Ridiculous Girl

"So, I won't be seeing you for awhile now", I said while sitting up and pulling my platinum hair into a ponytail. "Oh, really?"  he said with one eyebrow raised. "Yup.  I've gotta head back home.  Gotta get back to work. I've got a lot to do, and 2 bosses that hold me to the grind everyday."   I went to stand up, but he grabbed my hand and pulled me back towards him.  My hair elastic went flying and my hair fell onto his face just as he kissed me.  "You're not leaving just yet", he said with a devious smile as he pulled me even closer. Who was I to argue? Later on that day, I found myself at the grocery store trying to decide which GoldFish crackers the girls would want for their snacks.  Cheddar or Rainbow Cheddar?  Rainbow.  Definitely rainbow. The snacks reminded me of Lola's upcoming recital at school.  I leaned over my grocery cart, pulled out my iPhone and added the recital to my 'events'. I th...

I had a dream about you last night. This, ladies and gentlemen, was a message I received not too long ago from an old friend.  An old boy-friend.  Wait.......let me clarify.....not a "boyfriend", but rather a "friend who is a boy".  I sound like I'm 5 years old right now.  Anyway..... I used to think of this boy in a platonic way.....until I received that message.  A friend who I knew always liked me...but I didn't know "liked" me.  Know what I mean?   I didn't quite know how to respond to this message. I sat there staring at my computer with a little smirk on my face.  This was a very happy development. I tried to write something funny (which is always my 'go-to') but I couldn't think of anything. This message really caught me by surprise. Like any good writer, I needed some inspiration for my response.  I went on his Facebook page, and clicked on his 'Photos'. Yup, that did it.  I was inspired.  This m...

Although there is still Goddam snow outside (no...I'm not bitter at all), I hoped to speed the warmer weather along by doing some spring cleaning. After 4 hours of hard work, I was proud of myself when I saw what I had accomplished.....3 garbage bags full of old clothes.  In hopes of earning a bit of cash before I donated everything, I took my pile to Plato's Closet, a shop that purchases gently used clothing.  I looked over my 3 bags.  I could earn HUNDREDS of dollars with all this awesome stuff! I confidently walked in carrying the garbage bags and let Molly play with the accessories while I filled out my name and number for the lady at the cash. "Ok, great!  Thanks! Just give us 1/2 hour to go through all your stuff!"  She was very smiley.  I snickered to myself.  She'll be smiling a LOT more after she sees the pot of gold I've just given her. "C'mon Molly!" "Otay Mommy". About an hour later, we returned, only to see that ...

The other day I got a compliment from my mother.  Or what I thought was a compliment. "You look good", she said with her thick Polish accent. "Aww, thanks Mama." "You gained veight.  You look better.  You looked like skeleton before." Annnnnd there it is. She didn't stop there....even though she should have. "Your seeester says you look good too.  She says your new figure suits you better.  You were too skinny before." Well.  Isn't that just swell. I immediately put down my Mars bar and picked up an apple. Although it wasn't the sweetest thing I've ever heard, Mama didn't really bring anything new to my attention. Mama is our family's "Captain Obvious". She loves commenting on things that everyone knows already.  Wait.....I guess I'M being Captain Obvious right now. Anyhoo...... I am fully aware that I have gained a little bit of weight recently.  Probably somewhere between 5 to 10 pounds. ...

So for the past month I have been completely obsessed with the Oscars.  Yes....STILL!   I just can't seem to get enough of the winners, the dresses and my favorite host of all time - Ellen Degeneres. For weeks after the grand event, I posted pictures and videos on Facebook, hoping to re-live every moment like I was actually there.......hiding inside Pharrell's giant Mountie hat.  Go Canada!  I posted pics of a wickedly-talented Adele Dazeem singing "Let it Go", a sexy shot of  Jared Leto and his gorgeous long locks (how he has better hair than me is just beyond), and of course Ellen's famous "selfie" that shut down social media for hours. This year, I was 100% committed to watching all of the movies that were nominated for best film. Last weekend I watched The Wolf of Wall Street.  A movie based on the true story of Jordan Belfort, a New York stock-broker who rose to fame and wealth in the late 1980's. This high-intense and super sexy film ...