Ridiculous Girl

1.  Once I fell asleep on my arm and I lost the feeling in it.   When I woke up, I saw an arm beside my head and I started screaming...I thought there was a dead body in bed with me. 2.  I never lose socks in the wash.  Never.  This is something you can't learn.  You have to be born with such a talent. 3.  I hate when people have "flip-up" garbage cans under their sink. You can't access your garbage properly.  It's stupid.  I will take my sisters garbage out from underneath her sink and leave it in the middle of her kitchen....just to prove a point.  I'm pretty badass. 4.  I love slalom water skiing.  I sing ou t loud when I ski.  Usually Madonna.  I'm the only person who can "Vogue" and water ski at the same time. 5.  I have very poor circulation.  My hands and feet are always ice cold.  I sit on my countertop in my bathroom and warm my feet in a sink full of hot water...

It's amazing how when you're single "again" after becoming separated, your view on who you are and how you look completely changes. You could be the most confident person in the world when you're married, but then when you're alone again, you start to question how other people see you in your new phase of life. I am definitely not looking to start up in a relationship anytime soon, but one does often think......ok, what next?? What does the future hold for me?? I've experienced such a huge loss with my marriage not working out that one becomes a little.......skeptical.....and jaded. "Babe!!  You're HOT!  You'll totally meet someone again!  Someone AMAZING!" I roll my eyes at my friend and crack open a beer. "You've got to be kidding me!!"  I say  "Ladies....as you ALL know.....I'm now 30-mrph years old.  I'm over the hill. I'm DONE-ZO!!!" "Your age doesn't MATTER!!  Guys don't ca...

This story is an "oldie... but a goodie" as my Tata would say. Let's go back in time for a bit, shall we?  About 10 years ago....when I was working for a shoecare company.  I did this part-time gig where I would go to high-end shoe stores and teach the staff how to use cleaning shoe-care products.  Usually the job shifts were early in the morning, before the store opened, so I would very often sleep over at my sister's condo the night before so that I didn't have a long commute the next morning. As my sister and I were watching The David Letterman show the night of my sleep-over, I found that I finally hit my wall and needed to call it a night. I announced to my sis that I was ready for bed. "Ok! Sounds good." Mishi answered.  "I'll stay up a little, but I'm hitting the sack soon too." My sister only had one bedroom at the time, so we had to share a bed.   About 10 minutes later, as I was pulling up my covers, she snuck...

"Mommy? Can you take a detour?" "Wow!  Detour!  Do you even know what that word means sweetie?" "Yes.  It means to take another way home." Lola replies. Unbelievable.  This is my 4 year old ladies and gentlemen.  I don't wanna brag....but...... "Okay, sure sweetie!  Let's go this way!" "What??  Why???" she asks in a panic. "Umm....because you wanted to do a detour?  So we'll just turn this way to get home instead of going straight." "NO!!!  I don't want to go that wayyyyyyy!!!!!!!  Go straight!!" she yells from the back of the van. "But....you....." I stop myself.  There's no point! "Mommy?" (sigh) "....yes sweetie?" "What's a detour?" Oh dear Lord, save me. And it's not just the 4 year old that challenges me. The other day my 18 month old is standing screaming at the fridge. "Teeezzzz, teeezzzz!!" she yells. ...