got my tire in dat stoopid ting and I looked at da car driving out in front of me.  A lexus.  Remember dat voman I met 2 weeks ago at Vinners?  I told you about her husband who lost his arm in Germany.  He was der at da same time as your fadder.  1945. Can you IMAGINE?  Anyways.  So she was in da kid's section and ve started talking because she has a grand-daughter who is 6.  Like Lola! Vat a coincidence! And den she told me about her Lexus and how she got into a car crash and dis guy scratched da whole back of her new car!  Can you IMAGINE?  So anyways, I see dis Lexus in front of me, vit a scratch and I knew it vas her.  I knew it!!  So after we were out of da vash, she was vacuuming her car and obviously I needed to vacuum too because of dis stoopid vedder. My whole carpet is covered in salt.  I don't even tink you can get dat out?  Can you?  Anyways.  So I get out and I say "Joanna.  Is dis you?"  But I already KNEW it was her!  (Mama starts laughing to herself). And dis voman turns around and yells "Jean!".  Ve laughed SO HARD!  Anyways.  Can you believe dis story? And dat I recognized her car?  Dis is really unbelievable you know."




So.  

I'm totally used to these stories. 

I hear them everyday.  

No joke.  

Everyday.

But if you are not used to this much detail, you are probably VERY over-whelmed with the number of facts that were thrown at you in one sitting.  So, please take a deep breath and take a moment to gather your thoughts.  Perhaps go meditate in a corner for a little bit.

I'll wait.

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Ok.  You good?  

Awesome!

Let's continue.  


In a nutshell, Mama meets people everyday and everywhere.  People love her, they want to be her, and they want to be with her. 

Now, normally I am very happy for my mom and her new relationships.  

But lately, Mama has made 2 friends that she seems to be talking about more and more everyday.

It started off small (like the above paragraph), but now the stories were getting longer, and the focus was only on 2 friends.



As she went on and on the other day about Jessie and Veronica, I started feeling something.  A weird tingling in my belly.  A feeling of unease and confusion.....

What was going on?? 

And then, I realized what it was.


GASP!!



Was I JEALOUS???









To be continued..........